Category: Meditating on the Self

Change your idea, change yourself – Working creatively with your self-concept

Post author By Toby
Post date November 5, 2025

“We can learn to relate creatively to our self-concept in a way that opens doors, rather than closes them. The older we get, the more important this creative capacity becomes”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores a creative & psycho-dynamic meditation form. The stages of it form the basis of my upcoming weekday & Saturday series on ‘how to work with your bright shadow’. If you enjoy the article, then do consider attending one program, or even both of them!

In the spirit of opening to possibilities,

Toby

Change your idea, change yourself – (Five stages to) Working creatively with your self-concept

By the time you get to adulthood, your dominant sense of self, at least for most people, is an idea. This idea is called your ‘self-concept.’ It is a dynamic collection of conditioned beliefs, assimilated past experiences, habitual emotional states, absorbed philosophies, learned behaviour and so on that you identify as ‘me’.

“I am an extrovert”/introvert
“I am an Asian/European/African and therefore I can/can’t….”
“I’m an optimist/pessimist”
“I am good at/not good at…”

You get the idea. Your self-concept is just an idea of who you are, but it is an idea that you are completely or at least very closely identified with. It defines most of how you turn up, how you behave and what you feel yourself to be capable of.
Furthermore, your self-concept has two parts, conscious and unconscious. The conscious part of yourself concept is your self-image. The unconscious part is the part that is not acceptable to your self-image, and that you repress and reject. Any part of your self-concept that you don’t like or feel threatened by, you can push into your unconscious, where it becomes a part of your shadow, or dis-owned self.

What I outline below is a way of working creatively with your self-concept, to open possibilities, rather than close them. By doing so it becomes possible to relate to our idea of ourself in a way that opens doors, rather than closes them particularly, but not only as we find ourselves getting older.

For this work, it is a good idea to take a specific area of your life and self-concept, bearing it in mind as you work your way though the five stages below…

Step one, observing – noticing the narrative, conceptual and non-conceptual

Firstly, take the position of the observer in your field of awareness, and practice, observing, listening to and accepting this part of your self-concept, and your close identification with it. For example, if you are taking your idea of self-as-parent:

Notice the commentary within you about what a parent should or shouldn’t be, and how you are measuring up
Observe the emotional range coming up within you, and your judgements about those emotions
Accept whatever arises as fully as you can

At this stage I find working on accepting and observing with the qualities of curiosity, courage and care to be particularly useful.

Step two, dis-identifying – dropping the labels, badges, and roles

Secondly, practice putting down, or dis-identifying with all the labels, roles and badges that are involved in this part or aspect of your self-concept. Practice becoming a man or woman. A person of no-rank, no position in life. Practice just being a being, and enjoying the freedom of that space.

Step three, imagining – exploring new ideas of self-in-role

From your position as a person of no-rank, explore new ideas, and possibilities of yourself in the role you are working on (parenting, romantic partner, professional, etc…). Connect to new ideas and possibilities that you might integrate into this area of yourself in this role.

Step four encountering – meeting and communicating with your new self

Visualize the self that you have imagined in step three as a person in front of you. S/he looks very much like you, but embodies the qualities that you have been imagining. As you see this person in front of you, invite a communication. Ask them a question such as:

What are you asking of me right now?
How can I integrate you more fully into my daily life?
What is your perspective on this situation/problem that I am facing right now??

Have a chat and see what transpires!

Step five role-playing – developing yourself in your new role

Imagine the ‘self’ in front of you steps toward you. Imagine you step toward them. Another step and you step into each other, and merge. Experience yourself AS this newly imagined self, BE them.

Once you have finished the meditation, work on role-playing this new self into your daily life. Meet your challenges AS them, particularly with regard to the specific roles you identified in step 2 above.

Related articles: Why we may repress our strengths – six reasons
The bright shadow, the one who can do what you cannot do

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Weds September, 7.30-8.30pm, – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Ongoing Saturdays 5.30-6.15pm – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

21 Nov & 28th Nov, 8am-12pm – The wisdom of Zen meditation practice retreat & course, levels 1&2

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday 29th November, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

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Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, self-concept, shadow meditation

Energy Meditation Inner vision Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Shadow meditation

Why we may repress our strengths – six reasons

Post author By Toby
Post date October 29, 2025

“What are the ways in which I have been underestimating myself? And what is one small thing I can do today to grow into my strengths and true capability?”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at different reasons that we repress our strengths, and invites awareness of how we might start to step into these hidden capacities within us.
If you enjoy the article, then do check out the upcoming Tuesday & Wednesday series, as well as the Saturday Deep-dive sessions on bright shadow meditation practice starting mid-November.

Also, I have a Special coaching offer: 15% off of all 1:1 shadow coaching sessions with Toby up until End November 2025. You can click the link for more details.

In the spirit of growing our capacity,

Toby

Why we may repress our strengths – six reasons

In shadow meditation we may hear quite a lot about why we would repress the ‘dark’ side of ourself, parts of us that we are afraid of or that we loathe. Look slightly deeper into shadow work and we start to see that we repress our strengths, good qualities, and talents equally strongly. Why is that? Here are six reasons:

They may cause us pain – for example if we open to the power of our compassion, it may make us ‘vulnerable’ to or overwhelmed by the sufferings of the world.
They are associated with our fears or perceived ‘bad’ qualities – For example we may associate our sense of personal power and leadership capability with being angry or dominating
We are simply unfamiliar with them – For example if we have a creative talent, but come from a non-creative family, it may be beyond our idea of what we think we can or could be
They run counter to our instincts or habits – For example if we are an introvert, but are potentially witty and entertaining, we may admire others with those skills, but not consider it something that we could be
We associate the quality with a negative figure from our past – For example we may repress our potential for emotional care due to having had a smothering mother
If we fully own and express this quality, we will stand out – or be mocked, or thought of as unconventional, or be judged in some way

From these six examples we start to see that it is very easy, and understandable to underestimate ourself and what we are capable. Sometimes it can be as scary or even scarier to open to how ‘big and bright’ we can be as it is to confront the dark monsters within. A further point that shadow work helps us to understand is that sometimes the dark shadows within us hides or conceal bright secrets. As with point 2 above, its easy to label something within us mistakenly, and unwittingly pay the price!

A short mindful question to conclude: What are the ways in which I have been underestimating myself? And what is one small thing I can do today to grow into my strengths and true capability?

Related articles: Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration
The bright shadow, the one who can do what you cannot do

Upcoming series’ on the shadow & the golden shadow

Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

Special coaching offer: 15% off of all 1:1 shadow coaching sessions with Toby up until End November 2025

In a sentence: Shadow coaching shows you how to spot your shadow self. It offers practical and accessible methods for helping to release the energy within you that has been trapped in your shadow self, so that you can live your life at its fullest, deepest potential.

Upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Weds September, 7.30-8.30pm, – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Ongoing Saturdays 5.30-6.15pm – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

21 Nov & 28th Nov, 8am-12pm – The wisdom of Zen meditation practice retreat & course, levels 1&2

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday 29th November, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

Tags bright shadow, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, shadow meditation

A Mind of Ease Insight Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation Recordings Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Shadow meditation Stress Transformation Videos

Journeying with your shadow self – Free recording, video & upcoming courses

Post author By Toby
Post date October 21, 2025

“As we gather our shadow back into our I, our I starts to feel strong, resilient and whole in ways that we had forgotten was possible”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s newsletter has the links to:

An introductory talk on shadow meditation & work that I did last year
An article on the shadow entitled “Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration“
A five minute video on bright, or golden shadow practice

After beneath these are the details of four upcoming shadow workshops & meditation session series’ that I will be doing, starting with my ‘finding freedom from what holds you back‘ shadow workshop this Saturday 25th October.

There are also details of a special offer on my shadow coaching services.

This week’s Tues/Weds or Saturday Zen meditations are on Signless-ness for anyone that would like to join.

In the spirit of shadow play,

Toby

Article: Id to ego, It to I; The essence of shadow integration

As you may be aware, it was Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung who first coined the term ‘shadow’ as an aspect of their theories of the conscious and unconscious minds. They indicated the split that can occur between the two when parts of our personality/psychological self are repressed and banished to the unconscious mind, with the resulting phenomenon of the shadow self being a part of the result…read full article

Listen to Toby’s ‘Meditating with your shadow self introductory talk & meditation‘

Watch Toby’s video on ‘Meditating with the bright shadow‘:

Upcoming workshops & series’ on the shadow & the golden shadow

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self
Starts Tuesday 11^th & 12^th November, 7.30-8.30pm – Going beyond your limitations, tapping into your hidden strengths – Meditating with your bright shadow, a 6-week course

Starts Saturday 5.30-6.15pm SG time – Bright shadow meditation Deep-dive – A 5 session practice series

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Special coaching offer: 15% off of all 1:1 shadow coaching sessions with Toby up until End November 2025

In a sentence: Shadow coaching shows you how to spot your shadow self. It offers practical and accessible methods for helping to release the energy within you that has been trapped in your shadow self, so that you can live your life at its fullest, deepest potential.

Tags bright shadow, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, shadow meditation, shadow work

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Compassion, wisdom & your original face

Post author By Toby
Post date September 29, 2025

“What is your original face before your parents were born?”

Dear Integral Meditators,

The ‘Original face’ mentioned above is a well known Zen koan, or riddle. In the article below I outline some simple awareness exercises to use it to develop your wise compassion, or ‘Karuna’.

If you enjoy it, you’d be welcome to join this week’s Tues/Weds or Saturday Zen meditations, where we will be exploring our original face in the sessions.

In the spirit of originality,

Toby

PS: October & November see the return of my Shadow & Language of the shadow workshops, click the links for full details!

Compassion, wisdom & your original face

This article is really a set of pointing out instructions for developing compassion in the spirit of Zen meditation. There are five ‘positions’, each one can be explored as a practice in its own right, but put together they invite a rich and wholistic growth of our wise compassion over time.

Position 1: Centering in the six directions

Sit comfortably, then become aware of the direction in front of you, behind you, to your left, to your right, above and below. Become aware your vertical center, which you can visualize as a line of light and energy extending from your crown to your perineum. As you breathe in, breathe into your bodily center, as you breathe out let your awareness expand out into the six directions. Us this breathing pattern to become focused, relaxed, and present.

Position 2: Reflecting on your own pain & suffering with self-compassion

In this state of relaxed presence, become self-aware, creating an atmosphere of warmth and care toward yourself. Become aware of any parts of yourself that are in pain or suffering for whatever reason. As you breathe in, feel yourself contacting these parts of self, as you breathe out extend gentle understanding and compassion to them, embracing them with this energy.

Position 3: Meditating on your ‘Original face’

Reflect upon the well-known Zen koan:

“What is your original face before your parents were born?”

Here your ‘original face’ is simply the space of consciousness itself before thoughts are ‘born’, the space and ‘face’ before you think (see the description of the Host in my previous article). Return to position 1, centering in the six directions, but emphasizing moving into stillness and non-thought in the moment. As you breathe in center, as you breathe out let go of your thoughts and relax into the open space of consciousness itself, your ‘original face’.

Position 4: Generating wise compassion for all living beings, recognizing them as ‘Self’

Position 3 invites us to see that, in the space of consciousness itself, ‘self’ and ‘other’ dissolve into a singular identity as consciousness itself. Consciousness itself appears as both ‘self’ and ‘other’. Recognizing this, allow your care and compassion to extend from yourself to all other living beings, knowing that, in the space of your original face, we are all one aspect of the same being. This combination of compassion and the wisdom recognizing your ‘Original face’ is called Karuna in Zen, which means wise compassion.

Position 5: Reflecting on your own opportunities for daily compassionate presence, & small acts of compassion

From the ‘metta’ perspective of position 4, now reflect on your own day and life. Look for ways in which you might be able to direct your compassionate presence towards those around you, and express it to them in small, appropriate ways.

Related article: Host & guest – Zen Witnessing

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Weds September, 7.30-8.30pm, – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturdays 5.30-6.15pm – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

17 Oct 2025, 8am-12pm & 21 Nov 2025, 8am-12pm – The wisdom of Zen meditation practice retreat & course, levels 1&2

Saturday 25th October, 9am-12.30pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Saturday 22nd November, 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday 29th November, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, original face, power of mind, Zen meditation

Awareness and insight creative imagery Essential Spirituality Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Meditating on the Self Meditation techniques Mindfulness Presence and being present Primal Spirituality Zen Meditation

Host & guest – Zen Witnessing

Post author By Toby
Post date September 23, 2025

Dear Integral Meditators,

The Host and guest is a traditional Zen analogy for the for the stages of the path from an un-awakened to awakened state. Its a simple blueprint that can inform you at any level of your inner growth, particularly if you are an active meditator.

If you enjoy it, you’d be welcome to join this week’s Tues/Weds or Saturday Zen meditations, where we will be exploring Host & guest in the sessions.

In the spirit of ,

Toby

Host & guest – Zen Witnessing

The Host and guest is a traditional Zen analogy for the for the stages of the path from an un-awakened to awakened state. The image is taken from the Surangama sutra, where ‘Host’ means emptiness, our essence, the nature of mind, while ‘guest’ means phenomena, or the content of consciousness.

The Host, consciousness itself, the Witness

If you look at your awareness from moment to moment, there are things that are changing within it, and there is something that is not changing. The thing that is not changing is the experience of awareness itself – that which is aware of and watches the content of consciousness coming and going. This is why it is often called the ‘the Witness self’. In the analogy it is the ‘Host’ because it is the permanent, or fixed resident in our consciousness. The contents of consciousness are like the guests in an Inn or hotel, coming and going in a transient manner. Contrastingly, consciousness itself, or the Witness Self is like the proprietor of the Inn, the ‘permanent resident’ so to speak.

The guest – the content of our consciousness

The content of our consciousness is essentially:

Our body and sensory experience, the outer word
Our mind, thought perceptions and inner world
The feelings and emotions that attend/arise from our physical and mental worlds

Unlike our observer consciousness, our outer experiences, thoughts and emotions come and go, like the guests of the Inn.

Part of the emphasis on being present in the moment, both in Zen and in meditation more generally, is so that we can start watching our awareness, and distinguish between the Host and guest in our own being and consciousness. By doing this we can start to effect a transformation of our identity that has four stages:

Stage 1: The guest within the guest
This stage of development refers to the un-awakened person, whose identity completely revolves around the guest, and who has no awareness whatever of the Host.

Stage 2: The guest within the Host
This stage refers to the initial stages of our meditation. At this stage our identity often still gets lost in the guest; in our thoughts, feelings, and body. However, we are aware of a ‘higher or deeper level’ of being, the Host, and our life begins to be informed by it.

Stage 3: The Host within the Guest.
At this stage out sense of self has substantially transitioned to the Host, which becomes is the main driving force in our life and actions. The guest still occasionally becomes unhappy and tries to take charge, but by this time the Host is usually in the driving seat.

Stage 4: The Host within the Host.
At this stage we have achieved a stable experience of enlightenment; our identity is firmly centered in the Host, and it is the Host that always guides the activities of the guest. We are no longer caught up in the illusory games of the guest, but are able to use our transient ego as an expression of our formless enlightened nature.

Some of the Pertinent questions to ourselves in our meditation and daily life to start centering ourselves around the Host:

Where is my identity focused right now, within the Host or guest?
Which aspects of the guest (thoughts/mind, senses) does my sense of self most often get mixed up in?
Where is the Host within me right now?

The journey of Zen is one that takes us from our current obsessional identity with the form level of our being to a core identity based around Consciousness itself, the Host. It is an unfolding PROCESS that progressively reveals the Enlightened nature that is already within us, here and now.

Related article: Witnessing the witness

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags host & guest, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, Zen, Zen meditation

Awareness and insight Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Being self-determining vs receiving help

Post author By Toby
Post date July 28, 2025

“I am not the center of the universe; but I am the center of my universe”

Dear <<First Name>>,

This week’s article explores the relationship between mindful self-responsibility & receiving help from others. Another way of thinking about this is the interface between your intra-personal dynamic (relation to self), & your inter-personal dynamic (relation to others & the world). I hope you enjoy it!

In the spirit of self-determination,

Toby

Being self-determining vs receiving help

You are not the center of the Universe, but you are the center of your life

I’ve written quite a lot in the past about becoming a self-determining entity. Self-determination means recognizing that you are the most powerful force in your life (not in the universe, just your life!), and to take ownership of that power. This then enables you to direct your life creatively toward the good. It means recognizing two positions that help to balance each other:

I am not the center of the universe, so I can relax and stop being so neurotic about all my relatively insignificant problems and challenges
I am the centre of my universe, so what I chose and do is of vital and central importance to my life. It’s not anyone else’s job to ‘save’ me, I need to be the master of my own ship!

Becoming self-directed

‘No one is coming to save me’ is one of my ‘quotes to live by’. I find that in difficult situations, stopping looking outside of myself for help and just focusing on what I can control, and what I can do for myself is both calming and empowering. It is not a shutting off from outside help, it is just a clear recognition that it’s really my job to look after my life and its direction. It’s not:

Not my Mum’s job
Not my partners
Not my business-partners
Not my children
Not my friends
Not my boss’s
Not my employees

It’s my job and responsibility to work through and work out the challenges in my life to the best of my ability, and I do in fact have some ability!

Although no one is coming to save me, many people may like to help!

Becoming self-directed means that we are not looking for someone outside of ourself to save us, and we are doing what we can to move forward in our life challenges. The paradox of this is that, when other people see us being like this, it is an attractive quality. People tend to like and even feel inspired by others that they see being pro-active, intentional, and taking responsibility for themselves. Consequently, even though we may not be asking for help, quite often we find friends, family and colleagues offering help and assistance freely and happily. So, there is a virtuous cycle that gets established between being self-determining and receiving help.

Abandoning your power, cutting yourself off from assistance?

There are two ‘extreme’ positions that we are trying to avoid here:

Being a victim, not trying to help ourselves effectively, and over-asking, or expecting others to solve our challenges
Becoming so narrow in our sense of self-determination that we cut ourself off from the assistance of others, even if it is freely offered, and would be of help to us

Being self-determining doesn’t exclude ever asking for help, or accepting it when offered. It just means that we are taking solid responsibility for ourself, and being personally pro-active. Becoming self-determining even includes getting good at asking for help when appropriate.

In conclusion then, being a self-determining person, and receiving / asking for help can be seen as complementary capacities that when put together make our life both easier and fuller of creative potential!

Related article: Becoming a Self-determining entity – Five stages to mindful self-leadership
© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Wednesday’s weekly, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Ongoing on Saturdays weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Saturday 16th July, 9am-12.30pm – Breathwork Workshop – Improve physical health, wellbeing & inner peace though deep breathing

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 2nd & 3rd September, 7.30-8.30pm, & then weekly – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 6th September, 5.30-6.15pm, & then weekly – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 20th September, 5.30-6.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindful leadership, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, Self-determination

A Mind of Ease Awareness and insight Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Inter-connected or over-connected?

Post author By Toby
Post date July 21, 2025

“Reduce your device time & increase time spent enquiring into interdependence to go from feeling ‘over-connected & lonely’ to ‘Inter-connected & supported’”

Dear Integral Meditators,

I’ve recently facilitated some corporate workshops on ‘Digital Detox for Corporate Professionals: Reclaiming Focus and Productivity’. Creating this workshop & seeing people’s response to it has really opened my eye’s to how chronic the problems around overuse of devices are for us these days. In the article below I explore a simple flip to go from ‘over-connected, overwhelmed & lonely’ to ‘inter-connected & supported’. I hope you enjoy it!

I’m almost completed with the new meditation programs starting in August/September, you can see the full line up in the Whats On section beneath the article.

In the spirit of connected,

Toby

Inter-connected or over-connected?

What is my relationship to the world? Is a question is one worth asking yourself and seeing what sort of answers and perceptions come back to you. Your sense of your relationship to the world is fundamental, it forms the basis of most of your other perceptions, choices and experiences in life. For many people, the temptation is to experience ourself as someone coming into life from the outside, an outsider who dies not belong, and has to ‘fight’ to earn their place. Life is a battle to belong, rather than an enjoyment of your sense of already belonging.
A ’flip’ that I continue to enjoy is that of being born from life, rather than into it. To quote from a previous article on the subject:

“Our relationship to it is like that of an apple or a leaf to an apple tree. The apple emerges from the Life of the tree itself, not as something separate from the tree. The life of the tree gives rise to the apple. The apple arises from the tree itself, in the same way that the tree came from the life in the apple that it grew from.
You are like the apple being born from the apple tree. The life in you is a part of Life, you are an expression of Life, and Life is you.”

Being ‘born from life’ gives us a sense of effortless belonging, which is a great and un-lonely place to begin feeling into our connection of self-to-world.

Observing interdependence – Inter-connected & supported

We can strengthen our sense of feeling connected to the world by seeing, through contemplation, the way in which we are all interconnected. There are innumerable ways in which we can do this, to give three short examples:

I am writing this article on my parents dining table. To be able to use this table I rely on the carpenters that made it, the wood supplier, the trees it came from (and by implication the forest, not to mention my parents’ hospitality!
I can do the same thing with the computer that I am writing on; so many people involved in the supply chains that put the machine together, created the software and so forth, for me to then buy and use relatively effortlessly
I’ve just finished a coffee whilst writing. Again, to get the coffee to me relies upon the water from the tap, the coffee supply chain, the supermarket, the coffee plant, the land that the coffee plant grew on…

In any aspect of my life, if I start to look at the interdependence that doing what I am doing relies upon, my wisdom-eyes open, and I start to see how intimately and fully I am connected to everything else in the world. From this comes gratitude of course, but also a fundamental reduction in my loneliness. I am always inter-connected, and in this way never alone in a lonely way!

Over-connected & lonely

The above two states of being and feeling interconnected contrast sharply with the experience of many people who are what you might call ‘over-connected’ through their phones and being online all the time. Our devices enable us to be ‘connected’ and ‘in-touch’ all the time, however this experience paradoxically leads many to feel lonely, left-out (and afraid of being left out), isolated and yet compulsively over-connected.

A few practice points:

Reduce, and manage wisely the amount of time you stay connected to the world through your devices
Use the amount of time you save from reduced device time to develop the wisdom of interconnectedness and belonging outlined in sections one and two of this article. This wisdom does not need to be hard work, it’s really just about grounding yourself in the recognition of it. Your inter-connection is fed easily and gently by the recognition!

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 2nd & 3rd September, 7.30-8.30pm, & then weekly – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 20th September, 5.30-6.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, interconnected, interdependence, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness and technology, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

Awareness and insight Biographical Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness

On overcoming fear of failure & your teenage-self

Post author By Toby
Post date June 16, 2025

“If I am well connected to my inner teenager, then I can draw upon his innate curiosity, ambition and appetite for life in a way that other middle-aged folk who lack a vital connection to their inner teenager cannot!”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores the inner teenage-self, and how to work with him/her therapeutically in mindfulness. If you enjoy it then come along to this Tuesday & Wednesday’s Summer solstice meditation, where in a part of it we will be exploring our connection to this part of our self.

This Saturday I will be facilitating my Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self workshop, which is also a therapeutic mindfulness session.

Working with both our inner child & teenager forms a part of both my Therapeutic mindfulness coaching sessions, and my Mindful Self-knowledge program. If you are interested in either of those, just follow the links to find out more…

In the spirit of the teen-self,

Toby

On overcoming fear of failure & your teenage-self

The teenage, or young-adult self is a part of our psychological being that has received less attention than the ‘inner child’, but nevertheless represents an equally important part of our ‘inner family’ that we can be rewarded for greatly by paying a little attention to. What I’d like to do in this article is to share a story about my own process around this from earlier in the year that illustrates in practical terms this type of work.
Before I tell the story, it is going to be useful I think to give working definition of our inner teenager, so here is one from Nathaniel Branden:

The teenage-self; is the component of the psyche containing the “personality” of the adolescent one once was, with that teenager’s range of values, emotions, needs, and responses; not a generic teenager or universal archetype, but a specific, historical one, unique to an individual’s history and development.

A general observation about our teenage-self, ideally it is good to have expressed our teenager in our teens, and gotten a lot of her/his behaviour out of our system when we were actual teenagers. However, if we didn’t, and we still sense a part of ourself that is ‘stuck’ at that level, then it is good to be able to draw her/him out consciously, and find ways that they can rebalance themselves in our current, later stage of life.

So here is my story. In January I spent a little bit of time just being present to my inner teenager, checking in and seeing how he was. One of the things that came out of this was an awareness of how scared of failure he had been at various times. This is natural; teenagers are often self-conscious, and care about what others think. Consequently, if they try something and are rejected, or fail in front of others, then this can feel like a big deal! So, you can imagine I find myself engaging with memories of my teenage years involving that fear of failure, of embarrassing moments when I tried something and failed, or when said something that, shortly after I judged as ‘stupid’. I am sure that you will have similar moments from your teenage years that you can related to this!

After having this experience, I practiced simply being with my teenage-self, and re-assuring him that it’s ok to fail, that it was good that he tried things even when it didn’t work out, and that it’s not the big deal that he experienced it to be at the time. I did a little bit of journalling, a little bit of sentence completion as well as visualization. I felt that he seemed to receive this well, and appeared brighter and lighter when I saw him with me in my inner vision.
The curious thing about this process was that, whilst going through it I felt myself to be conducting myself in daily activities in a lighter, less worried manner. Unconscious tension that I may have still had in my system from my teenage years felt much reduced, daily life became easier and more carefree. It literally became more fun and less stressful to be me!

So, this is a good example of how using therapeutic mindfulness to work through previous stages of one’s life, in this case my teenage years and my present inner-teenager, can have a tangible and positive effect on the present and our experiences of it.

Related reading: Meditating with your teenage-self
Meditating with your inner-family
Therapeutic-mindfulness anthology

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, therapeutic mindfulness

A Mind of Ease Energy Meditation Insight Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Presence and being present

Re-awakening the Bliss of your childhood

Post author By Toby
Post date May 6, 2025

“Reconnecting to your bliss can have a profound effect on everything else; pain is less wearing, emotional dissonance is easier to harmonize, disappointments & life’s curve-balls are easier to work with”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes bliss and childhood as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this weeks Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

Quick reminder of the The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat over the weekend!

In the spirit of thoughtful bliss,

Toby

Re-awakening the Bliss of your childhood

When connecting to the bliss of being alive came naturally

When I was a young boy, I used to ‘twiddle’ my hair. This meant taking a lock of my hair between my index & middle fingers and rubbing it gently between the two. This very quicky sent me into a relaxed, semi-trance state that felt very naturally blissful. This bliss was a physical feeling in my body, not an abstract idea. When it happened, the front of my tongue would rise to the top, front of the roof of my mouth, where I would feel it ‘suck’ rhythmically, like a baby sucking on a bottle, or a breast. Twiddling my hair could go on for long periods, like in the back of a car whilst on a weekend journey. My parents literally called me ‘Toby twirl’ because of this habit, which lasted actively until my early teens.
After my early teens, I forgot about twiddling my hair for several years. But when I started practicing Qi gong, and meditating, I noticed that that familiar ‘sucking’ of my tongue on the roof of my mouth returned, along with the feeling of bliss in my body at certain times. This was something of a discovery, because once I had connected to the experience of childhood bliss, I found I could very easily go into a state of meditation by recalling the experience of twiddling my hair, and activating the feeling of blissful aliveness in my body. The bliss was/is really useful, because it makes it easy for the body-mind to relax, and to stop thinking about stuff. If you can access a state of bliss, since it is so much more pleasant to feel blissful than worried, it easy to choose feeling blissful over compulsive stress, at least for some of your day!

So, then I have a question for you; do you have any memories of childhood bliss, like the ‘hair-twiddling one’ that I mention above? Perhaps it was in your childhood, but it might have been later, in your teens, or a passage of your adult years. If you can find such a memory and remember it, then that can then act as the basis of your own re-awakening to bliss in the here and now.

Re-connecting to that cellular memory now

When you recall your experience of childhood (or other) bliss, what will happen is that you will activate your body’s cellular memory of it. This means you activate the feeling of the blissful memory in the body, and so actually start to experience a little bit of the bliss in the present moment. If you dwell upon that feeling now, you can grow it back to the power of it’s original state, thus bringing back the regenerative energy of bliss into your life. Just a few minutes a day of reconnecting to your bliss can have a profound effect on everything else; pain becomes less wearing, emotional dissonance is easier to harmonize, disappointments and life’s curve-balls are easier to accept and work with.

The bliss-work is nice to explore as a practice by itself, but there are also two further ways in which you can enhance the building of your bliss are:

Combining it with core cellular breathing
You can combine it with the meditation on Making yourself bigger

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Saturday 10th & Sunday 11th May – The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Starts Tuesday 6^th, Wednesday 7^th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Starts Saturday, 10^th May & then weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Tuesday 13th & Wednesday 14th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Wesak compassion & inner visioning meditation

Saturday 17th May, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Heart Opening meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Saturday 24th May, 10.30am-12noon – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Level 1 – Friday 30^th May, 8am-4pm, Level 2 – Friday 13^th June, 8am-4pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to Non-Dual Meditation Practice Retreat & Course

Tags bliss, childhood, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

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Taking the mountain with you

Post author By Toby
Post date April 15, 2025

“The only Zen that you find on top of a mountain is the Zen that you bring with you” – Robert M Pirsig

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at how to embody the energy of a mountain, its a fun idea with serious applications!

Lots of great events & courses coming up soon, scroll down below the article to have a look!

In the spirit of the mountain,

Toby

Taking the mountain with you

‘Taking the mountain with you’ is a Zen expression. It means that if you are a meditator, rather than needing to go to a mountain to ground, de-stress and recover your balance, you become like the energy of the mountain. By meditating consistently, as you walk around in the city or wherever you go, you take the energy of ‘mountainous-ness’ with you.
You can also take the image of the mountain as a metaphor for enlightenment, or awakening. When we are stabilized in the art of awakening, wherever we go we take that awakening with us, because we embody that energy.

“The only Zen that you find on top of a mountain is the Zen that you bring with you” – Robert M Pirsig.

When I was a monk, there were always members of the Buddhist group that I was in who were obsessed with the idea of going on retreat. They felt that, once they had done a six-month or one year retreat, somehow that would have attained a special state that would once-and-for-all mean that they never had to be bothered by ordinary states of mind and body again. They were looking for a one knock-out punch! Needless to say I also listened to several stories from these people regarding returning to ordinary life after their long retreat and feeling like they were back to square one after a disappointingly short time!

Bring the mountain you’ve got

One middle-way that I have found useful is to simply commit each day to bringing the ‘mountain that you have got’ with you into your life each day. What this means is that you bring to front and centre that part of you that is calm, balanced and stable like a mountain each day. Simply be that to the greatest degree that you are able.

A mountain poem

The birds have vanished down the sky.
Now the last cloud drains away.
We sit together, the mountain and me,
until only the mountain remains.
– Li Bai

Some meditation positions

Sit or stand like a mountain. At first imagine you are standing or sitting on a mountain. There is you and the mountain. Feel into the calmness, solidity, and presence of the mountain, gradually relax into this until as the poem says, “We sit together, the mountain and me, until only the mountain remains.” Go from being with the mountain to being the mountain. Work with this until there is no self-and-mountain, only ‘mountainous-ness’.

In daily life, try and return to this feeling of mountainous-ness often:

When you walk into a room or a meeting, bring it with you
Coming home from work, bring it on the train with you
Sit down to the family dinner with it
Experience your uncertainty with it
Through the highs and lows of your life, bring the mountain with you

Wherever you go, bring the mountain!

Related reading: The body is in you – How to go into deep meditation quickly
Four Zen Meditations

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing on Tues & Weds, 7.30-8.30 pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice

Ongoing on Saturdays, 5.30-6-15pm – Freedom & Fullness deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions

Saturday 17th May, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Heart Opening meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, mountain meditation, power of mind