Category: Mindful Self-Leadership

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Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Stress Transformation Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

Discovering the pleasure of alone

“Enjoying your alone time then offers a whole new experience of being in the company of others. You can enjoy humans and other living beings for what they have to offer, and for the joy of connection, rather than the fear of loneliness”

Dear Integral Meditators, 
This week’s article explores our relationship to being alone, and how to move from being lonely to enjoying being alone. 
This Tuesday & Wednesday is the annual Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation , with the Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat on the Saturday. You are welcome to join either or both, live or online.

Finally, heads up for the next major weekly meditation series starting mid-April: Starts Tues/Weds April 11th/12th , 7.30-8.30pm – Meditations for thriving and energy creation – An eight week course

In the spirit of alone not lonely, 

Toby 

Discovering the pleasure of alone

In this article I want to focus on a few points that lie between going from feeling lonely to the pleasure of being alone. It’s a huge advantage to feel comfortable being alone, and is entirely complementary to a real and deep enjoyment of being in the company of others.

Mammalian and existential loneliness
As humans we are naturally a fairly lonely lot. On the mammalian level we crave the security of the pack, and tend toward a primal nervousness and vulnerability when alone because of this. We also have a natural and understandable desire to be seen and appreciated by others as an affirmation of our fundamental value. On a deeper existential level there is also the challenge of knowing that we are all alone in our experience, no one can truly know us and what we are going through. This is something that we tend to resist, trying very hard instead to been seen, heard and recognised by others.  All of this becomes particularly acute if our self-image, and therefore or basic sense of our value and capability is shaky.

Avoiding alone because of loneliness
For all the reasons above we can find ourselves avoiding being alone in order to avoid having to confront our loneliness. This then means that we miss out on all the opportunities to experience what you might think of as the joy of being alone. After all, people can be quite bothersome, and this can be compounded by our own neediness of them. These two together often results in us seeking people out, and then at the same time disliking being in their company, which is a bit of a lose-lose situation!

Reframing alone

  • Being alone is a way to re-connect to yourself, and make your own inner connection to yourself warm, healthy and stable
  • It’s time to catch up with yourself, heal your wounds and return to wholeness
  • Being alone is freedom to enjoy your own company and not be obligate to others for that time
  • It’s time to enjoy your creativity and imagine new possibilities
  • It’s time to recover your energy
  • It’s time to connect to silence, or at least less inner noise
  • It’s time for you to arrange your thoughts and thinking in a way that sets you up for success in life
  • And of course, it’s time to meditate and pursue your other interests

What other reasons can you think of to help you start looking forward to the next time you are alone?

Meditation and the freedom of alone
Meditation of course is, at least in part the art of enjoying being alone. Before you start to really enjoy being alone, meditation is a great place to start learning how to enjoy being alone, to notice and make peace with your loneliness, and the other reasons that compel you to seek out company as a way of avoiding yourself. If you sat for five-ten minutes each day for the next week, oriented your mindful attention around the ‘reframe list’ above you might find yourself enjoying it faster than you think.

Happy alone, happy in company
Enjoying your alone time then offers a whole new experience of being in the company of others. Rather than being there because you need to be, you can be there because you want to be in their company. You can enjoy humans and other living beings for what they have to offer, and for the joy of connection, rather than the avoidance of loneliness.

Related article: Independent interdependence

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Read full details


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday March 25th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat

Starts Tues/Weds April 11th/12th , 7.30-8.30pm – Meditations for thriving and energy creation – An eight week course

Saturday 15th April 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Tues 30th/Weds 31st May – Wesak meditation

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Building functional & wise compassion, systematically

“Good quality compassion contains within it the ability to experience both its subjective and objective aspects in a balanced way, and to be wisely present to the pain of the world and of ourselves”

Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article outlines a practice that we can do to activate and explore our wise compassion. At the bottom of the article you can also find the links to a number of related articles on compassion. 
The new workshops and class details are out. Amongst other things we have the Shadow meditation workshop on the 18th March, which is a powerful way of integrating and making use of the parts of yourself that currently seem to be getting in the way of your progress… 

In the spirit of compassion, 

Toby 

Building functional & wise compassion, systematically

Compassion is a powerful driving force within us that, if we cultivate in a balanced way, can be a transformative and energizing force in our lives. It is built of a number of parts:

  • Our sense of natural warmth extending outwards toward others and toward ourself
  • The recognition of the suffering of others, of ourself and in the world
  • The desire where possible to make a difference and relieve that suffering

We can experience compassion in an intensely subjective way, where the existence suffering is felt very personally. We can also experience it more objectively, being present to the suffering of ourself and others with a sense of distance and perspective. When compassion is not balanced it can lead us to either:

  • Experience the pain of self and others too subjectively in a way that unsettles and confuses us
  • Or to detach from the pain, and feeling disconnected to the pain of the world, others and ourself

Good quality compassion contains within it the ability to experience both its subjective and objective aspects in a balanced way, and to be wisely present to the pain of the world in a way that when something can be done, we do it. If not, we can still extend our presence and compassion gently and warmly.
The exercise below, done in six stages, is designed to build a functional, robust and wise compassion if we practice it consistently. We begin by practicing simple single-pointedness and field awareness before moving onto compassion itself. If you spent three minutes on each position, this would be a 21minute meditation. You can lengthen or shorten it by adjusting the amount of time on each section.

Position 1– Building single-pointedness around the breathing & body
Here we are just practising focusing on one thing, the breathing within the body, to the exclusion of all other things within the field of our awareness.
Position 2 – Practising field awareness
Panning back from your breathing and observing the totality of your field of awareness with curiosity, warmth & care
Position 3– Subjective self-compassion
Observing and moving into your own pain (could be an aspect of your physical pain, emotional or psychological), close up and personally, breathing with it, letting it come and go
Position 4– Objective self-compassion
Observing and detaching from your pain, viewing it from a distance and with warm impersonality
Position 5 – Subjective compassion for others
Observing and moving into the pain of others, close up and personally, breathing with it, letting it come and go
Position 6– Objective compassion for others
Observing and detaching from the pain of others, viewing it from a distance and with warm impersonality
Position 7 – Integration and active contemplation time around the previous six stages

If you practice this meditation a few times it will enable you to get a feel for both what balanced subjective compassion feels like, and balanced objective compassion feels like. It will then enable you to start moving organically between these two positions according to your needs and circumstances, keeping your compassion both functional and wise as you deploy it within your life.


Related reading: Single-pointedness & going with the flow
Karuna – Compassion arising from wisdom
Compassionate presence, awakened action

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Saturday 18th March – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday March 25th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
A Mind of Ease Inner vision Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership

Messy wisdom & Wabi-sabi meditation

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This weeks article looks at how to work with the messiness of life through mindfulness. If you enjoy it, then do consider joining us this Saturday for the 
Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

Other news , I’ll be doing a Two day integral meditation retreat on the weekend of 1st/2nd April, click the link for full details!

In the spirit of messy wisdom, 

Toby 

Messy wisdom – Accepting & working with everyday reality

Were almost five weeks into the new year now, I have a sense of a tidal shift in my work. Things being let go of, new ideas and projects to create and bring into manifestation. It feels like there are a lot of moving parts that aren’t fixed in their alignment, and it’s all a bit cloudy and messy.
For a lot of people, cloudiness and messiness are things that are to be avoided or are irritating and unsettling, stressful even. And yet many passages in our life are characterized by this ambiguity and open-endedness. Our path wanders and meanders through different stages and chapters, if we are attached to things being neat, tidy and ‘controlled’ all the time, we are going to suffer.
In the Wabi-sabi aesthetic we learn to value and be mindful of three messy things: The imperfect, the unfinished and the impermanent. By doing so we accomplish two main things:

  • We gain access to light, peaceful states of body-mind that enable us to navigate the messy patches of our life with a degree of enjoyment
  • We learn to take intelligent initiative within that messy space, developing the capacity to lead ourself and others creatively to our goals and towards order 

Below are three practice pointers for developing your messy, or wabi-sabi wisdom:

The imperfect & unbalanced – Acceptance & caring appreciation of process
By accepting the imperfect, eccentric and unbalanced aspects of ourself, our experience and our world we can begin to care for them and appreciate what they have to offer. Too often and on multiple levels we get caught up in the trap of negative imperfection-ism, that causes us to reject our experience of the moment and what we find there. By accepting what we find in the moment, imperfect as it is, we can begin to care for it, nurturing what is there toward whatever potential is possible.

The unfinished & unresolved – Acceptance or the open-endedness, taking courage and initiative
Our attachment to having things ‘right’ and ordered makes us uncomfortable with all the things that are still forming and finding their place in our lives. When we accept ongoing lack of resolution, we get comfortable with being ‘in process’. We simply and courageously set our own pace and look for the next thing that we can do to move toward eventual resolution, without feeling rushed or panicked.

The impermanent & uncertain – Accepting change & the unknown with curiosity & imagination
Rather than resisting and fearing change, we can accept and flow with it. We can be curious about both the change and our fear of it, allowing our imagination to respond to the possibilities that it offers.

You may notice that each of these practices are really different aspects of empowered acceptance. So, ‘messy wisdom follows on very much from well-balanced mindful acceptance.

Specific things to practice with
It’s good if you can take specific situations and experiences to practice around. For example, today I’ll be dipping in and out of a number of messy, unfinished areas:

  • Around a new retreat project
  • Around some long-term financial investments
  • Around my daughters University application

All of the things in your life today that are messy and unresolved are the practice, they aren’t in the way of it!

Related articles:
Cultivating your positive imperfectionist
Applying the Three C’s of Engaged Mindfulness
A wheel spinning out of balance
Allowing your mind to be messy

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Saturday 11th February, 9am-12.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

Saturday February 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
A Mind of Ease Concentration Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Presence and being present

On meditation & ‘tantric self-esteem’

“Essentially then, to sit in your own company with ‘tantric self-esteem’ means to relate with feeling of warm friendliness (self-respect) toward yourself, and a confidence in your fundamental efficacy or adequacy to life”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

Why is it so difficult to sit in the present? In my previous article on ‘Making it easier to focus deeply‘ I look at one aspect of this. In the article below I continue that exploration. 
If you enjoy the article, do pop down either live or online to the Tuesday or Wednesday evening meditation class, where we shall be exploring this theme experientially. 

In the spirit of presence,
 
Toby 

On meditation & ‘tantric self-esteem’
 
The problem: To be present means to become more self-aware
One of the challenges that we face with meditation is that it makes us more present, which in turn brings us into a more conscious relationship to ourself and what is going on within ourselves. Of course, that is also the benefit and opportunity of meditation. But, if you don’t have a great relationship to yourself, and if there are things about yourself in the moment (body awareness, thoughts, emotions) that make you uncomfortable, then trying to be more present often becomes the last thing that you want to be! Much more attractive to be lost in thought, distracted, not present.
So, in a sense the art of meditation begins with getting comfortable with yourself in the moment.
 
The characteristic of good quality self-esteem
Who feels comfortable with and by themselves in the moment? One answer to this is someone with healthy self-esteem. What does that mean? Here is a working definition of self-esteem from Nat Branden:
“Despite the abundance of books, studies, workshops and committees devoted to the subject of self-esteem, there is little agreement about what it means. Self-esteem has two essential components:

  • Self-efficacy: Confidence in the ability to cope with life’s challenges. Self-efficacy leads to a sense of control over one’s life.
  • Self-respect: Experience oneself as deserving of happiness, achievement and love. Self-respect makes possible a sense of community with others.

Self-esteem is a self-reinforcing characteristic. When we have confidence in our ability to think and act effectively, we can persevere when faced with difficult challenges. We succeed more often than we fail. We form more nourishing relationships. We expect more of life and of ourselves.
If we lack confidence, we give up easily, fail more often and aspire to less. We get less of what we want.”
Essentially here then, to sit in your own company with self-esteem means to sit with a feeling of warm friendliness (self-respect) toward yourself, and a confidence in your fundamental efficacy or adequacy to life.
 
Tantric self-esteem: Sitting ‘as if’
Tantric practice in meditation is essentially to act ‘as if’. You use your imagination to bring the desired result into the present. In this case we are concerned with self-esteem, so in meditation we sit down and become present to ourself ‘as if we already had healthy functional self-esteem’:

  • As we sit and become present to our body-mind in the moment we extend warm, friendly, respectful feelings to ourself, as if we deserved a healthy degree of basic joy and wellbeing
  • We sit with ourselves as if we were siting with someone we trusted and whose fundamental capability we feel confident in

If we sit in this way, then the present moment, and our awareness of ourselves becomes a comfortable, attractive place to be. It is a place where we feel safe and welcome, as if in the company of a really good friend.
Done in this way, meditation becomes much less effortful because our resistance to the present is much reduced, it’s a place we like to be rather than have a vested interest in avoiding!
 
Practice
You can try it for a few minutes a day, just sitting and breathing with yourself and your tantric self-esteem. If you can familiarize yourself with this feeling and experience, then you will start to notice it becoming a normal part of the way you relate to yourself. This is not just in meditation, but in your daily activities, your way of going, being and interacting with the world.

 © Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 11th February, 9am-12.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

In a sentence: Learn how to work creatively with uncertainty, imperfection and life’s inherent messiness to realize your leadership and self-leadership potential.  Manage stress and anxiety better using mindfulness in combination with the practical philosophy of Wabi-Sabi.

Wabi-Sabi is one of the definitive aesthetic movements to emerge from Japan. With origins starting in the early 15th Century and influenced from Zen Buddhism, Wabi-Sabi became an aesthetic found in the arts and crafts such as ceramic, flower arranging and interior design. It also became a practical philosophy and approach to life. Principle aspects of Wabi-Sabi include:

  • An appreciation of the beauty of the impermanent, the imperfect and incomplete
  • A recognition of the value of humility
  • A willingness to engage with the unconventional

Mindfulness is the art of attention training and presence….read full workshop details


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Saturday 11th February, 9am-12.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

Saturday February 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
A Mind of Ease Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Moving toward or away from reality?

“Good quality rational thinking is not rushed thinking, it is not emotional thinking, or impulsive thinking. You could say that rational thinking is mindful thinking, where we take the time to ‘reason’ things out in an appropriate way, and to really watch and observe”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is an exploration of the theme of mindful thinking which, in the context of this article means thinking that takes us toward reality, rather than away from it! I hope you enjoy it.

In the new year starting Jan 10th 2023 I’ll be running the Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course . If your looking to really get your teeth into your meditation practice next year, this is a great way to start!

Closer to then, this Wednesday 21st is the Free Winter solstice balancing & renewing meditation (Online only). All are welcome, its a nice way to mindfully wrap up the year and o on an inner winter-time journey!

In the spirit of  the solstice and wishing you a fulfilling and mindful Christmas,

Toby

 

Moving toward or away from reality? – Rational vs rationalization

With regard to the mind, of the main things we are trying to do in integrative mindfulness is to slow it down enough to make it conscious and high-quality in terms of its thinking. Once we have done this, we can then actually speed it up again and it will serve to reduce our stress and increase our effectiveness, rather than getting in the way!

Rationality – Thinking that takes us toward reality

Conscious, high-quality thinking really means rational thinking in the holistic sense of the word. It means thinking that is based around the observable facts that are available to us in any given situation. It means setting aside pre-conceived ideas and biases with regard how we think or want things to be. It is letting the objective evidence inform us as far as possible. Rationality is designed to take us toward reality, to help us understand it as clearly as is possible.

Rational thinking is trustworthy thinking. If we trust our own thinking process, we will gain confidence and trust in our mind and in our intelligence. It means being disciplined and rigorous in our observation of ourself and our world.

Good quality rational thinking is not rushed thinking, it is not emotional thinking, or impulsive thinking. You could say that rational thinking is mindful thinking, where we take the time to ‘reason’ things out in an appropriate way, and to really watch and observe.

Rationalization – Creating the fantasy that you want

Rationalization is the inverse of rationality. If we understand it, it really helps clarify what true rationality is. To ‘rationalize’ means to take an idea that we want to be true, and create reasons why it is true. It takes what we want and then uses the intellect to fabricate ideas to support it.

  • If I am angry, I can ignore the clear body-signals that I am angry, and tell myself that I am not angry because I am not the sort of person who gets angry in these situations
  • If I fail in a business venture I don’t want to be at fault, so I blame it all on fate and circumstance, rather than looking for evidence of mistakes I made and what I can learn from them
  • Out of fear I find reasons not to trust others, and use it to justify my own lack of trustworthiness, rather than assessing each person on their individual merits, and make myself accountable for my own trustworthiness.

Rationality takes me towards reality and makes me effective there. Rationalization often takes me away from reality and makes me less effective; my mind is somewhere other than my reality.

A four-question rationality process

This is a variation on a previous four-stage engaged mindfulness process that I created a while back. It is designed to put in place some of the essential thought strictures you need to be rational in a given situation. You can ask these four questions one after the other and they will lead you rationally from awareness to appropriate action, step by step

  • What are the facts that I need to be aware of here?
  • What are the realities here that I need to accept?
  • What do I need to take responsibility for here?
  • What do I need to do next to move toward the best possible result?

Final point here, to be rational really takes presence. You have to be present to what IS, to be rational! Wishing you well in the noble and often-not-easy pursuit of mindful rationality.

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Wednesday Dec 21st, 7.30-8.30pm – Free Winter solstice balancing & renewing meditation (Online only)

In Celtic the name of the winter solstice is ‘Alban Arthan’ or ‘The Light of Arthur’. In this case Arthur refers to the Sun God who, at this time of maximum darkness in the year dies and is reborn in the world of nature and within ourselves. This will be a chance to reflect on the spiritual meaning and power of the winter season. We will look at the different ways our own inner light can ‘die and be re-born once more’….read full details

Starts Tues 10th, Weds 11th January – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Integral Meditation Practice (IMP) is a different kind of mind-body training, that aims to provide optimal inner peace, centeredness, energy and insight for the contemporary meditation practitioner. It combines eastern and western forms of practice, as well as ancient and modern ones into a series of integrative practices. The practices enable the meditator to remain resilient, energized and creative in the face of the multi-faceted challenges of modern life. These eight classes give an introduction to IMP, in a simple, accessible manner…see full details

Tues 3rd & Weds 4th January, 7.30-8.30pm – 2023 New year releasing and inviting meditation

This meditation session is focused upon setting up the 2022 new year energies in a way that invites the best possible experience moving forward. We will be:

  • Releasing and letting go of energies, events and experiences from the past year that may hold us back from moving into our full potential
  • Developing a flexible, soft, ‘beginners mind’, renewed and ready to be ‘born again’ with energy and enthusiasm in 2022

Read full details


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Wednesday Dec 21st, 7.30-8.30pm – Free Winter solstice balancing & renewing meditation (Online only)

Tues 3rd & Weds 4th January, 7.30-8.30pm – 2023 New year releasing and inviting meditation

Starts Tues 10th, Weds 11th January – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Saturday January 28th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
creative imagery Enlightened Flow Inner vision Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Zen Meditation

Interiority – the cave of the heart

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is kind of a sister article to last weeks on the cave and the market place. It focuses on the inner confidence that comes from learning how go within yourself competently.
If you enjoy the article then  do consider joining us live or online for the first of  The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for bringing integration, depth & vividness to your life , on Tuesday or Wednesday.

In the spirit of interiority,

Toby

Interiority – the cave of the heart

INTERIORITY
The disciple asked for a word of wisdom.
Said the Master, “Go sit within your cell and your cell will teach you wisdom.”
‘But I have no cell. I am no monk.”
‘Of course you have a cell. Look within.”

The confidence of going within
One of the things that this (very) short story by Anthony De Mello speaks to is the confidence that comes from going within. As an ex-monk, and as someone who has sat and gone within a lot, I know that, even if my life-challenges seem insurmountable, if I can just sit quietly and really go within the cave of my heart, after a few minutes I will start feeling better as I rest in the stillness. After a little while longer I’ll start to hear and have ideas arising from within that give me new positive perspectives around the problems I’m having. This for me is what the Master means when he says: “Go sit within your cell and your cell will teach you wisdom.”

Committing to go within, listening compassionately and courageously
The challenge for many people is that they do not yet have the confidence that by really committing to going deep into the cave (or monastic cell) of their heart, they will discover many of the answers to their problems. In fact, the first thing that we have to face going within is a more direct awareness of our mental and emotional discomfort. This is the very discomfort that most people are running away from in life and or seeking to drown out!

The cave or cell your heart
So, when we commit to going within, a useful first set of positions to work with are:

  • To really commit to going within with courage and decisiveness
  • Rather than fearing the voices and emotions that we may find there, we can listen to them with a degree of compassion and understanding
  • We can go in there in the spirit of curiosity and with an open mind. What we find might be different from what we think

Stilling the voices in the cave
Once we have committed to going within, to discover the wisdom of our inner voice we need to cultivate and become comfortable with the ‘non-voice’ of silence. To do this it can be useful to work on three simple angles (see my previous article on the cave and the market place):
Stilling time – Letting go of past and future
Stilling space – Withdrawing your awareness from your immediate physical environment
Stilling movement – Stilling your body except for your breathing

Letting the silence of your cave show you wisdom
If you can get comfortable with the silence, then you are standing at the threshold of ‘the voice in the cave/cell of your heart that will teach you wisdom’. Sometimes it speaks as a voice, sometimes as the silence itself, sometimes as ideas and intuitions.
It can be useful for some people to actually imagine a cave or cell that they have been to, to give a bit of atmosphere to their inner cave (after a while you won’t need it, but it’s a great entry point). When I was a teenager, my family lived in Portugal at the foot of a big hill that ended at a beautiful beach on the Atlantic coast. On the top of the hill there was an ancient sacred site called the Santuário da Peninha where there were cells that, centuries ago the monks meditated and worshipped. In the cliffs by the beach at the bottom of the hill there was a lovely cave you could access from the sea. Sometimes I see myself sitting in one of those places at the beginning of the meditation. Perhaps you have an equivalent place that you know and can use at the beginning of your meditations?

Related reading: Inner sensitivity – Listening to yourself
Inner listening – Three levels of meditating on silence

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

 

Starts Tues /Weds 23/24th November – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for bringing integration, depth & vividness to your life

Overview: The Wisdom of Awakening series looks at different ways to ‘wake up’ and live your life fully and playfully through meditation. The premise of the sessions is that inner wholeness and wisdom are not something that are far away, rather they are something that we can awaken to ‘instantly’ through certain types of mindful attention…read full details

Saturday December 10th, 9.30-12noon –  Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Session overview: These 2.5hour Zen ‘mini-retreats’ are a chance to go into much deeper meditation states than you would be able to in your own personal daily practice, or even if you came to a one-hour class. Using sitting meditation methods in combination with breathing techniques and gentle stretching/mobility exercises Toby will guide you into deep meditative flow states that create the experience of a calm, unified, harmonized, resilient body, mind & heart.. read full details

 


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tues /Weds 23/24th November – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for bringing integration, depth & vividness to your life

Saturday December 10th, 9.30-12noon –  Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Saturday December 17th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
creative imagery Energy Meditation Enlightened love and loving Inner vision Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology mind body connection Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope

Cultivating your positive imperfectionist

“Even when inactive our positive imperfectionist is a benevolent and supportive feeling/atmosphere in our psyche, encouraging us to get stuck in to the activities that we feel motivated around and not to live in fear of trying”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores some ways to begin freeing yourself from the ‘negative perfectionist, with the help of a new friend, the ‘Positive Imperfectionist’. Quite a lot of my coaching work with people relates to this area. With your PI in place it becomes surprisingly possible to do difficult and very worthwhile things. I hope you enjoy it! If you do, then then this weeks Tuesday & Wednesday class will be focused on this subject. You are welcome to join us, live or online!

Next week sees the beginning of the final class series of the year: Tues /Weds 23/24th November – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for bringing integration, depth & vividness to your life , do check it out!

In the spirit of positive-imperfectionism,

Toby

Cultivating your positive imperfectionist

The prevalence of negative perfectionism
If you have been around any kind of inner-development circles; meditation groups, psychotherapy, coaching etc, one of the phenomena that you may have come across will be the ‘negative perfectionist’. This is a part of many people’s psyche that is obsessed with doing things ‘correctly’ or flawlessly. This part of us is also very inclined to judge us quickly and harshly for any perceived failures flaws of mistakes that we make in our life. There are different forms of uncomfortable and sometimes excruciating psychological pain that it subjects us to as it points out the stupidity of our actions, the inappropriate things that we said, the things we could and should have done better. Even when inactive, it lives within our awareness as an ever-present threat, causing us to live in fear and discouraging us from doing things that be ‘risky’, might go wrong or otherwise expose our imperfection and how generally inadequate we are (!)

Some of the narratives of the negative perfectionist:

  • If you can’t do it right first time you may as well give up
  • You are your actions, if you mess one or more up, you are an idiot
  • People around you are judging you just as harshly as I (the negative perfectionist) am judging you, look how stupid you are making us look!
  • You are guilty until proven innocent, I’m expecting you to mess this up somehow
  • Why do you always find something for me to dislike about you
  • Don’t expose yourself to risk, better to hide than to fail
  • No matter what you achieve, it will never be enough for me
  • You are neither likable nor competent
  • You are isolated and alone

Do any of these sound familiar?

Your positive imperfectionist
For most people then it is well worth cultivating your positive imperfectionist. This is the inner voice within you that is ok with messy and imperfect. It encourages incremental improvement. It urges us to keep going even if we are not very good at something to begin with. It is forgiving and light, and quick to point out progress or improvement we make. It sees the value in failure, and sees mistakes as learning opportunities. Even when inactive it is a benevolent and supportive feeling/atmosphere in our psyche, encouraging us to get stuck in to the activities that we feel motivated around

Working on the narratives of the positive imperfectionist

  • If at first you don’t succeed, try again, having learned from the last attempt
  • You are not your actions, your fundamental value is secure
  • You have friends and encouragers around you, listen to them, feel supported
  • You are innocent until proven guilty! You are accountable for your actions, but don’t think failing sometimes makes you weak!
  • I believe in you
  • Keep trying, no risk no reward
  • You are already enough, try and see how much more you become
  • You are likeable
  • You are not alone

Any one of this last set of sentences can be an object of meditation. Internalizing them one by one will help you recognize and consolidate the voice of your positive imperfectionist. What are you waiting for?

Related articles: Mindful Optimism

​© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

 

Starts Tues /Weds 23/24th November – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for bringing integration, depth & vividness to your life

Dates and titles:
Tues 23/Weds24th November, Class 1 – Everyday depth: being in the world but not of the world
Tues 6/Weds 7th November, Class 2 – Going within: The cave of the heart
Tues 13/Weds 14th June, Class 3 – The experiential self: Meditation, vividness, charisma, ego
Read full details…

Saturday November 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat
In a sentence: Experience unique Qi gong and Taoist breathing techniques to improve your immune system, energy level, psychological wellness and enhance your meditation…read full details


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing – An Adventure in Consciousness – The What, Why & How of integral & engaged meditation practice

Saturday November 12th, 9.30-12noon –  Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Starts Tues /Weds 23/24th November – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for bringing integration, depth & vividness to your life

Saturday November 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Concentration Energy Meditation Enlightened Flow Inner vision Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Mindfulness, productivity, self-regulation & the 85% rule

“Mindfulness in its pure form is essentially enhanced reality orientation. It involves involves specific forms of attentional & awareness practices that are designed to release our natural intelligence & our potential for experiential learning in the moment“

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article essentially points out how mindfulness and productivity go together to help you enjoy your life and realize your goals, or to go from coping to thriving, I hope you enjoy it!

In the spirit of  enhanced reality orientation,

Toby

 

 

 

 

Mindfulness, productivity, self-regulation & the 85% rule

Basic reality orientation – Coping well enough to perform
In order to hold down a job, or maintain a harmonious social and family existence we all need a degree of mindfulness. We all need to be taking social cues, focusing on our work, and making appropriate adjustments well enough to do these things acceptably. Failure to meet our reality with this basic level of mindfulness would lead to:

  • Inability to hold down a job
  • Lack of stable relationships
  • Continuous instability within the family unit
  • Being considered unstable and even ‘insane’ by the conventional measures by which it is assessed in society

Enhanced reality orientation – Moving from coping to thriving
Mindfulness in its pure form is essentially enhanced reality orientation. It involves  specific forms of attentional & awareness practices that are designed to release our natural intelligence & our potential for experiential learning in the moment.

  • By paying attention in a high-quality manner to our work we can be more successful at it without necessarily working harder (aka working smarter)
  • In our leadership and relationship life we can create high functioning interactions that lead to great teams and stable friendships
  • We can learn to pick up on inner cues and signals from our body-mind, and learn to regulate our energy in a way where we feel well and thriving not just in the short term, but in the medium and long term.

With the students that attend my mindfulness sessions at INSEAD, one of the things that I am trying to teach them is how to arrive at 50years old (my age) from where they are (30+) in a way where they feel they have energy, enthusiasm and are ready to leap into the next life-project. This is as opposed to what they see in may of their seniors who are exhausted, stressed out and cynical. To do this they (and you!) need to self-regulate effectively. Below is a simple exercise around the 85% rule that is one example of this.

The 85% rule
This rule basically states that, if you are 85% exhausted, and then you stop and rest, your body-mind will recover reasonably fast and you can then continue where you left off. If you go substantially beyond the 85%, you move your energy levels move more and more ‘into the red’. Moving beyond 85% means that you really are exhausted, and it takes a much longer time to recover effectively from that type or level of exhaustion. So, in this practice the object of mindful self-regulation is to not go beyond 85% exhausted in any given activity in your work or life. By doing this you can actually become more productive in the medium to long term and in a way that is sustainable and enjoyable. The key here is:

  1. To know what the signs that you are approaching the 85% marker are
  2. To recognize and accept those signs
  3. To stop what you are doing and focus on the (enjoyable) discipline of recovery
  4. Recognizing the signs of recovery, and getting back to it with enthusiasm!

If you can do this then this simple way of orienting yourself mindfully around the reality of your energy levels gives you one of the keys to mindful thriving and productivity.
What are your own personal inner signs for points 1-4 above? How can you start orienting yourself around these signs mindfully today and begin plotting your own path of mindful thriving?

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Sat & Sun 22nd/23rd October – Shamanic meditation workshop retreatLearn how to practice the fundamentals of the most ancient meditation tradition on the planet in a clear, practical and concise manner, and understand its relevance and value to you and the challenges that you face in your life.

The workshop will give an overview and introduce some simple but profound shamanic practices on day one, with a deeper dive into Shamanic meditation practices on day two…read full details

 


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tues 16th /Weds 17th August – An Adventure in Consciousness – The What, Why & How of integral & engaged meditation practice

Saturday October  8th, 9.30-12noon –  Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Sat & Sun 22nd/23rd October – Shamanic meditation workshop retreat

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Concentration Inner vision Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Motivation and scope

Mindfulness for enhancing productivity & creativity in your work

“Don’t wait for inspiration. It comes while working.” – Henri Matisse

 

Dear Integral Meditators,

“Productivity” is a word that always needs to be held in context to do well in my opinion. In this weeks article I explore seven mindful positions to improve your work and creative output (for me work and creativity are very closely linked).
The subject of  this weeks Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class, will focus on a practical exploration of meditation and inner healing.  Feel free to join us either online or live!

Quick reminder of this coming Saturdays Full Moon Zen deep-dive mini-retreat, and heads up for Octobers  Shamanic meditation workshop retreat on the 22nd/23rd!

In the spirit of  inspiration while working,

Toby

Mindfulness for enhancing productivity & creativity in your work

As my own work continues to get busier with the business expanding, the combination of this and a relatively full family life and personal growth program means that being effective with my work time continues to be super important. Consequently, I’m aways looking to get batter at the basics in terms of how to be productive with the time that I have. Below are eight ‘mindful positions’ that I find continue to deliver value with regard to my work.
Applying this to yourself, you could think about them in terms of your paid work, but also and equally any type of work or creative activity that you want to do in your life, and make consistent progress with!

Practice 1 – Sitting with warmth, confidence and calm: whenever you begin a work session, just spend a few moments checking your body energy and posture. The more you can ‘sit well in the face of the next task’ the better you will tend to feel about doing it.

Practice 2 – Sitting with appreciation for what’s good at work right now: Good energy creates good energy. The more you can contextualize your present activity in terms of the other things that are currently good in your work, or other positive things that you have done, the easier it is to spring into action with enthusiasm!

Practice 3 – Going a little deeper into your intention for working: The clearer you can be about why you are doing what you are doing, and commit to the choice to work because of that, the stronger your motivation will be. The motivation could be financial, providing for family, or deeper in the sense of this being a part of your contribution to the evolution of the planet (in whatever way it may be). You need to know what your motivations are, and get them behind what you are doing.

Practice 4 – Acknowledging and accepting what you find difficult at work right now/ what are the obstacles to your productivity: Knowing and accepting what you find difficult in your work gives you the best chance of doing the work despite the challenges. Learn to carry your anxieties & apprehensions well.

Practice 5 – Identifying the most important tasks in the day/period ahead, developing focused intention: This is really a ‘bread and butter’ practice, set up clearly what you want to do, and stay with it! As your going thru your list of ‘to do’s’, your object of mindfulness in the moment is simply the task that you are on. Letting your attention rest on that means you can build some peace of mind as you are doing the tasks itself, rather than waiting until you have completed your tasks to do some mindful calming down…

Practice 6 – Imagining what it’s like when you have completed the work well – the ideal scene: If you imagine yourself at the end of your day having worked well and got what you wanted to do done, then you will notice how good it feels, and how charged with enthusiasm that image makes you feel. A short period of time focusing such a future scene can be a real catalyst for your present creative activity

Practice 7 – Sleep!: This one, like practice five is really something to keep tabs on all the time. Its 100% easier to work when you feel well rested. We can’t always feel well rested, and there are all sorts of obstacles that can get in the way, but to take responsibility for being as well rested as you can consistently will hugely improve your creative output.

So there are seven practices there, if you were to take one a day to focus on explicitly, you could go thru all of them in a week, and do four cycles over a month. Doing that would stimulate a lot of incremental improvements in your productivity, which is really what mindfulness is about; incremental improvement over time that is unstoppably consistent!

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday September 10th, 9.30-12noon – Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Session overview: These 2.5hour Zen ‘mini-retreats’ are a chance to go into much deeper meditation states than you would be able to in your own personal daily practice, or even if you came to a one-hour class. Using sitting meditation methods in combination with breathing techniques and gentle stretching/mobility exercises Toby will guide you into deep meditative flow states that create the experience of a calm, unified, harmonized, resilient body, mind & heart…read full details

Sat & Sun 22nd/23rd October – Shamanic meditation workshop retreatLearn how to practice the fundamentals of the most ancient meditation tradition on the planet in a clear, practical and concise manner, and understand its relevance and value to you and the challenges that you face in your life.

The workshop will give an overview and introduce some simple but profound shamanic practices on day one, with a deeper dive into Shamanic meditation practices on day two…read full details

 


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

 

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tues 16th /Weds 17th August – An Adventure in Consciousness – The What, Why & How of integral & engaged meditation practice

Saturday September 24th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Saturday September 10th, 9.30-12noon – Full Moon Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Sat & Sun 22nd/23rd October – Shamanic meditation workshop retreat

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
A Mind of Ease Enlightened Flow Inner vision Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Pre-disposing yourself for enjoyment (& being battle ready)

“To take hold of our enjoyment we need to be conscious enough to direct attention toward our opportunities for enjoyment, and be ready to work our way patiently through the obstacles to that”

Dear Integral Meditators,

Is your happiness and wellbeing an accident, or is it on purpose? The article below looks at how you can pre-dispose yourself to good experiences using meditation, and why you might consider it a worthwhile investment.

If you enjoy the article, the subject is covered in my latest class series, An Adventure in Consciousness – The What, Why & How of integral & engaged meditation practice that starts on 16/17th August, and can be participated in live, online or using the recordings.

Also, this Saturday I will be facilitating the monthly Zen deep-dive mini-retreat where we will be focusing on deep meditative flow states that create the experience of a calm, unified, harmonized, resilient body, mind & heart.

In the spirit of  being battle-ready!

Toby

Pre-disposing yourself for enjoyment (& being battle ready)

Consolidating your inner strengths
One way of thinking about meditation is as an activity where we train our mind systematically to focus on positive-objects. By a ‘positive object’ I mean an object that when we focus upon it causes our awareness to become calm, strong, balanced, warm or otherwise positive and healthy in some way.
A meditator is a person who is committed to systematically developing their inner strengths and wellbeing by growing these strengths daily, perhaps a little bit like an inner gym-rat!

Train when things are going well! The need to be ‘Battle-ready’
One of the key insights a meditator has is that its best to train your mind to be inwardly strong before you start to suffer to much or encounter an emergency. This way when you do hit an emergency or encounter pain, you are ready for it.
When I was in the UK recently, I met an old friend and colleague from my Buddhist monk days. Although both our lives were going well in many ways, we could both enumerate a number of critical challenges that we and our family members were going though. The challenges were laced with various forms of pain and suffering. These sufferings were really in the nature of life itself and were unavoidable; old age, sickness, loneliness, economic challenges. The existence of the challenges was not within our ability to control. All we could could/can control is our mindset and way of being present to them. This in turn relies upon our inner strength, our capacity for things like acceptance, confidence, letting go, perseverance, love and so forth.
So, to be ‘Battle-ready’ for the sufferings that present themselves in our life, we can use meditation as a way of building and consolidating our inner strengths. Challenges in our life can always be opportunities, but if we are not inwardly robust and confident enough when we face them, the pain often shuts that opportunity down. So, we need to arrive prepared.

Pre-disposing ourself for enjoyment
Using meditation as a way of building our inner strengths also pre-disposes us to recognize and take our opportunities for enjoyment. Amidst the difficulty and tribulation of life there are many opportunities each day for fun, pleasure, happiness and fulfilment. If we are pre-occupied with our pain or feeling overwhelmed by life however, we will often not even recognize these opportunities.
So, for example, opportunities for enjoyment for me today include:

  1. Taking pleasure in the presence of my daughters
  2. Enjoying the familiarity of my home after a holiday away
  3. Appreciating that I have enough work set up this month not to have to worry
  4. Taking pleasure in giving (my older daughter’s birthday present)
  5. Appreciating the memories of the trip that I have just returned from
  6. Simple enjoyments in the form of food, coffee and so on
  7. Working on setting up the new projects for the second half of the year
  8. Being grateful for the presence of some childcare in the form of our helper to take the load off my shoulders
  9. The opportunity to exercise and meditate

These are all in my grasp, but I’m also feeling jet-lagged, sleep deprived and, as a result somewhat dis-oriented. To take hold of my enjoyment I need to be conscious enough to direct my attention toward my opportunities for enjoyment, and be ready to work my way patiently through the obstacles to that. My ability to do that relies to a large degree on the capacities that I have previously built up to focus on the positives, and not get thrown off balance by the obstacles. This, in essence is what this dimension of meditation practice is about.

In case you missed my previous article: Adventuring with attention (What is a Meditator?)

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Starts Tues 16th /Weds 17th August – An Adventure in Consciousness – The What, Why & How of integral & engaged meditation practiceOverview: Life is an adventure in the experience of being conscious. To meditate and to be a meditator is to engage in this experience full-bloodedly, with the intention to get the very most out of the opportunity that we have been given, both in terms of enjoyment, and in terms of our potential to achieve worthwhile goals that are congruent with our inner values. This is a dynamic meditation course that covers…read full details

Saturday August 13th, 9.30-12noon – Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Session overview: These 2.5hour Zen ‘mini-retreats’ are a chance to go into much deeper meditation states than you would be able to in your own personal daily practice, or even if you came to a one-hour class. Using sitting meditation methods in combination with breathing techniques and gentle stretching/mobility exercises Toby will guide you into deep meditative flow states that create the experience of a calm, unified, harmonized, resilient body, mind & heart…read full details

 


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Saturday August 13th, 9.30-12noon – Zen deep-dive mini-retreat

Starts Tues 16th /Weds 17th August – An Adventure in Consciousness – The What, Why & How of integral & engaged meditation practice

Saturday August 27th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology