Category: Meditation and Psychology

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Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

Post author By Toby
Post date May 19, 2025

“Tantric practices such as recognizing your indestructible-safety are all about making educated leaps of perception!”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes vulnerability, safety & invulnerability as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this week’s Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

If you enjoy the therapeutic side of the article, then do check out my therapeutic mindfulness coaching, and also the Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self on the 21st (workshop), & 23/24 (sessions) June. On early bird up until 7^th June 10% off!

In the spirit of the indestructibilty,

Toby

Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

Therapeutic mindfulness

The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to create a safe space for us to explore the way that our difficult past experiences impinge upon our present experience. It enables us to work trough them in a way that we increasingly experience the present moment free from the baggage of the past. In a previous article I outline six mindful positions that are useful in this regard:

Grounding in the senses
Recognizing safety
Warmth & compassion
Appreciation
Curiosity & courage
A sense of being supported

In this article I want to use safety as an example of how to combine therapeutic mindfulness and Tantric mindfulness. Therapeutically, recognizing and resting in safety involves acknowledging your vulnerable or fearful self, and then:

Recognizing that in this moment you are physically safe, there are no immanent threats to your wellbeing. Letting your body, mind, and heart rest in this space of safety, using it to feel secure and relaxed as you navigate the day
Creating a psychologically safe space – Consciously abstaining from attacking or negative thoughts/emotions toward yourself, so that your inner space with yourself is one that feels increasingly safe, reliable, and consistent.

Tantric mindfulness

In contrast to therapeutic mindfulness, Tantric mindfulness is about recognizing and experiencing your ‘always already’ awakened, ‘perfected’ nature in the present moment. If it can be combined with therapeutic mindfulness, then they create a wonderful and powerful team. So how can this be applied to safety? The instructions below are short and may seem quite radical, but, well, that’s Tantric practice, it is all about making ‘educated leaps of perception!’
If you relax into the stillness of your consciousness-itself in the present moment, then you will become aware of a dimension of self that is formless and timeless, Eternal, and Free. Recognizing and resting in that formless-timeless self, recognize that it is indestructible;

Because it was not born, it does not die
Because it is formless and timeless, it cannot be destroyed by anything
Even if the outer circumstances in your life are limiting and oppressive, this part of you is completely and radically FREE from this limitation, free from the oppression of fear, free from anxiety around uncertainty

So, you practice recognizing your formless timeless nature, recognize its nature as being indestructible safety, and identify YOU as THAT.

Three positions to explore combining therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness

So, to put these together, practice cycling through:

Breathing and relaxing into physical safety, dialling down your nervous systems’ emergency triggering
Creating a psychologically safe space for yourself to rest and regenerate yourself within
Based on the above two, practice recognizing your formless-timeless indestructible self, and rest in the experience of indestructible safety, both in meditation, and as much as possible in your daily life

This practice invites you to combine the acknowledgement of both your vulnerability, and need for safety at the same time as recognizing your indestructability. Initially this looks like a paradox, but put into practice it quickly becomes working with a complementary polarity.

Enjoy your indestructibility!

Related reading: Toby’s therapeutic mindfulness anthology
Therapeutic mindfulness coaching
Combining your witnessing with Tantric meditation

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Wednesday’s weekly, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Ongoing on Saturdays weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Saturday 24th May, 10.30am-12noon – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Level 1 – Friday 30^th May, 8am-4pm, Level 2 – Friday 13^th June, 8am-4pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to Non-Dual Meditation Practice Retreat & Course

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self – Workshop: Saturday 21^st June, 2-5pm SG time, &
session series: Session 1 – Monday 23^rd June, 7.30-9am (7.30-9pm Eastern time US), Session 2 – Tuesday 24^th June, 7.30-9am (7.30-9pm Eastern time US)

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, tantra, tantric midfullness, therapeutic mindfulness, therapy

A Mind of Ease Energy Meditation Insight Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Presence and being present

Re-awakening the Bliss of your childhood

Post author By Toby
Post date May 6, 2025

“Reconnecting to your bliss can have a profound effect on everything else; pain is less wearing, emotional dissonance is easier to harmonize, disappointments & life’s curve-balls are easier to work with”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article takes bliss and childhood as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this weeks Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

Quick reminder of the The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat over the weekend!

In the spirit of thoughtful bliss,

Toby

Re-awakening the Bliss of your childhood

When connecting to the bliss of being alive came naturally

When I was a young boy, I used to ‘twiddle’ my hair. This meant taking a lock of my hair between my index & middle fingers and rubbing it gently between the two. This very quicky sent me into a relaxed, semi-trance state that felt very naturally blissful. This bliss was a physical feeling in my body, not an abstract idea. When it happened, the front of my tongue would rise to the top, front of the roof of my mouth, where I would feel it ‘suck’ rhythmically, like a baby sucking on a bottle, or a breast. Twiddling my hair could go on for long periods, like in the back of a car whilst on a weekend journey. My parents literally called me ‘Toby twirl’ because of this habit, which lasted actively until my early teens.
After my early teens, I forgot about twiddling my hair for several years. But when I started practicing Qi gong, and meditating, I noticed that that familiar ‘sucking’ of my tongue on the roof of my mouth returned, along with the feeling of bliss in my body at certain times. This was something of a discovery, because once I had connected to the experience of childhood bliss, I found I could very easily go into a state of meditation by recalling the experience of twiddling my hair, and activating the feeling of blissful aliveness in my body. The bliss was/is really useful, because it makes it easy for the body-mind to relax, and to stop thinking about stuff. If you can access a state of bliss, since it is so much more pleasant to feel blissful than worried, it easy to choose feeling blissful over compulsive stress, at least for some of your day!

So, then I have a question for you; do you have any memories of childhood bliss, like the ‘hair-twiddling one’ that I mention above? Perhaps it was in your childhood, but it might have been later, in your teens, or a passage of your adult years. If you can find such a memory and remember it, then that can then act as the basis of your own re-awakening to bliss in the here and now.

Re-connecting to that cellular memory now

When you recall your experience of childhood (or other) bliss, what will happen is that you will activate your body’s cellular memory of it. This means you activate the feeling of the blissful memory in the body, and so actually start to experience a little bit of the bliss in the present moment. If you dwell upon that feeling now, you can grow it back to the power of it’s original state, thus bringing back the regenerative energy of bliss into your life. Just a few minutes a day of reconnecting to your bliss can have a profound effect on everything else; pain becomes less wearing, emotional dissonance is easier to harmonize, disappointments and life’s curve-balls are easier to accept and work with.

The bliss-work is nice to explore as a practice by itself, but there are also two further ways in which you can enhance the building of your bliss are:

Combining it with core cellular breathing
You can combine it with the meditation on Making yourself bigger

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Saturday 10th & Sunday 11th May – The Call of the Wild: Shamanic Meditations for connecting to animal guides in the inner world Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Starts Tuesday 6^th, Wednesday 7^th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Starts Saturday, 10^th May & then weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Tuesday 13th & Wednesday 14th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Wesak compassion & inner visioning meditation

Saturday 17th May, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Heart Opening meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Saturday 24th May, 10.30am-12noon – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Level 1 – Friday 30^th May, 8am-4pm, Level 2 – Friday 13^th June, 8am-4pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to Non-Dual Meditation Practice Retreat & Course

Tags bliss, childhood, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

A Mind of Ease creative imagery Energy Meditation Integral Awareness Integral Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Presence and being present Primal Spirituality

Three types of Big Wonderment

Post author By Toby
Post date April 21, 2025

“The core state of philosophy is Wonderment, a state of presence, where we feel gentle awe & curiosity in the face of Life”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This Tuesday 22nd, Wednesday 23rd April, 7.30-8.30pm I’ll be starting a two part meditation series: The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Trusting your truth. If you enjoy the article on Wonderment below, it will be the subject of this weeks class, you’d be welcome to join!

This two part meditation series is also a sort of warm up for the upcoming Tues/Wednesday & Saturday Tantric meditation sessions, so do check them out!

In the spirit of the Big Wonderment,

Toby

Three types of Big Wonderment

Wonderment, philosophy and thinking in principles

Philosophy might be thought of as the art of thinking in principles. Every person has a philosophy in life. However conscious or unconscious, however functional or dysfunctional, we all have a set of ideas and beliefs that act as our core navigating system, our ‘philosophy’. Part of the art of good philosophy is to examine your core beliefs about life and improve upon them, so that your inner navigating system runs on a higher quality ‘true-er, more beautiful and more-good’ set of core principles.
The challenge with philosophy is that it can quite quickly become abstract and dry, not connected to our actual life experience. One way to avoid this is to cultivate the ‘state’ of philosophy, and then think from this experiential state. The core state of philosophy is Wonderment, a state of presence, where we feel gentle awe and curiosity in the face of Life. Wonderment is a lovely state just to breathe and relax with in meditation. I have also developed it in three ways which I find help me keep my philosophy real and experiential. They are implicitly ‘Tantric’ in their approach, but can be easily cultivated by anyone.

Alive to wonderment – Bliss & being born from Life

Sink your sense of Wonderment into your lower abdomen and hips. Feel it connecting to the gentle bliss of your biological life force, and its generative energy, so that it becomes blissful wonderment. Experience yourself as being born from Life, and an expression of Life, rather than an isolated, cut off unit of life that must fight for it’s place in the life around it. When you think philosophically, think from this place of Life-full Wonderment.

Heart Wonderment – The magnetic Ocean of Love

Bring the state of Wonderment into your heart and chest, feel it connecting to the natural warmth and care that exists in that part of your body. Feel that ‘small’ love at your heart to be connected to the Ocean of Universal Love that we all exist within. In a state of Wonderment, experience yourself as that Ocean of Love, appearing as this feeling of warmth within your heart. When you think about your life, think from this place of Heart-Wonderment.

Mind Wonderment – The radical freedom of the Witness

Focus the state of Wonderment in your head and brain. Feel the Wonderment mixing with the sky life freedom of your consciousness itself. Not the thoughts but that which observes the thoughts, watching with liberated curiosity. When you reflect on your life, think from this place of Mind-Wonderment, or Freedom.

PHILOSOPHY

Before the visitor embarked upon discipleship he wanted assurance from the Master,
“Can you teach me the goal of human life?”
“I cannot.”
“Or at least its meaning?”
“I cannot.”
“Can you indicate to me the nature of death and of life beyond the grave?”
“I cannot.”
The visitor walked away in scorn. The disciples were dismayed that their Master had
been shown up in a poor light.
Said the Master soothingly, “Of what use is it to comprehend life’s nature and life’s
meaning if you have never tasted it? I’d rather you ate your pudding than speculated on
it.”

Maybe its possible to eat your pudding, and philosophize with Wonderment at the same time!

Related articles: Born from Life
This week’s article: All you need is Love – Contemplative Non-Duality
Combining your Witnessing with Tantric meditation

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Tuesday 22/29^th, Wednesday 23/30^th April, 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Trusting your truth

Saturday 17th May, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Heart Opening meditation with singing bowls

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation & philosophy, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, wonderment

A Mind of Ease Biographical creative imagery Energy Meditation Inner vision Integral Awareness Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Presence and being present Primal Spirituality

Making yourself bigger

Post author By Toby
Post date February 24, 2025

“Whatever us going on in the small temporal experience you are having right now, you are bigger than it, and it is workable”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article looks at the scale of who you think you are, and suggests some mindful ways to change the balance in a positive way!

If you enjoy the article, we will be meditating on this topic in both the Tues/Weds class and the Saturday deep-dive sessions. I invite you to join us either live, online or via the recording.

In the spirit of bigger (in this case) being better,

Toby

Making yourself bigger

The feeling of oppressed

Whenever we feel, if you observe the experience of being stressed, scared or overwhelmed, it is often something like:

My body feels contracted in on itself, reduced. My sense of ‘I’ follows this
The challenge feels LARGE, much bigger than mee, like a tall building or monster towering over you
A sense of being weak or helpless in the face of this massively larger, more powerful force

This feeling then makes not just the presenting challenge more difficult, but everything that happens to you. Life feels like a struggle, a trap, something that you are a victim of.

Working with scale

About eight years ago I had an experience sitting in meditation where I felt my body was not just a small body sitting in my room, but large, as big, bigger than the apartment block. It was as if I was sitting in the landscape like a large building, looking down upon everything. Along with this literal feeling was an experience of feeling stronger, more powerful in relation to my life. It changed my sense of how I existed in relation to my challenges, in relation to what was possible. As well as power, there was a feeling of calm confidence.
I stayed with this feeling for several weeks, letting it become a part of my foundational way of going and being, I had literally become bigger!

Beyond psychology

The Yogachara school of Buddhism asserts that all our internal problems come from a mistaken sense of self. We perceive ourself as a small being, inside our skin, with a separate, foreign world outside of us. In reality, it asserts, our True Self, or Self-as-Consciousness is infinite and boundless. As this infinite and boundless self, we are not in the world, the world is in us! We are as huge infinite and boundless as consciousness itself!
By engaging in some simple Yogachara-ic ‘mindful shifts’ we can achieve some quite remarkable changes in our experience, I’m placing a few below.

Some mindful positions on Bigness

Sitting in meditation, walking, or otherwise in a state where you can settle into a mindful condition, use the following simple sentences as anchors for exploration:

I am not in my body, my body is in me (as a boundless, timeless consciousness)
I am not in the room, the room is in me
I am not walking/sitting in this landscape, the landscape is in me
I am not on the Earth, the planet is in me
I am not within the orbit of the moon, the Lunar sphere is within me
I am not within the Sun & solar system (Galaxy, Universe, whole of Creation), they are within me
I am not in life, life is within me, I am Life

Everything is happening within you, within your boundless Body, Mind and Heart. Whatever us going on in the small temporal experience you are having right now, you are bigger than it, and it is workable.

Related reading:
Non-Dual meditation & Organismic reality
Making yourself big
Connecting to Your Big Mind (Is the Mind in the Body or the Body in the Mind?)
Born from Life, not into it
Small Focused Mind, Big Open Mind

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Starts Tues 11^th, Weds 12^th February, 7.30-8.30 pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice

Begins Saturday 15^th February – Freedom & Fullness deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions

Tues 18th, Weds 19th March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Tags Big mind, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

Concentration Energy Meditation Enlightened Flow Inner vision Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Breathing Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Primal Spirituality spiritual intelligence Zen Meditation

Dancing between time & eternity

Post author By Toby
Post date February 3, 2025

“The Eternal Present a place (or non-place) we can take a holiday, returning to time & our life refreshed,
enthused & ready to go”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at time mastery from a meditative perspective. If you enjoy it it will be a focus point of this week’s meditation classes on Tuesday & Wednesday.
The Eternal Present will also be a point of deeper focus of the upcoming Tues & Weds Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice classes, as well as the companion deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions beginning on Saturday 15th February, 5.30pm SG time.

In the spirit of Presence,

Toby

Dancing between time & eternity

Looked at from a certain point of view, we are points of energy moving in time and space. That may see a little abstract, but really it is quite simple, mastery of human life involves mastery of our time, our energy and our movement, physical, mental, emotional spiritual. In this article I want to focus on time mastery, outlining four mindful positions that can be used progressively and then in a circular, mutually re-enforcing manner. Here they are.

Position 1 – Positivity in time. This first position entails becoming present enough to be aware of the stream of thoughts and experiences flowing through your body-mind and, even though you might still be a bit distracted, steering your attention towards the positive. For example, as I am sitting here now watching my attention, I can notice that;

my sore back is feeling much better today than yesterday
I’m looking forward to doing some gentle exercise tonight
I’m enjoying the process of writing
I’m slept well last night

So, the idea here is that, as I stay generally present and self-aware, I keep my attention primarily centred around objects that give rise to resilient, positive thoughts and feelings.

Position 2 – The present moment in time. In this second position I’m interested in trying to identify THIS present moment in time, as it moves through time, and staying with it. Using my breathing as an orientation point:

As I breathe in, I am focused and aware of this present moment in time
As I breathe out, I relax into the PMIT, noticing what is there

Practising in this way we build proficiency at being more present and in the now-moment in time, not lost in thought, not falling asleep. This builds temporary peace of mind, trains in undistracted concentration and builds relaxed focus that is useful both in meditation and daily life.

Position 3 – The eternal present. As I relax into the present moment in time, I start to notice that there is a watcher, or a witness within myself that is simply awareness, a formless consciousness. This witness-self always remains the same; an always open expanse of pure, free awareness. If I turn my attention away from the objects of consciousness, the things that come and go in time, and instead gently rest in the freedom of consciousness itself I start to drop into the Eternal Present. This is the present moment beyond time. It is not moving from moment to moment, it is the always already here and now. It is the space that contains all time(!) By practising position three, we drop out if time into the formless timeless Present. This is great for a radical deepening and expanding of our consciousness in meditation, but it is also fantastic for giving our everyday mind a complete break from all its worries and concerns in time. It’s a place we can rest and take a holiday, returning to time and our life refreshed, enthused, creative and ready to go!

Position 4 – Integration of the three positions. The three positions above summarized are:

Different degrees of distracted in time, but being present enough to keep your attention sufficiently focused on the positive to build resilience and perspective
Increasing proficiency at being in the present-moment-in-time, both in and out of meditation
Dropping into the Eternal Present to enjoy the radical freedom and bliss of it, then returning to time and life refreshed and enthused

Position 4 then is practising them together, in meditation and informally in daily life, so that most of our time we are in one or other of these conditions, dancing in and out of time lightly, creatively and playfully.

Related reading: Eternal life (& where to find it)
The Eternal Present and the Four Types of Time

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Final session this week! 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday February 8^th, 15^th, 22^nd, 10-11.40am – Mindful Life-skills for Teenagers – a three module course

Starts Tues 11^th, Weds 12^th February, 7.30-8.30 pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to non-dual meditation practice

Begins Saturday 15^th February – Freedom & Fullness deep-dive non-dual meditation sessions

Tues 18th, Weds 19th March, 7.30-8.30pm – Spring Equinox balancing and renewing meditation

Tags eternal present, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, present moment

A Mind of Ease creative imagery Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness spiritual intelligence

Inner transformation – Slippers & carpets

Post author By Toby
Post date January 20, 2025

“Seeing reality isn’t easy, because our mind throws our idea of what we think we are seeing onto what we see”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks a wise way to mindfully work with what you can control in your life. If you like the article, you are invited to come along to this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class, where we will be taking this subject as our object of meditation.

Also a heads up for this Saturday’s Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass where we will focus on developing a multi-faceted breathing meditation practice that helps you grow and learn in the face of life’s challenges, and connect you to deep inner stability.

In the spirit of slippers,

Toby

Inner transformation – Slippers & carpets

TRANSFORMATION – by Anthony De Mello
To a disciple who was forever complaining about others, the Master said, “If it is
peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet
with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.”

This short story is one that I used to use a lot when I was teaching meditation classes as a monk back in the 1990’s. It’s a really good analogy for helping to re-orientate our attention when we are feeling out of balance, and if you think about meditation as a way of ‘protecting your feet with slippers’, then it’s a nice way to encourage regular practice!

Annoyed and overwhelmed – trying to fix the world

It’s easy to get in the trap of being in a situation where you have limited control, trying to control everything, and then feeling frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed. This goes for smaller scale situations at work or at home, or simply when watching or reading about world events on the news. ‘Carpeting the world’ is a huge ask which, if you think about it rationally is a ridiculous thing to be trying to do. But if we are not mindful, we keep on attempting it and reap the same result time and time again.

In your relationships, are you trying to ‘fix’ your partner instead of working on ways that you can stay inwardly centred yourself?
At work do you often find yourself complaining about how it ‘should’ be, rather than accepting what is and making choices based on that?

Mindful of your locus of control – dancing between acceptance and assertion

“What is it that I am in control of here?” Is always a good question to ask as a way to find out how to work with a situation. One consistent answer that you will notice coming back to you time and time again is “I am (potentially) in charge of my thoughts, attitudes and emotions regarding this situation”.

In other worlds you can control what is going in within you. Working on what you notice happening inside is a way of ‘making slippers’ that will always give a high reward wherever you are. Of course, you can’t control literally every thought and feeling, but you can take responsibility for your inner life, and start to make improvements that begin protecting your feet from stones and other sharp objects.

Maybe there are some things outside of you that you are also in control of, so you can consider asserting yourself and acting around these as well. But asking what you are in control of will also make obvious lots of things that you simply can’t control and have to accept. In this sense acceptance of our limits of control should always be a part of our ‘slipper building’ process. For example, I find it quite a relief thinking about the limits of my control regarding whether people like me or not, or want to work with me. I just do what I can within the limits of conscience, and then relax!

One of the biggest and most useful things to accept is ‘I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CARPET THE WORLD!’

Three mindful slipper positions

In this situation (of your choice):

Am I trying to carpet the world rather than make slippers?
What do I need to accept in order to make my slippers?
What inwardly and outwardly can I do that will also contribute to my slipper building?

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Meditation classes & workshops in with Toby:

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

From Tues 7th/Weds 8th January, 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday, 25th January, 9.30-11.30am – Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass

Saturday, 25th January, 5-6pm – Engaged mindfulness & meditation class – ‘Honesty, release and redirection – three levels of non-judgment’

Wednesday 29^th January, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar New Year Meditation 2025: Developing your wisdom, intuition & renewal in the year of the wood snake

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

Awareness and insight Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection mindful dreaming Presence and being present Zen Meditation

Paper trees, paper flowers

Post author By Toby
Post date January 14, 2025

“Seeing reality isn’t easy, because our mind throws our idea of what we think we are seeing onto what we see”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at the dance between conceptual reality and reality itself. If you like the article, you are invited to come along to this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class, where we will be taking this subject as our object of meditation.

Other upcoming events include the Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop this Saturday the 18th. Scroll beow the article for the full list!

In the spirit of beyond paper,

Toby

Paper trees, paper flowers

DREAMS – by Anthony De Mello
“When will I be enlightened?” “When you see.” the Master said. “See what?”
“Trees and flowers and moon and stars.” “But I see these everyday.”
“No. What you see is paper trees, paper flowers, paper moons and paper stars. For you
live, not in reality, but in your words and thoughts.”
And, for good measure, he added gently, “You live a paper life alas, and will die a paper death.”

Living in your mind

A large part of the quest of meditation is to live in reality, rather than in an illusion. When we are lost in thought then the reality that we are inhabiting is essentially a fantasy reality, or a secondary, mental reality made up of words and thoughts. In the short story above, the master calls this a ‘paper’ reality, or a reality made up of paper and words, like a book.
Of course it is good to develop your mind, your thinking and conceptual capability, but when this mode of experiencing takes over, dominating our daily perception and experience, you can say that we lose contact with actual reality, and become lost in paper reality.

Dualistic appearance – Even when you see things, you don’t see things

So, we can come back to the present moment, and try and experience our immediate reality, and go beyond the paper. If we do this and watch closely however, we will start to notice that it’s not quite so simple, because when we see something or somebody, our mind immediately throws our idea of what we think we are seeing onto what we see.
In Buddhist philosophy, this is called dualistic appearance, or – ‘The appearance of an object to our mind together with our generic, or conceptual image of that object’. If you watch closely, you will start to see your mind doing this. It is difficult to spot at first, because it happens in a fraction of a second, and once done the object, and the idea we have ‘thrown’ onto it merge and appear as one. Dualistic appearance is like having a projector behind you, projecting mental images onto the reality that you see in front of you, like in the cinema.

Conceptual education – A part of the challenge

From a young age, the dominant mode of education for most of us is conceptual and intellectual. This makes living in a paper world doubly difficult, as we have spent A LOT of our time literally living in a paper world as we studied. By the time we finish our education, conceptual perception tends to dominate our other forms of perception, and we literally spend most of our time lost in a world of words and concepts, or ‘paper’.

Three stages to going from paper life to real life:

Notice how much of the time that you get caught up in a paper or mental world, lost in thoughts. Make a conscious effort to come back to the moment and be where you are, with what you have immediately around and within you
Notice that, even when you do this, your mind is projecting it’s idea of what it thinks is there, onto the thing itself. Try and mindfully see that happening in real time
Practice putting down the projection, and just seeing the thing you are focused on itself, as it is, without the ‘paper’ projection

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Meditation classes & workshops in January 2025 with Toby:

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

From Tues 7th/Weds 8th January, 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday 18th January 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday, 25th January, 9.30-11.30am – Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

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Awakening, not over-thinking

Post author By Toby
Post date January 6, 2025

“Growth is achieved by degrees. Enlightenment is instantaneous”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at the practice of waking-up, which is something that we can practice ‘leaping’ into anytime, anywhere. If you like the article, you are invited to come along to this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class, where we will be taking this subject as our object of meditation.

In the spirit of awakening,

Toby

Awakening, not over-thinking

Enlightenment – Waking up to the freedom of awareness
There is a precept in soto zen that goes something like “One must not wait for awakening.” What this means is that you can touch the freedom of the present moment simply by letting go of your pre-occupations and awakening to exactly where you are. You might think of this enlightenment or awakening as having three levels. You start at level one, which even a beginner can do in a rudimentary way, and as you build confidence you work onto levels two and three.

Level one involves simply being fully present to an experience. It could be physical/sensory, it could be thought, or even the more subtle experience of awareness itself. You might think of it as a non-resistance to what is, an acceptance that facilitates an awakening to life in the moment.

Level two involves noticing that there is an observer within you, a witness that is present to whatever is there. This witness is the ‘I Am’ within you. With a bit of practice, you can not only awaken to objects of awareness in the present, but also that which is aware of the objects in the present, which is the witness, or your enlightened nature itself.

Level three involves insight into the not oneness and not two-ness of the object of awareness (level one) with that which witnesses the object of awareness (level two)’

If the witnessing awareness is like the ocean, the object of awareness is like a wave
If the witnessing awareness is like the sun, the object of awareness is like a light-ray from the sun

This non-one, not-two experience moves us toward a non-dual or unitive awakening in the moment.
The above three practices are methods of awakening, or ‘Waking up’, and you really just have to commit to doing it again and again, awakening to this moment of your life as best you can and ‘improving’ through practice.

Awakening, not over-thinking – a practical reflection

Over the Christmas period I travelled back to see my family, and spent almost the entire time sick with a bad flu. One of the main ways in which I worked with this in terms of enlightenment and awakening was simply practicing the three levels above:

Being present to the experience as it was
Being aware of my witness
Resting the not-one, not-two-ness of positions one and two

This enabled me to:

not over-think about the ‘bad luck’ or difficulty of my situation
simply accept it as I found it.

As a result, I was able to minimize my pain, make the experience into a form of meditation, and endure it with a degree of patience.
Of course, I did spend some time thinking and reflecting on my experience, but (almost)) always in the context of finding mental perspectives that are useful and helpful, rather than ruminating.

I’ll end with a short story from Anthony De Mello entitled “Rebirth” that illustrates nicely some important ideas around awakening related to this article.

REBIRTH
“Make a clean break with your past and you will be enlightened,” said the ‘Master.
“I am doing that by degrees.”
“Growth is achieved by degrees. Enlightenment is instantaneous.”
Later he said, “Take the leap! You cannot cross a chasm in little jumps.”

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Meditation classes & workshops in January 2025 with Toby:

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

From Tues 7th/Weds 8th January, 7.30-8.30pm – The Wisdom of Awakening Series – Meditation for leaping into reality

Saturday 18th January 9am-12.30pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self Workshop

Saturday, 25th January, 9.30-11.30am – Deep-dive breathing meditation masterclass

Saturday, 25th January, 5-6pm – Engaged mindfulness & meditation class – ‘Honesty, release and redirection – three levels of non-judgment’

Tags awakening, enlightenment, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

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Destiny & fate, empowerment or victimhood?

Post author By Toby
Post date December 9, 2024

“The micro-actions that we do add up, like drops of water in a pot. Do enough of them and they can create a sea-change in your life, & your destiny”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores the distinctions between destiny & fate, & how to use mindfulness to work with them creatively in your life.

If you enjoy the article, it will be the focus subject of this week’s Tuesday & Wednesday evening class , you’d be welcome to come along, live or online!
This class is also the first in a series on the ‘Wisdom of awakening’, details of which are below.

In the spirit of destiny,

Toby

Article of the week

Destiny & fate, empowerment or victimhood?

DESTINY
To a woman who complained about her destiny the Master said, “It is you who make
your destiny.”
“But surely I am not responsible for being born a woman?”
“Being born a woman isn’t destiny. That is fate. Destiny is how you accept your
womanhood and-what you make of it.”
– From Anthony De Mellos ‘One minute wisdom’

Mindful of your destiny

Here we might consider destiny as “what you do with what life has given you”. You may recognize the voice within yourself that says ‘I have no choice or freedom here, I am a victim of circumstance, there is nothing I can do about this (except complain, or feel hard done by). In this context our destiny is understood as what we make of what we have got/have been given. In this sense destiny is a creative word; we create our destiny, it is in our hands. Sitting mindfully with a phrase such as “I am the primary creator of my destiny” and opening to the feelings and energy that comes from that can help us to access this inner power.

Accepting of your fate

In the same way that creating our destiny is a power, so is accepting our fate. Indeed, creating our destiny depends upon our acceptance of the life and circumstances we have been given. Without this acceptance there is no way that we can work with what we have, because we reject it. This non-acceptance actively prevents us from asking the question “What can I do with what I have got?” In a certain sense, acceptance is a type of positive indifference to our fortune, whether it be good or bad. It simply opens to what is, and this accepting of what is opens the doorway to destiny-creation.

Mindful of victimhood

Acceptance of our fate is not passive victim-consciousness. It is a strength that pre-ceeds the power of destiny-creation. Pick an area of your life where something maybe has not turned out that great (in your limited opinion), and practice observing and breathing with it in the spirit of acceptance. After a while you will start to see quite clearly that it is calm, collected, and empowering. It is not at all like victim-consciousness or feeling persecuted. It is a power, not a weakness.

Empowering yourself to create your destiny though mindful questions

These can be asked around a specific part of your life, or in a more general sense:
What is the fate that I need to accept?
What is the destiny that I can choose to embrace and create?
Where is the voice of the victim-of-fate within me? How can I prevent it sabotaging me?
What is/are the next step/s today to creating my destiny?

Micro & macro destiny

You might think of destiny as being mainly about the big things in your life, and the big achievements. That is not untrue, but equally I think it’s about the things that you choose in small situations, in micro-experiences. After all, the micro-actions that we do add up, like drops of water in a pot. Do enough of them and they can create a sea-change in your life and your destiny!

Related article: Intention determines trajectory – Aspects of integrated mindful intention

© Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

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Your basic mandala of presence – The four trees

Post author By Toby
Post date November 25, 2024

“Whenever you feel scattered, sit in your mandala of presence, & feel the return of your basic sanity”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article explores the idea and practice of a ‘Meditation mandala’ that can be used in various ways to improve the elements of your practice, enjoy!

This week’s Tues/Weds meditation session is on “Envisioning & presence, climbing the mindful mountain”,
And this Saturday at 30th 1700 SG time is the Engaged mindfulness & meditation online class on the subject of the three C’s of engaged mindfulness.

In the spirit of presence,

Toby

Tues & Weds 26^th & 27^th Nov, 7.30-8.30pm, Integral Meditation class (Live & online): Climbing the mindful mountain; intention & your life-design

“Envisioning involves visualizing with hope, optimism and appropriate ambition a goal that you want to achieve in the future, being specific about what it looks like”

This is a meditation class about:

How to connect what you do each day to the life you want to manifest
To link your medium and long term goals to your everyday actions.
To enjoy this process and build Confidence in yourself as you do it

Article of the week: Your basic mandala of presence – The four trees

We can consider our basic meditation state as being the following:
Not lost in thought, not falling asleep, in the present moment, and aware of an anchor, or focus point in the present, such as the body and breathing

Once we have a sense of our basic meditation state, we can expand the definition a little, just to refine and deepen our sense of presence:
Basic meditative presence is not being lost in thought, not falling asleep, in the present moment, and aware of an anchor, or focus point in the present, such as the body and breathing. Furthermore it is not being absorbed in the future, and not living in the past.

These definitions give us a blue-print for building meditative presence, that we can then use as a basic ‘space’ within which we can place any other meditation practice that we may wish to develop,

If you want to place basic vipassana or witnessing meditation in there, you can
If you want to focus on mantra yoga in there, you can
If you want to do sports visualization you can
If you want to practice therapeutic mindfulness you can

You get the idea; you can use it for other meditation practices. Equally you can use it as a meditation practice in itself. I like to do this by creating what I call a ‘Mandala of presence’:

Imagine yourself sitting in a peaceful place between four trees, one is in front of you, one behind, one to the left, one to the right. See them as being maybe 2-4 meters distance away. Now simply use your body & breathing as an anchor for your awareness in the present moment, and stay there. The trees are your boundary-points:

Going beyond the left-hand tree means getting lost in thought
Going beyond the right-hand tree means falling asleep
Going beyond the tree behind you means living in the past
Going beyond the tree in front of you means being lost in the future

Notice you can be present to thoughts without being lost in them. You can also feel a little sleepy without falling asleep. You can be aware of a thought about past or future without living in the past or being lost in the future. So, it is quite a broad, forgiving space that you can hang out in and build stable, good quality, increasingly deep meditative presence.

A simple way to enhance the practice is to breathe as follows:

Breathing in, breathe your energy into your body, into the present and feel the fullness of that presence
As you breathe out, relax into the freedom of your awareness in the present

Build your sense of both freedom and fullness of presence as you meditate, dropping gradually deeper and deeper into meditation.

This is a practice I use not just in formal meditation, but also informally. Whenever I feel a little scattered, I bring my attention back to the here and now, sit between the four trees for a while, and return to my basic sanity.

Related reading:
The foundational pillars or ‘goal-posts’ of meditative presence
Finding Your Spiritual, Physical Home
Making your physical awareness balanced & whole
Sky & sun, freedom & fullness

© Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, mandala meditation, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, presence