Category: Insight Meditation

Being self-determining vs receiving help

Post author By Toby
Post date July 28, 2025

“I am not the center of the universe; but I am the center of my universe”

Dear <<First Name>>,

This week’s article explores the relationship between mindful self-responsibility & receiving help from others. Another way of thinking about this is the interface between your intra-personal dynamic (relation to self), & your inter-personal dynamic (relation to others & the world). I hope you enjoy it!

In the spirit of self-determination,

Toby

Being self-determining vs receiving help

You are not the center of the Universe, but you are the center of your life

I’ve written quite a lot in the past about becoming a self-determining entity. Self-determination means recognizing that you are the most powerful force in your life (not in the universe, just your life!), and to take ownership of that power. This then enables you to direct your life creatively toward the good. It means recognizing two positions that help to balance each other:

I am not the center of the universe, so I can relax and stop being so neurotic about all my relatively insignificant problems and challenges
I am the centre of my universe, so what I chose and do is of vital and central importance to my life. It’s not anyone else’s job to ‘save’ me, I need to be the master of my own ship!

Becoming self-directed

‘No one is coming to save me’ is one of my ‘quotes to live by’. I find that in difficult situations, stopping looking outside of myself for help and just focusing on what I can control, and what I can do for myself is both calming and empowering. It is not a shutting off from outside help, it is just a clear recognition that it’s really my job to look after my life and its direction. It’s not:

Not my Mum’s job
Not my partners
Not my business-partners
Not my children
Not my friends
Not my boss’s
Not my employees

It’s my job and responsibility to work through and work out the challenges in my life to the best of my ability, and I do in fact have some ability!

Although no one is coming to save me, many people may like to help!

Becoming self-directed means that we are not looking for someone outside of ourself to save us, and we are doing what we can to move forward in our life challenges. The paradox of this is that, when other people see us being like this, it is an attractive quality. People tend to like and even feel inspired by others that they see being pro-active, intentional, and taking responsibility for themselves. Consequently, even though we may not be asking for help, quite often we find friends, family and colleagues offering help and assistance freely and happily. So, there is a virtuous cycle that gets established between being self-determining and receiving help.

Abandoning your power, cutting yourself off from assistance?

There are two ‘extreme’ positions that we are trying to avoid here:

Being a victim, not trying to help ourselves effectively, and over-asking, or expecting others to solve our challenges
Becoming so narrow in our sense of self-determination that we cut ourself off from the assistance of others, even if it is freely offered, and would be of help to us

Being self-determining doesn’t exclude ever asking for help, or accepting it when offered. It just means that we are taking solid responsibility for ourself, and being personally pro-active. Becoming self-determining even includes getting good at asking for help when appropriate.

In conclusion then, being a self-determining person, and receiving / asking for help can be seen as complementary capacities that when put together make our life both easier and fuller of creative potential!

Related article: Becoming a Self-determining entity – Five stages to mindful self-leadership
© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 2nd & 3rd September, 7.30-8.30pm, & then weekly – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 6th September, 5.30-6.15pm, & then weekly – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 20th September, 5.30-6.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation

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Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindful leadership, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, Self-determination

A Mind of Ease Awareness and insight Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Inter-connected or over-connected?

Post author By Toby
Post date July 21, 2025

“Reduce your device time & increase time spent enquiring into interdependence to go from feeling ‘over-connected & lonely’ to ‘Inter-connected & supported’”

Dear Integral Meditators,

I’ve recently facilitated some corporate workshops on ‘Digital Detox for Corporate Professionals: Reclaiming Focus and Productivity’. Creating this workshop & seeing people’s response to it has really opened my eye’s to how chronic the problems around overuse of devices are for us these days. In the article below I explore a simple flip to go from ‘over-connected, overwhelmed & lonely’ to ‘inter-connected & supported’. I hope you enjoy it!

I’m almost completed with the new meditation programs starting in August/September, you can see the full line up in the Whats On section beneath the article.

In the spirit of connected,

Toby

Inter-connected or over-connected?

What is my relationship to the world? Is a question is one worth asking yourself and seeing what sort of answers and perceptions come back to you. Your sense of your relationship to the world is fundamental, it forms the basis of most of your other perceptions, choices and experiences in life. For many people, the temptation is to experience ourself as someone coming into life from the outside, an outsider who dies not belong, and has to ‘fight’ to earn their place. Life is a battle to belong, rather than an enjoyment of your sense of already belonging.
A ’flip’ that I continue to enjoy is that of being born from life, rather than into it. To quote from a previous article on the subject:

“Our relationship to it is like that of an apple or a leaf to an apple tree. The apple emerges from the Life of the tree itself, not as something separate from the tree. The life of the tree gives rise to the apple. The apple arises from the tree itself, in the same way that the tree came from the life in the apple that it grew from.
You are like the apple being born from the apple tree. The life in you is a part of Life, you are an expression of Life, and Life is you.”

Being ‘born from life’ gives us a sense of effortless belonging, which is a great and un-lonely place to begin feeling into our connection of self-to-world.

Observing interdependence – Inter-connected & supported

We can strengthen our sense of feeling connected to the world by seeing, through contemplation, the way in which we are all interconnected. There are innumerable ways in which we can do this, to give three short examples:

I am writing this article on my parents dining table. To be able to use this table I rely on the carpenters that made it, the wood supplier, the trees it came from (and by implication the forest, not to mention my parents’ hospitality!
I can do the same thing with the computer that I am writing on; so many people involved in the supply chains that put the machine together, created the software and so forth, for me to then buy and use relatively effortlessly
I’ve just finished a coffee whilst writing. Again, to get the coffee to me relies upon the water from the tap, the coffee supply chain, the supermarket, the coffee plant, the land that the coffee plant grew on…

In any aspect of my life, if I start to look at the interdependence that doing what I am doing relies upon, my wisdom-eyes open, and I start to see how intimately and fully I am connected to everything else in the world. From this comes gratitude of course, but also a fundamental reduction in my loneliness. I am always inter-connected, and in this way never alone in a lonely way!

Over-connected & lonely

The above two states of being and feeling interconnected contrast sharply with the experience of many people who are what you might call ‘over-connected’ through their phones and being online all the time. Our devices enable us to be ‘connected’ and ‘in-touch’ all the time, however this experience paradoxically leads many to feel lonely, left-out (and afraid of being left out), isolated and yet compulsively over-connected.

A few practice points:

Reduce, and manage wisely the amount of time you stay connected to the world through your devices
Use the amount of time you save from reduced device time to develop the wisdom of interconnectedness and belonging outlined in sections one and two of this article. This wisdom does not need to be hard work, it’s really just about grounding yourself in the recognition of it. Your inter-connection is fed easily and gently by the recognition!

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 2nd & 3rd September, 7.30-8.30pm, & then weekly – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 20th September, 5.30-6.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, interconnected, interdependence, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness and technology, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

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The Cloud of Unknowing, the ocean of…

Post author By Toby
Post date June 21, 2025

“Relaxing mindfully into your confusion often starts to dissipate the fogginess & return you to clarity without you ‘trying’ to”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at working with states of mind and emotion that we often consider to be in the way of our wellbeing, transforming them into the path of awakening. If you enjoy the article, you’d be welcome to join us for the Tuesday & Wednesday class where we will be working with this topic!

Also, quick shout out for the beginners meditation workshop on Saturday the 28th June…

In the spirit of clouds & oceans,

Toby

The Cloud of Unknowing, the ocean of sadness

On aspect of tantric meditation is the transformation of difficult emotions, passions or feelings into the path to awakening. It requires a degree of skill and a willingness to experiment a bit, but if you are willing to try, it can bring some decent results quite quickly. In this article I want to focus on ignorance/confusion and sadness.

From confusion to the Cloud of Unknowing

This method can work with a range of feelings such as confusion, overwhelm, dullness, anxiety. Take the feeling of confusion that you might have about what to do in a particular situation. Imagine also that you’re feeling a little tired, and that your brain has been a little overworked, so you have that ‘foggy’ sensation behind your forehead and above your eyes. Most often these feelings are ones that we fight with to overcome and get rid of. In this method however, you simply relax into the feelings and sensations of the confusion. You sense the brain fog behind your eyes and relax into it, letting your mind become foggy and cloudy. You allow your confusion to make you dull. By doing this you relax into a ‘Cloud of Unknowing’, a non-conceptual space of relaxed spaciousness. The dullness becomes your friend in aiding you to let go of your thoughts and into a state where the unknowing-ness leads you into a state of open empty space that is ‘Just this’.

The term ‘Cloud of Unknowing’ is a contemplative expression:
“The Cloud of Unknowing (Middle English: The Cloude of Unknowyng) is an anonymous work of Christian mysticism written in Middle English in the latter half of the 14th century. The text is a spiritual guide on contemplative prayer. The underlying message of this work suggests that the way to know God is to abandon consideration of God’s particular activities and attributes, and be courageous enough to surrender one’s mind and ego to the realm of “unknowing”, at which point one may begin to glimpse the nature of God”.

Our own confusion and dullness can help us to start to awaken to deeper levels of consciousness through the Cloud! You will also find that relaxing into the Cloud also often starts to dissipate the fogginess, and help you return to clarity (without ‘trying’ to).

The Ocean of sadness

When working with confusion, I often use the feelings in my head as the focus point. With sadness the focus changes to the heart and stomach areas, where we often feel sadness most keenly. Here you take a feeling of sadness and relax into it. If you imagine the sadness is like an ocean, and you let yourself gently sink beneath the surface and into the deep depths. I also follow the feeling in my body down into my stomach, it’s like a sinking feeling from your stomach down into the abdomem. As you sink down you start to let go of the specifics of the sadness, and just relax into the deep, non-conceptual, oceanic space that the sadness opens up within you. It’s like you are drifting in the depths of an immense ocean. This technique transforms the specific sadness into a deep non-conceptual space that you can then use to meditate on consciousness itself. In this way you transform an obstacle to meditation into the gateway to meditation.
Like the confusion, you may also find yourself emerging from the sadness quite naturally and without effort as a side effect of this practice.

Related articles: Darkness emerging as light
Messiness, unlabeling, unknowing
Taking the weight off your chest (Transforming sadness)

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

A Mind of Ease Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Presence and being present Primal Spirituality spiritual intelligence Uncategorized

Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

Post author By Toby
Post date May 19, 2025

“Tantric practices such as recognizing your indestructible-safety are all about making educated leaps of perception!”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes vulnerability, safety & invulnerability as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this week’s Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

If you enjoy the therapeutic side of the article, then do check out my therapeutic mindfulness coaching, and also the Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self on the 21st (workshop), & 23/24 (sessions) June. On early bird up until 7^th June 10% off!

In the spirit of the indestructibilty,

Toby

Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

Therapeutic mindfulness

The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to create a safe space for us to explore the way that our difficult past experiences impinge upon our present experience. It enables us to work trough them in a way that we increasingly experience the present moment free from the baggage of the past. In a previous article I outline six mindful positions that are useful in this regard:

Grounding in the senses
Recognizing safety
Warmth & compassion
Appreciation
Curiosity & courage
A sense of being supported

In this article I want to use safety as an example of how to combine therapeutic mindfulness and Tantric mindfulness. Therapeutically, recognizing and resting in safety involves acknowledging your vulnerable or fearful self, and then:

Recognizing that in this moment you are physically safe, there are no immanent threats to your wellbeing. Letting your body, mind, and heart rest in this space of safety, using it to feel secure and relaxed as you navigate the day
Creating a psychologically safe space – Consciously abstaining from attacking or negative thoughts/emotions toward yourself, so that your inner space with yourself is one that feels increasingly safe, reliable, and consistent.

Tantric mindfulness

In contrast to therapeutic mindfulness, Tantric mindfulness is about recognizing and experiencing your ‘always already’ awakened, ‘perfected’ nature in the present moment. If it can be combined with therapeutic mindfulness, then they create a wonderful and powerful team. So how can this be applied to safety? The instructions below are short and may seem quite radical, but, well, that’s Tantric practice, it is all about making ‘educated leaps of perception!’
If you relax into the stillness of your consciousness-itself in the present moment, then you will become aware of a dimension of self that is formless and timeless, Eternal, and Free. Recognizing and resting in that formless-timeless self, recognize that it is indestructible;

Because it was not born, it does not die
Because it is formless and timeless, it cannot be destroyed by anything
Even if the outer circumstances in your life are limiting and oppressive, this part of you is completely and radically FREE from this limitation, free from the oppression of fear, free from anxiety around uncertainty

So, you practice recognizing your formless timeless nature, recognize its nature as being indestructible safety, and identify YOU as THAT.

Three positions to explore combining therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness

So, to put these together, practice cycling through:

Breathing and relaxing into physical safety, dialling down your nervous systems’ emergency triggering
Creating a psychologically safe space for yourself to rest and regenerate yourself within
Based on the above two, practice recognizing your formless-timeless indestructible self, and rest in the experience of indestructible safety, both in meditation, and as much as possible in your daily life

This practice invites you to combine the acknowledgement of both your vulnerability, and need for safety at the same time as recognizing your indestructability. Initially this looks like a paradox, but put into practice it quickly becomes working with a complementary polarity.

Enjoy your indestructibility!

Related reading: Toby’s therapeutic mindfulness anthology
Therapeutic mindfulness coaching
Combining your witnessing with Tantric meditation

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Wednesday’s weekly, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Ongoing on Saturdays weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Saturday 24th May, 10.30am-12noon – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Level 1 – Friday 30^th May, 8am-4pm, Level 2 – Friday 13^th June, 8am-4pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to Non-Dual Meditation Practice Retreat & Course

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self – Workshop: Saturday 21^st June, 2-5pm SG time, &
session series: Session 1 – Monday 23^rd June, 7.30-9am (7.30-9pm Eastern time US), Session 2 – Tuesday 24^th June, 7.30-9am (7.30-9pm Eastern time US)

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, tantra, tantric midfullness, therapeutic mindfulness, therapy

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Re-awakening the Bliss of your childhood

Post author By Toby
Post date May 6, 2025

“Reconnecting to your bliss can have a profound effect on everything else; pain is less wearing, emotional dissonance is easier to harmonize, disappointments & life’s curve-balls are easier to work with”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes bliss and childhood as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this weeks Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

Quick reminder of the The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat over the weekend!

In the spirit of thoughtful bliss,

Toby

Re-awakening the Bliss of your childhood

When connecting to the bliss of being alive came naturally

When I was a young boy, I used to ‘twiddle’ my hair. This meant taking a lock of my hair between my index & middle fingers and rubbing it gently between the two. This very quicky sent me into a relaxed, semi-trance state that felt very naturally blissful. This bliss was a physical feeling in my body, not an abstract idea. When it happened, the front of my tongue would rise to the top, front of the roof of my mouth, where I would feel it ‘suck’ rhythmically, like a baby sucking on a bottle, or a breast. Twiddling my hair could go on for long periods, like in the back of a car whilst on a weekend journey. My parents literally called me ‘Toby twirl’ because of this habit, which lasted actively until my early teens.
After my early teens, I forgot about twiddling my hair for several years. But when I started practicing Qi gong, and meditating, I noticed that that familiar ‘sucking’ of my tongue on the roof of my mouth returned, along with the feeling of bliss in my body at certain times. This was something of a discovery, because once I had connected to the experience of childhood bliss, I found I could very easily go into a state of meditation by recalling the experience of twiddling my hair, and activating the feeling of blissful aliveness in my body. The bliss was/is really useful, because it makes it easy for the body-mind to relax, and to stop thinking about stuff. If you can access a state of bliss, since it is so much more pleasant to feel blissful than worried, it easy to choose feeling blissful over compulsive stress, at least for some of your day!

So, then I have a question for you; do you have any memories of childhood bliss, like the ‘hair-twiddling one’ that I mention above? Perhaps it was in your childhood, but it might have been later, in your teens, or a passage of your adult years. If you can find such a memory and remember it, then that can then act as the basis of your own re-awakening to bliss in the here and now.

Re-connecting to that cellular memory now

When you recall your experience of childhood (or other) bliss, what will happen is that you will activate your body’s cellular memory of it. This means you activate the feeling of the blissful memory in the body, and so actually start to experience a little bit of the bliss in the present moment. If you dwell upon that feeling now, you can grow it back to the power of it’s original state, thus bringing back the regenerative energy of bliss into your life. Just a few minutes a day of reconnecting to your bliss can have a profound effect on everything else; pain becomes less wearing, emotional dissonance is easier to harmonize, disappointments and life’s curve-balls are easier to accept and work with.

The bliss-work is nice to explore as a practice by itself, but there are also two further ways in which you can enhance the building of your bliss are:

Combining it with core cellular breathing
You can combine it with the meditation on Making yourself bigger

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Saturday 10th & Sunday 11th May – The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Starts Tuesday 6^th, Wednesday 7^th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Starts Saturday, 10^th May & then weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Tuesday 13th & Wednesday 14th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Wesak compassion & inner visioning meditation

Saturday 17th May, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Heart Opening meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Saturday 24th May, 10.30am-12noon – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Level 1 – Friday 30^th May, 8am-4pm, Level 2 – Friday 13^th June, 8am-4pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to Non-Dual Meditation Practice Retreat & Course

Tags bliss, childhood, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

A Mind of Ease Biographical Energy Meditation Insight Meditation Integral Meditation Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Presence and being present Primal Spirituality spiritual intelligence Zen Meditation

Taking the mountain with you

Post author By Toby
Post date April 15, 2025

“The only Zen that you find on top of a mountain is the Zen that you bring with you” – Robert M Pirsig

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at how to embody the energy of a mountain, its a fun idea with serious applications!

Lots of great events & courses coming up soon, scroll down below the article to have a look!

In the spirit of the mountain,

Toby

Taking the mountain with you

‘Taking the mountain with you’ is a Zen expression. It means that if you are a meditator, rather than needing to go to a mountain to ground, de-stress and recover your balance, you become like the energy of the mountain. By meditating consistently, as you walk around in the city or wherever you go, you take the energy of ‘mountainous-ness’ with you.
You can also take the image of the mountain as a metaphor for enlightenment, or awakening. When we are stabilized in the art of awakening, wherever we go we take that awakening with us, because we embody that energy.

“The only Zen that you find on top of a mountain is the Zen that you bring with you” – Robert M Pirsig.

When I was a monk, there were always members of the Buddhist group that I was in who were obsessed with the idea of going on retreat. They felt that, once they had done a six-month or one year retreat, somehow that would have attained a special state that would once-and-for-all mean that they never had to be bothered by ordinary states of mind and body again. They were looking for a one knock-out punch! Needless to say I also listened to several stories from these people regarding returning to ordinary life after their long retreat and feeling like they were back to square one after a disappointingly short time!

Bring the mountain you’ve got

One middle-way that I have found useful is to simply commit each day to bringing the ‘mountain that you have got’ with you into your life each day. What this means is that you bring to front and centre that part of you that is calm, balanced and stable like a mountain each day. Simply be that to the greatest degree that you are able.

A mountain poem

The birds have vanished down the sky.
Now the last cloud drains away.
We sit together, the mountain and me,
until only the mountain remains.
– Li Bai

Some meditation positions

Sit or stand like a mountain. At first imagine you are standing or sitting on a mountain. There is you and the mountain. Feel into the calmness, solidity, and presence of the mountain, gradually relax into this until as the poem says, “We sit together, the mountain and me, until only the mountain remains.” Go from being with the mountain to being the mountain. Work with this until there is no self-and-mountain, only ‘mountainous-ness’.

In daily life, try and return to this feeling of mountainous-ness often:

When you walk into a room or a meeting, bring it with you
Coming home from work, bring it on the train with you
Sit down to the family dinner with it
Experience your uncertainty with it
Through the highs and lows of your life, bring the mountain with you

Wherever you go, bring the mountain!

Related reading: The body is in you – How to go into deep meditation quickly
Four Zen Meditations

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Saturday 17th May, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Heart Opening meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, mountain meditation, power of mind

A Mind of Ease Enlightened Flow Enlightened love and loving Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Meditating on the Self Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Primal Spirituality

None of it & all of it – Who are you really?

Post author By Toby
Post date March 24, 2025

“If you freed your self-sense from it’s current limitations, what creative possibilities might arise?”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at “Who am I really?” as an object of meditation. If you enjoy it you would be welcome to join us for the Tuesday & Wednesday, as well as the Saturday sessions this week, where we will be working with this meditation directly.

In the spirit of the simple feeling of Being,

Toby

None of it & all of it – Who are you really?

This article focuses on our self-sense as the gateway to a non-dual meditation experience. Really what it is is a series of mindful positions that will lead you progressively from your ‘small I’ to your ‘Big I’. It echoes the Hindu Vedanta school of meditation, some of the esoteric teachings of Christ within the Christian tradition, and Qabalah. All of these three have the ‘I AM’ as a central focus of meditation enquiry.

Out sense of self or I accompanies our every moment. Transforming this sense of self therefore has a tremendous impact in all domains of our life. If integrated well, we can find ourself happier, more motivated, more relaxed and more effective as a result of doing this meditation.

The simple feeling of being

The first object of meditation is the simple feeling of being. Notice how, at the centre of each moment of your experience is a sense of self, me or I, a being-ness.

Being trapped inside the skin

Secondly, notice how your sense of being, your ‘I’ seems to instinctively be located within your body, with the boundary being your skin. You, or ‘self’ is inside the body, with your thoughts, feelings, sensibilities, perspectives. The World and ‘others’ are outside. Small vulnerable self within, big word outside. Notice how this feeling of being/self affects every perception and experience you have.

Witnessing – “Not this, not that”

Notice within you that there is a witnessing consciousness, an observer that is not the body, not the mind, or your thoughts, beliefs, or emotions. It is not the job title you have, or the family position, or your tribulations or successes. Rather it is that which witnesses these with equanimity, transcending and including everything within its gaze. Notice also that this witness self is the source of the ‘simple feeling of being’ mentioned in the first position above. Separate out the Witness Self, and get used to “Holding to the attitude of the non-doer or witnessing Self in the midst of all actions”.

None of this also = All of This!

Once you have freed your inner sense of self from identification with your body or other aspects of your everyday self, the experience is exactly that, a huge sense of freedom, liberation, a big letting go into a vaster, bigger all-encompassing Self.

The movement from here is toward the recognition that, since you are not any part of your small I, then you are free to identify Self as the Whole, as the Whole World, the whole Universe. Here you can simply sit and watch everything that arises within your field of awareness, recognizing it as Self. No more self and other, no more subjects and objects, just the Self, the I AM, the Simple Feeling of Being appearing as the World, as the Universe. To quote from a previous article, Self and the World become ‘Not one, not two’.

This final position also invokes two of my favourite bible quotes:

God’s revelation to Moses in Exodus 3:14, where God (appearing as the burning bush) says, “I AM WHO I AM” (or “I AM THAT I AM”) in response to the question “Who are you?”

Jesus’s response in John 8:58, where he states “Before Abraham was, I am.” What I AM is this? The formless timeless Witness, that lived within Jesus, and lives within us now. The I AM that is not any one part of the World, and so is all of it!

Related reading: Awakening, not over-thinking

Self as the Gateway to the Expanded Self and to Universal Love and Compassion

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing on Tues & Weds, 7.30-8.30 pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice

Ongoing on Saturdays, 5.30-6-15pm – Freedom & Fullness deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions

Tues 18th, Weds 19th March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday 2nd & Sunday 3rd May – The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Starts Tues 6^th, Wednesday 7^th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Shamanic meditations for connecting to your animal guides & familiars

Tuesday 13th & Wednesday 14th May – Wesak compassion & inner visioning meditation

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Prajna – Seeing things from all angles & none

Post author By Toby
Post date February 17, 2025

“Prajna is awareness that does not break reality into opposites. When you are feeling broken-apart by the world, it is a place you can return to, finding wholeness instantly”

Dear Integral Meditators,

The meditation processes I describe below are part of the ongoing theme of Non-Duality practice that I have been writing about the last few weeks. The beauty of them is that they are simple at the same time as profound. Have a go at developing your prajna!

If you enjoy the article, we will be meditating on this topic in both the Tues/Weds class and the Saturday deep-dive sessions. I invite you to join us either live, online or via the recording!

In the spirit of prajna,

Toby

Prajna – Seeing things from all angles & none

Dualistic or conceptual reality

From the point of view of the Madhyamika Buddhist meditation school, confusion and suffering derives at its root from what is called dualistic-appearance. Dualistic appearance is basically what happens when we conceptualize. Conceptual thinking and feeling does two things:

When we see an object or person (or belief etc…) we then throw our idea of the object on top of the object itself, so now there are two things appearing to us, not just one. This is one reason why it is called dualistic appearance.
Secondly, we see the world in terms of opposites, polarities, or dualities, for example good and bad, higher, and lower, better or worse, nirvana (freedom) and samsara (bondage).

Dualistic appearance sees the object together with our idea of the object, and then we conceptualize the object in terms of its opposites.
For example, let us say you or I meet a female primary school teacher. The first instant you see her, you will see her ‘as she is’. In the next moment your mind will start throwing concepts on her based upon things like:

Your experience of primary school
Your assessment of teachers
Whether she is your child’s teacher or not

You will start making assessments in terms of opposites:

She’s a better/worse teacher than my primary school teacher
She is polite/rude
She is admirable/contemptible
She is superior/inferior to me

Of course, using these dualities well is essential for navigating the world effectively. But it is also this same duality that prevents us from seeing the world as it is, from seeing reality from an Ultimate or Absolute point of view, and that creates all sorts of sufferings and problems for us.

Seeing dualistic appearance / Pranja – Dropping dualistic appearance

In our own self-enquiry, we can start to look for and see the processes of our own dualistic appearance. We can watch how we ‘throw’ our ideas onto people and things, and box them into polarities. This is a very interesting and powerful practice in itself. We can then practice dropping our ideas about what we are seeing, and try to encounter things as they are, in a singular, non-dual manner. One way to do this is to practice the ‘mirror mind’ method that I outline in a precious article. You imagine that your awareness is a mirror, simply reflecting back what it sees without adding or subtracting to it. This non-dual way of viewing the world is called prajna, or wisdom.

Seeing things from all angles and none

Another complementary technique to mirror mind that you can use is explained by Ken Wilber in his article on ‘Five Reasons You Are Not Enlightened’. I’m just going to quote it directly below, as it is very clear:
“One little exercise I use to get into a state of pure awareness without any conceptual operation is to: Ask yourself how do you feel physically? So, you start to get a sense of how that is. How do you feel emotionally? How do you feel morally? How do you feel mentally? Now how do you feel from all those angles at once?
As soon as you hear that question, there is a silence in the mind, a quiet, there’s no immediate answer that comes up. And that is because you have an awareness that is not conceptualizing and not feeling. It’s just pure, unqualifiable awareness. And that is an example of prajna, or being in pure awareness without concepts. And so, remaining in that state sooner or later allows you to have a realization of Ultimate Reality, where emptiness and form are not two. Where samsara and nirvana are not two. Because it is an awareness that does not break reality into opposites. And so this type of awareness is the fundamental practice of the Madhyamika, and in many cases Mahayana schools of Buddhism”.

Related reading: Mirror mind meditation
Dualistic Appearance – What you see, and what you think you see

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

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Paper trees, paper flowers

Post author By Toby
Post date January 14, 2025

“Seeing reality isn’t easy, because our mind throws our idea of what we think we are seeing onto what we see”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at the dance between conceptual reality and reality itself. If you like the article, you are invited to come along to this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class, where we will be taking this subject as our object of meditation.

Other upcoming events include the Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop this Saturday the 18th. Scroll beow the article for the full list!

In the spirit of beyond paper,

Toby

Paper trees, paper flowers

DREAMS – by Anthony De Mello
“When will I be enlightened?” “When you see.” the Master said. “See what?”
“Trees and flowers and moon and stars.” “But I see these everyday.”
“No. What you see is paper trees, paper flowers, paper moons and paper stars. For you
live, not in reality, but in your words and thoughts.”
And, for good measure, he added gently, “You live a paper life alas, and will die a paper death.”

Living in your mind

A large part of the quest of meditation is to live in reality, rather than in an illusion. When we are lost in thought then the reality that we are inhabiting is essentially a fantasy reality, or a secondary, mental reality made up of words and thoughts. In the short story above, the master calls this a ‘paper’ reality, or a reality made up of paper and words, like a book.
Of course it is good to develop your mind, your thinking and conceptual capability, but when this mode of experiencing takes over, dominating our daily perception and experience, you can say that we lose contact with actual reality, and become lost in paper reality.

Dualistic appearance – Even when you see things, you don’t see things

So, we can come back to the present moment, and try and experience our immediate reality, and go beyond the paper. If we do this and watch closely however, we will start to notice that it’s not quite so simple, because when we see something or somebody, our mind immediately throws our idea of what we think we are seeing onto what we see.
In Buddhist philosophy, this is called dualistic appearance, or – ‘The appearance of an object to our mind together with our generic, or conceptual image of that object’. If you watch closely, you will start to see your mind doing this. It is difficult to spot at first, because it happens in a fraction of a second, and once done the object, and the idea we have ‘thrown’ onto it merge and appear as one. Dualistic appearance is like having a projector behind you, projecting mental images onto the reality that you see in front of you, like in the cinema.

Conceptual education – A part of the challenge

From a young age, the dominant mode of education for most of us is conceptual and intellectual. This makes living in a paper world doubly difficult, as we have spent A LOT of our time literally living in a paper world as we studied. By the time we finish our education, conceptual perception tends to dominate our other forms of perception, and we literally spend most of our time lost in a world of words and concepts, or ‘paper’.

Three stages to going from paper life to real life:

Notice how much of the time that you get caught up in a paper or mental world, lost in thoughts. Make a conscious effort to come back to the moment and be where you are, with what you have immediately around and within you
Notice that, even when you do this, your mind is projecting it’s idea of what it thinks is there, onto the thing itself. Try and mindfully see that happening in real time
Practice putting down the projection, and just seeing the thing you are focused on itself, as it is, without the ‘paper’ projection

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Meditation classes & workshops in January 2025 with Toby:

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

From Tues 7th/Weds 8th January, 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday 18th January 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday, 25th January, 9.30-11.30am – Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass

Saturday, 25th January, 5-6pm – Engaged mindfulness & meditation class – ‘Honesty, release and redirection – three levels of non-judgment’

Wednesday 29^th January, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar New Year Meditation 2025: Developing your wisdom, intuition & renewal in the year of the wood snake

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Balanced self-awareness, mindful self-consciousness

Post author By Toby
Post date October 29, 2024

“Balanced self-awareness is the foundation of most other healthy psychological capacities, so it is well worth being consistent and persistent around”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at self-awareness as an object of mindfulness; why it is important to have the right type of self-awareness, and how to begin cultivating it consistently.

In the spirit of self-awareness,

Toby

Balanced self-awareness, mindful self-consciousness

Often mindfulness is associated with increased self-awareness. Implicit in this might be the assumption that all self-awareness is good self-awareness. This is something worth noting, as it is not necessarily the case.

Imbalanced or neurotic self-awareness

Here are a few examples of ways in which self-awareness can be unhelpful and/or work against us:

We could be overly self- aware, in a way that is debilitating or anxiety stimulating. For example, in social situations we could be excessively concerned about what other people may be thinking of us or how we look
We could be self-aware with non-acceptance and neurotic intention. By this I mean we can be self-aware, but unhappy with who we are, wishing we were someone else, possessing a different physical appearance or character. This self-awareness produces conflict and discomfort
We can be self-aware in a very judgmental or aggressive way, obsessing about mistakes made, or ways in which we are ‘not good enough’ or a ‘fake’
We could be self-aware, but projecting the past and future onto the present moment, so that who and what we see is not a realistic image of the person that is actually there

In all the above cases, an element of self-awareness is present, but it is not helping us, and not enjoyable. If our habitual self-awareness is like this, then then quite naturally we are then going to try and avoid self-awareness when we can, because it is such a difficult experience. We could spend our time flip-flopping between neurotic self-awareness and desperate attempts to distract ourselves and become less self-aware!

Balanced mindful self-awareness

Here are some characteristics of what balanced self-awareness looks like:

To be self-aware as an observer. By this I mean that part of good self-awareness is that we are merely aware, with a healthy degree of curious objectivity.
To be self-aware with acceptance and kind intention. By this I mean there is a deliberate effort to be at peace with the person we are in the moment, supportive of them and not at war with them. To be supportive of ourselves means to extend a basic kind and caring intention to ourselves, making this an integral part of our basic self-consciousness
With compassionate judgment. Here I mean that the inner commentary that goes with our self-awareness can express discernments and judgments, but their nature is supportive and caring, consistent with the kindness and caring intention.
Finally, our self-awareness should be on purpose, deliberate and in the present moment. On purpose means we are conscious of the quality of our self-awareness, making it in-line with the characteristics mentioned above. In the present means being with the self or person that we are in the here and now, rather than lost in past selves or ideas of our future selves unconsciously.

There are four characteristics of balanced self-awareness that I mention above. In your own practice you can take one or two of these at a time, becoming familiar with the feel of them, and making them gradually habitual and intuitive. If we can make our self-awareness balanced, then we will start to enjoy it and trust it. When this happens, it becomes natural to want to be more self-aware, because good things come of it. Balanced self-awareness is really the foundation of almost all other healthy psychological capacities, so it is well worth being consistent and persistent around!

Related article: What is self-awareness?
© Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology

Tags balance, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, self-awareness