Category: Mindful Confidence

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Mindful of what you believe is possible

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“If you look at your thoughts from moment to moment, you’ll see that they are often affirmations of your beliefs. They capture in a phrase what you believe is or is not possible”

 

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article looks at the relationship between our thoughts and what we believe is possible (or not) in our life.

In the spirit of opening to possibilities,

Toby

Mindful of what you believe is possible 

A belief you have is a subjective feeling ( not a fact) and idea about what is possible and not possible in your life. The beliefs that you have create strong moods, emotions and atmospheres about what think you can and can’t do. They influence your actions in a very real way.
If you look at your thoughts from moment to moment, you’ll see that they are often affirmations of your beliefs. They capture in a phrase what you believe is or is not possible. So, to change a belief, you need to:

  1. Become aware of the thought that summarizes the belief in your mind
  2. Make small, incremental adjustments to the structure of the thought, changing what you believe to be possible in a positive way.
  3. Once you’ve made one small adjustment, then make another, and another, perhaps 3-4 adjustments in total. So now you have a new belief, and one that opens a doorway to a whole range of positive moods, emotions and actions in your life!

Here are two examples of what I mean:

Around work:

  1. Initial thought affirming the belief – “Two projects at the same time is already difficult, there is no way I can cope with a third”
  2. First adjustment – “Adding a third project to my schedule will be challenging” (but possible!)
  3. Second adjustment – “If I’m going to take on a third project I’m going to need to be more organized than I am now”.
  4. Third Adjustment – “I’m going to enjoy the challenge of taking on a third project at work, and the growth in income that it will afford me!”

So, you can see, with the final adjustment, a new belief, atmosphere, and sense of possibility is created around the same situation.

In an unhealthy relationship:

  1. Initial thought: “I can’t bear to leave this relationship; the thought fills me with fear and sadness”
  2. First adjustment: “I accept that I can’t bear to leave this relationship, but I know its time”
  3. Second: “I can leave this relationship, even though its going to be challenging”
  4. Final: “Because I value myself and my wellbeing, I am going to leave this relationship, and its going to be ok”

Again, you can see that by gradually changing the thought structure, progressively and gradually the belief and mood about what is possible changes.

So, the basic mindful process here is:

  1. Select the life challenge that you want to work on changing your beliefs around
  2. Observe your current beliefs around what you think is possible, capture it in a sentence
  3. Create a 3-4 stage adjustment in that sentence, to gradually change that belief, and open a door to a new set of moods, possibilities and actions in that situation!

Enjoy opening to new ideas of what is possible for you!

Related article: Thoughts As Affirmations: Three Questions To Help Make Your Thoughts Your Allies

Article and pictures © Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

All Courses at Integral Meditation Asia 

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, March 2nd, 16th, 30th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Tues & Weds 5th/6th March – Monthly astrological meditation – Pisces – Mindful of our beliefs and sub-conscious mind

Tues 19th & Weds 20th March – Spring equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday 16th March, 9.30am-12.30pm – Meditation for self healing and creating high levels of energy

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 30th March, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 30th March 2-5.30pm – Meditations for developing the language of your shadow self

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Saturday 13th April 9.30am-12.30pm – Meditations for transforming negativity and stress into positivity and enlightenment

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Mindful sitting – Three centring positions

“The way you sit and stand are psychological positions as well as a physical ones. Its worth doing them consciously.”

Here are three simple ways to centre yourself while sitting. You can practise them individually or together, one after the other. Each of them has a slightly different effect and benefit, all of them are simple and easy to do once you have tried them a few times. They are designed to encourage a feeling in the body that is helpful both to our physical health and energy levels as well as our psychological wellbeing. They can be done standing as well as sitting.

Position 1 – Sitting like a puppet: Sit upright in a chair, imagine that you have a piece of string attached to the crown of your head. Feel it pulling your head neck and torso up a couple of centimetres, so that your posture is upright and vertical. Now imagine you are hanging from the string. Relax all the muscles in the body as much as you can, so that the only muscle work that your body is doing is to keep itself upright. For example, your face does not need to hold any tension for the body to be upright. Progressively go through all the main areas of your body, relaxing them as much as possible. Then simply notice what this feels like, focusing your attention on it for a while.

Often when we are sitting or standing we are holding a lot of unnecessary tension in our body, the idea here is to create a habitual way of sitting that is ergonomic as well as relaxing.

Position 2 – The half-smile: Become aware of the expression on your face. Spend a few moments relaxing the muscles in the face and bringing it into a neutral expression. Then raise the corners of your mouth a few millimetres so that your expression describes a warm half-smile. As you breathe in, focus on the feeling of the expression, as you breathe out, extend the feeling of the expression to the rest of your body, and if you like to any moods, emotions or thoughts in your mind. Centre yourself around your facial expression for a short while, being curious about the effect that it has on you.

Its very easy to spend long periods of the day with holding tension and emotion in our expression that are not helping us. The half-smile helps us to counter this tendency.

Position 3 – Sitting with confidence: The half-smile expression already invites a feeling of gentle self-confidence. Becoming more aware of the body, make small adjustments that help you connect to a feeling of confidence. Even if you don’t feel immediately confident, adopt a posture that helps you start to move that way; shoulders and chest open and relaxed, hands and limbs relaxed. Like the other two positions, practice the posture so that the body becomes familiar with it, and it becomes a habitual, default body posture for you, even when you are under pressure.

So, there you go, three body positions to practice centring yourself mindfully around anytime!

Article and picture © Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com 

Shadow Coaching with Toby February Special Offer

Special offer of 15% off Toby’s shadow coaching 3 session package up to end Thursday 14th February. for full details click HERE!
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” – Carl Jung

All Courses at Integral Meditation Asia for February

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, 16th & 23rd February – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Tues & Weds February 12/13th – Monthly astrological meditation – Aquarius: Developing your inner knowing and self-knowledge

Saturday 23rd February 11-12.30pm –   Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 23rd February, 3.30-5.30pm – Developing Your Self-Confidence Through Mindfulness Workshop

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Trusting Yourself (Your first Guardian Angel)

Dear  Integral Meditators,

This Sunday I will be doing a workshop on your meditation with your Guardian Angels. Before you start thinking about how you relate to ‘spiritual guardians’, its really important to realize that your first personal guardian is yourself, your mind and your ‘inner signals’.
The article below explores in a practical way how you can build trust in yourself and your inner signals.
Those interested in the workshop, just click on the link below. You can also see my previous article on Understanding and working with your Guardian Angel.

In the spirit of trusting your inner signals,

Toby

This Sunday 27th January, 2-5pm – Meditations for connecting to and working with your Guardian Angel

In a sentence: Learn how you can use meditation as a practical way of connecting to and communicating with your guardian angel.
All of the great wisdom traditions speak of speak of spiritual guardians who can offer us support, guidance and protection on our journey through life. This workshop focuses specifically on the tradition of the personal guardian angel. In the session you will learn what is mean by an ‘angel’ or angelic being, and what is the nature and function of our own guardian angel….click here for full details.

Trusting Yourself (Your first Guardian Angel)

Mindfulness and meditation can give us temporary calm and relief from the continuous activity of our thinking mind, but if we are tempted to use it as a way of escaping from our mind then we should be wary.
Ideally mindfulness should be a way of gaining confidence and trust in our mind and ourself so that gradually our relationship to our thinking mind becomes more and more harmonious and mutually supportive; our thoughts support a healthy experience of self, and our sense of self encourages a reliable approach to thinking about our life experience.
Nathaniel Branden has in interesting definition of self-confidence, he says “Self confidence is confidence in the reliability of our mind as a tool of cognition…it is the conviction that we are genuinely committed to perceiving and honouring reality to the fullest extent of our volitional power.”
So, the long and the short of this is that in order to be genuinely and deeply self-confident, you need to learn to trust your mind, and use it as well as you are able within the limits of your ability.

Pseudo-self confidence
Quite a few people exert a lot of effort building pseudo self-confidence in order to disguise their fundamental lack of trust in their own mind and judgment. We might become very physically fit, or very wealthy, or have read all the right books about being a parent, have gained many educational certificates and degrees, or even become an expert meditator (and other examples ad infinitum) all as a way of building a buffer between ourself and our actual moment to moment experience of reality and life. Fundamentally we don’t trust our mind to be able to deal with it effectively; deep down we lack self-confidence, so we build buffers and things to hide behind.

Three mindful questions for building self-confidence and trust in your mind.
Take a situation in your life, perhaps something that you have experienced today. Ask yourself three questions in turn:
“What am I seeing and experiencing here”
“What are my mind, emotions and senses signalling to me about what I am seeing and experiencing?”
“Am I honouring my own experience and mind here or am I turning away from it?”The answer to the third question will tell you whether you are using this activity and experience to build your self-confidence and trust in your own mind, or whether you are subverting it. As the old saying goes “Many drops of water slowly dripping into a pot will eventually make it full”; in our day by day journey to self-confidence, or to a lack of it, this saying rubs both ways.Generally the challenge here is not that we don’t know enough, but that we know more than we would like, and would rather avoid the responsibility of that knowledge.

© Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com 

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation AsiaOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

January 29/30th, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar new year meditation 2019: Being benevolent and big-hearted in the year of the Pig

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am :16th & 23rd February  – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Saturdays , 4-5.30pm – Mindfulness group coaching sessions with Toby

Saturday 26th January, 1-4pm – Growing your mindful freedom meditation workshop

Sunday 27th January, 2-5pm – Meditations for connecting to and working with your Guardian Angel

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Saturday 9th February, 9.30-12.30 – Going from overwhelmed to overwell meditation workshop

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Simple, or aware, or positive, or creative

“There is much inner stability that comes just from observing and being curious. There is a world of difference between ‘My life is a disaster’ and ‘how interesting that part of my mind should be thinking that my life is a disaster!’ Awareness gives us choice.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

In this weeks article I outline four ways of paying attention that, if you get really good at will render you largely impervious to intimidation from any of the current challenges in your life. Enjoy!

In the spirit of attention,

Toby

PS: You can now train in this meditation using my recordings on the Simple, positive, creative & aware training page

Simple, or aware, or positive, or creative

What are we fundamentally trying to do with our attention in mindfulness practice? One way of thinking about this question is to divide our daily attention into four ‘types’ Under each type listed below I detail an introduction to what it is and how to go about cultivating it. In each section there is also a link to a full article on each topic.

Simple – This type of mindful attention involves making our attention simple, grounded, uncomplicated by directing it toward our body and senses. You can take any of your senses, your breathing or feelings within your body as your object of attention here. By keeping your attention anchored to your sensory experience, you make your mind simpler, stronger and more relaxed. Without deliberately making our mind simple every day it’s all too easy to live in a permanently complex, stressful, anxious and worried mental world, that feels intimidating and not much fun. Also, when you think less, you also tend to think better!

Aware – This second type of mindful attention seeks only to pay attention and be aware. It observes and notes what is happening in our mind with impartiality, not trying to change fix, judge or alter. There is a lot of basic inner stability that comes just from observing and being curious. There is a world of difference for example between ‘My life is a disaster’ and ‘how interesting that part of my mind should be thinking that my life is a disaster!’ Awareness gives us choice and flexibility of mind. It also makes it more likely that we will then go onto make better decisions based around what we have become aware of.

Positive – This third type of attention means deliberately paying attention to what good there is in our life, or a situation; what there is to appreciate, feel grateful for, or that is to our advantage. It seeks out reasons to feel happy, glad, optimistic, peaceful, enthusiastic, even if we seem to be surrounded by problems and challenges. Developing our daily skill at this type of attention value adds tremendously to our pleasure and wellbeing. It also increases the chances of us being more effective and energized in the face of problems.

Creative – Finally, the creative mode of attention is where we think and analyze in a focused way in order to find solutions to problems. It is completely different from ruminating, over-analyzing or negative worrying. It simply observes the presenting issue with curiosity (fear or anxiety may be present, but we do not allow them to dominate) and seeks to come up with creative ideas as to how a solution could be found, or a step forward can be taken. The creative mode of thinking is not focused exclusively on the positive. It seeks to know obstacles and problems objectively and realistically and seeks ways to find resolution. This way of paying attention is also creative in the face of non-problems. It seeks to innovate, improvise and enjoy whatever circumstances we find ourselves in!

A suggested practicum: For five minutes, focus on making your mind simple by focusing on your body and senses. Then spend five minutes letting your attention roam, and greeting whatever comes up with awareness, or positivity, or creativity. It can be whichever you prefer, but it must be one. You can repeat this cycle as many times as you like in any sitting. Get used to paying sustained mindful attention to your life in these four ways and notice what starts to change!

Related article: Two fundamental mindfulness and meditation questions

​© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Integral Meditation Asia

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The healing power of awareness; Four insight meditation techniques

Dear  Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is on insight meditation, and on the natural healing power of our mind, when we allow it. Its a slightly longer article than usual, with four short techniques you can try out!
You can also find below the details of the next series of meditation classes at Integral Meditation Asia beginning mid August, on Insight meditation.

In the spirit of insight and allowing,

Toby

 

The healing power of awareness; the topography of insight meditation

I want to begin this article by paraphrasing Roger Walsh in a conversation that he had with Ken Wilber. Basically, he said that one of the amazing things about our minds is that, if we let it, our mind has this incredible power to:

  1. Self-heal – that is to heal its inner divisions and move toward wholeness
  2. Self-actualize – that is start to move naturally toward a more enlightened or awakened state of self-awareness, and to
  3. Self-transcend – that is to move naturally toward the next, deeper level of consciousness immediately beyond its present state of growth.

All of this can happen by our simply ‘allowing it’. The way in which we ‘allow it’ is by regularly cultivating a state of relaxed, lucid awareness in our day to day routine. The innate power of this awareness creates a powerful healing and stimulating effect upon our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. The problem for many of us is that we perceive our relationship to our mind as a perpetual battle, where the thing that seems to be standing in the way of our inner healing and growth is the mind itself. It is not natural for us to seek resolution to our inner problems through conscious relaxation!
One very ergonomic form of meditation that we can use in order to start making friends with our mind and access its powers of self-healing is insight meditation. The main activity in insight meditation is to identify and observe the different levels of our mind. Because of this, insight meditation is sometimes called “choice-less awareness”. Whatever comes up, we just watch without getting involved.

Four levels of observing – A basic map or topography of insight meditation awareness
There are four basic levels of mind that insight meditation helps us to cultivate awareness of. These might be called the gross, subtle, very subtle and non-dual. What I want to do is to outline them and offer simple meditation practices that we can do on each of these levels. This way you can get a practical flavour of what insight meditation involves, and start trying it out for yourself.

Level 1: Gross awareness – This is awareness of our physical body, senses and environment.
Sample insight meditation exercise for this level: Be aware of everything that you hear for a period of time. Note all the different layers of sound that your ear awareness is picking up. As I am sitting now I can hear some distant cars, the fan on the table next to me, the typing as my fingers work on the type-pad, I can hear the sound of my breathing in my inner ears. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the layers of sound flowing into your moment to moment awareness. You can practice an equivalent insight exercise for any of your other senses.

Level 2: Subtle awareness – This level observes the flow of thoughts, feelings and images that flow through our mind on a moment to moment basis. On this level there is a range of subtlety, from the everyday thoughts of our waking mind to the more subtle experiences of the dreams and of dreaming. Basically, this is the realm of thoughts.
Sample insight meditation exercise for this level: Sit down and observe the flow of thoughts, feelings and images through your awareness. Imagine that you are like a person sitting by the side the river of your mind, observing the constant ebb and flow of mental images and feelings that passes by you.

Level 3: Very subtle awareness – This level observes the inner space of our consciousness itself, which is formless, space-like , and lies behind our mental and sensory consciousness. If you imagine your thoughts and feelings are like clouds, then your consciousness is like the sky that contains those clouds.
Sample insight meditation exercise for this level: Continue to watch your mind, become aware of the spaces between your thoughts. Allow your awareness to sink deeper and deeper into these spaces. Let the cloud-like forms of your thoughts and feelings gently dissolve away as you observe the sky-like space of your consciousness.

Level 4: Non-dual awareness – This level is where the sense of yourself the observer of your consciousness (as in level 3 above) dissolves away, and you are left with a unified (non-dual) experience of awareness, just a single experience of consciousness with no conceptual idea of observer and observed.
Sample exercise: The way to approach this experience is through the level 3 exercise. The more you practice it, very gradually, over time you will feel yourself moving toward this non-dual state.

So, my basic point in this article is that if you allow your mind to relax consciously and attentively, then you are going to activate its natural capacity for self-healing and growth. If you want a particular in-depth method to develop your minds self-healing mechanism, then insight meditation is one such tool.

​© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation AsiaOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Begins 14/15th September – Effortless effort – Insight meditation for self-healing and transformation – a five week course

Rest of August program coming soon!

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Content but never Satisfied

Dear Integral Meditators,

Superficially, it seems like contentment and dis-satisfaction are either/or states of mind, you are either in one or other of them. But what if it were possible to combine the positive expression of  both into a single mindset? The article below explores a mindful method for doing just that!

In the spirit of ambitious contentment,

Toby

Content but never satisfied  (Or how to combine being happy with where you are, whilst remaining motivated and keeping your edge).

We often feel content when we experience appreciation for something:

  • If you appreciate a beautiful sunset, you are content to simply sit and be with it.
  • If you appreciate the qualities that your romantic partner brings to your relationship, you will be content to be with them, and enjoy your time together.
  • If you appreciate living in a country with a high basic standard of living, you will be content with the good things you experience, even if you are not the wealthiest person there.
  • If you appreciate how much small acts of kindness affect people for the better, you will be content to continue doing them even though it is not going to solve problems on a global scale.

There is ALWAYS something in your life to appreciate and feel grateful for. So, there is never a time when you cannot, at least in part feel in touch with your own sense of contentment.

Dis-satisfied is what you feel when:

  • You look at the quality of your work and realize that you could have done it better.
  • It is when you think about the way in which you deal with negative emotions and know that you need to do improve your emotional intelligence.
  • It is when you analyze what you say each day and see that you are hardly ever really expressing yourself authentically and genuinely.
  • It is when you look at inequality in society and realize that you have to do something more to create more equality.

POSITIVE dissatisfaction is what you get in touch with at the beginning of each year when you write your list of “things that I want and need to achieve over the next twelve months”. There is NEVER a time when you cannot find something to feel dissatisfied about. The question is have you learned yet to use your dis-satisfaction in a positive and creative way to get stuff done in your life? To become an achiever of the good, the difficult and the unusual?
Superficially contentment and dis-satisfaction seem to be opposites, but if you can learn to work mindfully with the positive side of them both at the same time!

A simple method to start practicing being content but never satisfied in your life:

1) Daily focus on contentment: Toward the end of your day, for example when coming back from work, take a little time to focus on things you can appreciate about the events of the day. This could be something specific that has happened in that particular day, or it could be something more general. For example, as I am sitting at my computer now, I am remembering a program I saw on the TV last night comparing the life of those who live in Batam Island Indonesia with those who live in Singapore. There is a HUGE wealth and standard of living gap which makes me immediately feel grateful and appreciative that I live in Singapore. This helps me immediately connect to the contentment side of things.

2) Daily focus on dis-satisfaction: Each day at the beginning of the day, select your top 2, maximum 3 goals for the day. These are the things that you really want to get done in your day. As you write them down or think of them, allow yourself to get focused and motivated to GET THESE THINGS DONE without getting distracted or forgetful of what your mission for the day is. You are not going to be satisfied until you get these things done.

3) Holding the tension between your dis-satisfaction and contentment: As you go about your day, practice holding onto your motivation and dis-satisfaction without losing your sense of contentment and appreciation. When you focus on contentment, taking a bit of time to “smell the flowers and feel the Earth under your feet”, do so without losing sight of your achievement goals, so that when the time comes you are ready and willing to get back into active, achievement-oriented mode.

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Saturday 24th February, 1.30-5.30pm – Meditations for Activating, Healing and Awakening our Ancestral Karma

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The Fundamental Game of Mindfulness – Three Stages

Dear Integral Meditators,

You will never be able to entirely control what happens in your life. In fact, sometimes you may feel that you are not in control of your life at all. However, you do have control of the way in which you pay attention to what you experience. Engaged mindfulness is all about taking benevolent control how you pay attention to the experience in the moment.
The article below explores how, in three stages…

In the spirit of engaged mindfulness,

Toby

The Fundamental Game of Mindfulness – Three Stages

You will never be able to entirely control what happens in your life. In fact, sometimes you may feel that you are not in control of your life at all. However, you do have control of the way in which you pay attention to what you experience. Engaged mindfulness is all about taking benevolent control how you pay attention to the experience in the moment. It involves three stages:

  1. Firstly, noticing how you are paying attention to an event, and the way in which that attention is affecting your experience.
  2. It then involves asking the question “How can I adjust the way I am paying attention in such a way that I am being both more effective, and deriving greater happiness and/or wellbeing from what is going on?” This question can be shortened to “What is the best way to pay attention here?”
  3. Finally, it involves making an adjustment to your attention, based on your answer to stage 2. Once you have made the adjustment, you then practice holding that ‘attentional position’, using it to optimize your experience.

An example:
Recently I have been doing quite a lot of voice recording for a mindfulness app. The process of doing the recording involves receiving quite a lot of (mostly well intentioned) criticism from people about my voice, my tone, the energy level and ‘entertaining-ness’ of the narration. When receiving this criticism, I notice that my mind could very easily start focusing on this criticism in an overly personal way, and feeling negative or discouraged. So then I ask myself the question “What is the best way to guide my attention in this experience?” upon reflection I came up with a three pronged approach:

  1. I need to receive the criticism in a detached manner
  2. I need to be interested and curious about how the criticism can help me to become a better voice narrator and mindfulness teacher. Seeing the value of the criticism to me personally helps me receive it positively, even when part of my mind resists.
  3. I can choose to focus on my successes and the positive feedback that I am getting for my efforts. This way any criticism always comes in the context of the things that are going well and the progress that I am making.

So then having answered the question in these three ways, the ‘game of mindfulness’ that I then start to play is holding these three perspectives. As I go about my narration work with my colleagues, detachment, curiosity and what is going well become the ‘mindful ways’ that I make the most of my experience in the present moment. In this way my mindfulness practice helps me to both enjoy/derive pleasure from my experience, and to be as good at it as I can be.
This week, you might like to apply this three-stage mindfulness game to your own experiences, personal or professional. Simply choose your experience and then:

  • Notice the way your mind is paying attention to it, is it helping or hindering?
  • Ask the question “What is the best way to pay attention here”
  • After you have answered the question, focus on training your attention to hold these mindful positions, so that you derive maximum value from your experience.

Enjoy the game!

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Saturday February 3rd, 9.15am-12.15pm – Integral meditation & mindful walking deep dive half day retreat

February classes coming soon!

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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creative imagery Inner vision Integral Awareness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope One Minute Mindfulness Shadow meditation

Four Positions for Wrestling with your Dark Angels

Dear Integral Meditators,

When you find yourself wrestling with difficult or challenging mind-states, what mindfulness practices can you actually ‘do’ that will make a difference? The article below investigates four practical ‘mindful positions’ that you can start working with.

For those in Singapore, we will be exploring these positions in the Tuesday & Wednesdayevening classes, and doing related work in the Language of the Shadow workshop this Saturday.

In the spirit of mindful wrestling,

Toby

Four Positions for Wrestling with your Dark Angels

In my previous article I talked about the ‘Dark Angels’ that we sometimes have to wrestle with. These dark angels are states of mind that arise from challenges in our life. They are characterized by:

  • Feeling as if you are wrestling with a dark force within that you would rather run from, hide from and/or forget about.
  •  It being difficult for you to sit down and be present with yourself because your mind cannot rest at peace.
  • If you do choose to sit down and wrestle with them you develop new strength, skills and stamina that you would not be able to develop of your ‘dark angels’ were not arising and inviting you to wrestle with them.

So, then the question may arise “Ok so if I do choose to sit down and ‘wrestle’ with them, how can I actually ‘do’ that?” With this in mind, here are four basic ‘mindful positions’ that you can adopt and develop your ‘wrestling skills’ with.

Position 1 – Observational curiosity: This first position involves taking one step, or at least half a step back from your experience, and from there be curious and gather information about what you are experiencing. Quite often just this simple act of stepping back and observing starts to reap insights quite quickly. There is a certain stability that comes from the position of observing. It puts us in the position of being in the calm centre of the storm, rather than simply being tossed around by it.

Position 2 – Courage and care: This involves extending the energy of care to yourself, and if possible to other people involved in the situation. Whatever is arising, you make care and compassion the basic perspective from which you experience the challenge. The same principle applies with courage; you simply hold the position of courage mentally, and see how it starts to work on and affect your experience of the situation…

Position 3 – Mindful framing: With this stance, you simply look for ways of mentally framing what you are experiencing that help you to see it in a positive light, for example:

  • This health problem is good because it is helping me to become more mindful of caring for my body, and look after my health more
  • The stress in my relationship is good because it is helping me to really work on and strengthen my appreciation of what my partner is doing right, rather than being fixated on what they are doing wrong
  • This financial demand is useful as it is helping me to become a better business owner and make more money whilst at the same time holding to my core values.

Your mental perspective defines your experience (and the choices you make) in large part!

Position 4 – Coming back to your body: Often when we are struggling emotionally our mind speeds up as we seek for a solution. This fourth position involves getting out of our head and into our body and senses. Come back to your body or one of your senses and use it as a stable, non-conceptual base where you can relax and gather strength and relief from the activity in your mind. Let the emotions flow through your body, just feel them somatically, without judging them, repressing them or intellectualizing them.

So there you go, four positions that you can play around with whenever you find yourself being confronted with one of your ‘Dark Angels’!

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Saturday January 13th, 2-5pm – Integral meditation & mindful walking deep dive half day retreat

Saturday January 20th – 9.30am-1pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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A Mind of Ease Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Motivation and scope One Minute Mindfulness Presence and being present

Solve no problem (& leave no problem unsolved)

Dear Integral Meditators,

How can you reduce your stress and anxiety at the same time as becoming more effective at solving your problems? The article below explores a practical mindful perspective on this…

In the spirit of treading lightly & purposefully,

Toby

Solve no problem (& leave no problem unsolved)

‘These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.’ ~ Najwa Zebian

This article explores two complementary mindful positions:

  • Firstly, how to let go of your over anxious, problem-solving mind periodically
  • Secondly, the necessity of mindfully taking responsibility for finding solutions to problems that are indeed yours to solve

Position 1: Solving no problem
The challenge: Most of us are compulsive thinkers, and we find it difficult to leave our problems and challenges alone. Instead we spend much of our time carrying our problems around like a burden. Let’s say I have a problem with a colleague at work. All I can think about is how my relationship with them is ‘not right’ and what I should do to ‘fix’ the problem, or show them what they need to do to ‘fix’ themselves and their attitude(!) Even when I am not with them I am thinking about the problems we have. It becomes a burden that I cannot put down. You can think of many other examples of this from your own life I am sure!
The practice: So, the practice with ‘solving no problem’ is to sit mindfully and simply put down all your problems and worries; learn to leave them alone! You simply sit and practice non-striving, and non-fixing. When a problem or challenge comes into your mind, you notice it but resist trying to fix it or find a solution to it. You give yourself and your mind a break from all problem-solving activities, just relax!

Position 2: Leave no problem unsolved
The challenge: Many of the very real problems that we face we avoid thinking about. This is because the very thought of these challenges makes us anxious and nervous, so when they come up we either push them away/repress them, or feel various levels of emotional panic. This panic further prevents clear thinking and effective problem solving. Let’s say I feel uncomfortable about an emotional issue with my partner. Whenever I feel the emotion coming up I feel mild panic and confusion, so I immediately shove it too the back of my mind, out of the way so I don’t have to dwell on it. However, since the problem is to do with my partner and I, at some point I have to say to myself ‘How am I going to take on and solve this problem?’ This question initiates self-responsibility, the act of choosing to take care of what is yours to take care of and resolve.
The practice: Ask yourself the question, ‘What are the most important challenges I face right now, that it is my responsibility to try and resolve?’ Let your mind follow the direction that the question points it in. From this identify one challenge that you want to focus on bringing your full attention to finding a solution to. Focus on thinking about that one thing for say five minutes. Maybe have a pen and paper at hand to write any useful conclusions down.

The result: The idea here is to develop the capacity to both:

  1. Put problems down for a while, giving yourself a mental break and tread lightly
  2. When appropriate really, focus your intelligence in on solving your problems effectively.

You are able to integrate non-solving and definite solving into a complementary, mutually enhancing pair of mindfulness practices!

Related article: Three levels of non-striving

© Toby Ouvry 2017, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Beginning 14th&15th November – Mastering your mind & thoughts through mindfulness – A five-week course

Saturday December 2nd, 9.30am-12.30pm – The Six Qi Gong Healing sounds: Qi gong For Self-Healing and Inner Balance Workshop

Saturday December 16th, 9.30am-12.30pm & 2-5pm –  Integral meditation & mindful walking deep dive half day retreat

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Energy Meditation Inner vision Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Motivation and scope Positive anger Presence and being present

The art of developing a mindfully thick skin

Dear Integral Meditators,

As you may know the expression ‘having a thick skin’ refers to being psychologically strong enough not to be hurt by the insults of others. The article below explores how we can develop a ‘mindfully thick skin’ & combine the benefits of being mentally strong with being emotionally sensitive and open. Enjoy!
In the spirit of strength & sensitivity,

Toby

PS: Next week for those in Singapore: Tuesday 24th & Wednesday 25th October – Meditating with your Shadow Self; Finding Freedom from What Holds You Back in Life – A 1 hour talk & introduction

The art of developing a mindfully thick skin (Make it semi-permeable)

When trying to develop and appropriately thick skin to deal with the challenges and attacks that life and our relationships throws at us we can fall into two extremes:

  • We can be too sensitive to what others say or do to us, making us emotionally vulnerable and negative at the slightest hint of criticism
  • We can become too insensitive, blocking not just the attacks that other people direct at us, but also the love, compliments and positivity. This starves us of the positive emotion and feeling that we need to be emotionally healthy and inwardly whole

To avoid either of the two extremes we need to develop what could be thought of as a “semi-permeable thick skin”.
This semi-permeable psychological skin::

  • Protects us from verbal attacks and negative energy from others
  • Guards against negativity coming from our own “inner-critic” the voice in our head that always sees the mistakes that we make
  • Enables us to strain out the negativity and take on the positive lessons when we or our work are critiqued by others
  • Protects us from negative ambient energy, for example in an office where there is a lot of anger, competitiveness or jealousy

However, it allows the following to penetrate our energy field and mind, allowing us to appreciate them fully:

  • When someone complements us, we take it in and appreciate it in a positive manner
  • We are able to receive emotional support and kind words from others. Loving in relationships is about receiving as well as giving
  • When we are offered something of beauty in a now-moment. For example, seeing a sunset as we ride on the bus, receiving life-energy from trees as we walk through the park
  • When it is appropriate to feel grateful and appreciative of something good that is happening in our life

Exercise for developing your semi-permeable thick skin
See yourself surrounded by a semi-permeable bubble of protective golden light. In crowded environments you can shrink it to the contours of your body, so it becomes like a body glove.
During the day practise learning when to consciously open up your golden bubble and allow positive energy into your energy-field (as in the examples above), and when to consciously close it down and make it an impermeable wall of protection (as in the examples of attacks above).
The idea with this exercise is to be able to consciously oscillate between being appropriately open and vulnerable (able to take positive energy in) and appropriately closed and protected, blocking negative attacks and energy, preventing it from damaging or crippling us.

© Toby Ouvry 2017, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Tuesday 24th & Wednesday 25th October – Meditating with your Shadow Self; Finding Freedom from What Holds You Back in Life – A 1 hour talk & introduction

Saturday November 25th 10am-4pm – Mini ME Retreat #2 : Mindful Eating + Reiki Sound Bath with Tiffany Wee & Elaine Yang

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology