Category: Mindful Self-Leadership

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On overcoming fear of failure & your teenage-self

“If I am well connected to my inner teenager, then I can draw upon his innate curiosity, ambition and appetite for life in a way that other middle-aged folk who lack a vital connection to their inner teenager cannot!”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article explores the inner teenage-self, and how to work with him/her therapeutically in mindfulness. If you enjoy it then come along to this Tuesday & Wednesday’s Summer solstice meditation, where in a part of it we will be exploring our connection to this part of our self.

This Saturday I will be facilitating my Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self workshop, which is also a therapeutic mindfulness session.

Working with both our inner child & teenager forms a part of both my Therapeutic mindfulness coaching sessions, and my Mindful Self-knowledge program. If you are interested in either of those, just follow the links to find out more…

In the spirit of the teen-self,

Toby 

On overcoming fear of failure & your teenage-self

The teenage, or young-adult self is a part of our psychological being that has received less attention than the ‘inner child’, but nevertheless represents an equally important part of our ‘inner family’ that we can be rewarded for greatly by paying a little attention to. What I’d like to do in this article is to share a story about my own process around this from earlier in the year that illustrates in practical terms this type of work.
Before I tell the story, it is going to be useful I think to give working definition of our inner teenager, so here is one from Nathaniel Branden:

The teenage-self; is the component of the psyche containing the “personality” of the adolescent one once was, with that teenager’s range of values, emotions, needs, and responses; not a generic teenager or universal archetype, but a specific, historical one, unique to an individual’s history and development.

A general observation about our teenage-self, ideally it is good to have expressed our teenager in our teens, and gotten a lot of her/his behaviour out of our system when we were actual teenagers. However, if we didn’t, and we still sense a part of ourself that is ‘stuck’ at that level, then it is good to be able to draw her/him out consciously, and find ways that they can rebalance themselves in our current, later stage of life.

So here is my story.  In January I spent a little bit of time just being present to my inner teenager, checking in and seeing how he was. One of the things that came out of this was an awareness of how scared of failure he had been at various times. This is natural; teenagers are often self-conscious, and care about what others think. Consequently, if they try something and are rejected, or fail in front of others, then this can feel like a big deal! So, you can imagine I find myself engaging with memories of my teenage years involving that fear of failure, of embarrassing moments when I tried something and failed, or when said something that, shortly after I judged as ‘stupid’. I am sure that you will have similar moments from your teenage years that you can related to this!

After having this experience, I practiced simply being with my teenage-self, and re-assuring him that it’s ok to fail, that it was good that he tried things even when it didn’t work out, and that it’s not the big deal that he experienced it to be at the time. I did a little bit of journalling, a little bit of sentence completion as well as visualization. I felt that he seemed to receive this well, and appeared brighter and lighter when I saw him with me in my inner vision.
The curious thing about this process was that, whilst going through it I felt myself to be conducting myself in daily activities in a lighter, less worried manner. Unconscious tension that I may have still had in my system from my teenage years felt much reduced, daily life became easier and more carefree. It literally became more fun and less stressful to be me!

So, this is a good example of how using therapeutic mindfulness to work through previous stages of one’s life, in this case my teenage years and my present inner-teenager, can have a tangible and positive effect on the present and our experiences of it.

Related reading: Meditating with your teenage-self
Meditating with your inner-family
Therapeutic-mindfulness anthology

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

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None of it & all of it – Who are you really?

“If you freed your self-sense from it’s current limitations, what creative possibilities might arise?”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at “Who am I really?” as an object of meditation. If you enjoy it you would be welcome to join us for the Tuesday & Wednesday, as well as the Saturday sessions this week, where we will be working with this meditation directly.

In the spirit of the simple feeling of Being,

Toby

None of it & all of it – Who are you really?

This article focuses on our self-sense as the gateway to a non-dual meditation experience. Really what it is is a series of mindful positions that will lead you progressively from your ‘small I’ to your ‘Big I’. It echoes the Hindu Vedanta school of meditation, some of the esoteric teachings of Christ within the Christian tradition, and Qabalah. All of these three have the ‘I AM’ as a central focus of meditation enquiry.

Out sense of self or I accompanies our every moment. Transforming this sense of self therefore has a tremendous impact in all domains of our life. If integrated well, we can find ourself happier, more motivated, more relaxed and more effective as a result of doing this meditation.

The simple feeling of being

The first object of meditation is the simple feeling of being. Notice how, at the centre of each moment of your experience is a sense of self, me or I, a being-ness.

Being trapped inside the skin

Secondly, notice how your sense of being, your ‘I’ seems to instinctively be located within your body, with the boundary being your skin. You, or ‘self’ is inside the body, with your thoughts, feelings, sensibilities, perspectives. The World and ‘others’ are outside. Small vulnerable self within, big word outside. Notice how this feeling of being/self affects every perception and experience you have.

Witnessing – “Not this, not that”

Notice within you that there is a witnessing consciousness, an observer that is not the body, not the mind, or your thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. It is not the job title you have, or the family position, or your tribulations or successes. Rather it is that which witnesses these with equanimity, transcending and including everything within its gaze. Notice also that this witness self is the source of the ‘simple feeling of being’ mentioned in the first position above. Separate out the Witness Self, and get used to “Holding to the attitude of the non-doer or witnessing Self in the midst of all actions”.  

None of this also = All of This!

Once you have freed your inner sense of self from identification with your body or other aspects of your everyday self, the experience is exactly that, a huge sense of freedom, liberation, a big letting go into a vaster, bigger all-encompassing Self.

The movement from here is toward the recognition that, since you are not any part of your small I, then you are free to identify Self as the Whole, as the Whole World, the whole Universe. Here you can simply sit and watch everything that arises within your field of awareness, recognizing it as Self. No more self and other, no more subjects and objects, just the Self, the I AM, the Simple Feeling of Being appearing as the World, as the Universe. To quote from a previous article, Self and the World become ‘Not one, not two’.

This final position also invokes two of my favourite bible quotes:

God’s revelation to Moses in Exodus 3:14, where God (appearing as the burning bush) says, “I AM WHO I AM” (or “I AM THAT I AM”) in response to the question “Who are you?”

Jesus’s response in John 8:58, where he states “Before Abraham was, I am.” What I AM is this? The formless timeless Witness, that lived within Jesus, and lives within us now. The I AM that is not any one part of the World, and so is all of it! 

Related reading: Awakening, not over-thinking

Self as the Gateway to the Expanded Self and to Universal Love and Compassion


© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops
 

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing on Tues & Weds, 7.30-8.30 pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice

Ongoing on Saturdays, 5.30-6-15pm  – Freedom & Fullness deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions

Tues 18th, Weds 19th March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday 2nd & Sunday 3rd May – The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Starts Tues 6th, Wednesday 7th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Shamanic meditations for connecting to your animal guides & familiars

Tuesday 13th & Wednesday 14th May – Wesak compassion & inner visioning meditation

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

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Dancing between time & eternity

“The Eternal Present a place (or non-place) we can take a holiday, returning to time & our life refreshed,
enthused & ready to go”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article looks at time mastery from a meditative perspective. If you enjoy it it will be a focus point of this week’s meditation classes on Tuesday & Wednesday. 
The Eternal Present will also be a point of deeper focus of the upcoming Tues & Weds Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice classes, as well as the companion deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions beginning on Saturday 15th February, 5.30pm SG time.

In the spirit of Presence, 

Toby


Dancing between time & eternity
 
Looked at from a certain point of view, we are points of energy moving in time and space. That may see a little abstract, but really it is quite simple, mastery of human life involves mastery of our time, our energy and our movement, physical, mental, emotional spiritual. In this article I want to focus on time mastery, outlining four mindful positions that can be used progressively and then in a circular, mutually re-enforcing manner. Here they are.
 
Position 1 – Positivity in time. This first position entails becoming present enough to be aware of the stream of thoughts and experiences flowing through your body-mind and, even though you might still be a bit distracted, steering your attention towards the positive. For example, as I am sitting here now watching my attention, I can notice that;

  • my sore back is feeling much better today than yesterday
  • I’m looking forward to doing some gentle exercise tonight
  • I’m enjoying the process of writing
  • I’m slept well last night

So, the idea here is that, as I stay generally present and self-aware, I keep my attention primarily centred around objects that give rise to resilient, positive thoughts and feelings.
 
Position 2 – The present moment in time. In this second position I’m interested in trying to identify THIS present moment in time, as it moves through time, and staying with it. Using my breathing as an orientation point:

  • As I breathe in, I am focused and aware of this present moment in time
  • As I breathe out, I relax into the PMIT, noticing what is there

Practising in this way we build proficiency at being more present and in the now-moment in time, not lost in thought, not falling asleep. This builds temporary peace of mind, trains in undistracted concentration and builds relaxed focus that is useful both in meditation and daily life.
 
Position 3 – The eternal present. As I relax into the present moment in time, I start to notice that there is a watcher, or a witness within myself that is simply awareness, a formless consciousness. This witness-self always remains the same; an always open expanse of pure, free awareness. If I turn my attention away from the objects of consciousness, the things that come and go in time, and instead gently rest in the freedom of consciousness itself I start to drop into the Eternal Present. This is the present moment beyond time. It is not moving from moment to moment, it is the always already here and now. It is the space that contains all time(!) By practising position three, we drop out if time into the formless timeless Present. This is great for a radical deepening and expanding of our consciousness in meditation, but it is also fantastic for giving our everyday mind a complete break from all its worries and concerns in time. It’s a place we can rest and take a holiday, returning to time and our life refreshed, enthused, creative and ready to go!
 
Position 4 – Integration of the three positions. The three positions above summarized are:

  • Different degrees of distracted in time, but being present enough to keep your attention sufficiently focused on the positive to build resilience and perspective
  • Increasing proficiency at being in the present-moment-in-time, both in and out of meditation
  • Dropping into the Eternal Present to enjoy the radical freedom and bliss of it, then returning to time and life refreshed and enthused

Position 4 then is practising them together, in meditation and informally in daily life, so that most of our time we are in one or other of these conditions, dancing in and out of time lightly, creatively and playfully.
 
Related reading: Eternal life (& where to find it)
The Eternal Present and the Four Types of Time
 

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com 
 

All upcoming classes & workshops
 

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Final session this week! 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday February 8th, 15th, 22nd, 10-11.40am – Mindful Life-skills for Teenagers – a three module course

Starts Tues 11th, Weds 12th February, 7.30-8.30 pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice

Begins Saturday 15th February – Freedom & Fullness deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions

Tues 18th, Weds 19th March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Inner transformation – Slippers & carpets

“Seeing reality isn’t easy, because our mind throws our idea of what we think we are seeing onto what we see”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks a wise way to mindfully work with what you can control in your life. If you like the article, you are invited to come along to this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class, where we will be taking this subject as our object of meditation.
 
Also a heads up for this Saturday’s Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass where we will focus on developing a multi-faceted breathing meditation practice that helps you grow and learn in the face of life’s challenges, and connect you to deep inner stability.
 
In the spirit of slippers,

Toby

 


Inner transformation – Slippers & carpets
 
TRANSFORMATION – by Anthony De Mello
To a disciple who was forever complaining about others, the Master said, “If it is
peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet
with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.”
 
This short story is one that I used to use a lot when I was teaching meditation classes as a monk back in the 1990’s. It’s a really good analogy for helping to re-orientate our attention when we are feeling out of balance, and if you think about meditation as a way of ‘protecting your feet with slippers’, then it’s a nice way to encourage regular practice!
 
Annoyed and overwhelmed – trying to fix the world
 
It’s easy to get in the trap of being in a situation where you have limited control, trying to control everything, and then feeling frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed. This goes for smaller scale situations at work or at home, or simply when watching or reading about world events on the news. ‘Carpeting the world’ is a huge ask which, if you think about it rationally is a ridiculous thing to be trying to do. But if we are not mindful, we keep on attempting it and reap the same result time and time again.

  • In your relationships, are you trying to ‘fix’ your partner instead of working on ways that you can stay inwardly centred yourself?
  • At work do you often find yourself complaining about how it ‘should’ be, rather than accepting what is and making choices based on that?

Mindful of your locus of control – dancing between acceptance and assertion

“What is it that I am in control of here?” Is always a good question to ask as a way to find out how to work with a situation. One consistent answer that you will notice coming back to you time and time again is “I am (potentially) in charge of my thoughts, attitudes and emotions regarding this situation”.

In other worlds you can control what is going in within you. Working on what you notice happening inside is a way of ‘making slippers’ that will always give a high reward wherever you are. Of course, you can’t control literally every thought and feeling, but you can take responsibility for your inner life, and start to make improvements that begin protecting your feet from stones and other sharp objects.

Maybe there are some things outside of you that you are also in control of, so you can consider asserting yourself and acting around these as well. But asking what you are in control of will also make obvious lots of things that you simply can’t control and have to accept. In this sense acceptance of our limits of control should always be a part of our ‘slipper building’ process. For example, I find it quite a relief thinking about the limits of my control regarding whether people like me or not, or want to work with me. I just do what I can within the limits of conscience, and then relax!

One of the biggest and most useful things to accept is ‘I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CARPET THE WORLD!’

Three mindful slipper positions

In this situation (of your choice):

  • Am I trying to carpet the world rather than make slippers?
  • What do I need to accept in order to make my slippers?
  • What inwardly and outwardly can I do that will also contribute to my slipper building?

Related article: Effortless adaptation – Solving all your problems & none (II)


© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Meditation classes & workshops in with Toby:

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

From Tues 7th/Weds 8th January, 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday, 25th January, 9.30-11.30am – Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass

Saturday, 25th January, 5-6pm – Engaged mindfulness & meditation class – ‘Honesty, release and redirection – three levels of non-judgment’

Wednesday 29th January, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar New Year Meditation 2025: Developing your wisdom, intuition & renewal in the year of the wood snake

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

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Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Destiny & fate, empowerment or victimhood?

“The micro-actions that we do add up, like drops of water in a pot. Do enough of them and they can create a sea-change in your life, & your destiny”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores the distinctions between destiny & fate, & how to use mindfulness to work with them creatively in your life. 

If you enjoy the article, it will be the focus subject of this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday evening class , you’d be welcome to come along, live or online!
This class is also the first in a series on the ‘Wisdom of awakening’, details of which are below.

In the spirit of destiny,

Toby
 

 
Article of the week

Destiny & fate, empowerment or victimhood?
 
DESTINY
To a woman who complained about her destiny the Master said, “It is you who make
your destiny.”
“But surely I am not responsible for being born a woman?”
“Being born a woman isn’t destiny. That is fate. Destiny is how you accept your
womanhood and-what you make of it.”
– From Anthony De Mellos ‘One minute wisdom’
 
Mindful of your destiny
 
Here we might consider destiny as “what you do with what life has given you”. You may recognize the voice within yourself that says ‘I have no choice or freedom here, I am a victim of circumstance, there is nothing I can do about this (except complain, or feel hard done by). In this context our destiny is understood as what we make of what we have got/have been given. In this sense destiny is a creative word; we create our destiny, it is in our hands. Sitting mindfully with a phrase such as “I am the primary creator of my destiny” and opening to the feelings and energy that comes from that can help us to access this inner power.
 
Accepting of your fate
 
In the same way that creating our destiny is a power, so is accepting our fate. Indeed, creating our destiny depends upon our acceptance of the life and circumstances we have been given. Without this acceptance there is no way that we can work with what we have, because we reject it. This non-acceptance actively prevents us from asking the question “What can I do with what I have got?” In a certain sense, acceptance is a type of positive indifference to our fortune, whether it be good or bad. It simply opens to what is, and this accepting of what is opens the doorway to destiny-creation.
 
Mindful of victimhood
 
Acceptance of our fate is not passive victim-consciousness. It is a strength that pre-ceeds the power of destiny-creation. Pick an area of your life where something maybe has not turned out that great (in your limited opinion), and practice observing and breathing with it in the spirit of acceptance. After a while you will start to see quite clearly that it is calm, collected, and empowering. It is not at all like victim-consciousness or feeling persecuted. It is a power, not a weakness.
 
Empowering yourself to create your destiny though mindful questions
 
These can be asked around a specific part of your life, or in a more general sense:
What is the fate that I need to accept?
What is the destiny that I can choose to embrace and create?
Where is the voice of the victim-of-fate within me? How can I prevent it sabotaging me?
What is/are the next step/s today to creating my destiny?
 
Micro & macro destiny
 
You might think of destiny as being mainly about the big things in your life, and the big achievements. That is not untrue, but equally I think it’s about the things that you choose in small situations, in micro-experiences. After all, the micro-actions that we do add up, like drops of water in a pot. Do enough of them and they can create a sea-change in your life and your destiny!
 
Related article: Intention determines trajectory – Aspects of integrated mindful intention

 © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

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A Mind of Ease Energy Meditation Inner vision Integral Meditation Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope spiritual intelligence

Playful detached-compassion

“Life experience, combined with playfulness and observational presence can make the power of our compassion grow exponentially”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores resolving the apparent contradiction between detachment & compassion i a playful way! If you enjoy the article, we will be looking at the topic in this week’s meditation session. 

Reminder of this Saturday’s  Making Pearls from Sand: Free online session on mindfully working with your shadow-self, 1700-1800 Singapore time.

In the spirit of compassionate play,

Toby

 


This week’s meditation session Tues 12th/Weds 13th November:  ‘Detached compassion – in the world but not of it’.

This class looks at how to use mindfulness & meditation to:

  • Develop sustainable, high-quality compassion
  • Combine it with healthy detachment
  • Use this combination as an energising & healing force within ourself, our life & the world

 
7.30-8.30pm SG time, live in-person and online

 
Article of the week: Playful detached-compassion
 
Detachment and compassion are qualities that often we consider being separate because they appear to exclude each other.  It seems when you are detached you are disconnected from others, and so cannot feel compassion for them. Likewise, if we were being compassionate we cannot be detached because that means disconnecting from our feeling nature, which is where our compassion is located.
 
However, viewed from the perspective of mindful awareness, it is perfectly possible to bring deep compassion together with a sense of detached, witnessing observation. This is because:
 
We can practice observational detachment from any situation, viewing things from the “big picture” perspective, while at the same time cultivating closeness and intimacy with who or what we observe
 
Good quality mindful awareness is like the sun. It combines the impersonal light of awareness with a nurturing, life-giving warmth. From the perspective of an integrated mindful awareness, we can cultivate an experience of life as impersonally-personal, as deeply involved and at the same time not involved, as compassionate at the same time as being even minded.
 
If you practice bringing observational detachment and compassion together simultaneously in life situations, gradually improving your ability, then you will consistently increase your experience of detached-compassion.
 
Divine Playfulness
 
One of the fundamental qualities of Spirit when we contact it playfulness and a corresponding sense of humour. From its perspective the whole process of creating and evolving a universe is done as a type of game, a way of creatively exploring itself and its potential.
Consequently, if you want to increase the level of spirit in your daily life then entering your daily tasks in the spirit playfulness is a great practice to have.
It is easy to get a little too serious about things and allow our life to become unnecessarily stressful and unhappy. Relating to the challenges in your day as playful games and puzzles set you by the universe to help you grow is a technique that both relieves stress and enhances the deeply felt spiritual nature of your human experience.
 
A five-minute meditation to integrate playfulness and detached compassion into daily life
 
Step 1: Mentally select a particular life situation/challenge that you wish to work on in the meditation
 
Step 2: Recollect your understanding of detached compassion. Open your heart to the feelings that you are experiencing and the other people that are involved at the same time as mentally taking a step back and seeing what is happening from a more impersonal, big picture perspective. Experiment, trying to feel both empathic compassion and witnessing observance. At first do them one after the other, and then simultaneously. Breathe with this combined experience for a while.
 
Step 3: Introduce playful humour to your perspective of the challenge. Think of the challenge as a game that you as a spiritual being are playing to stretch and improve your capability as a human being. Stay with this perspective and the experiences it gives rise to for a time.
If you do this brief exercise a few times you will find that compassionate detachment and playfulness will become an accessible experience for you in your daily life. Life experience, combined with playfulness and observational presence can make the power of our compassion grow exponentially.
 
Related articles: Compassion & care through awareness
Compassionate presence, awakened action
© Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

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Inner vision Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Shadow meditation

The essence of shadow integration

Dear Toby,

The article below looks at the essence of shadow integration practice. I’m writing it as I prepare for three shadow events, firstly on Saturday 16th, 1700-1800 Singapore time: Making Pearls from Sand: Free online session on mindfully working with your shadow-self.

Following on from this are the Shadow work & Language of the shadow workshops  in the following weeks. 

You are invited to participate in your own journey of the shadow! 

Toby

Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration
 
As you may be aware, it was Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung who first coined the term ‘shadow’ as an aspect of their theories of the conscious and unconscious minds. They indicated the split that can occur between the two when parts of our personality/psychological self are repressed and banished to the unconscious mind, with the resulting phenomenon of the shadow self being a part of the result.
When Freud was asked about the essence of his method, he is famous for saying “Where the Id was the Ego shall be”. Essentially his meaning appears in translation as being our unconscious passions and desires (the Id) shall be consciously integrated into our ego-self, thus affecting a healing of the personality, and a move toward wholeness.
 
The original statement from Freud in German is “Wo Es war soll Ich werden”. In order to make it sound a bit more ‘academic’ James Strachey, Freud’s English translator translated ‘Es’ into ‘Id’, and ‘Ich’ into ‘ego’. However, as I understand, the two terms have a more common, colloquial meaning:

  • ‘Es’ is the German personal pronoun es is the English equivalent of ‘it’
  • ‘Ich’ is the German pronoun meaning ‘I’
     

So then, if you re-translate Freud’s statement you get:

“Where the it was the I shall be”

This then throws a clarifying light upon the process of shadow integration that goes something like this; Our shadow is all the primal and instinctual passions (‘bad’ and ‘good’) within us that we have pushed out of our conscious mind into our unconscious. Here they have become something that is not ‘me’ but an ‘it’, something not me, alien and threatening to myself. Shadow integration involves noticing the clues regarding what lies in my repressed unconscious, for example:

  • Repeating dreams about being chased by a monster
  • Being unusually emotionally triggered by particular types of people (Eg: aggressive, powerful or egotistic people)
  • Suffering baffling anxiety in the face of certain life circumstances

Having picked up on these clues we then work on owning and re-integrating the repressed material, making it into part of ‘me’. By doing so what was previously an ‘it’ in my unconscious becomes part of my ‘I’. This is what Freud meant when he said “Where the it was the I shall be”, and that is really the essence of shadow work.
 
De-fragmenting the self
If you can imagine how fragmented our self-sense is when lots of parts of it have become ‘its’ within our shadow unconscious, then you can also start to see how empowering and positive shadow work is. As we collect the fragmented ‘its’ and gather them back into our I, our I starts to feel strong, resilient and whole in ways that we had forgotten was possible. Our vigour and appetite for life returns, in tandem with our peace of mind and a sense of profound, relative calm.
 
Read more of Toby’s articles in the Shadow section of his blog: https://tobyouvry.com/category/shadow-meditation/


© Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Staying with intention

“What is a useful intention that I can center around and stay with in this situation?”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

Good to see all of you who came to the online Engaged Mindfulness class last Saturday! The next one will be 21st September, on ‘the dance of relaxation & alertness’, see you there!

One week to go before the start of the Autumn meditation weekly series Meditating with the power of intention – An eleven module course, this week’s article looks at how to be playful, flexible & creative with your intention through mindfulness…

In the spirit of intention, 

Toby

Staying with intention
 
When we are unable to do what we want in a situation, what do we do? This article explores a way of working with our intention where the intention itself becomes a type of action, enabling us to stay resilient, generous and strong in situations where we might feel discouraged, distracted or inclined to give up and walk away. I explore this in the form of examples. The examples themselves are invitations for you to start exploring how ‘staying with intention’ can be mindfully explored in your own life.
 
Hearing about the grief of another – the other day I had a conversation with a friend who had a family member fallen sick, with no easy cure in sight. Other than offer my sympathy, there really wasn’t a lot that I could ‘do’ about what had happened. In this type of situation, the feeling of helplessness can make us want to turn our attention (consciously or unconsciously) away. Noticing this within myself, I made the choice simply to stay with a caring and compassionate intention, sending that energy toward the people involved when they came into my mind over the next day or so. Simply holding this benevolent intention was the action, the practise. Doing it I felt empowered and more positive.
 
Making a business pitch – my work involves quite often making pitches to organizations, with no certainty around the result. One way that I have found to keep myself even-minded is simply to set my intention; to turn up in order to benefit them, and also to develop my own skill around pitching. Turning up with these intentions, and centering around them has my ‘inner action’ that sets the stage for the meeting, encouraging a good result whether I ‘get the gig’ or not.
 
Finding meaning in your life – ‘What is the meaning in my life’ can be an intimidating question, and the answers so ambiguous that we drop the question thinking it’s too big and what’s the point? The intention to look for meaning in life in my next interaction, in however small a way is something that I stay with, whether the answer is clear today or not. Having the intention is meaningful in itself, and encourages us to notice the opportunity for meaning when it presents itself!
 
Being productive in the day – Sometimes productivity and creativity feels easy, sometimes it feels difficult. If I am having a difficult day getting what I want to get done done, rather than fighting too hard with the conditions, I simply stay with the intention to be productive, and then in a state of curiosity work to achieve what is possible in the circumstances. That is then enough.
 
Developing a skill – Like productivity, sometimes the skills that I want to grow feels easy, but often quite difficult and imperfect. Simply setting the intention to practice and improve (my meditation, my squash game etc…) and then staying with the process enables me to be consistent in my practice, whether I seem to be making progress or not.
 
Not being too intentional – Being over-structured around intentions, and rigid with them can sometimes be very unhelpful. When I notice this happening with myself, I adjust my intention, making it an ‘intention to be unintentional’, or to be spontaneous, relaxed and flowing.
 
I hope these few examples enable you to get a flavour of the practice of mindfully staying with your intention. In any given situation the essential question is ‘What is a useful intention that I can center around and stay with here?’

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

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The dance of conscious & unconscious intention

“Our intentions are like tuning forks, they tend to attract particular types of things and experiences into our life, and also determine the way in which we experience them”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article follows on from last week’s article on on intention, further drawing out the power of intention, and some practices to start being mindful around it!
If you enjoy the article, do check out the upcoming course on  Meditating with the power of intention – An eleven module course. It can be participated in live or online, and is starting at the beginning of September. 

In the spirit of intention, 

Toby
 


The dance of conscious & unconscious intention
 
You always have an intention
Intention occupies the ‘why’ space within our consciousness; the reason we are motivated to do things. There is a ‘why’ reason for all our actions or non-actions. The art noticing or being mindful around intention is three-fold:

  1. Noticing intentions that you have that are harmful or destructive, working against your wellbeing and those of others. Once detected we can work on understanding where they come from and what we can do to reduce and re-direct them
  2. Noticing the positive intentions that we have that are helpful, empowering and creative, then continuing to nurture and strengthen them
  3. Opening to new benevolent or creative intentions that we may not have often at the moment, but that we can see the value in developing them and making them a regular part of our life

Intentions are like tuning forks, they tend to attract particular types of things and experiences into our life, and also determine the way in which we experience them. Dancing with our intentions deliberately can radically shift our life-experience quite quickly, sometimes immediately.
 
You don’t always know that you have an intention
Although we almost always have an intention, we aren’t always aware of the intentions that we have.

  • You might have naturally caring intentions regularly toward your family members, but you might not notice it because it’s just a (positive) habit. If you notice this positive intention that arises regularly within you, you can generate it more often consciously, and you can widen the group or type of people that you generate it towards. Making this intention conscious can improve your relationships significantly
  • You might not be aware of the judgements that you have about yourself, and the harmful intentions that come from them. By making these intentions toward yourself conscious, you can see them more clearly, gently starting to ‘de-couple’ yourself from them, reducing, even eliminating the harmful effects that they are having upon you
  • You may not have noticed that your short, medium and long term goals and intentions are contradicting each other in significant ways. By consciously aligning your short, medium and long term intentions and making them a team, you can significantly increase the power of each

 
Practice points – Creating intentions around intention
 
The intention to live intentionally – the first practice point here is to build the power of your intention to live intentionally, on purpose and consciously. This is a mindfulness power-practice 101, building the power of your intentionality.
 
The dance of conscious & unconscious intention – Practice point two is to notice which of the intentions that you generate are deliberate or conscious, and which are instinctual, unconscious and spontaneous. The idea here is to ‘dance’ with both, creating a harmony between them in your life through your intention to align your conscious & unconscious intentions.
 
Related reading: Intention determines trajectory – Aspects of integrated mindful intention
Intention, dedication, meditation
Fourteen levels of mindful intention

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Watch Toby’s video on mindful intention:

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

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Intention determines trajectory – Aspects of mindful intention

“Your intention determines your trajectory – choose to be more conscious and intentional during the day. Life your life ‘on purpose’!”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article & video explores the concept that ‘intention determines trajectory’ & looks at practical ways you can start to explore it mindfully in your daily life.

If you enjoy the article, then do check out the upcoming course that will be starting in September on  Meditating with the power of intention.

In the spirit of the intentional, 

Toby

 

Watch Toby’s video on Mindful intention:


Article: Intention determines trajectory – Aspects of integrated mindful intention
 
Intention is one of what I call the ‘three pillars’ or ‘holy trinity’ of integral mindfulness: awareness, attention and intention. These three are what I call pre-skills, meaning skills that, if you develop them, they will help you to develop any other skill or capacity that you want to in life. The better you become at them, the more confident you will feel in the face of life’s challenges.
 
Intention determines trajectory
The statement ‘Intention is destiny’ might not be true in the absolute sense of the word, but it holds true on many levels in the sense that our intentions determine our motivations and actions in life. The intentions that we hold in our mind consistently are continually influencing what we do, where we go, what we say, what we choose. Its not difficult to see for example that someone who’s conscious intention is to contribute to society and make it a better place is going to have a very different life path from someone whose intention is simply to fit in with the prevailing norm, and not look too dumb. Given this understanding, the intention to make your intentions in life conscious is a good place to start!
 
You always have an intention
Something else about intention is that you always have one. It can be a conscious intention such as the intention to act to achieve a goal, or it can be an unconscious or instinctual intention, such as the impulse to eat an attractive food, or say something in a moment or reactivity. So, a second practice around intention is to start to notice and be mindful around the intentions that you are having thru-out the day. Notice them coming and going. Notice the ones that are deliberate. Notice intentions that you tend to hide from yourself, or suppress awareness around. “What is my intention for doing this?” is a question that helps you both to become aware of existing intentions, and for clarifying your intention, aligning yourself with the best intentions that you can muster.
 
Three levels or octaves of intention
Three ball park intentions that I practice on are simple and as follows:

  • The intention to be of benefit toward myself today
  • The intention to turn up well for my close circle, friends, family, colleagues
  • The intention (Partly by doing intentions 1&2 well) to be of benefit to humanity and the Planet

I call these ball park intentions, because they hold space well for the other more specific intentions that I may focus on in the day. They create a benevolent intentional space for my activities, and clarify the way in which I direct my energy. I often start a meditation with these three intentions, but they are equally important for:

  • Family interaction
  • Business transactions
  • Social activity

And so on…One thing to notice about these three levels is that we are aiming to create a harmonic between them, get them working together as a team. By benefiting myself I can become stronger, which helps me to turn up better for my close circle, and the enhanced interaction with my close circle ripples out into the world. You get the idea!

Practice points around mindful intention:

  • Be curious about the intentions, conscious and unconscious that you have during the day, witnessing them and noticing patterns
  • Choose to be more conscious and intentional during the day. Life your life ‘on purpose’!
  • Notice how your intentions determine your trajectory in life, both in the short, medium, and long terms
  • Generate and center around the three levels or octaves of intention regularly. Practice motivating yourself from these powerful, core intentions

Related reading: Intention, dedication, meditation
Fourteen levels of mindful intention

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Live & Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *Executive & Meditation coaching