“You can become what you think, but you aren’t what you think”
Dear Integral Meditators,
There is a big difference between thinking something and doing something. Mindfulness in this area helps us to navigate difficult, stressful times more successfully. The article below explores how to start practicing mindfulness around this.
In the spirit of clarity,
Toby
What you think is not what you are
The mental act of thinking about something is not the same as having done that thing. If we go through a period where we think about a lot of negative things and negative actions, the feeling inside can be as if we have actually done those things. This leads to a vicious cycle whereby:
We have a negative thought, for example about doing or saying something nasty to a family member.
Even though we didn’t actually do it, we feel as if we have done it (because we thought it) and so we feel guilty
Because we feel guilty our self with and self esteem goes down
Because we feel worthless, we become prone to all sorts of other negative thoughts, so we feel more guilty and worthless
And the cycle continues
Sometimes we end up feeling so bad about ourselves because of all the things that we have thought, that we then actually do something nasty, stupid or cruel (etc..) so it becomes an actual self-fulfilling prophecy.
What you think is not what you are, or what you have done!
So the key object of mindfulness is recognize that just because you thought it doesn’t mean you did it. So we break the above cycle at stage 2. We recognize that we don’t need to feel guilty for something that we have not actually done.
This then means that our self-esteem does not take a nose dive, which in turn makes it easier for us to relax a bit and do the actual work we need to do to dismantle the cycle of negative thinking and feeling that is going on on our mind.
You can become what you think, but you aren’t what you think.
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive.”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article explores anger, its causes and how to re-work your reactive anger through self-awareness. I hope you enjoy it!
Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive. What I want to do in this article is outline four ways in which our anger can be stimulated in negative ways, so that we can start to spot them. Then at the end I outline a method for managing our anger more effectively, and re-directing it in a positive way.
Looking at the causes of anger
The three F’s – These causes of anger are naturally occurring and we all have to deal with them one way or another; friction, fatigue, fear, or the ‘three F’s as I am calling them! Our life periodically has a lot of friction; its inconvenient, we get tired, we get scared. All of these can cause anger as a defensive reaction. The key hear is to notice that you are under pressure from one of the three F’s, and then not let it turn into an angry reaction. In other works, don’t let difficult feelings (the three F’s) turn into a negative emotion (anger)
Other emotional causes of anger – There are a whole range of emotions that, if not acknowledged and worked with can come out as anger. For example, sadness, disappointment, resentment. Our discomfort with this range of emotions can cause negative anger to come out as a ‘presenting’ or ‘surface’ emotion. as with the first position, the key here is to recognize you are under pressure emotionally, and gently ensure that negative anger does not develop our of the other emotional turbulence.
Anger and resentment from our story – Sometimes we can be carrying latent anger and resentment into present situations from things that have happened in the past. Ways in which we were treated, things people did to us, dreams that were broken. All of these can cause anger to bubble up in the present moment. The key here is to recognize how this is happening, and differentiate your present moment experience from your past story and its power.
Uncertainty and control – Often negative anger manifests when there is uncertainty, and or we feel as if we have lost/are losing control. This gives rise to fear (see position 1), which in turn gives rise to anger or aggression in an attempt to compensate. Learning to hold a space of uncertainty without getting panicked into anger is a skill we need to learn.
Transforming your anger: Extending the strength of gentleness toward yourself
So, if you notice any of the above four causes of anger:
Firstly, recognize that it is happening.
Secondly, try extending understanding and gentleness to the part of you that is under stress from one of these four conditions
Thirdly, see if you can move into action out of a sense of self-responsibility and polite assertion, rather than out of negative anger
Initially these three stages can feel more difficult to do than just getting angry. However, once we have done them a few times we start to see how awareness, gentleness, strength and conscious action give rise to much better results than just getting negatively angry!
The Autumn Equinox in the northern hemisphere marks the mid-point between the warmer, lighter seasons of the year and the cooler, darker ones. The forces of day and night, light and dark are of equal strength. As such it is a great time to emphasize balance and harmony, both in our life and meditation practice.
EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th AND GET 15% OFF!
The course can be participated in live or online.
In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:
Thrive rather than survive under pressure
Develop and sustain higher energy levels
Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life
Is this course for me?
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time…. Click here for full details!
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“There is much value in focusing on being present (as we are often so un-present!). Ideally however, our meditation should include developing our skills in experiencing the past and the future as well”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article is a simple meditation practice to help you master your experience of time, I hope you enjoy it!
Two quick reminders: My beginners meditation workshop will be this Sunday, September 13th, 3pm start. The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood begins this Monday 14th, there is currently one place available for this left.
In the spirit of time,
Toby
Meditating on time
Often meditation and mindfulness are placed in the category of simply being more present moment oriented. This is true to a degree, and for many of us there is much value in focusing on being present (as we are so un-present!). Ideally however, our meditation should include developing our skills in experiencing the past and the future as well. What I am going to explain here is a simple meditation that lasts for 15minutes that we can use to master the past and future as well as the present.
The practice
For the first five minutes, take as your focus the past. Notice the way in which your mind tends to think about and envision the past, notice the commentary that goes with it. After noticing for a short while, try and be gently pro-active about the past events that come up. Try to deliberately think and envision your past in the context of appreciation, curiosity and acceptance. Notice what approaches help you to experience your past in the best way possible.
For the next five minutes, take as your focus the future. Notice for a little while the instinctive way in which your mind thinks about and envisions future scenarios, be curious about this. Then try gently shaping the experience of the future that your mind is dwelling on. Invite optimism and images of best- case scenarios. You can acknowledge fears that you may have, whilst at the same time opening to excitement around possibilities.
For the final five minutes, come to the present moment. Let your attention dwell primarily upon your sensory experience; the weight or the body, the breathing, whatever is absolutely in this moment. Let go of the past and future and notice the sense of unity, relaxation and singularity that comes from being present. When you are ready end the meditation.
This simple meditation helps us to develop the skill of transitioning skilfully and easily between past, present and future modes of processing our reality, ensuring as far as possible that they are helping each other and helping us to remain balanced as we navigate our experience of all three.
Since we are always either focused on the past, present or future, you can see how this practice will have a positive influence on all areas of your life and experience!
How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man?
Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community.
This is a six-session live weekly program starting Monday, September 14th, 7-8.30pm. Full details
This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:
What meditation is and how it works
How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.
EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th AND GET 15% OFF!
The course can be participated in live or online.
In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:
Thrive rather than survive under pressure
Develop and sustain higher energy levels
Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life
Is this course for me?
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time…. Click here for full details!
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“What do I notice about this situation right now? Is a good question to ask yourself. It helps differentiate what’s actually going on from your mental projections. This then helps you to stay ‘reality oriented’, and build confidence in your capacity to deal with any presenting challenge.”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article looks at the relationship between mindfulness and learning in the moment. Its an area that I have found particularly useful over the years!
One of the main aims of mindfulness is to optimize your capacity for learning in the moment by being more present. It aims to help you see more clearly what is happening right now, as opposed to what you think is happening.
What do you mean ‘what you think is happening’?
Normally when we experience something, we assume that our perception is accurate and related to what is actually happening. Actually, what’s happening and what we are experiencing are two different things. This is because our mind projects its idea of what is going on on top of the actual event. Three things are generally happening in any given situation:
What is happening in the moment
Our projection of what we think is happening based upon our past experience and ‘story’
Our idea of what is happening based upon the ‘mental models‘ of reality that we have learned from our education, culture, society, religion and so on…
Good mindfulness practice aims to help us stay with position 1, what is happening in the moment, without confusing it with points 2&3. Positions 2&3 can help us, but only as secondary advisers.
An example; the crying baby
This example is current for me right now, having a three-month year old in the house! If you can understand it with this example, then you can apply it to your own circumstances. So, its 4am and I have a crying baby. Examined from position 1, I notice she is upset, possibly hungry. I notice I am tired, and so on. This source is literally what I experience in the moment
From position 2 my mind will be projecting images and emotions from the past, for example;
How much the baby has been crying in the recent past
My idea of what sort of parent I would like to be/think I should be
Ideas from my own experience of being parented as a child
My past experience of babies
From position 3, my mind will also be projecting ideas, for example:
Psychological models I may have learned at University
Religious worldviews I may have picked up at the church or mosque
Books I’ve read on parenting and baby care
As a mindfulness practitioner, I aim not to get lost in positions 2&3. I aim to be primarily focused on position 1, learning from what I am seeing and experiencing in the moment. Ideas I have from my past, or from learning models are helping me as a support, but are never leading the operation. They are secondary rather than primary.
Working like this I aim to try and solve the situation at hand, based on its own unique merits and circumstances, rather than confusing it with a mental projection of what I think is going on.
“What do I notice about this situation right now?”
…is a good question to ask yourself when you’re trying to learn and work experientially with a challenge. It helps differentiate what’s actually going on from your mental projections. This in turn helps you to stay solidly ‘reality oriented’, and build confidence in your capacity to be as adequate as possible to any presenting challenge!
How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man?
Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community.
This is a six-session live weekly program starting Monday, September 14th, 7-8.30pm. Full details
This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:
What meditation is and how it works
How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.
EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th AND GET 15% OFF!
The course can be participated in live or online.
In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:
Thrive rather than survive under pressure
Develop and sustain higher energy levels
Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life
Is this course for me?
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time…. Click here for full details!
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
Dear Integral Meditators,
Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes
Dear Integral Meditators,
Meditating on time
Optimizing your experiential learning