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Letting things come to you

It’s worth noticing then that sometimes we can get a good way to getting what we want by noticing what’s around us, and then letting things come to us, rather than running after them

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is a contemplation on how to work mindfully with the limitation on your life in order to get a bit more of what you want. Enjoy!

If you enjoy the article, why not come along to this Saturday morning’s  Zen meditation deep dive mini-retreat, which will be looking at three in depth methods for consciously going with the flow of things!

This weeks Tuesday & Wednesday class focuses on meditation for integrating “Readiness and appropriate action” and  “Emptiness and fullness” into our daily life. The Way of the mindful Warrior continues! You are welcome to join us at both events, either live or online!

In the spirit of letting things come,


Letting things come to you

I was at the beach this weekend. There was a decent reef out in the shallows beyond the sand. I was interested in taking a mask and swimming out to see the life on the reef, but that morning I was with my toddler, and so had to stay with her in the water. Walking with her slowly along the line between the sand and the rocks, some of the fish being curious started to swim around us. I stood still for a while, and before long there was a whole little Community of fishes swimming around for us to look at, including a few varieties of parrot fish 🐠.
I was wanting to swim out to the reef, but was
limited by my circumstances. However, by accepting where I was and then waiting in an observant way, I found that I got, in part what I was interested in; finding a pleasant combination of fish-watching and time with my child.
I guess my observation here would be that sometimes in life we are anxious to go and get the things that we want, and the mindset that we have around it is a striving and seeking one. If we can’t get what we want, or we are prevented from seeking it by limitation, then we can get frustrated. It’s worth noticing then that sometimes we can get a good way to getting what we want by noticing what’s around us, and then letting things come to us, rather than running after them!
What are the situations in your life where you could be letting things come to you a little bit more?

Related articleNon-striving

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website

Saturday 23rd April, 9.30am-12noon – Zen meditation deep dive mini-retreat

These 2.5hour Zen ‘mini-retreats’ are a chance to go into much deeper meditation states than you would be able to in your own personal daily practice, or even if you came to a one-hour class. Using sitting meditation methods in combination with breathing techniques and gentle stretching/mobility exercises Toby will guide you into deep meditative flow states that create the experience of a calm, unified, harmonized, resilient body, mind & heart…read full details

Ongoing – The Way of the Mindful Warrior – Meditating with the Warriors creedIn a sentence: Establish the inner strength, skill and courage needed to make you resilient in the face of life’s challenges, and thrive in both times of adversity and times of peace.Overview: The Warriors Creed is a poem by an unknown Samurai in the 14th century. It outlines a code of conduct and a state of presence based around a series of inner qualities that can be cultivated through mindful contemplation, then applied to our daily life…read full details

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All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class scheduleOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Saturday 9th April, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreatOngoing – The Way of the Mindful Warrior – Meditating with the Warriors creed

Saturday 23rd April, 9.30am-12noon – Zen meditation deep dive mini-retreatTues 17th/Weds 18th May: Wesak meditation

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Dear Integral Meditators,

June and the summer sees a change in the pace and  of my working routine, and as a way of making the adjustment to that new routine I’ve been working this week with the practice of non-striving. Details of what it is and how to practice it are in this weeks article!

Yours in the spirit of non-striving,



Non-striving is a refusal to be in conflict with yourself and your life. Put another way, rather than seeing yourself in an adversarial relationship to yourself and your circumstances, you practice accepting and working with what is there.

For example, if I am over-tired non-striving is not simply the practice of stopping what I am doing and having a rest (although I may do that), it is the practice if not getting in conflict with myself about the reality of my fatigue, and thus even if I have to work on for a while, my mental approach is not being hampered by the friction of me fighting the reality of my fatigue.

If I have a business deal that I am anxious should happen, and then it seems as if the other party will not close on it, then I can recognize my attachment to making it happen, and my disappointment at the fact that it has not happened, and then make a point of not fighting that disappointment; rather I accept it and flow with it even whilst I see if there is any way that the deal may still go forward.

If I have a social commitment that I am not looking forward to, then if I can accept and practice non-striving with the reality that I have to go (assuming that there is no choice), then my chances of actually enjoying that social engagement even though I may not find it ideal is much greater

The thing about non-striving is that when we are in a state of non-conflict with ourself, then our natural intelligence functions far better and so our chances of actually finding solutions, enjoying ourselves, transforming difficulties to our advantage and so forth actually increases.

So often our instinctive idea of how to get what we want in our life is based around striving, battling, being effortful and fighting and there is no doubt that on occasion this approach may have its place. However if we can develop our competency at non-striving then we discover that it is possible to get what we want or at least what we need with much less effort than we deemed necessary.

To practice non-striving means acknowledging honestly what is there and going with the flow of that reality, even as we may work to change it. It is a pleasant and energy efficient way of re-connecting to our sanity and intelligence as well as creating a space where our mind body and spirit can rest and regenerate their energies even whilst we are in the midst of our daily activities.

© Toby Ouvry 2014, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website