Tag: power of mind

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A Mind of Ease Enlightened love and loving Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Motivation and scope Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

Wisdom around forgiveness 

“How many of the things that we have done or others have done to us were as a result of not knowing any better, or out of ignorance? If it was out of unknowing, then perhaps these are the things that we can start our forgiveness practice with”

Dear Integral Meditators,

 
This week’s article looks at forgiveness as an object of mindful attention and practice. As a state I find forgiveness a very ‘mind-cooling’ experinece, it’s nice just to sit in and feel your inner temperature drifting gently down!
If you enjoy the article, then do come along to this weeks Tuesday or Wednesday class where we will be taking forgiveness as our object of meditation. 

This week is also the start of a new mini-meditation series: The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for forgiveness, Eternal life & True inner fortitude. It promises to be a fun and informal way to deepen your meditation practice in unexpected and whimsical ways!

And finally, brief reminder of the Shadow meditation workshop on the 18th March, for the slightly braver and more adventurous….

In the spirit of acceptance & forgiveness, 

Toby 

Wisdom around forgiveness

Before you start reading the article, it might be worth just having a think about your current experience of forgiveness:

  • How would you define it?
  • What sort of feelings and emotions come up for you around forgiveness?
  • Are there people in your life, including yourself that you’d like to forgive?

If we think of forgiveness in broad terms as a ‘willingness or intention to let go of grudges for (perceived?) harm done, and for the anger and resentment accompanying it’. Then this, along with your own reflections gives us a basis for proceeding. Here are three mindful positions that you can take around forgiveness:

Awareness that you aren’t forgiving, haven’t forgiven, haven’t accepted
If you know you have resentment towards someone or yourself, before you start telling yourself that you need to do anything like forgiving, you need to know it is there and acknowledge that fact. If you know you are not ready to forgive, then accepting that is a good holding space. If for me the anger is still rising within me, my experience is that if I can simply acknowledge and flow with it for a while, I’ll start to move into the next stage naturally without forcing.

Accepting without forgiving
Working through your anger and resentment doesn’t necessarily mean you then forgive unconditionally. Sometimes it might feel more appropriate to focus on accepting what happened without necessarily forgiving unconditionally. It may be that you don’t feel it’s appropriate, or not your place to forgive, in which case an appropriate state of resolution and peace can be achieved through acceptance. You can read more about this position in my article ‘Acceptance or forgiveness – The difference’.

Choosing to forgive, choosing to understand
There are certain situations where you may feel that it is appropriate and beneficial to really emphasize forgiving and releasing properly. Sometimes this may be done conditionally, other times unconditionally. To do this involves:

  • Acknowledging the action
  • Accepting our feelings of anger and resentment around what has happened
  • Choosing to understand and forgive the person for their actions
  • Consciously letting go of our grudge, and wiping the slate clean in the relationship

These four stages may be something that we need to do more than once in order to really forgive, and it may be that we need to re-forgive a number of times over a period of time before we really sense that we have let go.
You might also consider that forgiveness has two major dimensions:

  • Applying it to ourselves
  • Applying it to others

Quite often the things we find really difficult to forgive in others are as a result of things that we have judged and not forgiven ourselves for. So if we are looking for a place to start, authentic forgiveness of self is a wise one!

So that’s most of what I wanted to say on the subject for now. Below is a short paragraph from ‘One Minute Wisdom’ by Anthony De Mello. How many of the things that we have done or others have done to us were as a result of not knowing any better, or out of ignorance? If it was out of unknowing, then perhaps these are the things that we can start our forgiveness practice with.

‘UNDERSTANDING’
“How shall I get the grace of never judging my neighbour?”
“Through prayer.”
“Then why have I not found it yet?”
“Because you haven’t prayed in the right place.”
“Where is that?”
“In the heart of God.”
“And how do I get there?”
“Understand that anyone who sins does not know what he is doing and deserves to be
forgiven.”

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Read full details


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday /Wednesday 23/24th March – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for forgiveness, Eternal life & True inner fortitude

Saturday 18th March – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday March 25th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat

Starts Tues/Weds April 11th/12th , 7.30-8.30pm – Meditations for thriving and energy creation – An eight week course

Tues 30th/Weds 31st May – Wesak meditation
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Integral Awareness Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Mindful Breathing Mindful Resilience Motivation and scope Presence and being present Shadow meditation

Breathing with your inner wounds

“When we breathe with our inner wounds, the primary activity is being present to our wounds in a compassionate manner. We start to notice that the state of being warmly present to the wound starts to ‘change’ it without us trying to change it per-se”

Dear Integral Meditators, 
Breathing with your wounds is a fundamental therapeutic technique that I have been using quite a lot recently. In the article below I explain the principles and how to try it for yourself. 
Some of the deeper principles behind the below meditation can be learned and practiced in the  Shadow meditation workshop on the 18th March. If you enjoy the article, you’d be welcome to attend. 

In the spirit of healing, 

Toby 

Breathing with your inner wounds

Breathing with your wounds is a fundamental therapeutic technique that I have been using quite a lot recently. The basic principle is very simple:
As you breathe, be aware of any inner wounds, conflict or unresolved energy within yourself.

  • As you breathe in, extend the fundamental warmth of your compassion toward, around and into that area of yourself
  • As you breathe out, sustain relaxed focus on this, exposing the wound or conflict to the warm, compassionate energy

You can do this as a formal, sit down meditation, or just take it as a mood and atmosphere that you return to regularly though-out the day. For example, today is Sunday, and the pace/cadence of the day is that things are relaxed enough for me to be doing this type of breathing as I cook or walk, or am in between activities or direct interactions with others.
You can make the way in which you extend your compassion very subjective as you breathe, or you can make it slightly more objective and detached. Either works well in different ways. See my article on Building functional and wise compassion.

Compassionate presence heals
With our inner wounds it often feels as if we need to ‘do’ something in order to fix our wound. When we breathe with our wounds, the primary activity is being present to our wounds in a compassionate manner. We start to notice that the state of being warmly present to the wound starts to ‘change’ it without us trying to change it per-se. I mentioned in the paragraph above that I enjoy practising this on a Sunday. On Sunday we have the opportunity to be present to all of the half-processed emotions that are within us from the events of the week. Where we notice there is a wound or conflict, we can acknowledge and breathe with it, which will help to process it, enabling us to reset effectively for the beginning of the next week.

Breathing with wounds in relationships
If your inner wounds and conflicts are with people, you can practice compassionate breathing whilst bearing in mind the other person or people involved. Again, you are not trying to ‘fix’ the relationship, just extending healing presence to it, and observing the change in your perception that starts to take place. I find this is often somewhat magical, as the tone of the relationship the next time I meet the person or people often changes for the better.

Final point, sometimes it may not be possible to extend warmth and compassion to yourself or the wound. If that’s the case, simply acknowledging it and breathing with it, letting it come and go as you breathe in and out can still be very helpful. Often doing this for a while will then enable you to access the compassionate awareness.

Related reading: Lazy compassion
Building Your Compassion and Reducing Your Own Suffering, Everyday

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Saturday 18th March – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday March 25th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Building functional & wise compassion, systematically

“Good quality compassion contains within it the ability to experience both its subjective and objective aspects in a balanced way, and to be wisely present to the pain of the world and of ourselves”

Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article outlines a practice that we can do to activate and explore our wise compassion. At the bottom of the article you can also find the links to a number of related articles on compassion. 
The new workshops and class details are out. Amongst other things we have the Shadow meditation workshop on the 18th March, which is a powerful way of integrating and making use of the parts of yourself that currently seem to be getting in the way of your progress… 

In the spirit of compassion, 

Toby 

Building functional & wise compassion, systematically

Compassion is a powerful driving force within us that, if we cultivate in a balanced way, can be a transformative and energizing force in our lives. It is built of a number of parts:

  • Our sense of natural warmth extending outwards toward others and toward ourself
  • The recognition of the suffering of others, of ourself and in the world
  • The desire where possible to make a difference and relieve that suffering

We can experience compassion in an intensely subjective way, where the existence suffering is felt very personally. We can also experience it more objectively, being present to the suffering of ourself and others with a sense of distance and perspective. When compassion is not balanced it can lead us to either:

  • Experience the pain of self and others too subjectively in a way that unsettles and confuses us
  • Or to detach from the pain, and feeling disconnected to the pain of the world, others and ourself

Good quality compassion contains within it the ability to experience both its subjective and objective aspects in a balanced way, and to be wisely present to the pain of the world in a way that when something can be done, we do it. If not, we can still extend our presence and compassion gently and warmly.
The exercise below, done in six stages, is designed to build a functional, robust and wise compassion if we practice it consistently. We begin by practicing simple single-pointedness and field awareness before moving onto compassion itself. If you spent three minutes on each position, this would be a 21minute meditation. You can lengthen or shorten it by adjusting the amount of time on each section.

Position 1– Building single-pointedness around the breathing & body
Here we are just practising focusing on one thing, the breathing within the body, to the exclusion of all other things within the field of our awareness.
Position 2 – Practising field awareness
Panning back from your breathing and observing the totality of your field of awareness with curiosity, warmth & care
Position 3– Subjective self-compassion
Observing and moving into your own pain (could be an aspect of your physical pain, emotional or psychological), close up and personally, breathing with it, letting it come and go
Position 4– Objective self-compassion
Observing and detaching from your pain, viewing it from a distance and with warm impersonality
Position 5 – Subjective compassion for others
Observing and moving into the pain of others, close up and personally, breathing with it, letting it come and go
Position 6– Objective compassion for others
Observing and detaching from the pain of others, viewing it from a distance and with warm impersonality
Position 7 – Integration and active contemplation time around the previous six stages

If you practice this meditation a few times it will enable you to get a feel for both what balanced subjective compassion feels like, and balanced objective compassion feels like. It will then enable you to start moving organically between these two positions according to your needs and circumstances, keeping your compassion both functional and wise as you deploy it within your life.


Related reading: Single-pointedness & going with the flow
Karuna – Compassion arising from wisdom
Compassionate presence, awakened action

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Saturday 18th March – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday March 25th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Sat & Sunday 1st, 2nd April – Two day integral meditation retreat
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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A Mind of Ease Concentration Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Presence and being present

On meditation & ‘tantric self-esteem’

“Essentially then, to sit in your own company with ‘tantric self-esteem’ means to relate with feeling of warm friendliness (self-respect) toward yourself, and a confidence in your fundamental efficacy or adequacy to life”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

Why is it so difficult to sit in the present? In my previous article on ‘Making it easier to focus deeply‘ I look at one aspect of this. In the article below I continue that exploration. 
If you enjoy the article, do pop down either live or online to the Tuesday or Wednesday evening meditation class, where we shall be exploring this theme experientially. 

In the spirit of presence,
 
Toby 

On meditation & ‘tantric self-esteem’
 
The problem: To be present means to become more self-aware
One of the challenges that we face with meditation is that it makes us more present, which in turn brings us into a more conscious relationship to ourself and what is going on within ourselves. Of course, that is also the benefit and opportunity of meditation. But, if you don’t have a great relationship to yourself, and if there are things about yourself in the moment (body awareness, thoughts, emotions) that make you uncomfortable, then trying to be more present often becomes the last thing that you want to be! Much more attractive to be lost in thought, distracted, not present.
So, in a sense the art of meditation begins with getting comfortable with yourself in the moment.
 
The characteristic of good quality self-esteem
Who feels comfortable with and by themselves in the moment? One answer to this is someone with healthy self-esteem. What does that mean? Here is a working definition of self-esteem from Nat Branden:
“Despite the abundance of books, studies, workshops and committees devoted to the subject of self-esteem, there is little agreement about what it means. Self-esteem has two essential components:

  • Self-efficacy: Confidence in the ability to cope with life’s challenges. Self-efficacy leads to a sense of control over one’s life.
  • Self-respect: Experience oneself as deserving of happiness, achievement and love. Self-respect makes possible a sense of community with others.

Self-esteem is a self-reinforcing characteristic. When we have confidence in our ability to think and act effectively, we can persevere when faced with difficult challenges. We succeed more often than we fail. We form more nourishing relationships. We expect more of life and of ourselves.
If we lack confidence, we give up easily, fail more often and aspire to less. We get less of what we want.”
Essentially here then, to sit in your own company with self-esteem means to sit with a feeling of warm friendliness (self-respect) toward yourself, and a confidence in your fundamental efficacy or adequacy to life.
 
Tantric self-esteem: Sitting ‘as if’
Tantric practice in meditation is essentially to act ‘as if’. You use your imagination to bring the desired result into the present. In this case we are concerned with self-esteem, so in meditation we sit down and become present to ourself ‘as if we already had healthy functional self-esteem’:

  • As we sit and become present to our body-mind in the moment we extend warm, friendly, respectful feelings to ourself, as if we deserved a healthy degree of basic joy and wellbeing
  • We sit with ourselves as if we were siting with someone we trusted and whose fundamental capability we feel confident in

If we sit in this way, then the present moment, and our awareness of ourselves becomes a comfortable, attractive place to be. It is a place where we feel safe and welcome, as if in the company of a really good friend.
Done in this way, meditation becomes much less effortful because our resistance to the present is much reduced, it’s a place we like to be rather than have a vested interest in avoiding!
 
Practice
You can try it for a few minutes a day, just sitting and breathing with yourself and your tantric self-esteem. If you can familiarize yourself with this feeling and experience, then you will start to notice it becoming a normal part of the way you relate to yourself. This is not just in meditation, but in your daily activities, your way of going, being and interacting with the world.

 © Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 11th February, 9am-12.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

In a sentence: Learn how to work creatively with uncertainty, imperfection and life’s inherent messiness to realize your leadership and self-leadership potential.  Manage stress and anxiety better using mindfulness in combination with the practical philosophy of Wabi-Sabi.

Wabi-Sabi is one of the definitive aesthetic movements to emerge from Japan. With origins starting in the early 15th Century and influenced from Zen Buddhism, Wabi-Sabi became an aesthetic found in the arts and crafts such as ceramic, flower arranging and interior design. It also became a practical philosophy and approach to life. Principle aspects of Wabi-Sabi include:

  • An appreciation of the beauty of the impermanent, the imperfect and incomplete
  • A recognition of the value of humility
  • A willingness to engage with the unconventional

Mindfulness is the art of attention training and presence….read full workshop details


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing – Introduction to Integral Meditation & Mindfulness Practice – An eight-week course

Saturday 11th February, 9am-12.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

Saturday February 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat
 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Energy Meditation Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Breathing Presence and being present Uncategorized

Making it easier to focus deeply

“Our unresolved feelings and emotions in our body are like a spiky outer layer that repels our awareness, and prevents our mind form using the most obvious ‘landing place’ for attention to stabilize in the present. In this way we become alienated from our body and ‘locked out’ of stability in the present”

Dear Integral Meditators,

Why is it really so difficult for us to stabilize our focus? There are a number of reasons, but the article below outlines one and a method that we can use to make focusing much easier, quite quickly, with all the benefits that follow from it!

If you enjoy the article, then this weeks meditation classes on Tuesday & Wednesday will be focusing on it. You are welcome to join us, either live or online.

In the spirit of  warmth, 

Toby 

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Special offer until 21st January: 15% off all 3 or 6 month programs!

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details…

Article: Making it easier to focus deeply

Sensory meditation, the gateway to stability
In general, the stable-est and easiest way to build basic mindful focus is to use your body and senses. Whenever your attention rests on your senses, by default your mind becomes less busy. This is because your body, breathing and senses are non-conceptual objects. They are always in the present moment and so, to the degree that we can get our attention on them we can become more naturally focused in the present.

The challenge with the body and senses as an object of meditation
So, in theory, simply focusing on your body and breathing should make it easy to become more present-focused quite rapidly. However, one reason that we find it quite (even very) difficult to focus on our body and breathing is because our body is where we store all our feelings and emotions on an energy level. If we have a lot of stress, conflicting emotion and tension in our body, then to become more present to our body means to become aware of all of these things. So, often unconsciously people avoid awareness of their body in order to avoid awareness of uncomfortable feelings. Our unresolved feelings and emotions in our body are like a spiky outer layer that repels our awareness, and prevents our mind form using the most obvious ‘landing place’ for attention to stabilize in the present. In this way we become alienated from our body and ‘locked out’ of stability in the present.

Committing to acceptance, warmth, friendliness
When we come to mindful awareness of the body then, we need to be ready to work with the feelings that we find in the body. The simplest way to do this is simply to commit to extending warmth and support to whatever feelings that we find in the body, even if they are uncomfortable. This way, rather than running away into our thoughts, we can relax into the body, even if some of the things that we find there are not always pleasant.

At home in the body, easy to focus
By extending warmth to the body and feelings in the body we can make it like a home; a place that we came back to and find rest and relief from the challenges of our daily life. Not only this, but we find that our mind becomes clearer and easier to focus, because it has a point of stability in the present. Overall, we start to feel stronger and clearer in the face of life and the things that it throws at us.  

Practical: Witnessing the body, like the sun
In meditation turn your attention specifically to the body in, let your attention rest upon and within your body like the sun shining its light. In this context the sun has two qualities:

  • It shines its light impartially and unconditionally
  • The light is warm

You can imagine this as if you were sitting outside with the sun shining down from outside you in the sky. Or, if you like you can imagine it sitting in your chest, shining light from within.
As you encounter your body with your sun like awareness, feel it melting away stress and uncomfortable feelings with its warmth. As you are doing this, some of the feelings will take a while, so don’t be in a hurry. Try and make your body a place that, even there are difficult feelings within it, you can come home to and be present in, finding stability, focus and warmth there.

Related reading: Witnessing like the sun
Your body of presence – Sitting sumo style

 © Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Integral Meditation Asia

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The Discipline of Emptying (Emptying to Fill)

Dear Integral Meditators,

I’ve had a few conversations recently with clients who really feel as if they have been mentally drained by the sheer volume of information that they have to deal with on a day to day basis. I could certainly sympathize with their story, and I think it is a challenge that a lot of us face. This weeks article focuses on using mindfulness as a way of emptying out our mind on a regular basis in order to prevent information overload and make it more resilient when we have a lot of things coming at us.

In the spirit of emptying,

Toby

The Discipline of Emptying (Emptying to Fill)

One aspect of mindfulness meditation is the practice of what I would describe as ‘the discipline of emptying’. This means taking time each day to reduce the amount of information that your mind is processing, and allow it to become more empty.
The function of emptying from a practical point of view is:

  • To make your mind a more relaxed, enjoyable place to be, a place where you like to hang out, rather than a place that you find yourself trying to escape from, but (of course) stuck in!
  • To allow the things that are unimportant – the ambient noise in your head to get de-cluttered and released
  • To allow the important things to start coming to the surface of your awareness so you can prioritize them
  • To have enough space to really appreciate what is happening in your life and enjoy it in the moment
  • To bring attention to the problems that you really need to pay attention to, but that you are avoiding by just ‘keeping yourself busy’

At the present time in my life I practice a ‘big emptying’ of my mind once or twice a day in meditation for 20-30mins at a time, but I have also gotten in the habit of pausing for a minute or three once every 20mins if I am working by myself. So for example if I am doing a three hour shift in the afternoon in my office, then I will be pausing once every 20mins, relaxing, emptying, getting my energy back, re-focusing on my goals. I presently find this way of micro managing my time to be both relaxing and productive.

The Emptying Sink
One simple image that you can use for the discipline of emptying is that of a sink filled with water. Your mind is the sink, the contents of your mind is the water. Pull the plug in the sink and see the water draining away. As you do so, feel all the contents of your mind emptying away, so that by the time the sink gets empty, you feel like your mind is totally relaxed and empty too. Sit and relax in this ‘empty sink’ space for a while. When you are ready, let your mind start filling up again, but focus on filling it up with things that:

  • You are appreciating and enjoying at the present time
  • The things that are most important and that you need to focus on
  • Challenges that you may be avoiding but need to address

Regularly empty your full mind, in order to fill it again with better quality, more enjoyable content!

© Toby Ouvry 2016, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia:

February 2016

Ongoing on Wednesday’s (Jan 13th, 20th) 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Saturday  February 27th, 2.30-5.30pm – Growing Your Mindful Freedom – The Essential Meditation of the Buddha: A Three Hour Meditation Workshop

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integral Meditation Meditation and Psychology Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Don’t Let Difficult Feelings Become Negative Thoughts

Dear Integral Meditators,

When you are feeling bad, its easy to think negative. The article below explains how to use mindfulness to stop difficult feelings becoming negative thoughts in your mind.

In the spirit of the journey,

Toby

Don’t Let Difficult Feelings Become Negative Thoughts

At the moment I have jet lag, which means that I wake up feeling groggy and dis-oriented, and when I lie down to sleep I have been spending some hours wide awake. The dis-orientation from the jet lag produces a lot of difficult, turgid, feelings which, if I let them could very quickly start to produce negative thoughts, which in turn would start to generate full blown negative emotions. So, here my basic object of mindfulness is to be attentive to the fact that I am experiencing a lot of difficult feelings in my body due to the jetlag, and simply focus on noting them as feelings, and not letting them escalate into something else. This is the basic practice of not letting difficult feelings become negative emotions.

Similarly, if I am with someone who is irritated or upset, and they start to direct it at me, then I experience a difficult or unpleasant feeling as a result. If I don’t watch out, then I’m going to find my mind creating a lot of negative thinking around that feeling and the other person’s action, so I will suffer more than I need to, and may do something that I regret.

There are many other situations where we may find difficult energy around us:

  • On the commute home when there is a lot of ambient irritability in the minds and bodies of the commuters
  • When things aren’t going our way at work or in our relationships
  • When we are ill or fatigued
  • When we are upset or anxious regarding change or uncertainty
  • When we feel disapproved of by ourself or others

The list goes on, but the main thing is that if we can catch difficult feelings and energies within us early enough through mindfulness, then we can save ourself a lot of pain by making a conscious choice not to let difficult energies we face trigger negative thinking.

Awareness of feelings and energies
A lot of progress in this art and discipline involves simply greater awareness of the energies and feelings that you are experiencing in the moment. What you are aware of you can start to exert benevolent control over, what you are not aware of can easily mushroom into a cloud of negativity before you really know it. So a really basic mindfulness exercise is simply to ask yourself regularly ‘How am I feeling?’ and use this question to direct your awareness mindfully to what is there in the present moment.

Difficult feelings need only be that, they don’t need to become negative thoughts.
© Toby Ouvry 2014, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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The Quickest Way Through the Rain

Dear Integral Meditators,

When you have a ‘dark cloud’ in your life, do you habitually walk toward it or run away from it? Its an important question, the article below explores why, with the help of a few large furry friends!

In the spirit of walking towards,

Toby

The Quickest Way Through the Rain

The amateur naturalists amongst you may have heard the story of buffalo herds who, when they see a thunder cloud coming toward them walk directly into it rather than away from it. Of course this is a very intelligent thing to do because by walking in and through the rain cloud they actually minimise the amount of time they have to spend getting wet, as the rain cloud passes by much quicker.

Whenever we have a ‘rain cloud’ in our life the instinct can be to run away in the opposite direction from it, hoping that it will go away if we run fast enough. Of course then what happens is that we find ourself being pursued by the rain cloud for a long time, and then when it catches us we have to spend a long time getting wet.

Whatever inner rain clouds you have in your life, the quickest and most effective way to deal with them is almost always by going towards and through them, rather than turning away and running.

Sometimes getting wet is not what you expect
One of the nice things about getting in the habit of walking into your rainclouds is that you discover as often as not that ‘getting wet’ is not as unpleasant as you thought. The experience of accepting a difficult emotion, having a challenging conversation, making a difficult choice, or facing a fear is that, as often as not more pleasant than we thought. If you walk into the rain, sometimes (not always) you may find yourself dancing in it!

If you aren’t ready to turn towards the cloud, then know that
There are some rain clouds in your life that you may not be ready to walk into for whatever reason. If this is the case, then you need to know that you aren’t ready and make a conscious choice to hold it at arm’s length until you are ready. If you do this consciously, rather than running blindly and impulsively away, then you can avoid a lot of the negative effects of repression and impulsive fear.

A mature meditation and mindfulness practice
One of the marks of a mature meditation and mindfulness practitioner is this; they know the value of walking into the raincloud and do it regularly.

An image
Imagine you are sitting in a grassland under a big sky. Next to you is a herd of buffalo. You see a dark raincloud on the horizon. You see the buffalo naturally start walking toward the cloud, as if it were the easiest thing to do in the world, why not follow them in? After all, the quickest way out of the rain is through it.

Related articles: The inner weather of the mind
Breaking like a wave

© Toby Ouvry 2015, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia in 

SEPTEMBER
Every Wednesday, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Saturday 12th September, 9.30am-12.30pm – Mindfulness and Meditation For Creating a Mind of Ease, Relaxed Concentration

Saturday 12th September, 2.30-5.30pm – Mindful Dreaming – Meditation Practices for Integrating Conscious Dreaming into Your Daily Life

Saturday 19th September, 2.30-5.30pm – Mindful Relationships: Improving Your Relationships and Social Skills Through Mindfulness
Saturday 3rd October, 2.30-5.30pm – Going From Over-whelmed to Over-well: Meditation for Quietening the Mind – a three hour workshop

Integral Meditation Asia

 

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Riding the Waves of the Mind

Dear Integral Meditators,

What does it really mean to be in control of your mind and emotions? The article below explores the image of our emotions as waves, and offers mindful perspective on how we can use this image to relax into and enjoy both the highs and the lows of our inner life. Enjoy!

Last call for this Saturday’s Meditation and Mindfulness for Self-Healing  Workshop, if you are curious about what  mindful self-healing entails, then do have a read of my article Three Levels of Mindful Healing.

In the spirit of waves,

Toby

Riding the Waves of the Mind

Our emotions come from many different sources, sometimes it seems like we are in control of our emotions and feelings; they behave predictably and respond to our efforts to stay in control, but at other times they seem to be completely unpredictable and fly in the face of our efforts at control.

Often our attempt to control our mind and emotions involves trying to hold onto pleasant emotions, thoughts and feelings, and running away from or blocking negative/feelings/thoughts. One slightly more skillful way of learning to navigate the changeability of our mind and feelings is to simply learn to relax into whatever thoughts or feelings that we have, riding them like waves on an ocean. From the point of view of this image and method, our ‘negative’ thoughts/feelings and experiences are like the low troughs of the waves on the ocean. Out ‘positive’ thoughts/feelings/experiences are like the crests or high points of the waves.

We are like a rider on a small boat or surfboard bobbing up and down on the waves of our mind; sometimes we find ourself riding a crest, other times we find ourselves down in a trough. The main thing is to pay attention to the movement, keep balanced and learn to relax into the motion as we go up and down; if you are in a trough, just keep relaxed and balanced and after a while you will find yourself rising up again as the waves move. If you are on the crest of a ‘happy’ wave, ride that and enjoy it, relax into it, keeping balanced so that when it changes again and you start going down, you can do so smoothly and easily.

Our emotions, like waves are elemental and wild in their power. In the same way that a skilled sailor can harness the power of the sea by relaxing and working with it, so we can learn to harness the power of our mind and emotions and by relaxing and working with the energy we find there each day.

Mindful Exercise:
You are on a small boat in the open ocean, rising and falling with the waves. It doesn’t matter whether you are on the crest of the wave (emotional high)  or in a trough (emotional low), just keep relaxed, balanced and work with the energy of the waves rather than against it.

Related article: Breaking like a wave
Meditating on the inner weather of our mind

© Toby Ouvry 2015, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia 

Every Wednesday, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Saturday 29th August, 9.30am-12.30pm – Meditation and Mindfulness for Self-Healing and Creating High Levels of Energy

SEPTEMBER

Saturday 12th September, 9.30am-12.30pm – Mindfulness and Meditation For Creating a Mind of Ease, Relaxed Concentration

Saturday 12th September, 2.30-5.30pm – Mindful Dreaming – Meditation Practices for Integrating Conscious Dreaming into Your Daily Life

 

Integral Meditation Asia

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What is Mindfulness? (Hint – you are doing it already!)

Dear Integral Meditators,

If someone asked you ‘what is mindfulness’, how would you reply? The article below offers one working definition of mindfulness and how we can start practically applying it to our daily life.

In the spirit of the art of mindfulness,

Toby

 

 

What is Mindfulness? (Hint – you are doing it already!)

A definition of mindfulness
I had a conversation the other day with a lady who felt she did not know what mindfulness is. I responded to her that she was already doing it. She asked my why? I told her “When I was a monk the first definition of mindfulness that I learned was that it is an ‘all accompanying mental factor, who’s function is to remember its object’.”
That sounds like a bit a mouthful right? Actually it is quite simple; when we are doing something, mindfulness is that part of our mind that remembers and recalls what we are doing without forgetting it. For example:

  • If I am cooking an omelette, without mindfulness to help me remember what I am doing, after I have cracked and whisked the eggs I will forget my task, and wonder off to do something else, leaving no omelette!
  • If I am in the middle of a conversation, mindfulness helps me hold and remember what we are talking about. Without mindfulness I would forget mid conversation, which would be both embarrassing and impractical.

So from this we can see that we all have some basic mindfulness, indeed without it we would not be able to function at all.

The Art of Mindfulness
Someone who is a mindfulness practitioner then is someone who is interested in increasing both their quality of life and their personal effectiveness by developing and refining their mindfulness in different areas for example:

  • By being mindful of the good things that happen to me in my life I can enjoy and appreciate them more
  • By being mindful of difficult emotions I can learn to manage them better
  • By communicating mindfully I can help people understand what I want of them more clearly
  • By being mindful of my sport I can learn better how to improve

Mindfulness and meditation
Meditation is ‘a mind that focuses on a positive object – an object that when we focus upon it causes us to become happy, balanced, peaceful or otherwise positively oriented’.
In meditation we use mindfulness to focus; if we keep forgetting what we are doing then our meditation won’t be very effective because we will keep dropping or losing our object!
Mindfulness enables us to place our attention on our meditation and hold it there without forgetting.

The function of mindfulness – Practical learning from life
What is it you want to learn about in your life right now? Once you have selected a subject, formulate a ‘mindful question’ that summarizes your intention. For example:

  • How can I bring more meaning to my work life?
  • What really makes me happy?
  • What would it mean to bring my authentic self into social situations and conversations?

You can see here the list of possible subjects is endless, you just select a topic that is important and meaningful to you.
You then practice holding that question in your daily life, thinking about it, and acting in ways that express the answers that you come up with. If you like you can even sit down for a period of time and practice holding that question in your mind, breathing with it and using it as an object of meditation.
If you do this for a week, you will find that your mindfulness practice using this topic enables you to learn a tremendous amount about yourself and the area you are investigating. And there you have a mindfulness practice all of your own.

Integral Meditation Asia