Category: Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit

Change your idea, change yourself – Working creatively with your self-concept

Post author By Toby
Post date November 5, 2025

“We can learn to relate creatively to our self-concept in a way that opens doors, rather than closes them. The older we get, the more important this creative capacity becomes”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores a creative & psycho-dynamic meditation form. The stages of it form the basis of my upcoming weekday & Saturday series on ‘how to work with your bright shadow’. If you enjoy the article, then do consider attending one program, or even both of them!

In the spirit of opening to possibilities,

Toby

Change your idea, change yourself – (Five stages to) Working creatively with your self-concept

By the time you get to adulthood, your dominant sense of self, at least for most people, is an idea. This idea is called your ‘self-concept.’ It is a dynamic collection of conditioned beliefs, assimilated past experiences, habitual emotional states, absorbed philosophies, learned behaviour and so on that you identify as ‘me’.

“I am an extrovert”/introvert
“I am an Asian/European/African and therefore I can/can’t….”
“I’m an optimist/pessimist”
“I am good at/not good at…”

You get the idea. Your self-concept is just an idea of who you are, but it is an idea that you are completely or at least very closely identified with. It defines most of how you turn up, how you behave and what you feel yourself to be capable of.
Furthermore, your self-concept has two parts, conscious and unconscious. The conscious part of yourself concept is your self-image. The unconscious part is the part that is not acceptable to your self-image, and that you repress and reject. Any part of your self-concept that you don’t like or feel threatened by, you can push into your unconscious, where it becomes a part of your shadow, or dis-owned self.

What I outline below is a way of working creatively with your self-concept, to open possibilities, rather than close them. By doing so it becomes possible to relate to our idea of ourself in a way that opens doors, rather than closes them particularly, but not only as we find ourselves getting older.

For this work, it is a good idea to take a specific area of your life and self-concept, bearing it in mind as you work your way though the five stages below…

Step one, observing – noticing the narrative, conceptual and non-conceptual

Firstly, take the position of the observer in your field of awareness, and practice, observing, listening to and accepting this part of your self-concept, and your close identification with it. For example, if you are taking your idea of self-as-parent:

Notice the commentary within you about what a parent should or shouldn’t be, and how you are measuring up
Observe the emotional range coming up within you, and your judgements about those emotions
Accept whatever arises as fully as you can

At this stage I find working on accepting and observing with the qualities of curiosity, courage and care to be particularly useful.

Step two, dis-identifying – dropping the labels, badges, and roles

Secondly, practice putting down, or dis-identifying with all the labels, roles and badges that are involved in this part or aspect of your self-concept. Practice becoming a man or woman. A person of no-rank, no position in life. Practice just being a being, and enjoying the freedom of that space.

Step three, imagining – exploring new ideas of self-in-role

From your position as a person of no-rank, explore new ideas, and possibilities of yourself in the role you are working on (parenting, romantic partner, professional, etc…). Connect to new ideas and possibilities that you might integrate into this area of yourself in this role.

Step four encountering – meeting and communicating with your new self

Visualize the self that you have imagined in step three as a person in front of you. S/he looks very much like you, but embodies the qualities that you have been imagining. As you see this person in front of you, invite a communication. Ask them a question such as:

What are you asking of me right now?
How can I integrate you more fully into my daily life?
What is your perspective on this situation/problem that I am facing right now??

Have a chat and see what transpires!

Step five role-playing – developing yourself in your new role

Imagine the ‘self’ in front of you steps toward you. Imagine you step toward them. Another step and you step into each other, and merge. Experience yourself AS this newly imagined self, BE them.

Once you have finished the meditation, work on role-playing this new self into your daily life. Meet your challenges AS them, particularly with regard to the specific roles you identified in step 2 above.

Related articles: Why we may repress our strengths – six reasons
The bright shadow, the one who can do what you cannot do

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Weds September, 7.30-8.30pm, – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Ongoing Saturdays 5.30-6.15pm – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

21 Nov & 28th Nov, 8am-12pm – The wisdom of Zen meditation practice retreat & course, levels 1&2

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday 29th November, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

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Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, self-concept, shadow meditation

Energy Meditation Inner vision Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Shadow meditation

Why we may repress our strengths – six reasons

Post author By Toby
Post date October 29, 2025

“What are the ways in which I have been underestimating myself? And what is one small thing I can do today to grow into my strengths and true capability?”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at different reasons that we repress our strengths, and invites awareness of how we might start to step into these hidden capacities within us.
If you enjoy the article, then do check out the upcoming Tuesday & Wednesday series, as well as the Saturday Deep-dive sessions on bright shadow meditation practice starting mid-November.

Also, I have a Special coaching offer: 15% off of all 1:1 shadow coaching sessions with Toby up until End November 2025. You can click the link for more details.

In the spirit of growing our capacity,

Toby

Why we may repress our strengths – six reasons

In shadow meditation we may hear quite a lot about why we would repress the ‘dark’ side of ourself, parts of us that we are afraid of or that we loathe. Look slightly deeper into shadow work and we start to see that we repress our strengths, good qualities, and talents equally strongly. Why is that? Here are six reasons:

They may cause us pain – for example if we open to the power of our compassion, it may make us ‘vulnerable’ to or overwhelmed by the sufferings of the world.
They are associated with our fears or perceived ‘bad’ qualities – For example we may associate our sense of personal power and leadership capability with being angry or dominating
We are simply unfamiliar with them – For example if we have a creative talent, but come from a non-creative family, it may be beyond our idea of what we think we can or could be
They run counter to our instincts or habits – For example if we are an introvert, but are potentially witty and entertaining, we may admire others with those skills, but not consider it something that we could be
We associate the quality with a negative figure from our past – For example we may repress our potential for emotional care due to having had a smothering mother
If we fully own and express this quality, we will stand out – or be mocked, or thought of as unconventional, or be judged in some way

From these six examples we start to see that it is very easy, and understandable to underestimate ourself and what we are capable. Sometimes it can be as scary or even scarier to open to how ‘big and bright’ we can be as it is to confront the dark monsters within. A further point that shadow work helps us to understand is that sometimes the dark shadows within us hides or conceal bright secrets. As with point 2 above, its easy to label something within us mistakenly, and unwittingly pay the price!

A short mindful question to conclude: What are the ways in which I have been underestimating myself? And what is one small thing I can do today to grow into my strengths and true capability?

Related articles: Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration
The bright shadow, the one who can do what you cannot do

Upcoming series’ on the shadow & the golden shadow

Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

Special coaching offer: 15% off of all 1:1 shadow coaching sessions with Toby up until End November 2025

In a sentence: Shadow coaching shows you how to spot your shadow self. It offers practical and accessible methods for helping to release the energy within you that has been trapped in your shadow self, so that you can live your life at its fullest, deepest potential.

Upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Weds September, 7.30-8.30pm, – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Ongoing Saturdays 5.30-6.15pm – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

21 Nov & 28th Nov, 8am-12pm – The wisdom of Zen meditation practice retreat & course, levels 1&2

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday 29th November, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

Tags bright shadow, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, shadow meditation

A Mind of Ease Insight Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation Recordings Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Shadow meditation Stress Transformation Videos

Journeying with your shadow self – Free recording, video & upcoming courses

Post author By Toby
Post date October 21, 2025

“As we gather our shadow back into our I, our I starts to feel strong, resilient and whole in ways that we had forgotten was possible”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s newsletter has the links to:

An introductory talk on shadow meditation & work that I did last year
An article on the shadow entitled “Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration“
A five minute video on bright, or golden shadow practice

After beneath these are the details of four upcoming shadow workshops & meditation session series’ that I will be doing, starting with my ‘finding freedom from what holds you back‘ shadow workshop this Saturday 25th October.

There are also details of a special offer on my shadow coaching services.

This week’s Tues/Weds or Saturday Zen meditations are on Signless-ness for anyone that would like to join.

In the spirit of shadow play,

Toby

Article: Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration

As you may be aware, it was Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung who first coined the term ‘shadow’ as an aspect of their theories of the conscious and unconscious minds. They indicated the split that can occur between the two when parts of our personality/psychological self are repressed and banished to the unconscious mind, with the resulting phenomenon of the shadow self being a part of the result…read full article

Listen to Toby’s ‘Meditating with your shadow self introductory talk & meditation‘

Watch Toby’s video on ‘Meditating with the bright shadow‘:

Upcoming workshops & series’ on the shadow & the golden shadow

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self
Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Special coaching offer: 15% off of all 1:1 shadow coaching sessions with Toby up until End November 2025

In a sentence: Shadow coaching shows you how to spot your shadow self. It offers practical and accessible methods for helping to release the energy within you that has been trapped in your shadow self, so that you can live your life at its fullest, deepest potential.

Tags bright shadow, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, shadow meditation, shadow work

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Host & guest – Zen Witnessing

Post author By Toby
Post date September 23, 2025

Dear Integral Meditators,

The Host and guest is a traditional Zen analogy for the for the stages of the path from an un-awakened to awakened state. Its a simple blueprint that can inform you at any level of your inner growth, particularly if you are an active meditator.

If you enjoy it, you’d be welcome to join this week’s Tues/Weds or Saturday Zen meditations, where we will be exploring Host & guest in the sessions.

In the spirit of ,

Toby

Host & guest – Zen Witnessing

The Host and guest is a traditional Zen analogy for the for the stages of the path from an un-awakened to awakened state. The image is taken from the Surangama sutra, where ‘Host’ means emptiness, our essence, the nature of mind, while ‘guest’ means phenomena, or the content of consciousness.

The Host, consciousness itself, the Witness

If you look at your awareness from moment to moment, there are things that are changing within it, and there is something that is not changing. The thing that is not changing is the experience of awareness itself – that which is aware of and watches the content of consciousness coming and going. This is why it is often called the ‘the Witness self’. In the analogy it is the ‘Host’ because it is the permanent, or fixed resident in our consciousness. The contents of consciousness are like the guests in an Inn or hotel, coming and going in a transient manner. Contrastingly, consciousness itself, or the Witness Self is like the proprietor of the Inn, the ‘permanent resident’ so to speak.

The guest – the content of our consciousness

The content of our consciousness is essentially:

Our body and sensory experience, the outer word
Our mind, thought perceptions and inner world
The feelings and emotions that attend/arise from our physical and mental worlds

Unlike our observer consciousness, our outer experiences, thoughts and emotions come and go, like the guests of the Inn.

Part of the emphasis on being present in the moment, both in Zen and in meditation more generally, is so that we can start watching our awareness, and distinguish between the Host and guest in our own being and consciousness. By doing this we can start to effect a transformation of our identity that has four stages:

Stage 1: The guest within the guest
This stage of development refers to the un-awakened person, whose identity completely revolves around the guest, and who has no awareness whatever of the Host.

Stage 2: The guest within the Host
This stage refers to the initial stages of our meditation. At this stage our identity often still gets lost in the guest; in our thoughts, feelings, and body. However, we are aware of a ‘higher or deeper level’ of being, the Host, and our life begins to be informed by it.

Stage 3: The Host within the Guest.
At this stage out sense of self has substantially transitioned to the Host, which becomes is the main driving force in our life and actions. The guest still occasionally becomes unhappy and tries to take charge, but by this time the Host is usually in the driving seat.

Stage 4: The Host within the Host.
At this stage we have achieved a stable experience of enlightenment; our identity is firmly centered in the Host, and it is the Host that always guides the activities of the guest. We are no longer caught up in the illusory games of the guest, but are able to use our transient ego as an expression of our formless enlightened nature.

Some of the Pertinent questions to ourselves in our meditation and daily life to start centering ourselves around the Host:

Where is my identity focused right now, within the Host or guest?
Which aspects of the guest (thoughts/mind, senses) does my sense of self most often get mixed up in?
Where is the Host within me right now?

The journey of Zen is one that takes us from our current obsessional identity with the form level of our being to a core identity based around Consciousness itself, the Host. It is an unfolding PROCESS that progressively reveals the Enlightened nature that is already within us, here and now.

Related article: Witnessing the witness

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags host & guest, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, Zen, Zen meditation

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Not thinking about thinking – A Zen approach to non-conceptual awareness

Post author By Toby
Post date August 18, 2025

“Often, we feel like we must escape our thoughts to get into meditation. Not thinking about thinking turns our thoughts into a doorway to meditation, & a space of calm amidst any inner storm”

Dear Integral Meditators,

One of the deep and abiding pleasures of meditation is that of being able to sit in a state of non-conceptual awareness. One of the reasons people don’t achieve this is because in their minds they think it must be really difficult to achieve, it must be a lot of effort. In reality, achieving non-conceptual awareness is more a matter of trying smarter, rather than trying harder! The article below explores how to start relaxing into the pleasure of non-thinking.

If you enjoy the article, there are many sessions on non-cenceptual meditation coming up that you can join live, online of via the recording; The One Heart Zen open day, The upcoming Zen classes & deep dive sessions, and the Finding your inner-center workshop. Further details via the links.

In the spirit of non-conceptuality,

Toby

Not thinking about thinking – A Zen approach to non-conceptual awareness (AKA cultivating Prajnic awareness)

Non-conceptuality – A central practice for awakening

In the Tibetan school of Buddhism I spent my first decade of meditation training in back in the 1990’s, the main meditation was the meditation on emptiness. A central way of understanding emptiness is that it is simply non-conceptual awareness; the ability to see and be with things as they are, rather than as we think they are. Another word for non-conceptual awareness is ‘prajnic-awareness’,

To give a slightly more rounded sense of the word prajna, here is a quote from the Wikipeida page on it: Prajñā is often translated as “wisdom”, but according to Buddhist bioethics scholar Damien Keown, it is closer in meaning to “insight”, “non-discriminating knowledge”, or “intuitive apprehension”

The meditation on non-conceptual wisdom is a central practice all the Mahayana schools of Buddhism, Tibetan, Japanese Zen, Chinese Chan. So, when we cultivate it, we are cultivating a lineage of meditation that has a long and central role in the practice of awakening and enlightenment! Perhaps more importantly, accessing non-conceptual awareness enables us to find a place of reliable peace and wellbeing amid stress, uncertainty, emotional upheaval and all variety of life challenges. If you make it a part of your experience, you can find the ‘calm amidst the storm’ wherever you are and wherever you go.

Cultivating non-conceptual awareness

One simple trick to start cultivating non-conceptual awareness is to deliberately try and be aware of several things at the same time. For example:

The sky above you
The earth beneath you
Your breathing
The overall sensation of your body

Your senses
Your emotional state
Your thoughts
Awareness itself, or the simple experience of being conscious

You can create your own variations.

Spend a bit of time cultivating an awareness of each domain, getting a feeling for each. Then put them all together and try and be aware of all of them simultaneously. To do this, you have to stop thinking and just be aware. You can’t be aware of 3-4 thigs at the same time AND think about them! So, what this does is it ‘traps’ or ‘tricks’ you into just looking, just being aware. This then gives you a gateway to the actual experience of non-conceptual awareness, or prajnic-awareness. If you do this then you are practising ‘seeing without thinking’, ‘awareness without thoughts’.
If you continue to meditate in this way, then you will start to drop deeper and deeper into non-conceptual awareness (aka consciousness-itself, or emptiness), which is the gateway to realizing the awakened or enlightened state in many of the great wisdom schools of the world.

Not thinking about thinking – A Zen approach to non-conceptual meditation

Another fun ‘meditation game’ you can play is with thoughts themselves. Watch your thoughts. Normally you will notice that you will them have thoughts about the thoughts; judgments, assessments, thoughts on other related subjects etc… So here, the practice is to experience any thought that comes up simply as itself, without thinking or reflecting upon it. Here we are practising turning our conceptual awareness into a doorway to non-conceptual awareness. If that sounds quite Zen and paradoxical, it is because it is!
Normally we feel like we have to escape our thoughts to get into meditation. Not thinking about thinking turns our thoughts into a doorway to meditation and prajnic-awareness. You might think of this as a ‘trick for the wise’, try it in your own practice, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Related reading: Prajna – Seeing things from all angles & none
Non-Dual meditation & Organismic reality

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Saturday 30th August, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

Tuesday 2nd & 3rd September, 7.30-8.30pm, & then weekly – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 6th September, 5.30-6.15pm, & then weekly – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 20th September, 5.30-6.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, non-conceptual awareness, power of mind, prajna, prajnic meditation, Zen meditation

Awareness and insight Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Being self-determining vs receiving help

Post author By Toby
Post date July 28, 2025

“I am not the center of the universe; but I am the center of my universe”

Dear <<First Name>>,

This week’s article explores the relationship between mindful self-responsibility & receiving help from others. Another way of thinking about this is the interface between your intra-personal dynamic (relation to self), & your inter-personal dynamic (relation to others & the world). I hope you enjoy it!

In the spirit of self-determination,

Toby

Being self-determining vs receiving help

You are not the center of the Universe, but you are the center of your life

I’ve written quite a lot in the past about becoming a self-determining entity. Self-determination means recognizing that you are the most powerful force in your life (not in the universe, just your life!), and to take ownership of that power. This then enables you to direct your life creatively toward the good. It means recognizing two positions that help to balance each other:

I am not the center of the universe, so I can relax and stop being so neurotic about all my relatively insignificant problems and challenges
I am the centre of my universe, so what I chose and do is of vital and central importance to my life. It’s not anyone else’s job to ‘save’ me, I need to be the master of my own ship!

Becoming self-directed

‘No one is coming to save me’ is one of my ‘quotes to live by’. I find that in difficult situations, stopping looking outside of myself for help and just focusing on what I can control, and what I can do for myself is both calming and empowering. It is not a shutting off from outside help, it is just a clear recognition that it’s really my job to look after my life and its direction. It’s not:

Not my Mum’s job
Not my partners
Not my business-partners
Not my children
Not my friends
Not my boss’s
Not my employees

It’s my job and responsibility to work through and work out the challenges in my life to the best of my ability, and I do in fact have some ability!

Although no one is coming to save me, many people may like to help!

Becoming self-directed means that we are not looking for someone outside of ourself to save us, and we are doing what we can to move forward in our life challenges. The paradox of this is that, when other people see us being like this, it is an attractive quality. People tend to like and even feel inspired by others that they see being pro-active, intentional, and taking responsibility for themselves. Consequently, even though we may not be asking for help, quite often we find friends, family and colleagues offering help and assistance freely and happily. So, there is a virtuous cycle that gets established between being self-determining and receiving help.

Abandoning your power, cutting yourself off from assistance?

There are two ‘extreme’ positions that we are trying to avoid here:

Being a victim, not trying to help ourselves effectively, and over-asking, or expecting others to solve our challenges
Becoming so narrow in our sense of self-determination that we cut ourself off from the assistance of others, even if it is freely offered, and would be of help to us

Being self-determining doesn’t exclude ever asking for help, or accepting it when offered. It just means that we are taking solid responsibility for ourself, and being personally pro-active. Becoming self-determining even includes getting good at asking for help when appropriate.

In conclusion then, being a self-determining person, and receiving / asking for help can be seen as complementary capacities that when put together make our life both easier and fuller of creative potential!

Related article: Becoming a Self-determining entity – Five stages to mindful self-leadership
© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindful leadership, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, Self-determination

A Mind of Ease Awareness and insight Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Inter-connected or over-connected?

Post author By Toby
Post date July 21, 2025

“Reduce your device time & increase time spent enquiring into interdependence to go from feeling ‘over-connected & lonely’ to ‘Inter-connected & supported’”

Dear Integral Meditators,

I’ve recently facilitated some corporate workshops on ‘Digital Detox for Corporate Professionals: Reclaiming Focus and Productivity’. Creating this workshop & seeing people’s response to it has really opened my eye’s to how chronic the problems around overuse of devices are for us these days. In the article below I explore a simple flip to go from ‘over-connected, overwhelmed & lonely’ to ‘inter-connected & supported’. I hope you enjoy it!

I’m almost completed with the new meditation programs starting in August/September, you can see the full line up in the Whats On section beneath the article.

In the spirit of connected,

Toby

Inter-connected or over-connected?

What is my relationship to the world? Is a question is one worth asking yourself and seeing what sort of answers and perceptions come back to you. Your sense of your relationship to the world is fundamental, it forms the basis of most of your other perceptions, choices and experiences in life. For many people, the temptation is to experience ourself as someone coming into life from the outside, an outsider who dies not belong, and has to ‘fight’ to earn their place. Life is a battle to belong, rather than an enjoyment of your sense of already belonging.
A ’flip’ that I continue to enjoy is that of being born from life, rather than into it. To quote from a previous article on the subject:

“Our relationship to it is like that of an apple or a leaf to an apple tree. The apple emerges from the Life of the tree itself, not as something separate from the tree. The life of the tree gives rise to the apple. The apple arises from the tree itself, in the same way that the tree came from the life in the apple that it grew from.
You are like the apple being born from the apple tree. The life in you is a part of Life, you are an expression of Life, and Life is you.”

Being ‘born from life’ gives us a sense of effortless belonging, which is a great and un-lonely place to begin feeling into our connection of self-to-world.

Observing interdependence – Inter-connected & supported

We can strengthen our sense of feeling connected to the world by seeing, through contemplation, the way in which we are all interconnected. There are innumerable ways in which we can do this, to give three short examples:

I am writing this article on my parents dining table. To be able to use this table I rely on the carpenters that made it, the wood supplier, the trees it came from (and by implication the forest, not to mention my parents’ hospitality!
I can do the same thing with the computer that I am writing on; so many people involved in the supply chains that put the machine together, created the software and so forth, for me to then buy and use relatively effortlessly
I’ve just finished a coffee whilst writing. Again, to get the coffee to me relies upon the water from the tap, the coffee supply chain, the supermarket, the coffee plant, the land that the coffee plant grew on…

In any aspect of my life, if I start to look at the interdependence that doing what I am doing relies upon, my wisdom-eyes open, and I start to see how intimately and fully I am connected to everything else in the world. From this comes gratitude of course, but also a fundamental reduction in my loneliness. I am always inter-connected, and in this way never alone in a lonely way!

Over-connected & lonely

The above two states of being and feeling interconnected contrast sharply with the experience of many people who are what you might call ‘over-connected’ through their phones and being online all the time. Our devices enable us to be ‘connected’ and ‘in-touch’ all the time, however this experience paradoxically leads many to feel lonely, left-out (and afraid of being left out), isolated and yet compulsively over-connected.

A few practice points:

Reduce, and manage wisely the amount of time you stay connected to the world through your devices
Use the amount of time you save from reduced device time to develop the wisdom of interconnectedness and belonging outlined in sections one and two of this article. This wisdom does not need to be hard work, it’s really just about grounding yourself in the recognition of it. Your inter-connection is fed easily and gently by the recognition!

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Practical dimensions of chakra meditation

Post author By Toby
Post date June 10, 2025

“When you meditate, you start to learn to move or ‘travel’ between different states of consciousness, which opens up creative possibilities”

Dear Toby,

This week’s article takes at the chakras as a way of navigating between states of consciousness in meditation. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this week’s Tuesday, Wednesday class, or the Saturday dee-dive session. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

In the spirit of inner traveling,

Toby

Practical dimensions of chakra meditation

The subtle energy body and levels of consciousness

When you meditate, you start to learn to move or ‘travel’ between different states of consciousness, which opens up creative possibilities. The simplest model of consciousness states is a set of three and looks something like this:

Gross level – Physical body and biological life force (The domains of physics, chemistry & biology)
The subtle level – The level of mind, ranging from the everyday mind and attendant emotions to more subtle, refined, higher levels (The domains of psychology, philosophy & metaphysics).
The causal, or very subtle level of consciousness – The level of consciousness itself, formless, timeless (a ‘living, primal emptiness’) and unitive in nature.

Some correspondences – Chakras as a map of states of consciousness

Chakras are subtle energy centres, or ‘wheels’. They are most often described as being located along a central channel, or energy meridian that runs from the base of the spine to the crown of the head, and then down to the third eye, or point between the eyebrows. different schools and systems use different colours, but the ‘rainbow’ version described below is a good version to start with. The three levels of consciousness are split into the seven levels as follows.

Gross levels of consciousness (Physics, chemistry biology)

Base chakra – Located at the base of the spine, red in colour, related to the world of physical form, and our surviving/ thriving in that domain.

Sacral chakra – Located at along the spine at the level of the sacrum, orange in colour, related to the biological world of sexuality, reproduction, relationships, and the attendant feeling/emotional states

The subtle levels of consciousness

Solar plexus chakra – Located at the solar-plexus level of the spine, yellow in colour, related to the psychological world of everyday thinking, healthy or dysfunctional ego formation, our sense of power or agency, and/or lack of it.
Heart chakra – Located at the heart-level of the spine, green in colour, related to our love energy, both in relation to ourself, others and the world around us.
Throat chakra – Located at the throat-level of the spine, blue in colour, related to our communication energy (speech), both in relation to ourself, others and the world around us. You could also add ‘truth’ to this chakra, as in “speaking one’s truth.”
Third eye chakra – Located between the eyebrows (If you imagine the chakra column of meridian rising from the base of the skull, up to the crown of the head and then down between the eyebrows), indigo in colour, related to our wisdom facility, and depth of perception.

The very subtle, or causal level of consciousness

Crown Chakra – Located at the crown of the head, violet/white in colour, related to our capacity to rest in an expanded state of causal or formless consciousness.

A simple meditation

Sitting in meditation, sense into your subtle body, same shape, and size as your physical body, interpenetrating it
See the chakra column with the attendant chakras extending from the base of your spine to the crown of your head, and then down to the third eye zone between your eyebrows
In meditation feel and see light and energy being activated within your base chakra. Feel it rising progressively through each of the chakras, with their attendant colours and capacities.
See the light rising into your crown chakra, where your personal consciousness dissolves and merges with the timeless emptiness of consciousness itself
See the light from your crown chakra descending to the third-eye chakra between your eyebrows, rest in stillness. After a while imagine seeing the world around you, and yourself being inseparable from the formless timeless emptiness you contacted in your crown charka. The world is a dream-like manifestation of consciousness itself, that you are. They co-exist singularly, like the two sides of one coin…

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Essential Freedom – On the mindful ‘big three’ & Awakening

Post author By Toby
Post date May 26, 2025

“Daily intention, attention, and awareness can be experienced as expressions of our essential Freedom, Love & Bliss”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes a creative look at how to bridge basic mindfulness & deeper states of Awakening. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this week’s Tuesday, Wednesday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

In the spirit of our essential Freedom,

Toby

Essential Freedom – On the mindful ‘big three’ & Awakening

This article weaves together the fundamentals of mindfulness practice with some essential ‘Tantric’ elements. By ‘fundamentals of mindfulness’ I mean working with our basic intention, attention, and awareness. By Tantric, I mean seeing and experiencing these three in qualities their essential, purified, or awakened form. What it offers is a space where we can explore the space between simple mindfulness and higher/deeper states of meditation presence in a way that is creative and playful.

The mindful big three

As I mentioned, your ‘mindful big three’ are intention, attention, and awareness. They are three what you might call ‘all accompanying characteristics of our everyday consciousness, meaning they are there and functioning pretty much all the time whilst we are awake and sleeping.

Intention is what moves us to step into action. With mindfulness we are trying to be more conscious and less automatic about our intentions, so that they become more caring, constructive, and high quality.

Attention is directed by our intention. If our intention is mindful, our attention will then be focused towards to where our intention channels it. We marshal our attention with our intention. High quality attention then helps us to be more effective in life, and to enjoy it more.

Awareness is our potential to be conscious; it is consciousness itself. Our awareness follows our attention. The energy of our consciousness awareness follows where we place our attention.

Awakened mindfulness – Freedom, love & bliss

So, each moment of our consciousness has these three dimensions, intention, attention, and awareness. What I want to do now is describe a visualization that enables us to relate to these three in their pure or essential form:

Freedom of intention – Imagine your intention as a star sitting in the center of your head/brain. It sits in the freedom of an open sky, and when you focus on it you can feel that open, spacious freedom. Its light is the light of your conscious intention that you can use to navigate your life successfully and wisely.

The Heart of loving attention – See your attention as a diamond at your heart, the facets of the diamond reflecting and radiating rainbow lights around it. The rainbow diamond represents all the different ways that your attention can be directed to yourself and the world in a loving, skillful, benevolent, and compassionate manner.

The bliss of your Ocean of consciousness – See in your lower abdomen there is a drop of water that contains the entire ocean. This is your Blissful Ocean of consciousness, the source from which awareness comes from. If you relax into this Ocean in your belly, you can feel your consciousness becoming open, blissful & calm, like the depths of an Ocean.

Putting it together:

You can meditate on the star in your head as your essential, awakened Freedom of intention. In daily life you can use the star-image to create and stay with mindful, conscious intentions

You can meditate on the diamond at your heart as your essential, awakened Love. During the day you can use the diamond image to be creative with the different ways you can make your attention loving, constructive and benevolent.

You can meditate on the drop of water in your belly as an Ocean of Bliss-Consciousness. During the day you can be dropping into this simple, blissful state of awareness to recharge, relax and recover, before moving back into more active states of intention and attention.

Related reading: The holy trinity of mindfulness
Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

Post author By Toby
Post date May 19, 2025

“Tantric practices such as recognizing your indestructible-safety are all about making educated leaps of perception!”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes vulnerability, safety & invulnerability as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this week’s Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

If you enjoy the therapeutic side of the article, then do check out my therapeutic mindfulness coaching, and also the Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self on the 21st (workshop), & 23/24 (sessions) June. On early bird up until 7^th June 10% off!

In the spirit of the indestructibilty,

Toby

Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

Therapeutic mindfulness

The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to create a safe space for us to explore the way that our difficult past experiences impinge upon our present experience. It enables us to work trough them in a way that we increasingly experience the present moment free from the baggage of the past. In a previous article I outline six mindful positions that are useful in this regard:

Grounding in the senses
Recognizing safety
Warmth & compassion
Appreciation
Curiosity & courage
A sense of being supported

In this article I want to use safety as an example of how to combine therapeutic mindfulness and Tantric mindfulness. Therapeutically, recognizing and resting in safety involves acknowledging your vulnerable or fearful self, and then:

Recognizing that in this moment you are physically safe, there are no immanent threats to your wellbeing. Letting your body, mind, and heart rest in this space of safety, using it to feel secure and relaxed as you navigate the day
Creating a psychologically safe space – Consciously abstaining from attacking or negative thoughts/emotions toward yourself, so that your inner space with yourself is one that feels increasingly safe, reliable, and consistent.

Tantric mindfulness

In contrast to therapeutic mindfulness, Tantric mindfulness is about recognizing and experiencing your ‘always already’ awakened, ‘perfected’ nature in the present moment. If it can be combined with therapeutic mindfulness, then they create a wonderful and powerful team. So how can this be applied to safety? The instructions below are short and may seem quite radical, but, well, that’s Tantric practice, it is all about making ‘educated leaps of perception!’
If you relax into the stillness of your consciousness-itself in the present moment, then you will become aware of a dimension of self that is formless and timeless, Eternal, and Free. Recognizing and resting in that formless-timeless self, recognize that it is indestructible;

Because it was not born, it does not die
Because it is formless and timeless, it cannot be destroyed by anything
Even if the outer circumstances in your life are limiting and oppressive, this part of you is completely and radically FREE from this limitation, free from the oppression of fear, free from anxiety around uncertainty

So, you practice recognizing your formless timeless nature, recognize its nature as being indestructible safety, and identify YOU as THAT.

Three positions to explore combining therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness

So, to put these together, practice cycling through:

Breathing and relaxing into physical safety, dialling down your nervous systems’ emergency triggering
Creating a psychologically safe space for yourself to rest and regenerate yourself within
Based on the above two, practice recognizing your formless-timeless indestructible self, and rest in the experience of indestructible safety, both in meditation, and as much as possible in your daily life

This practice invites you to combine the acknowledgement of both your vulnerability, and need for safety at the same time as recognizing your indestructability. Initially this looks like a paradox, but put into practice it quickly becomes working with a complementary polarity.

Enjoy your indestructibility!

Related reading: Toby’s therapeutic mindfulness anthology
Therapeutic mindfulness coaching
Combining your witnessing with Tantric meditation

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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