Tag: mindful relationships

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creative imagery Energy Meditation Enlightened love and loving Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

The state of connected

“The capacity to enjoy a benevolent intimate connection to ourself is a key energizing force. If we feel comfortable on our own skin, if we like who we are and spending time with ourself, if we can trust ourself to be on our own side, then we will feel confident and energised when alone”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is an exploration of the state of connection. If you enjoy it, we will be exploring it in the Tuesday and Wednesday meditation class.

In the spirit of connection,

Toby

 

 

 

The state of connected (A node in a web)

Instinctively as humans we feel strengthened and energized by a sense of community and connection. Here are four ways that you can mindfully cultivate a state of connection and the benefits that it brings.

  1. Independent interdependence – The first observation is that, on one level, the notion of independence and separation is an illusion. We are in a dependent relationship to others in a myriad of ways. The food we eat, the clothes we wear all come from the work of others. Nominally independent, the reality is that we live in a state of continuous interdependence on others. Just this recognition can help is to start to appreciate connection and relationship in a different way. We want to combine our sense of independence and interdependence into a complementary whole.
  2. Connected to yourself, comfortable in your own skin – We are in relationship to others, but for most of us the first disconnect happens with ourself. The capacity to enjoy a benevolent intimate connection to ourself is a key energizing force. If we feel comfortable on our own skin, if we like who we are and spending time with ourself, if we can trust ourself to be on our own side, then we will feel confident and energised when alone.
  3. Supported by others – When you aren’t feeling good about yourself, or if you are feeling tired, we can start to unconsciously self-isolate, and feel lonely, without support. Deliberately remembering and opening to the relationships we have with others whose basic intention toward us is supportive and benevolent is a simple and powerful way to calm and energize ourselves as we go through challenges.
  4. Environmental connection & participation – There is a three-way connection that you can be aware of here; the earth/planetary being beneath you, the sky, stars and universe above (and around in the big sense of the word) you, and the landscape and forces of nature immediately around you. When you are surrounded by an artificial and man-made environment, it is easy to forget and cease to leverage upon the natural communion and connection that we have with the planet, nature and the universe.

An image for connection – A node in a web
Imagine your energy field around you like a ball of light. Imagine it to be like a node or connecting point in a huge web of energetic connection above you, below you, around you. You can see the threads of this web extending from your energy field to other nodes; people and nature around you, the planet beneath you, the stars, sun and moon above. Imagine yourself being fed with positive energy by all of the threads connecting your energy field to these other sources. You can also feel yourself giving energy to those around you via these threads. You are giving and receiving in a way that is creating energy and wellbeing for both you and those you are connected with. You can focus on the feeling of being generally connected, or on your connection to particular people or sources. Relax with this image and with the feeling of being connected for as long as you want. Allow it to give you a sense of your own living state of connection, and the energy that it makes available to you.

Article © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com  

Saturday 27th March, 10.30-12.30 & 3-5pm – Psychic & Psychological Self-defence Master class & retreat

In a sentence: Learn how you can effectively defend yourself from negative people, energies and places outside of yourself, as well as the fears and problematic emotions that you feel present within yourself using simple & specific mindfulness & meditation techniques.

Overview:

  • How can I keep myself strong, directed & happy when other people around me are negative, unhappy or even consciously or unconsciously verbally/psychologically attacking me?
  • When I am under stress and can feel my own negativity, anxiety, depression, anger & so on surfacing, how can I defend myself effectively?

Read full details

Tues 23rd & Weds 24th March – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditationThe Spring Equinox in the northern hemisphere marks the mid-point between the cooler, darker seasons of the year and the lighter, warmer ones. The forces of day and night, light and dark are of equal strength. As such it represents time to emphasize balance and harmony, both in our life and meditation practice.

It is also good time to attune the life-force in the earth and creative energies within ourselves. We will be taking the time to get in touch with the new ideas, energies and creativity within ourselves as they emerge like new plants and flowers in spring…read full details

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA in December:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday/Wednesday evening February 23rd/24th – Meditations for thriving and energy creation amidst Covid – A seven week course

Saturday 27th March, 10.30-12.30 & 3-5pm – Psychic & Psychological Self-defence Master class & retreat

Tues 23rd & Weds 24th March – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Tues 23rd & Weds 24th March – Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Mindful Confidence Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Your first (&most important) relationship

“We project the health or lack of it in our relationship to self onto everything and everyone else.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

The article below explores how to be mindful around our relationship to self, which I always say is our first and most important relationship!

In the spirit of our first relationship,

Toby

PS: If you missed it, check out last weeks article on Matching your expectation with reality or watch my one minute video on the same subject.

Your first (&most important) relationship

When practicing mindfulness in relationships, one important ‘first position’ that I emphasize (in my own practice and also when teaching others) is that your most important relationship is to yourself. If you can get this one right, then it will affect all of your other relationships in a positive way. This is because:

  • We have to spend 24hours a day with ourself. We can escape from our partner, colleagues and kids for a while, but you are stuck with ‘you’ all the time!
  • Anything that is right or wrong in our relationship to ourself we then project onto our relationships with others. We project the health or lack of it in our first relationship onto everything else.

In short, the more solid a relationship you build to yourself, the easier and more successful your relationships with others are likely to be. With this in mind here are some simple (but deep) mindful positions you can take to help improve your relationship to yourself:

  1. Commit to being on your own side – Today are you going to be the one supporting and encouraging yourself to the next level of creative expression in your life, or are you going to be the main thing that is holding you back, keeping you scared? Practice choosing the former rather than the latter!
  2. Listen to yourself – Work at counselling yourself well by listening to the conversation and emotions present within. Practice what it is like to extend empathy and understanding, rather than intolerance and judgment
  3. Appreciate yourself – Make sure that the good things that you are doing for yourself, others and in your life are not going un-noticed and un-valued.
  4. Be honest, don’t dodge the difficult stuff – Don’t run away from the most difficult parts of your relationship to yourself. Practice naming and working with the parts of you that are wounded, resentful, insecure, paranoid and so on. Take responsibility for your own self-healing
  5. Practice seeing yourself from other people’s point of view – Whenever you do this you will see yourself in a new light that is useful and interesting. Don’t get locked soley in the old, familiar ways of viewing yourself
  6. Practice seeing yourself more objectively – Although we can never see ourselves entirely objectively, we can nevertheless practice seeing ourselves more objectively. Seeing yourself impersonally helps you take calmer more objective decisions with regard to how you treat yourself!

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2020

Saturday 18th July, 4-6pm – Mindful relationships masterclass

Learn how you can use mindfulness improve your relationships and relationship skills

Relationships form a major part of our happiness and enjoyment in life, but that can also be difficult, complicated, challenging and confusing. This two-hour masterclass focuses on practical skills to help you get the most out or your relationships, both professional and personal. By changing the way you pay attention, you can change your relationships! You will learn:

Read full details…

Tues 21st July 7.30-8.30pm, Weds 22nd July  7.30-8.3pm – Monthly new moon, new beginnings visualization and envisioning sessions
These are meditation classes done monthly around the turn of the new moon that enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start with regard to:

  • Our health
  • Our inner growth
  • And our life’s purpose and future goals

See full details…

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?

Read full details…

Saturday 25th July, 2.30-5.30pm – Environmental meditation masterclass – Working consciously with the forces of nature

In a sentence: Learn to work consciously with the forces of nature and your environment as well develop powerful meditation states.

There is much concern and talk today about the state of the environment and the relationship of humankind to nature. This is a workshop that will introduce you to simple, ancient meditation techniques to….

Read full details…


Sunday July 19th & 26th, 5-5.50pm – Online Qi gong workout class

This is a Qi gong session that begins with movement, breathing and energy work to thoroughly energize and refresh your body, nervous system and energy meridians  and regenerate your physical, energetic, mental and spiritual being…read full details

Restarts Sunday 19th July – Qi gong energy body activation meditation

About the sessions: These are Qi gong meditation sessions to activate and enhance the flow of ‘qi’ or subtle energy in your body. We will then be using this flow for:

  • Enhancing physical health and healing
  • Increased emotional wellbeing and mental balance
  • Access to deeper, more dynamic meditation states to transform and regenerate your body, mind and soul

Full details of class…

Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes

Build focus, beat stress, cultivate wellbeing!

Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes

 

Coming soon: High performance bootcamp – Using mindfulness to operate at your peak without burning out

Are you a high-potential individual who often feels overworked, stressed, sleep-deprived, or mentally and physically exhausted?  Yet, you are expected to be on your A-game everyday, make clear decisions, problem solve, and be fully focused and present for your employer and teams? Do you wonder if performance in your career and your well-being are a zero-sum game, and see your well-being fall to the sidelines under the ever increasing work commitments.

At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Weekly Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Tuesday’s at 12.30-1.20 – Ongoing Tuesday Lunchtime meditation class @Space2B

Ongoing Sundays 6-6.50pm –  Qi gong energy body activation meditation (Livestream)

Saturday 18th July, 4-6pm – Mindful relationships masterclass

Sunday July 19th, 26th – Qi gong workout class

Tues 21st July 7.30-8.30pm, Weds 22nd July  7.30-8.3pm – Monthly new moon, new beginnings visualization and envisioning sessions

Saturday 25th July 10.30am-12noon – ONLINE Get your meditation practice started now – The shortest & most time effective meditation course ever

Saturday 25th July, 2.30-5.30pm – Environmental meditation masterclass – Working consciously with the forces of nature

Coming in July – High performance bootcamp: Using mindfulness to operate at your peak without burning out

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
creative imagery Energy Meditation Enlightened love and loving Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Breathing Mindful Resilience Mindfulness

Connecting to your circle of strength

“Open to the feeling of being supported as you go about your day; recognizing that you are not alone in the world, and that you have genuine support available to you at all times”

W

Dear Integral Meditators,

Mindfulness in and with your relationships can be genuinely transformative.  This weeks article looks at one way to start tapping into its power!

Reminder that the Men’s group re-starts next Monday, and of this Saturday’s Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session from 6.30-7.30pm!

In the spirit of supporting each other,

Toby

 

 

Article: Connecting to your circle of strength

On a very primal, mammalian level, we draw strength from the feeling of belonging to a group, a family or a tribe. Being mindful of who your ‘core circle of support or strength’ is in your life is a simple but profound practice that, once we start it becomes a reliable source of strength and stability as we navigate life’s ups and downs.

Giving and receiving: Two basic aspects of relational health
Before we get to our core circle, I want to mention two aspects of relational health that are kind of like you left and right hand; they are fundamental. The first is knowing how to receive; to receive support and love from others (and yourself), to let it in. the second is knowing how to give; to give love and support to others (and yourself). By knowing how to both give and receive we set up a mutually re-enforcing loop of good energy between ourself and others that is deeply conducive to psychological health and wellbeing. Too much or not enough of either can move us into a state of imbalance. You’ll probably find you are better at one or the other, but you need both!

Identifying your core circle
So then, if you consider your life now, who are the 3-5 core people around you that you trust? These are people who you can rely upon to support you/extend love to, and vice-versa. Take a while to identify who they are, and then visualize them around you or beside you. As you do so see them smiling at you. Feel the support and trust that lies between you and them.

Building strength
As you breathe in, see if you can open your heart and body to receiving the love and support from your core circle. Do this for a while, then, as you breathe out, practice giving your love and support to them. You can then practice giving and receiving as you inhale and exhale, setting up an energetic loop of trust and support between you and your group.

Creating a variety of circles
If you like you can create different groups that you work with at different times. One could be based specifically around family, one around friends, one around professional colleagues and so on. You can even create imagined ones where you invite your heroes from literature or from history to surround you, and build a relationship with them!

There is no need to try and do it alone!
During the day, try and keep in mind your ‘Core circle of support’. Try and get used to the feeling of being supported as you go about your day; recognizing that you are not alone in the world, and that you have genuine support available to you at all times. Not feeling alone, even if we are physically alone can really help us to navigate our challenges more easily and with less stress. For the vast majority of people, their core circle already exists, its just a matter of leveraging upon it mindfully!

All upcoming classes and workshops for January 2020

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Tuesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Tues 7th & Weds 8th January – 2020 New year releasing and inviting meditation

Saturday 11th January, 6.30-7.30pm – Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

Starts Monday January 13th, 6.30-8pm – The Men’s group, the path of conscious manhood

Saturday 18th January, 10.30am-12pm – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Tues 21st & Weds 22nd January, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar New Year Meditation 2020: Developing your inner-resourcefulness & practical wisdom in the year of the Rat

Friday, Sat, Sunday 7,8,9th February & Friday, Sat, Sunday 21,22,23rd February – The Qi Gong Foundation Program & Program for coaches and trainers 

Begins Monday 13th January – The Men’s group – The Path of Conscious Manhood

How can you move from coping to thriving as a man? What are mindful the skills needed to build, emotional, and personal freedom as a man that enhances relationships, work and well-being? Find deep support from a community of men committed to bringing out the very best of what they are capable!
Click here to find out more…

 

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Enlightened love and loving Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindfulness Presence and being present

Four ways of being mindful in relationships

Dear  Integral Meditators,

How can you use mindfulness to improve your relationship wisdom? The article below offers some specific pointers for practice!

In the spirit of wise relating,

Toby

Four ways of being mindful in relationships

Mindfulness is about training your attention in specific ways. In each area of your life there are ways of paying attention that are going to be particularly useful for mastering that particular domain of experience. Its not like there is just one way of being mindful that you master. For every activity you need to identify the specific ways of paying attention that will going to help you become more mindfully effective in that area. In mindful relationships there are four objects of attention that can be particularly useful to bear in mind and pay attention to. These are the first, second and third person perspectives, plus what you might call a ‘we perspective, or ‘we space’. These perspectives each reveal a particular dimension of how the relationship is playing out, and gives you information that can be helpful in finding a solution to problems and encouraging harmony and well-being.
I’ll explain these four perspectives below. To do this as an exercise as you are reading, it might be useful at this point to bring to mind one of your own relationships that you want to look into. It could be a personal one with a lover or family member, or a professional one such as with a colleague or business partner.

The first-person perspective – What it looks like from your point of view.
The first-person perspective is what the situation in the relationship looks like from your personal point of view; from ‘my point of view’, ‘how I see it’. What are you experiencing? What are your feelings, needs, desires and wishes? How do you experience the other person and their behaviour? Spend time opening to awareness of what your experience is in the relationship. Its really important to know where you stand and what’s going on for you!

The-second person perspective – Their point of view
This second point if view means looking at the situation from the other person(s) point of view. How are they feeling, why are they speaking in the way they are? What is their body language communicating? What is their mindset and values? Here you get out of your perspective and try and inhabit their POV as fully as possible. Use your imagination and intuition to ‘walk a mile in their shoes’. Try and understand their perspective as experientially as possible.

The third person perspective – Being a ‘fly on the wall’
In this third position, you observe the interaction impartially. This objective, 3rd person perspective is like being a fly on the wall; you are not personally interested in any of it. You are just gathering information, taking notes, being as empirical as possible. You’ll find this reveals a very different understanding from positions one and two!

Position four – The ‘we space’
This fourth position observes the interactive space that you create between each other, or in the group. You find it by asking questions like ‘What is the dynamic of my relationship with this person?’ and ‘What do we thrive on together, and what creates friction between us?’ Your ‘we space’ is the unique culture that exists in any relationship that you have with another person. Attention to how that dynamic works will give you important insights into what you can do and how you can behave to improve its quality.Any relationship you have that you want deeper insight into, or want to improve, try taking each of these four perspectives regularly, and then acting upon the insights that you glean from them. Happy observing! R

Related articles:  Cultivating Mindful Relationships
Four Methods for Cultivating Mindful Relationships
Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationshipsRelated coaching with Toby: Handle stress and have peace of mind

​© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Integral Meditation AsiaOnline Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology