Categories
Meditation and Psychology Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Presence and being present

What you think is not what you are

“You can become what you think, but you aren’t what you think”

Dear Integral Meditators,

There is a big difference between thinking something and doing something. Mindfulness in this area helps us to navigate difficult, stressful times more successfully. The article below explores how to start practicing mindfulness around this.

In the spirit of clarity,

Toby

 

 


What you think is not what you are

The mental act of thinking about something is not the same as having done that thing. If we go through a period where we think about a lot of negative things and negative actions, the feeling inside can be as if we have actually done those things. This leads to a vicious cycle whereby:

  1. We have a negative thought, for example about doing or saying something nasty to a family member.
  2. Even though we didn’t actually do it, we feel as if we have done it (because we thought it) and so we feel guilty
  3. Because we feel guilty our self with and self esteem goes down
  4. Because we feel worthless, we become prone to all sorts of other negative thoughts, so we feel more guilty and worthless
  5. And the cycle continues

Sometimes we end up feeling so bad about ourselves because of all the things that we have thought, that we then actually do something nasty, stupid or cruel (etc..) so it becomes an actual self-fulfilling prophecy.

What you think is not what you are, or what you have done!
So the key object of mindfulness is recognize that just because you thought it doesn’t mean you did it. So we break the above cycle at stage 2. We recognize that we don’t need to feel guilty for something that we have not actually done.
This then means that our self-esteem does not take a nose dive, which in turn makes it easier for us to relax a bit and do the actual work we need to do to dismantle the cycle of negative thinking and feeling that is going on on our mind.
You can become what you think, but you aren’t what you think.

© Toby Ouvry 2020, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details


Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes

Build focus, beat stress, cultivate wellbeing!

Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes

 


At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)


Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Energy Meditation Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Positive anger

Working mindfully with anger – Four positions

“Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores anger, its causes and how to re-work your reactive anger through self-awareness. I hope you enjoy it!

If you enjoy the article then this Saturday 19th June I will be facilitating my Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships you are welcome to join in…

In the spirit of self-awareness,

Toby


Working mindfully with anger –  Four positions

Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive. What I want to do in this article is outline four ways in which our anger can be stimulated in negative ways, so that we can start to spot them. Then at the end I outline a method for managing our anger more effectively, and re-directing it in a positive way.

Looking at the causes of anger

  1. The three F’s – These causes of anger are naturally occurring and we all have to deal with them one way or another; friction, fatigue, fear, or the ‘three F’s as I am calling them! Our life periodically has a lot of friction; its inconvenient, we get tired, we get scared. All of these can cause anger as a defensive reaction. The key hear is to notice that you are under pressure from one of the three F’s, and then not let it turn into an angry reaction. In other works, don’t let difficult feelings (the three F’s) turn into a negative emotion (anger)
  1. Other emotional causes of anger – There are a whole range of emotions that, if not acknowledged and worked with can come out as anger. For example, sadness, disappointment, resentment. Our discomfort with this range of emotions can cause negative anger to  come out as a ‘presenting’ or ‘surface’ emotion. as with the first position, the key here is to recognize you are under pressure emotionally, and gently ensure that negative anger does not develop our of the other emotional turbulence.
  2. Anger and resentment from our story – Sometimes we can be carrying latent anger and resentment into present situations from things that have happened in the past. Ways in which we were treated, things people did to us, dreams that were broken. All of these can cause anger to bubble up in the present moment. The key here is to recognize how this is happening, and differentiate your present moment experience from your past story and its power.
  3. Uncertainty and control – Often negative anger manifests when there is uncertainty, and or we feel as if we have lost/are losing control. This gives rise to fear (see position 1), which in turn gives rise to anger or aggression in an attempt to compensate. Learning to hold a space of uncertainty without getting panicked into anger is a skill we need to learn.

Transforming your anger: Extending the strength of gentleness toward yourself 
So, if you notice any of the above four causes of anger:

  • Firstly, recognize that it is happening.
  • Secondly, try extending understanding and gentleness to the part of you that is under stress from one of these four conditions
  • Thirdly, see if you can move into action out of a sense of self-responsibility and polite assertion, rather than out of negative anger

Initially these three stages can feel more difficult to do than just getting angry. However, once we have done them a few times we start to see how awareness, gentleness, strength and conscious action give rise to much better results than just getting negatively angry!

© Toby Ouvry 2020, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

In this workshop you will learn:

  • What anger and frustration are, how to identify and work with them when they arise
  • Understanding the causes of negative anger and how to reduce them
  • How to make intelligent choices around the anger that you experience, particularly in your relationships
  • How to be calmer, so that you can not only manage your anger better, but also harness its power in a positive, non-destructive manner
  • Learn how to use anger for wisdom, insight and empowered action

Tuesday 22nd & Wednesday 23rd  September @ 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation (Live & online)

The Autumn Equinox in the northern hemisphere marks the mid-point between the warmer, lighter seasons of the year and the cooler, darker ones. The forces of day and night, light and dark are of equal strength. As such it is a great time to emphasize balance and harmony, both in our life and meditation practice.

Read full details


Starts September 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing

EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th  AND GET 15% OFF!

The course can be participated in live or online.

In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:

  • Thrive rather than survive under pressure
  • Develop and sustain higher energy levels
  • Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life

Is this course for me?

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
  • Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
  • You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
  • You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
  • You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time….
Click here for full details!


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details


Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes

Build focus, beat stress, cultivate wellbeing!

Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes

 


At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

Tuesday 22nd & Wednesday 23rd  September @ 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation (Live & online)

Starts Sept 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing


Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Awareness and insight Insight Meditation Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Meditating on time

“There is much value in focusing on being present (as we are often so un-present!). Ideally however, our meditation should include developing our skills in experiencing the past and the future as well”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is a simple meditation practice to help you master your experience of time, I hope you enjoy it!
Two quick reminders: My beginners meditation  workshop will be this Sunday, September 13th, 3pm start.
The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood begins this  Monday 14th, there is currently one place available for this left.

In the spirit of time,

Toby


Meditating on time

Often meditation and mindfulness are placed in the category of simply being more present moment oriented. This is true to a degree, and for many of us there is much value in focusing on being present (as we are so un-present!). Ideally however, our meditation should include developing our skills in experiencing the past and the future as well. What I am going to explain here is a simple meditation that lasts for 15minutes that we can use to master the past and future as well as the present.

The practice

For the first five minutes, take as your focus the past. Notice the way in which your mind tends to think about and envision the past, notice the commentary that goes with it. After noticing for a short while, try and be gently pro-active about the past events that come up. Try to deliberately think and envision your past in the context of appreciation, curiosity and acceptance. Notice what approaches help you to experience your past in the best way possible.
For the next five minutes, take as your focus the future. Notice for a little while the instinctive way in which your mind thinks about and envisions future scenarios, be curious about this. Then try gently shaping the experience of the future that your mind is dwelling on. Invite optimism and images of best- case scenarios. You can acknowledge fears that you may have, whilst at the same time opening to excitement around possibilities.
For the final five minutes, come to the present moment. Let your attention dwell primarily upon your sensory experience; the weight or the body, the breathing, whatever is absolutely in this moment. Let go of the past and future and notice the sense of unity, relaxation and singularity that comes from being present. When you are ready end the meditation.
This simple meditation helps us to develop the skill of transitioning skilfully and easily between past, present and future modes of processing our reality, ensuring as far as possible that they are helping each other and helping us to remain balanced as we navigate our experience of all three.
Since we are always either focused on the past, present or future, you can see how this practice will have a positive influence on all areas of your life and experience!

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2020. you are welcome to share, but please cite the source, thanks! Contact info@tobyouvry.com
And thanks to Catriona Bryce for the picture!


Starting Monday September 14th – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man?
Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community.

This is a six-session live weekly program starting Monday, September 14th, 7-8.30pm.
Full details


Sunday 13th September, 3.30-5pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now (Live & Online) – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:

  • What meditation is and how it works
  • How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
  • Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.

Read full details


Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

In this workshop you will learn:

  • What anger and frustration are, how to identify and work with them when they arise
  • Understanding the causes of negative anger and how to reduce them
  • How to make intelligent choices around the anger that you experience, particularly in your relationships
  • How to be calmer, so that you can not only manage your anger better, but also harness its power in a positive, non-destructive manner
  • Learn how to use anger for wisdom, insight and empowered action

Starts September 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing

EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th  AND GET 15% OFF!

The course can be participated in live or online.

In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:

  • Thrive rather than survive under pressure
  • Develop and sustain higher energy levels
  • Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life

Is this course for me?

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
  • Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
  • You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
  • You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
  • You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time….
Click here for full details!


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details


Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes

Build focus, beat stress, cultivate wellbeing!

Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes

 


At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Sunday 13th September, 3.30-5pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now (Live & Online) – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Starting Monday September 14th – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

Tuesday 22nd & Wednesday 23rd  September @ 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation (Live & online)

Starts Sept 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing


Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Awareness and insight Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation Recordings Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness One Minute Mindfulness Presence and being present

Optimizing your experiential learning – Article & video

What do I notice about this situation right now? Is a good question to ask yourself. It helps differentiate what’s actually going on from your mental projections. This then helps you to stay ‘reality oriented’, and build confidence in your capacity to deal with any presenting challenge.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article looks at the relationship between mindfulness and learning in the moment. Its an area that I have found particularly useful over the years!

The High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing  is still on a 10% early bird price....

In the spirit of the journey,

Toby


Optimizing your experiential learning

One of the main aims of mindfulness is to optimize your capacity for learning in the moment by being more present. It aims to help you see more clearly what is happening right now, as opposed to what you think is happening.

What do you mean ‘what you think is happening’?
Normally when we experience something, we assume that our perception is accurate and related to what is actually happening. Actually, what’s happening and what we are experiencing are two different things. This is because our mind projects its idea of what is going on on top of the actual event. Three things are generally happening in any given situation:

  1. What is happening in the moment
  2. Our projection of what we think is happening based upon our past experience and ‘story’
  3. Our idea of what is happening based upon the ‘mental models‘ of reality that we have learned from our education, culture, society, religion and so on…

Good mindfulness practice aims to help us stay with position 1, what is happening in the moment, without confusing it with points 2&3. Positions 2&3 can help us, but only as secondary advisers.

An example; the crying baby
This example is current for me right now, having a three-month year old in the house! If you can understand it with this example, then you can apply it to your own circumstances. So, its 4am and I have a crying baby. Examined from position 1, I notice she is upset, possibly hungry. I notice I am tired, and so on. This source is literally what I experience in the moment
From position 2 my mind will be projecting images and emotions from the past, for example;

  • How much the baby has been crying in the recent past
  • My idea of what sort of parent I would like to be/think I should be
  • Ideas from my own experience of being parented as a child
  • My past experience of babies

From position 3, my mind will also be projecting ideas, for example:

  • Psychological models I may have learned at University
  • Religious worldviews I may have picked up at the church or mosque
  • Books I’ve read on parenting and baby care

As a mindfulness practitioner, I aim not to get lost in positions 2&3. I aim to be primarily focused on position 1, learning from what I am seeing and experiencing in the moment. Ideas I have from my past, or from learning models are helping me as a support, but are never leading the operation. They are secondary rather than primary.
Working like this I aim to try and solve the situation at hand, based on its own unique merits and circumstances, rather than confusing it with a mental projection of what I think is going on.

“What do I notice about this situation right now?”
…is a good question to ask yourself when you’re trying to learn and work experientially with a challenge. It helps differentiate what’s actually going on from your mental projections. This in turn helps you to stay solidly ‘reality oriented’, and build confidence in your capacity to be as adequate as possible to any presenting challenge!

 Watch Toby’s video on this Subject: 

Related article:  Mindfulness – Facilitating Your Own Experiential Learning

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2020. you are welcome to share, but please cite the source, thanks! Contact info@tobyouvry.com


Starting Monday September 14th – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man?
Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community.

This is a six-session live weekly program starting Monday, September 14th, 7-8.30pm.
Full details


Sunday 13th September, 3.30-5pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now (Live & Online) – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:

  • What meditation is and how it works
  • How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
  • Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.

Read full details


Starts September 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing

EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th  AND GET 15% OFF!

The course can be participated in live or online.

In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:

  • Thrive rather than survive under pressure
  • Develop and sustain higher energy levels
  • Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life

Is this course for me?

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
  • Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
  • You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
  • You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
  • You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time….
Click here for full details!


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details


Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes

Build focus, beat stress, cultivate wellbeing!

Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes

 


At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Sunday 13th September, 3.30-5pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now (Live & Online) – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Starting Monday September 14th – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

Saturday 19th June, 3.30-5.30pm – Mindfulness masterclass: The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships

Tuesday 22nd & Wednesday 23rd  September @ 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation (Live & online)

Starts Sept 30th & October 3rd – High-Performance Mindfulness Bootcamp – Combining sustainable high-performance with personal wellbeing


Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology