Category: Meditating on the Self

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Awareness and insight creative imagery Energy Meditation Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Primal Spirituality Shadow meditation Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

Working with the ‘Big Dog’ of your shadow self (Building inner strength)

W
“By making friends with the ‘big dog’ of your shadow, a lot of the difficult and challenging parts of yourself that previously you ran away from will cease to feel threatening to you.”
 W
Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article focuses upon how you can build a positive relationship to your shadow self, and experience a greater degree of inner resilience and confidence as a result…beneath it is my video on the topic where you can explore further. Shadow coaching is something I do a lot of, and it never ceases to amaze me the change it makes in people.Then on Saturday morning there is my monthly beginners meditation workshop, followed by an afternoon of Psychic and Psychological self-defence, the details of which I have placed below.

In the spirit of the journey,

Toby

Working with the ‘Big Dog’ of your shadow self (Building inner strength)

The shadow – your ‘wild self’
The shadow is a part of all of our psyches/psychological selves. It is often associated with the wild, instinctive and primal part of who we are. Its energy is often interpreted as aggressive, negative and frightening. This being the case, for many of us the shadow is a repressed part of ourself that we often run away from and bury within our sub-conscious mind. Hence it is our ‘shadow’ self, living in our sub-conscious, unacknowledged by our conscious self.

Your shadow is like a big dog
One way of imagining your shadow is like a big dog, full of power, instincts, libido/sexuality, and aggression (in the neutral sense of the word, meaning could be good or bad aggression).

What happens when you abuse your big dog?
If we are afraid of the dog of our shadow, then we often respond to it with fear, punishing it when it does something wrong. We behave like a tyrannical owner that our big dog learns to distrust and fear. As a result it becomes devious, working to fulfil its needs and wishes behind our back, when we ‘are not looking’. In this way we find ourself experiencing our shadow as an adversary, almost like a demon within us that seems to be trying to sabotage us all the time.

What happens when you train it well
If you build a conscious, positive relationship to your shadow, then this is like becoming a good dog trainer. You take the raw instincts and unruly behaviour of the dog and benevolently direct it. You are fair, and so the dog learns to trust you and love you. As a result, the dog becomes your powerful ally. It still has all the raw power, but it is working for you and with you, rather than against you. All the power of our shadow self becomes available to us to direct, enjoy and use to help us find fulfilment in our life.

Building strength of body heart and mind through working with your shadow
By making friends with the ‘big dog’ of your shadow, a lot of the difficult and challenging parts of yourself that previously you ran away from will cease to feel threatening to you. You will feel more confident and stronger within yourself. Also, your ability to stay steady in the face of the shadow self of others, or within groups of people is also transformed. Relationship situations that you previously experienced as threatening no longer intimidate you.

Check out the video on the big dog of the shadow:

Click this link for information on Toby’s Shadow coaching
Check out Toby’s other shadow articles on his website

Article & Content ©Toby Ouvry 2020, please do not reproduce without permission. info@tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes and workshops for January 2020

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Tuesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday 22nd February, 10.30am-12pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Saturday 22nd Feb 2-5.30pm – Psychic & Psychological Self-defence half day workshop

Tuesday 10th March, 7.30-8.30pm – Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

Friday, Sat, Sunday 24,25,26th April – The Qi Gong Foundation Program & Program for coaches and trainers 

Ongoing – The Men’s group, the path of conscious manhood

Ongoing  – The Integral Mindfulness & Meditation Online Program, January-July 2020

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight creative imagery Energy Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindfulness One Minute Mindfulness Presence and being present Videos

Getting comfortable in your own skin

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“We all want a place where we can feel ‘at home’. We can change house, town or country in order to feel more at home, but the one thing we cant change is our physical body. If we feel at home in our body, then wherever we are in life, we can ‘sit’ in a place where feel comfortable”
W
Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores the importance of being comfortable in your own skin, and how you can start going about becoming so in your daily life! You can watch my video on the same topic HERE.  This weeks Tuesday and Wednesday evening class will be on the same subject.I have also done a new write up and video for my Business coaching offering. If this is something that you are interested in for yourself or for your organisation, then do check it out!

In the spirit of the journey,Toby

Getting comfortable in your own skin

Finding a home in your body
We all want a place where we can feel ‘at home’. We can change house, town or country in order to find a place where we feel more at home, but the one thing we can’t change is our physical body (at least in this particular life!) If we feel at home in our body, then wherever we are in life, we can ‘sit’ in a place where feel comfortable. Getting ‘comfortable in our own skin’ then is a foundational mindfulness skill that continues to give us value the more we cultivate it, wherever we are!

Looking after your physical well-being
On an obvious level, looking after our health is an important part of feeling comfortable in our skin. The better we can sleep, balance our diet and build ‘good energy’ on our body, the easier it is going to be to sit within the presence of our body enjoyably.

Accepting and liking your physical body
On the psychological level, its important to be aware of your relationship to your body. If you don’t like your body, or even ‘hate’ it for not looking the way you want or would like, then its difficult to sit comfortably with it. So, whatever your body looks like, moving towards a space of acceptance and liking of your body is super-important to relaxing and being present with yourself.

Being comfortable with the range of emotions present in your body
Quite often our mind will ‘jump out’ or run away from our body because there are emotions present in it that we aren’t comfortable with (Eg: resentment, anger, sadness etc….). So, learning to hold space benevolently for a wide range of emotions and remain in you body is an important skill. The more comfortable you can get with uncomfortable emotions, the more stable your ability to be at home in your own skin will be.

Being comfortable with your self!
An extension from your previous point, in order to sit and be present in your own skin, you need to like yourself, or at least be working toward self-acceptance. Otherwise your mind will be continually trying to ‘escape’ your own presence, as it is such an uncomfortable place to be! Since your physical body is the place in the present moment where you always encounter yourself, then it’s difficult to be there if you don’t like who you are.

Finding a place to get comfortable 
Cultivating comfort in your own skin takes a bit of practice, so it can be good to have a specific chair or place in your home where you can just take a few minutes to practice. You can practice anywhere, but having a pleasant place that you enjoy can be a good support as you get going.

A short exercise
For a few minutes, simply invite your mind to come home to rest in your physical body. Notice how fundamentally comfortable or not you feel sitting ‘inside your skin’. Notice any resistance you may have, and encourage your mind to gently enjoy resting within the presence of your body. Breathe, relax and get as ‘at home’ as you can. Reasons to escape into your mental world will come up, but for now really emphasize making your body your home, a source of regeneration, well-being and resilience.

In daily life
Notice times in the day when you become uncomfortable in your body. Cultivate an awareness of your body and an ability to get increasingly comfortable in your own skin, even in times of stress or dis-ease.

Related article: Making your body your castle

Watch Toby’s video on getting comfortable in your own skin:

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2020.

Mindful Business CoachingThis is a coaching service for executives, small/medium size business owners and entrepreneurs who are seeking to improve four areas of their worklife:

  • Personal stress levels and wellbeing
  • Leadership and creative vision
  • Time and task management
  • Management of people and developing soft skills
  • Click here to read more

Watch Toby talking about his Business coaching:

 

All upcoming classes and workshops for January 2020

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Tuesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Sunday 9th February, 7.30-8.30pm – Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

Saturday 22nd February, 10.30am-12pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Saturday 22nd Feb 2-5.30pm – Psychic & Psychological Self-defence half day workshop

Friday, Sat, Sunday 20,21,22nd March – The Qi Gong Foundation Program & Program for coaches and trainers 

Ongoing – The Men’s group, the path of conscious manhood

Ongoing  – The Integral Mindfulness & Meditation Online Program, January-July 2020

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight creative imagery Inner vision Integral Awareness Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Art meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Mindful of your inner artist (Being solar not lunar) article & video

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“The ‘mindful artist’ first of all notices that their thoughts, actions and interactions are creative, fundamentally. The next position they take is to choose to direct that creativity in a deliberate way so that s/he ‘creating’ the best things that they can in your life”
W
Dear Integral Meditators,

What does it mean to become the ‘artist of your life?’ In the article below I offer a few thoughts on this!New year is also a good time to think about new personal directions and growth, I’ve created a new video for my Life-fullness Life coaching program, that you can view below the article.

In the spirit of mindful creativity,

Toby

Mindful of your inner artist (Being solar not lunar)

‘Everyone is an artist’
Yesterday I watched the new Joseph Beuys documentary “Beuys on Beuys”. Beuys was one of the biggest influences on me when I was at art school. His idea that ‘Everyone is an artist’ was one that decisively transitioned me from being an outer artist, or object maker to being an ‘inner artist’ or a meditator. By a meditator here I mean working primarily with mind, thoughts, attention and states of being as a way of influencing, contributing to and changing the world.
Beuys’s essential point was that since we all think, act and interact in the world, we are all creative beings, beings who affect change. By becoming conscious, deliberate and mindful about this, we can direct our creative energy deliberately toward our life and society in order to effect positive, creative change.

Mindful of your inner artist
So the object of mindfulness here is to first of all notice that your thoughts, actions and interactions are creative, fundamentally. The next position to take is to choose to direct your creativity in a deliberate way so that you are ‘creating’ the best things that you can in your life. For example:

  • If you come back tired from work in the evening, rather than just being passive and reactive with your family/friends you are thinking ‘How can I create an enjoyable atmosphere here?’ This is even (and especially) if you are a bit tense or moody
  • As you are hanging out the laundry you are aware of what you are thinking, and gently directing your attention and awareness toward beautiful and constructive patterns of thinking and feeling. You are looking to use your imagination and attention in active generative ways.
  • When you are having a meeting, you are actively looking to create connection, empathy and meaning with the people that you are with. You are looking to inspire good energy in a way that will help the group become a force of the good in some way.

Becoming Solar, rather than Lunar
One way in which I often explain becoming a mindful artist is that you are becoming solar rather than lunar in nature. The moon relies upon the reflected light of the sun for its light, it has no light of its own. This is like many people, they are reactive, they rely on the power of others for their own power. For example, they have power because of the position they hold in a company, but if you separate them from that position or label, they have very little sense of their own power. Their power is reflected, lunar. A mindful artist however is a source of power and energy. S/he is a generative person. You can rely on such a person to create goodwill, inspiration, direction. If there is a situation where there is a challenge, they can be relied upon to be actively working something out.
If you meet a person who is solar in nature, who is a mindful artist, this tends to be felt and experienced by their presence. It is something that they embody, it is in their physical and somatic being, not just their mind and intellect.
What can you start with today in order to become the mindful artist that you are, and express your solar nature?

Watch Toby on Becoming the artist of your life:

Related articles: Mindfulness – Becoming the sculptor of your reality
Moving from being a consumer to being a producer

The Life-fullness Life Coaching Program with Toby

Life-fullness coaching is a unique integration of mindfulness and life-coaching that is designed to help you lead a progressively more awakened life. The essence of the Life-fullness approach is to integrate the different parts of who we are into complementary strengths so that we can really experience ourselves living our life to its fullest…

Watch Toby talking about the  Life-fullness Program:

 

All upcoming classes and workshops for January 2020

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Tuesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Starts Monday January 13th, 6.30-8pm – The Men’s group, the path of conscious manhood

Starts Friday 17th January – The Integral Mindfulness & Meditation Online Program, January-July 2020

Friday, Sat, Sunday 7,8,9th February & Friday, Sat, Sunday 21,22,23rd February – The Qi Gong Foundation Program & Program for coaches and trainers 

Sunday 9th February, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar New Year Meditation 2020: Developing your inner-resourcefulness & practical wisdom in the year of the Rat

Integral Meditation AsiaOnline Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Combining your Beginners Mind & your Wise Mind

W

“There is an art to combining your beginners and experienced mind that will enable you to be successful in your chosen endeavors, as well as derive more pleasure and enjoyment from them”

 W

Dear Integral Meditators,

As we sit in between the Western new year and the Chinese Lunar year, it can be an interesting time to cultivate our beginners mind, in balance with our experienced mind. The article below offers a few practical ways to start!
The Wednesday classes this week will be on the subject of the article, and the next Beginners Meditation Workshop is on Saturday the 18th.

In the spirit of the journey,

Toby

Songs of Innocence and Experience – Combining your beginners mind with your wise mind

Your beginners mind (BM) is your ability to come to a task or experience with curiosity, as if for the first time.  It may be an experience that you have had many times before, or you may literally be doing it for the first time. Either way your beginners mind is a learning mindset. It watches closely, absorbing as much information as it can. Think of a child intensely interested and involved in trying to ride a bike for the first time, and you get the idea. Your BM is happy to try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, until it succeeds.
Your beginners mind helps you to keep on learning as you get older, keep your enthusiasm for life, keep you positively humble. Your BM helps you learn new things faster, and prevents you taking familiar good things in your life for granted. Mentally it keeps you young, flexible and joyful.
The beginners mind should not be confused with simply being naïve, childish, or getting bored easily and so giving up on tasks before they are done or mastered!

Your experienced mind (EM) is the sum total of all your life experience up to this point. It knows a lot of things that are very useful in helping you navigate all the situations and choices that you have to go through each day. You might think of it as the wise old man or woman within you that compares what is happening in the moment to the past in order to see if there are any patterns, experiences or learning’s that you already have that can help you with what you are facing right now.
Your EM helps you to leverage on what you know already in order to prevent you making mistakes. It saves you time, helps avoid pain, and enjoy greater success with regard to  what you are experiencing in the moment. It recognizes that in many situations we are not complete beginners, and that that is a very good thing!
Your experienced mind should not be confused with that part of you that becomes cynical, jaded, or that thinks it ‘knows it all’. It is intelligent, helpful and alert.

Integrating your beginners and your experienced mindsets
From an integral mindfulness point of view, we try to combine the best of our beginner’s mind and experienced mind together, so they are helping each other, and us to meet our life challenges more successfully. One simple way to start doing this is to ask two questions regarding any challenge you have, and want to extract practical learning from:

  1. If I view this situation as if for the first time, what do I see and observe?
  2. What is my past experience and learning telling me about this situation?

Sit with each question for a short while, and see what perspectives and insights come from both. You can then combine them into a wise approach to your experience that combines your ability to learn in the moment (beginners mind) with your ability to use past experience effectively (experienced mind).

A simple example
Forty minutes ago I sat down to write this article. I felt a bit nervous and unsure about the content, but my experienced mind (EM) told me that if I just started mapping it out and writing, I would find the idea translated into an article.  I then set aside my EM and brought my BM to the task, seeing the content ‘as if for the first time, paying attention to the present, being curious and enthusiastic. Now here I am, at the end of my article, my work complete. It’s a simple example. How could you combine your beginners and experienced mind today in order to be successful in your chosen endeavor?

Click here to listen to a 20 minute beginners mind meditation that I recently recorded.

Related article: Appreciating the past to liberate the present

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight Enlightened Flow Inner vision Integral Awareness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness One Minute Mindfulness

Allowing & Participating – Rethinking ‘being in control’

W
“By mindfully combining allowing and participating we can control things better, without feeling the need to be so ‘in control”
M 

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article offers a couple of practical thoughts on how to re-frame our idea of being in control in a way that means less stress and more effectiveness. This weeks Wednesday meditation class will be focusing on how to work with these ideas!

In the spirit of participation,

Toby

Allowing & Participating – Rethinking ‘being in control’

I’ve recently been experiencing a time in my life where there are so many factors undergoing change that inevitably anxiety keeps coming up. When change occurs, especially deep and radical change, the part of us that wants to feel ´in control’ inevitably feels stressed because the situation feels ´out of control’.
I did a session with a client about the same topic. She was fighting with a similar feeling of trying to be ‘in control’ whilst feeling so many factors ‘out of control’. One of the ways in which we reframed our situation was to use the polarity of ‘accepting and participating’ rather than ‘in control or out of control’.
In control and out of control is a win-lose game; to control is to win, to be out of control is to loose. With allowing and participating:

  • We allow things to be uncertain, unfixed, to an extent beyond our control. By accepting we relax more comfortably into the situation we find ourself without unnecessary struggle
  • By participating, we look for ways to dance with and influence the situation in creative and constructive ways. Without trying to fix everything at once, we enjoy engaging and participating with our life each day through action that is as intelligent and playful as we are able.

When we practice allowing and participating, we can create a win-win experience: We can relax with things we can’t totally control, while staying active and engaged.
By mindfully combining allowing and participating we can control things better, without feeling the need to be so ‘in control’.

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2019.

Upcoming classes and workshops

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm (Restarts 21st August) – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings (Restarts 13th August), 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Tuesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Tues  10th & Weds 11th December – Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

Saturday 14th & 15th December, 2-5.30pm – The Mindful Heart Meditation Workshop

Tuesday and Wednesday 17,18 December – Winter solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight creative imagery Inner vision Insight Meditation Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques

Letting your inner landscape come alive

C
“When you turn and face the inner landscape of your mind, you start to see things about your inner self that are interesting and magical, and that unless you sat still and watched, you would never be aware of”
C

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article invites you to see your inner world as a landscape, and shows you how to let that landscape come alive, i hope you enjoy it!

Heads up for the Autumn Equinox balancing and renewing meditation this evening and Wednesday evening. Then on Saturday afternoon there is the the Mindful Resilience workshop, with the Qi gong session and Beginners meditation workshop in the morning.

In the spirit of  watching,

Toby

The Integral Mindfulness Program for Coaches, Counselors and Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and deep wellness – Starting October 5th & 8th!Overview: This is a six-session dynamic mindfulness program designed for:

  • Those looking for an engaged, practical mindfulness course designed to build resilience, effectiveness and wellness in the face of work and life challenges
  • Trainers, coaches and therapists looking to integrate mindfulness into their own professional practice with clients
  • People who have been through basic conventional mindfulness training programs and are looking for the next level of practice and performance

Letting your inner landscape come alive

When I was younger my father used to take me, my brother and sometimes my sister into nature in order to watch birds and animals. As we were walking through the landscape to the locations where we would sit, generally we wouldn’t see much (partly because we as children made quite a lot of noise!) However, once we sat down, went quiet and started watching, the landscape stated to come alive. The animals and birds would come out, and start going about their daily business. I’d start to notice the pattern of the wind and light across the landscape, and the patterns of clouds in the sky. What seemed at first glance to be just patches of green, brown, blue and grey started to turn into something magical and fully alive.
Mindfulness practice involves turning to watch the inner landscape of our mind. We turn away from our outer world and become aware of the sensations in our body, the patterns of moods and emotions, the coming and going of thoughts. Unless you have some experience of it, it can seem like when you look within there is nothing much very interesting, just like my green, brown and blue landscape. But then if you can create an intimate space where you watch quietly, then you start to notice things. Your thoughts, feelings, sensations start to ‘come out again’ like the birds and animals in a landscape. You start to see things about your inner life that are interesting and magical, that unless you sat still and watched, you would never be aware of.
The act of turning within and watching, listening, observing is a way of increasing our self-awareness and self-knowledge. It is also a way of bringing a little bit of magic and wonder back into our life, as we discover the inner landscape of our mind is as full of life as an outer landscape within nature.
Turn your attention within and watch the inner landscape of your mind patiently. Let the animal and bird life within yourself start to come out!

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2019.

Upcoming classes and workshops

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm (Restarts 21st August) – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings (Restarts 13th August), 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Wednesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, June 15th, 29th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Monday Setember 2nd, 6-7.30pm – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

Tues/Weds September 17th/18th – Autumn Equinox blanacing and renewing meditation

Saturday Sept 21st, 11am-12.30pm – Get your meditation pratice started now – The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 21st Sept, 2-5pm – Mindful Resilience – Practices for sustaining effectiveness, happiness and clarity under pressure

Tuesday September 24th – An evening of Meditation and Stress Transformation at the TEC centre, Frasers Tower

Starting October 5th – The Integral Meditation Program for Coaches, Counsellors and Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and deep wellness

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Enlightened love and loving Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Primal Spirituality

From coping to thriving: The path of conscious manhood

W

Dear Toby,

What is it going to take for men to thrive in their maleness in toady’s world? The article below some practical reflections on this!

In the spirit of  benevolent manhood,

Toby

 

From coping to thriving: The path of conscious manhood

What (or where) is the path of men in today’s world?
We are all aware of the women’s movement, it’s called feminism. If you are a woman and want to explore ways of feeling more liberated and powerful, then its quite easy to find places, forums, reading around your female identity that can help you. If I then ask you ‘What is the men’s movement called?’ It is likely that you’d have to pause for a moment. Then you’d realize that there really isn’t a well-known ‘men’s movement’ whose purpose within culture is to support men. the reality is that the ‘men’s movement’ is about 30-40 years behind the women’s. This is important, because if you are a man it means that it is far more difficult to find places where you can explore your masculinity and struggles as a man. Whether they are aware of it or not, many men find themselves isolated in their struggles, and deeply confused about how to even talk about it, let alone handle it with confidence.

What is male liberation?
One helpful definition of feminism (following Ken Wilber) is ‘the liberation of women from unconscious roles’. Women can choose to be housewives, mothers, carer’s, but now they can choose to have careers, go boxing, be loud and assertive. They are (ideally) no longer bound unconsciously by traditional roles, and make their choices consciously.
The thing about this is that men have many unconscious roles too; the provider, the warrior, the strong stoic one, the silent type, the bad boy, the good boy, the ‘alpha’ male, the ‘beta’ male. The list goes on. The fact is that if you’re a guy it’s likely that:

  • You are trapped in a number of unconscious roles that you aren’t aware of
  • Its difficult to discover what they are because no one is talking about it much
  • You are suffering and struggling in a way that you needn’t because you are trapped in these roles unconsciously
  • Emotions such as guilt or shame are present for you, and your range of emotions that can give you real joy, pleasure and thriving are limited

So then, male liberation is quite simply ‘the liberation of men from their own traditional unconscious roles’. Like with women, this doesn’t mean that you can’t engage in traditional roles such as a provider or warrior, it just means you are doing it consciously, and integrating other non-traditional roles into your male path in a way that enables you to thrive and feel empowered alongside your female friends, lovers and colleagues as they tread their own path of liberation.

Some essential questions
These are either to ask yourself as a man (or to ask your male friends if you are a woman!):

  • What roles as a man am I currently trapped in? And what is the price I am paying?
  • What would my idea of my own path of ‘conscious manhood’ be? How can I start exploring and articulating it?
  • To whom do I (or could I) go to for support in my path of male liberation and thriving?
  • What can I do today to get on that path?

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2019.

Upcoming classes and workshops

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm (Restarts 21st August) – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings (Restarts 13th August), 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Wednesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, June 15th, 29th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Monday Setember 2nd, 6-7.30pm – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

Starting October 5th – The Integral Meditation Program for Coaches, Counsellors and Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and deep wellness

 

Integral Meditation Asia

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Awareness and insight Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

On appreciation, gratitude and impermanence

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“When you truly know what you have is transient, then you can short-circuit the natural tendency that we all have to take things for granted. This in turn gives us a powerful incentive to appreciate what we have, and make the most of it today.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is a personal reflection on impermanence, which is frankly one of the most powerful objects of mindfulness ‘in there’!

The 20% early bird offer on the Integral Mindfulness Program has now finished, but you can still get 15% off by signing up this week.
Tuesday and Wednesday meditation class this week are the first a series of six classes on the theme of Zen.
Then on Saturday we re-start the Qi gong workout and meditation session at 9am, and then the monthly Meditation workshop for beginners is at 11am.

In the spirit of  impermanence and appreciation,

Toby

On appreciation, gratitude and impermanence

Impermanence
When I first started meditating consistently in 1994, the first object of focus was on death and impermanence. I was teaching art and design at a school at the time. Every morning I would get up and meditate for twenty minutes on:

  • The certainty of my death and the uncertainty of its time
  • That at death I would travel from my body without any of the physical wealth, property and resources from this life, as well as without my loved ones that I would be leaving behind
  • From this I then focused on the resolution to make best use of the time I had today. To live fully and meaningfully according to my values and highest goals, so that when I die I do so without regrets.

I also imagined the death process, and observed how, if my breathing stopped at any moment, then my life would have about two minutes left to run. I (and you) hold onto life by a thin thread! This gave rise to a very ‘clean’ focused mind where I was able to drop many smaller concerns, and spend most of my day attending to what is important.

Bringing it home 
The purpose of meditating in this way is to bring our mind into a fuller recognition of our reality; we are living in a state of continuous impermanence, and we have limited time to achieve our potential in the world; to love, to contribute, to participate, to engage powerfully and benevolently.
Recently two people important to me died unexpectedly. A very good friend of my family, Hugh Buck died while leading a wildlife trip in Morocco. With his passing a whole section of my childhood memories in Asia moves into the context of someone who will never return (as the person he was in this life). Two weeks ago a good friend of mine and mentor in the recent phase of my own coaching development, Mark Hemstedt died suddenly and unexpectedly while leading a training program in KL.
While we would not wish these things to happen, the reality is they do sometimes, and sooner or later it will happen to us. Knowing that viscerally helps us make use of the time we have authentically.

Impermanence and gratitude
Mainstream mindfulness has almost become ubiquitous with gratitude practice. One way to really change the context and power of your gratitude is to combine it with a conscious awareness of impermanence. When you know what you have is transient, then you can short-circuit the natural tendency that we all have to take things for granted. This in turn gives us a powerful incentive to appreciate what we have, and make the most of it today.

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2019.

Upcoming classes and workshops

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm (Restarts 21st August) – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings (Restarts 13th August), 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Wednesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, June 15th, 29th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Saturday 10th August, 2-5.30pm – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 24th August, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Four mindful questions, four times a year

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Dear Integral Meditators,

Asking questions to yourself mindfully and reflectively, without hurrying, can be a very useful way of resetting your energy, and moving forward with greater clarity and purpose. The article below outlines four that I ask strategically during the year.

In the spirit of thoughtful questions,
Toby

Four mindful questions, four times a year

These are four questions that I ask myself, and invite you to ask yourself four times a year. I do it at the quarter points of the year, which is to say the Winter and Summer solstices in December and July, and the Equinoxes in March and September.
Two of the questions are backward looking, over the previous 2-3months, and the other two are forward looking, toward the coming 2-3months.
I find that asking these questions to myself mindfully and reflectively, without hurrying, is a very useful way of resetting my energy, and moving forward with greater clarity and purpose. Here they are:

  • What is it that I can appreciate and have enjoyed the most about the last few months?
  • What are the wounds or burdens that I have been carrying that I am ready to put down or release?
  • What am I ready to give birth to and/or manifest in my life right now?
  • If I were to pick one, maximum two goals that were my absolute priority to achieve/manifest over the next few months, what would it/they be?

 

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As most of us are well aware, the quantity and quality of our sleep plays a huge role in our mental, physiological, emotional, and relational well-being.
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  • fall asleep quickly
  • return to sleep after awakening
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  • meditate deeply

Learn More and Listen to the Sample

 

Upcoming classes and workshops

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Wednesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, June 15th, 29th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Tuesday/Wednesday 18th&19th June – Summer Solstice balancing and renewing meditation

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 15th June, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 22nd June, 2-5pm – Going From Over-whelmed to Over-well: Meditation for Quietening the Mind – a three hour workshop

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Awareness and insight Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Self-acceptance – You are not the enemy!

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“Self-acceptance involves the ability to hold ourselves lightly and playfully…well-practised, self-acceptance leads to self-empowerment and enjoyment, not resignation!”
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Dear Toby

The state of self-acceptance is a major asset to our wellbeing. The article below explores some pointers for beginning your own mindful exploration of self-acceptance. If you enjoy it, then it will be the subject of this weeks’ Tuesday and Wednesday evening class, so feel free to come along!
And a final reminder of the beginners meditation workshop this Saturday!

In the spirit of self-acceptance,

Toby

Self-acceptance – You are not the enemy!

One definition of self-acceptance that I have found enduringly useful is from Nat Branden who defined it as ‘A refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with yourself’. This means:

  • The principle of being on your own side in life
  • The principle of accepting who you are and proceeding from there
  • The principle of lightness and self-responsibility

The principle of being on your own side in life
This basically means being committed to treating yourself as a good friend would. When you are going through a difficult time, a good friend is one who listens to you with care, does not judge (unless asked to), who holds space for you with support and warmth, and when necessary acts to defend you. Imagine you are that friend to yourself and try practising accordingly.

The principle of accepting who you are and proceeding from there
We are often our own harshest critic. Self-acceptance involves accepting the things that we find difficult about ourselves without self-hatred or loathing. This includes:

  • Emotions or patterns of thought that we have that we find undesirable
  • Aspects of our appearance that we find unattractive
  • Past actions, our life circumstances

With acceptance of all these things we can then proceed to create a strategy to change them in ways that are realistic and appropriate, but our motivation changes from fixing something unacceptable that we hate, to improving something that we have already accepted and are at peace with.

The principle of lightness
When we get stuck in an adversarial relationship to ourself, or hate who we are, it can often feel very heavy, dark and serious. Self-acceptance involves the ability to hold ourselves lightly and playfully. This in turn makes our ability to take responsibility for change in our life easier. Well-practised, self-acceptance leads to self-empowerment and enjoyment, not resignation!

Related articles: From resignation to positive acceptance
Seriously light, lightly serious

Article © Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

All Courses at Integral Meditation Asia 

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, April 20th & 27th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 27th April, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 4th May, 10am-4.30pm – An introduction to meditation from the perspective of Shamanism