Working mindfully with anger – Four positions

“Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores anger, its causes and how to re-work your reactive anger through self-awareness. I hope you enjoy it!

If you enjoy the article then this Saturday 19th June I will be facilitating my Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships you are welcome to join in…

In the spirit of self-awareness,

Toby


Working mindfully with anger –  Four positions

Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive. What I want to do in this article is outline four ways in which our anger can be stimulated in negative ways, so that we can start to spot them. Then at the end I outline a method for managing our anger more effectively, and re-directing it in a positive way.

Looking at the causes of anger

  1. The three F’s – These causes of anger are naturally occurring and we all have to deal with them one way or another; friction, fatigue, fear, or the ‘three F’s as I am calling them! Our life periodically has a lot of friction; its inconvenient, we get tired, we get scared. All of these can cause anger as a defensive reaction. The key hear is to notice that you are under pressure from one of the three F’s, and then not let it turn into an angry reaction. In other works, don’t let difficult feelings (the three F’s) turn into a negative emotion (anger)
  1. Other emotional causes of anger – There are a whole range of emotions that, if not acknowledged and worked with can come out as anger. For example, sadness, disappointment, resentment. Our discomfort with this range of emotions can cause negative anger to  come out as a ‘presenting’ or ‘surface’ emotion. as with the first position, the key here is to recognize you are under pressure emotionally, and gently ensure that negative anger does not develop our of the other emotional turbulence.
  2. Anger and resentment from our story – Sometimes we can be carrying latent anger and resentment into present situations from things that have happened in the past. Ways in which we were treated, things people did to us, dreams that were broken. All of these can cause anger to bubble up in the present moment. The key here is to recognize how this is happening, and differentiate your present moment experience from your past story and its power.
  3. Uncertainty and control – Often negative anger manifests when there is uncertainty, and or we feel as if we have lost/are losing control. This gives rise to fear (see position 1), which in turn gives rise to anger or aggression in an attempt to compensate. Learning to hold a space of uncertainty without getting panicked into anger is a skill we need to learn.

Transforming your anger: Extending the strength of gentleness toward yourself 
So, if you notice any of the above four causes of anger:

  • Firstly, recognize that it is happening.
  • Secondly, try extending understanding and gentleness to the part of you that is under stress from one of these four conditions
  • Thirdly, see if you can move into action out of a sense of self-responsibility and polite assertion, rather than out of negative anger

Initially these three stages can feel more difficult to do than just getting angry. However, once we have done them a few times we start to see how awareness, gentleness, strength and conscious action give rise to much better results than just getting negatively angry!

© Toby Ouvry 2020, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

In this workshop you will learn:

  • What anger and frustration are, how to identify and work with them when they arise
  • Understanding the causes of negative anger and how to reduce them
  • How to make intelligent choices around the anger that you experience, particularly in your relationships
  • How to be calmer, so that you can not only manage your anger better, but also harness its power in a positive, non-destructive manner
  • Learn how to use anger for wisdom, insight and empowered action

Tuesday 22nd & Wednesday 23rd  September @ 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation (Live & online)

The Autumn Equinox in the northern hemisphere marks the mid-point between the warmer, lighter seasons of the year and the cooler, darker ones. The forces of day and night, light and dark are of equal strength. As such it is a great time to emphasize balance and harmony, both in our life and meditation practice.

Read full details


Starts September 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing

EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th  AND GET 15% OFF!

The course can be participated in live or online.

In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:

  • Thrive rather than survive under pressure
  • Develop and sustain higher energy levels
  • Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life

Is this course for me?

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
  • Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
  • You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
  • You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
  • You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time….
Click here for full details!


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details


Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes

Build focus, beat stress, cultivate wellbeing!

Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes

 


At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

Tuesday 22nd & Wednesday 23rd  September @ 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation (Live & online)

Starts Sept 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing


Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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