Tag: letting go

Wisdom around forgiveness

Post author By Toby
Post date March 12, 2023

“How many of the things that we have done or others have done to us were as a result of not knowing any better, or out of ignorance? If it was out of unknowing, then perhaps these are the things that we can start our forgiveness practice with”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at forgiveness as an object of mindful attention and practice. As a state I find forgiveness a very ‘mind-cooling’ experinece, it’s nice just to sit in and feel your inner temperature drifting gently down!
If you enjoy the article, then do come along to this weeks Tuesday or Wednesday class where we will be taking forgiveness as our object of meditation.

This week is also the start of a new mini-meditation series: The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for forgiveness, Eternal life & True inner fortitude. It promises to be a fun and informal way to deepen your meditation practice in unexpected and whimsical ways!

And finally, brief reminder of the Shadow meditation workshop on the 18th March, for the slightly braver and more adventurous….

In the spirit of acceptance & forgiveness,

Toby

Wisdom around forgiveness

Before you start reading the article, it might be worth just having a think about your current experience of forgiveness:

How would you define it?
What sort of feelings and emotions come up for you around forgiveness?
Are there people in your life, including yourself that you’d like to forgive?

If we think of forgiveness in broad terms as a ‘willingness or intention to let go of grudges for (perceived?) harm done, and for the anger and resentment accompanying it’. Then this, along with your own reflections gives us a basis for proceeding. Here are three mindful positions that you can take around forgiveness:

Awareness that you aren’t forgiving, haven’t forgiven, haven’t accepted
If you know you have resentment towards someone or yourself, before you start telling yourself that you need to do anything like forgiving, you need to know it is there and acknowledge that fact. If you know you are not ready to forgive, then accepting that is a good holding space. If for me the anger is still rising within me, my experience is that if I can simply acknowledge and flow with it for a while, I’ll start to move into the next stage naturally without forcing.

Accepting without forgiving
Working through your anger and resentment doesn’t necessarily mean you then forgive unconditionally. Sometimes it might feel more appropriate to focus on accepting what happened without necessarily forgiving unconditionally. It may be that you don’t feel it’s appropriate, or not your place to forgive, in which case an appropriate state of resolution and peace can be achieved through acceptance. You can read more about this position in my article ‘Acceptance or forgiveness – The difference’.

Choosing to forgive, choosing to understand
There are certain situations where you may feel that it is appropriate and beneficial to really emphasize forgiving and releasing properly. Sometimes this may be done conditionally, other times unconditionally. To do this involves:

Acknowledging the action
Accepting our feelings of anger and resentment around what has happened
Choosing to understand and forgive the person for their actions
Consciously letting go of our grudge, and wiping the slate clean in the relationship

These four stages may be something that we need to do more than once in order to really forgive, and it may be that we need to re-forgive a number of times over a period of time before we really sense that we have let go.
You might also consider that forgiveness has two major dimensions:

Applying it to ourselves
Applying it to others

Quite often the things we find really difficult to forgive in others are as a result of things that we have judged and not forgiven ourselves for. So if we are looking for a place to start, authentic forgiveness of self is a wise one!

So that’s most of what I wanted to say on the subject for now. Below is a short paragraph from ‘One Minute Wisdom’ by Anthony De Mello. How many of the things that we have done or others have done to us were as a result of not knowing any better, or out of ignorance? If it was out of unknowing, then perhaps these are the things that we can start our forgiveness practice with.

‘UNDERSTANDING’
“How shall I get the grace of never judging my neighbour?”
“Through prayer.”
“Then why have I not found it yet?”
“Because you haven’t prayed in the right place.”
“Where is that?”
“In the heart of God.”
“And how do I get there?”
“Understand that anyone who sins does not know what he is doing and deserves to be
forgiven.”

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday /Wednesday 23/24th March – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for forgiveness, Eternal life & True inner fortitude

Saturday 18th March – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday March 25th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat

Starts Tues/Weds April 11^th/12^th, 7.30-8.30pm – Meditations for thriving and energy creation – An eight week course

Tues 30th/Weds 31st May – Wesak meditation

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Tags acceptance, forgiveness, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, letting go, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

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Centering to optimize your wisdom

Post author By Toby
Post date February 15, 2022

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores how you can keep letting go effectively, and stay wiser by centering properly. It is a subject we will explore in this Tuesday and Wednesday evenings meditation session, you’d be welcome! This week unfortunately the class is online only, as I have Covid, which is to say its time to let go a little!

In the spirit of centered releasing,

Toby

Centering to optimize your wisdom

“Knowledge is learning something every day, wisdom is letting go of something every day” – Zen Proverb

“We all know that feeling of being overwhelmed by the amount of information coming our way in modern day life. Whilst we definitely need to keep increasing our knowledge, in order to make sure that our wisdom also increases in proportion to our knowledge, we also need to spend time dropping our knowledge and resting in a state of simplicity and conscious ‘forgetting’. This means not just once every few months, but once a day!”

The above is a quote from one of my previous articles on Zen meditation. It’s a nice idea, right? To let go of things in order to feel peaceful and access our wisdom! However, if we want to do this in real time under real pressure, then we need to be properly centred in our body mind. If not then we will often find ourselves overwhelmed by the amount of distraction and information coming our way, particularly if it is charged with personal and/or imbalanced emotion. Below are three simple methods for mindful centering that are designed to increase our capacity to remain calmer under pressure, not get pushed off balance by the complexity of our life, and keep letting go consistently! You can practice these three techniques individually, or as a sequence.

Practice 1: Sitting ergonomically – This first practice involves sitting cross legged or in a chair, or even standing or walking. Hold your body upright, and then over a period of breaths as you inhale, notice any tension in your body. As you breathe out, progressively release all tension that is not structurally necessary to keep your body upright. After a while you are sitting upright and alert, but relaxed. Notice what that feels like, and stay with it for a short while.

Practice 2: Balancing around your vertical core – In this second practice, again sitting or standing, imagine a line of light/energy coming down from the crown of your head to the perineum, the point between the middle of your legs. This line is your body’s vertical core, focus on it gently to get a sense of it. Then rock your body side to side, very small movements, 1-2cm only. As you do so, feel your body’s left and right halves, as well as the left and right halves of your brain coming into balance and harmony. Then rock your body forward and back, feeling the front and back helves of the body coming into balance and alignment.

Practice 3: Breathing in and out of your center – This can be done in conjunction with practice 2, or by itself. Imagine a ball of light about the size of a golf ball in the center point of your torso, midway between the back and the front, left right and top and bottom of your body. This will be somewhere around the center of your chest or stomach. Don’t worry about being too exact, approximate is fine. Then, as you breathe in, gather your energy and awareness into the center of your body. As you breathe out, feel your body relaxing from that center point, so you can feel the energy flowing out from your center to the surface of your skin. Stay with this pattern of breathing for as long as you like; it can either be a short centering exercise, or a longer meditation in itself.

So then from a position of being mindfully centered, we can navigate our day in a more centered way. In particular we can practice regular periods of letting go, and making wiser choices as a result. This doesn’t mean that you of straight from being confused to enlightened (!), it just means that you are able to access the wisdom that you have, and deploy it in the service of your equilibrium, and of your life!

Further reading: Broader applications of sitting ergonomically: Mindful ergonomics
Meditating on the core of your body

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday Feb 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

In a sentence: Experience unique Qi gong and Taoist breathing techniques to improve your immune system, energy level, psychological wellness and enhance your meditation…read full details

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
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Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (East Coast)

Ongoing January-March – Zen: The ordinary path to enlightenment – Meditating with the Ten Ox Herding pictures

Saturday Feb 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Integral Meditation Asia

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Tags find your center, integral meditation, integral mindfulness, letting go, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindful centering, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore

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Balancing your knowledge with wisdom (letting go)

Post author By Toby
Post date September 3, 2019

“Knowledge is learning something every day, wisdom is letting go of something every day” – Zen Proverb

Dear Integral Meditators,This weeks article explores how we can balace our accumulation of knowledge with the wisdom of letting go. Enjoy!

In the spirit of wisdom,

Toby

Balancing your knowledge with wisdom (letting go)

“Knowledge is learning something every day, wisdom is letting go of something every day” – Zen Proverb

We all know that feeling of being overwhelmed by the amount of information coming our way in modern day life.
Whilst we definitely need to keep increasing our knowledge, in order to make sure that our wisdom also increases in proportion to our knowledge we also need to spend time dropping our knowledge and resting in a state of simplicity and conscious ‘forgetting’. This means not just once every few months, but once a day!

A practice for letting go of things
Imagine you have a mirror in front of you. As you look in the mirror, you see that you are dressed in a jacket that has many big pockets, and you have a backpack loaded with things strapped to your back. As you start to explore what is in your pockets and in the backpack, you see that it is full of all the knowledge and experience that you have accumulated over the years. They are also full of the emotional baggage that you carry around, your personality, and your desire to ‘fix’ all your problems today. Spend a bit of time just noticing the weight of your accumulated life experience and knowledge, both the good and the bad.
Now I want you to see yourself emptying the pockets, and putting down the backpack. You can even take off the jacket. In fact, you can take off all of your clothes and imagine yourself sitting totally naked if you like! As you put all of this, you can feel your mind, body and heart simplifying, relaxing and becoming lighter. You get in touch with that part of you that is happy just to be and doesn’t have to do all the time. You feel yourself letting go and moving into a space of wise, intelligent presence. Breathe and relax in this space for as long as you like. Try and let your body-mind really get a feel for what it is like to let go of all you know rest in a state of simple, wise, being.
When you have finished, you can put your ‘coat and backpack of knowledge’ back on, but you can now balance your state of doing and knowing with a state of being and letting go.
The point here is not to give up knowing and doing, but to create a complementary state of regenerative, wise being that keeps you light, flexible and joyful.

Letting Come, Letting Go, Going With the Flow

Post author By Toby
Post date May 26, 2015

Dear Integral Meditators,

‘Letting go’ is easy to say, more difficult to do well. The article article presents of a few pointers as to how we can deepen our experience of letting go by combining it with the practice of letting come.

In the spirit of letting come & letting go,

Toby

Letting Come, Letting Go, Going With the Flow

Letting go is perhaps an overused word in meditation and mindfulness circles, but besides the overuse of the word, letting go remains a very profound practice with many different levels. This article presents of a few pointers as to how we can deepen our experience of letting go by combining it with the practice of letting come.

You can’t let go of something that you haven’t let come
If you can’t acknowledge that you have been hurt by what someone said, how can you let go of that hurt?
If you can’t acknowledge a desire you have, how can you let go of it (and do you really want to?)
If you can’t open to your feelings of inferiority, there isn’t a real chance you are going to be able to let go of them any time soon (though of course you can bury them deep inside!)
You can’t let go of something that you haven’t acknowledged and accepted that you have in the first place. In this context to ‘let come’ is to acknowledge, accept and experience that you have been hurt, that you desire, that you feel inferior (and so on…); to accept the reality of what you experience. This step of self-honesty is not so that we can indulge that difficult experience; it is so that by accepting it we can start to move through it and let it go.
To acknowledge, to accept, to experience something is to let it come, to open our body, heart and mind to it, to receive it, so that we can then, if we wish to, let it go properly.

Letting come – Acknowledging & enjoying the good
Letting come is also an opening to enjoyment of the good things in life, to its richness, to the abundance of it all. Letting come is to open our heart to all that is going on in our life at any time in order to appreciate it and to live it fully. This type of letting come is a benevolent counterweight to letting go

And in reverse; letting go and letting come
We’ve looked at letting come in order to let go, but we can also practice letting go in order to let come. We can consciously practice letting go of something in our life in order to then open to and invite new energy and possibilities to come into the space we have created. In this way we practice letting go as a way of letting new experiences, enjoyments and abundance come into our life; by letting go we can then let come!

Letting come, letting go, going with the flow; three simple practices
1. As you breathe in acknowledge a difficult feeling or experience, accept it, let it come into your body-heart and mind. As you breathe out, let it go. Let the experience come, let it go, go with the flow.
2. As you breathe in acknowledge the good, the enjoyment and the richness of your life; let it come in. As you breathe out let yourself go into the flow of this richness and enjoyment; relax into this flow of appreciation. Let it come, let it go, go with the flow.
3. As you breathe out consciously let go of something or someone that you are ready to release and move on from in your life. As you breathe in be aware of the space that your letting go has created, open yourself to the new energy and possibilities that can come into your life as a result of letting go. Let things go, let things come, go with the flow.

© Toby Ouvry 2015, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Tags going with the flow, integral meditation, integrated awareness, letting come letting go, letting go, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, one minute mindfulness, power of mind

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Getting Wet in the Rain (Meditation and Images)

Post author By Toby
Post date July 14, 2013

Dear Integral Meditators,

We all know the expression “A picture paints a thousand words”, sometimes this can be particularly true when trying to explain meditation as it is fundamentally an inner state of mind that cannot be seen or described directly. This weeks meditation article describes one such image that I have been working with this week in my own practice.

I am sending this weeks newsletter out a day early because on Sunday evening at 7pm the price for the upcoming online course: Get Yours Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Class Ever will be going up from Sing$30 to Sing $60. So, if you want to get this course at the very reasonable price of $30, you have until Sunday evening Singapore time!
For those participating in the course, you will be sent a link and password to the course content on the 18th of July, and then you can listen to and download the course content onto your computer anytime you want. As well as the 45 min course itself there are 4 short studio meditation recordings for you to use on a daily basis.

Yours in the spirit of peace and flow,

Toby

Upcoming Classes at Integral Meditation Asia:

Get Yours Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Class Ever

Getting Wet in the Rain (Meditation and Images)

We all know the expression “A picture paints a thousand words”, sometimes this can be particularly true when trying to explain meditation as it is fundamentally an inner state of mind that cannot be seen or described directly.
One of the images that I have been using this week as a way of connecting to a peaceful and flowing state of mind whilst being busy with many things is that of raindrops. I was walking down the street a few days ago and it started raining lightly. As it did so I thought about how each drop of rain falling on me and around me was like a task in my life, and how there seem to be getting more and more of them, like gradually heavier and heavier rain.
I then thought about how trying to get everything done when life is busy is like trying to catch each of the raindrops in a cup before they fall on me; I am constantly moving, adjusting, looking, catching. This is ok up to a point, but then after a while it gets tiring and confusing.
So then I thought about the act of meditating as being like temporarily stopping to try and catch all the raindrops, and just let them fall. Let them fall on me and let them fall around me, just relax and “get wet”.
I would then sit with this image for a while as a way of putting down all the activity and movement in my life, rest in this state of peace and flow for a while, and then when I felt refreshed I would then pick up the next task that I had to do and carry on.

The next time you are feeling super busy and feeling a bit confused by all the activity, you may like to use this image as a way of taking small breaks to rest, recharge and deal with the challenge in a more peaceful and centred way. Spend short periods of time just letting yourself get wet!

© Toby Ouvry 2013, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags Creative Imagery, creativity, energy meditation, inner growth, inner vision, integral meditation asia, integrated awareness, letting go, meditation, meditation and rain, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, power of mind, uniting mind and feelings

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Why worry when you can pray: A five minute active meditation for overcoming worry and anxiety

Post author By Toby
Post date July 29, 2010

How often do you spend time feeling worried and anxious about things in your life that you care about but cannot control? It can often be much more beneficial, rather than struggling with the worry to simply acknowledge it and then pass it over to a higher power through a simple, improvised, on the spot prayer. In the exercise below I address all the prayers to “God”, but when you are doing this yourself you can fill in whatever expression of a higher power feels comfortable to you:

Sit comfortably; spend a short while centring yourself by focusing on the breathing or other appropriate method. Then just let your mind wander onto the things that it feels anxious about. Each time you are able to identify a cause of worry and anxiety, offer up a short prayer and then release the worry to a higher power.

For example:

1) I notice that I am anxious about an argument with my partner or family member.

So I offer a prayer: “Dear God please help me resolve the conflict between myself and X, I am not sure what to do about it, but I pray for your grace and intervention”.

I then release the prayer and let go of the worry and relax for a few breaths.

2) Then a worry comes up about a talk that I have to do tomorrow to a large group.

So I pray: “Dear God please help me to find appropriate material for tomorrows talk, and to be able to present it in a way that the audience will connect with.”

I then release the prayer and let go of the worry.

So, the entire five or so minutes is simply spent oscillating between these three activities; noting a worry, praying about it, and releasing it to a higher power. At the end of the meditation I recommend you spend a little while just resting in and enjoying the release/letting-go stage of the exercise.

Tags letting go, meditation, prayer, stress relief