Category: Mindful Self-Leadership

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Mindfully dis-agreeable

Dear Integral Meditators,

One of the reasons we shy away from dis-agreeable people and energy is that it can feel pretty volatile, even violent at times. This doesn’t mean we can avoid it however, it makes it an even more important aspect of ourselves that we need to master in the right way. The article below explores how to do start doing this.

Heads up for this weeks Live & Online Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings, and for the start next Monday of  The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood.

In the spirit of agreeably dis-agreeable,

Toby

Mindfully dis-agreeable

Recently I’ve been encountering some dis-agreeable people in my life, and I’ve also noticed my coaching clients are facing a few as well! Being by nature a fairly agreeable person, I find dealing with people who are dis-agreeable quite challenging. This is not necessarily because they are ‘bad’ and I am ‘good’. Rather it is because they feel comfortable and even enjoy conflict, whereas for me I prefer reconciliation, co-operation, consideration and other ‘agreeable’ ways of interacting. Over the years it’s become very clear to me that, if you are a kind gentle person without an appropriately dis-agreeable side, then this places you at a big dis-advantage in life. You need to have access to gentleness and kindness, balanced by the capacity to manage conflict appropriately.

The higher and lower expressions of dis-agreeable
One of the reasons you might be reluctant to embrace your dis-agreeable side is that you confuse it with outright negativity. You may equate dis-agreeable with qualities like:

  • Delusional and paranoid
  • Grumpy or negatively angry
  • Unreasonable
  • Emotionally immature or stunted
  • Sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies
  • Physically or psychologically abusive or violent

However, dis-agreeable can also mean the appropriate, balanced capacity to be appropriately

  • Assertive and powerful
  • Just and fair
  • Protective of self and others
  • Defend boundaries
  • Stand up to bullies
  • Tell the and/or your truth

This second list of dis-agreeable qualities I think you can see are important to develop and own within yourself.

Agreeable is always good?
Contrastingly, we often have the idea that ‘agreeable’ is always a good quality. It means you are a person who is kind, caring, conciliatory, looking for compromise, considerate and so on. However, the lower quality of imbalanced agreeable people includes

  • Being submissive and weak
  • Running away from conflict
  • Avoiding reality, living in a dreamworld
  • Can’t speak up for themselves
  • Avoids an argument of conversation that needs having
  • Is an escapist
  • Represses their anger and becomes vulnerable to depression or low self-esteem

So then, to learn to be ‘good’ at dis-agreeability means:

  • To learn to be happy to be in conflict with someone and hold your space/position
  • Stop hoping the other person will be reasonable, and just take each transaction one at a time without overly stressing about it
  • Learn to tolerate and even enjoy dis-agreements
  • To not be intimidated by the anger or aggression of others
  • To own your own positive anger and aggression in the service of the good and the true

One of the reasons we shy away from dis-agreeable energy is that it can feel pretty volatile and even violent at times. This doesn’t mean we can avoid it however, it makes it an even more important aspect of our energy that we need to master in the right way!
The next time you are in a space where there is conflict, and where there are dis-agreeable people around, pay attention, there is a lot to train in and get mindfully better at!

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

Tues 19th & Weds 20th October – Live & Online Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

About the meditation: We all live our life within an environment that consists fundamentally/experientially of the Earth, Moon, Sun and Stars. The monthly lunar cycle describes our relationship to the Moon, and the powerful influence that it has on our life. In the physical world we see this influence most obviously in the tides of the sea. In our inner life we experience it as the coming and going of energy, moods and emotions within our psyche. This meditation, done on or around the full moon capitalises on the heightened lunar energies at this time of the month to…read full details

Starts Monday October 25th – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man?

Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community…read full details

Tues & Weds 26&27th October – Samhain Meditation (Live & Online) – Acknowledging the gifts and wounds of our ancestors

Samhain (Aka All hallows eve, or Halloween) is the time in the northern hemisphere when we enter the darker months of the year & winter. Traditionally it is said to be the time when the veil between the world of the living and the inner world of our ancestors is said to be thinnest. Consequently, it is an ideal time for us to commune with our ancestors in meditation…read full details

Friday 5th November 7.30-8.30pm – Online New moon beginners mind, health visualization & envisioning session

About the session: This class is done monthly around the turn of the new moon and enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start, specifically with regard to physical health and psychological wellbeing
“A picture speaks a thousand words” as the saying goes! In meditation we use  two main methods:

  • Visualization – The conscious use of images and imagery to invoke a better present moment and future experience of health
  • Envisioning – The seeking of spontaneous inner visions that connect us to sources of health & support in the imaginal world, and inspire us toward greater levels of energy energy and wellbeing

Read full details…

 

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Life Coaching and Meditation coaching 3-6month packages are on a 15% offer up until Weds 20th October. If getting some coaching is an idea you have been contemplating, then this is a good opportunity to get it and save some money on the price. 

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Begins Tues 14/Weds 15th September – Integral Polarity Meditation – Exploring Earth, Lunar & ‘Vertical’ Polarities

Saturday October 16th & 23rd, 10am-4pm – Breathwork Masterclass & Mini-Retreat– Improve physical immunity, wellbeing and inner peace though deep breathing

Starts Monday October 25th – The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood

Tues & Weds 26&27th October – Samhain Meditation (Live & Online) – Acknowledging the gifts and wounds of our ancestors

Friday 5th November 7.30-8.30pm – Online New moon beginners mind, health visualization & envisioning session

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight creative imagery Enlightened Flow Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Zen Meditation

Dynamic Calm – Working with koans

“The main point about a koan is that it is a dynamic and experiential way to break through you overactive, anxious conceptual mind into a direct, non-thinking experience of awareness itself.”

Dear Integral Meditators,
My Tuesday & Wednesday  classes this week explore the Zen koan. If you enjoy the article below, then feel free to join us, live or online!

In the spirit of dynamic peace,

Toby

Dynamic peace – The Zen Koan

Defining the Koan
The Zen koan is a device traditionally employed by a Zen Master in order to help the disciple let go of his or her over dependence upon their conceptual mind, and to help them to engage with their reality in a direct and non-conceptual manner. It also serves to awaken the disciple to their intuitive, creative and/or awakened mind. The koan can take the form of a saying, a story, a conversation or an action.

Three examples of Zen Koans
Firstly, here is one of the most famous:
‘What is the expression of your face before you were born’
Koans are not designed to be explored like a crossword puzzle, and there is no neat and tidy conceptual answer to them. There are however meanings that we can see within them that could be expressed in a conceptual manner. For example, ‘Your face before you were born’ encourages us to look deeply at what we really consider to be our true face, is it this physical form? Is it our psychological profile or personality? Or is our original face the radiance of our consciousness that lies prior to thought, feeling or physical form?

Second example, the story of Bodhidharma, the founder of Chan and Zen Buddhism’s journey from India to China, and his meeting of the Chinese Emperor:
 “Upon seeing the greeting party that had been arranged for him, and hearing the Chinese Emperor begin to engage in a long and somewhat pompous speech, Bodhidharma took of one of his shoes, and placed it upon his head!”
As the emperor engages in his speech, Bodhidharma does something to short-circuit the flow of conceptual activity, and bring us right back into the moment through his unconventional activity. Perhaps something you can try with one of your more boring and pompous uncles or Aunts at Christmas, New Year or Deepavali(!)

Another favorite of mine is taken from a Zen Poem by a musician called Deuter:
‘The body cannot become the Buddha, the mind cannot become the Buddha, only what cannot become the Buddha can become the Buddha.’

Two creative examples
Recently, I created two Koan-like images for my Zen class students, the image of a broken-arrow as a koan for aimlessness, and a sign with nothing on it for the meditation practice of signlessness.

A path to dynamic peace
The main point about a koan is that it is a dynamic and experiential way to break through you overactive, anxious conceptual mind into a direct, non-thinking experience of awareness itself. Within this direct awareness we find peace, calm, and a doorway to the awakened state, not sometime in the future, but right here and now.

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

Integral Mindfulness & Meditation Online Program with Toby September ’21-March ’22

Start date: Wednesday 8th September

Early Bird offer until Thursday 2nd September, $50 off (see pricing below)

This is a 24week, online integral mindfulness and meditation program. Each week a 45minute class and mindfulness session recording will be sent to you. You can then listen to it in at a time that is convenient for you. The recording will be accompanied by reading material and short articles.

In the sessions you will learn a multitude of practical mindfulness skills and capabilities that you can integrate into your daily life and personal practice. Included are breathing techniques, flow methods, ways of developing your emotional and cognitive intelligence, building concentration and focus and many more. You can see a complete list of the subjects covered below.

Listen to Toby introducing the Program:

Complete list of course sessions:

  1. How to build mindful flow
  2. Integrating mindfulness of the body and breathing (Integral body-mind scanning)
  3. How to practice unstructured mindfulness – Turning and facing
  4. Building concentration in an age of distraction
  5. Building benevolence and goodwill toward yourself and others
  6. On Compassion, and how to create your own meditation objects
  7. On non-judgmental Awareness, and making better judgments
  8. Overcoming distractions, and even using them as aids to meditation
  9. Natural breathing and wave breathing forms
  10. On bare attention and witnessing
  11. Letting come letting go, going with the flow
  12. Resting in safety and thriving wisely on risk
  13. Meditation as a positive mindfulness game
  14. On being mindful of emotions
  15. How to balance thinking with feeling
  16. How to think less and think well (Think better or don’t think)
  17. Finding the hub of the wheel of your mind
  18. Connecting to natural happiness
  19. Mindfulness of the present and non-present moment
  20. How to transform frustrations into motivation
  21. Becoming a man or woman of no rank
  22. The Yin and yang of mindful thinking
  23. Choiceless awareness and making conscious choices
  24. Balancing knowledge with wisdom (Balancing accumulating and letting go)

The cost of the program: Early-Bird up until Thursday 2nd September, save $50! SGD$470 (Price goes up to $520 after that).

To make payment: If in Singapore you can use PayNow on +65 96750279, or if you are abroad you can use the Paypal link HERE.

The Mindful Self Knowledge coaching program

This is eight-month coaching program with Toby is designed to facilitate your own personal mindful self-discovery process. It focuses on:

  • Awareness of how your past experience has influenced who and how you are today
  • Confidence in approaching your present experience with playful fullness and enthusiasm
  • Giving you the inner tools to face your choices and your future in an empowered, dynamic, and authentic manner. Read full details

Watch Toby’s video on the Program

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts 6th&7th July – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Starts Wednesday September 8th – The Integral Mindfulness & Meditation Online Program with Toby September ’21-March ’22

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Awareness and insight Enlightened love and loving Enlightened service Essential Spirituality Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Compassionate presence, awakened action

“As your life experience unfolds, often your compassion for others increases because you can relate to them more as you ‘know how they feel’. If we combine this with practicing simply being present every day, then this can make the power of our compassionate presence grow exponentially”

Dear Integral Meditators,

Compassion isn’t always easy. Making room for compassion for others sometimes feels like a tall order, especially when we are struggling to find compassion for ourself. The article below explores how opening to compassion for others can sometimes be the best way to work with our own pain and stress.

In the spirit of compassionate presence,

Toby

 

 

Compassionate presence, awakened action

Compassion isn’t always easy. Making room for compassion for others sometimes feels like a tall order, especially when we are struggling to find compassion for ourself, and to bear the burden of our own stress and wounds. I want to start by inviting an awareness that sometimes (not at all times), opening to compassion and compassionate action toward the world, can actually be the best way to help change our own experience. As Robin Wall Kimmerer says:

‘Action on behalf of life transforms. Because the relationship between self and the world is reciprocal, it is not a question of first getting enlightened or saved and then acting. As we work to heal the earth, the earth heals us.’

So, it’s always worth making room for others in our world-view. Its not just sacrificing ourself or ‘being good’, it is an intelligent, wise way of getting by!

Using our own pain
One of the simplest ways to work on transforming our own pain is to use it as a doorway to compassion:

  • If you are suffering from loneliness, you can imagine the millions, or even billions who share this experience in the world. You can find examples in your own life of people you know
  • Your physical sickness can open you to the awareness of the worse and more permanent experience of others
  • Work stress? Oppressive colleagues or bosses? You can bet there are many others who have the same and worse, and you can probably find examples in your own close circle of influence.

If you stopped to think in this way, what would be the main challenges of your own that you can start to mindfully use to develop your compassion for others?

Doing what you can in the face of the limitless
In terms of acting upon your compassionate awareness and impulse, it can feel a bit intimidating. In Mahayana Buddhism, the vow of the Bodhisattva is as follows:

‘However many living being there are, I vow to liberate them all (from their suffering),
However many delusions I have, I vow to conquer them all.
However many spiritual truths there are, I vow to Master them all.’

Well, that can feel like an overwhelming amount to do! One of the best ways to deal with this issue is simply though presence and attention to the presenting circumstances. As Nkosi Johnson says:

“Do what you can,
with what you’ve been given,
in the place where you are,
with the time that you have.”

Ask yourself the question: ‘In this moment, today, what opportunity is there for me to act compassionately and do what can be done to reduce the pain and suffering of others and myself? What can be done, with what I have at my disposal, where I am now, in this moment?’

Awakened, compassionate presence
Often the best response to suffering is presence. To witness and acknowledge the pain in front of us enables us to

  • See it and act if there is something we can do
  • If there is nothing we can do, then sometimes simply acknowledging that we see the pain of others can help them. As a friend of mine the other day said to me ‘Thanks Toby, this helps a lot’. All I had done was say that I saw what his pain, and I believed that in the long term the things that he was going through were forging and forming him, rather than defeating him, and that although he could not see it yet, he was becoming someone stronger than he could imagine!

Compassionate presence comes from practice + life experience
As your life experience unfolds, often your compassion for others increases because you can relate to them more as you ‘know how they feel’. If we combine this with practising simply being present every day, then this can make the power of our compassionate presence grow exponentially. For example, simply practicing ten minutes of my meditation on ‘Sitting like a mountain’ from last week’s article, we can anchor our compassion more deeply in this moment, and in the centre of our being, even as the storms and floods of our life come and go.

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

August 5th, 6th, 7th, 2-4pm – Mindful Life-skills for Teenagers – A three day course

These sessions are specifically designed to help teens develop their real inner skills that help them be:

  • More effective at achieving their chosen goals
  • Build confidence,
  • Build resilience around stress and
  • Increase their capacity for fun and enjoyment as they learn.

Read full details…

Saturday August 21st 9.30-11.30am – Mindfulness for Emotional Intelligence Masterclass

In a sentence: Learn how you can use mindfulness to develop your emotional range and skills

Much of our quality of life depends not so much on what we are experiencing, but the way in which we experience it. Our moods and emotional states to a large degree define the quality of our life experience, at work, in our relationships and in our leisure activities. This masterclass will lead you on an experiential journey to:

  • Understand what feelings, moods and emotions are and how to build an effective relationship to them
  • How to consolidate and expand your existing emotional strengths
  • How to deal with difficult and challenging emotions, and even turn them to your advantage
  • How to increase the diversity/range of emotions that are available to you for enjoyment, pleasure and life-effectiveness! Read full details…

 

Saturday August 28th, 10am-5pm – Meditations for connecting to the Tree of Life Workshop

Overview: The Tree of Life is an ancient and comprehensive system of meditation, personal development and inner growth represented by the diagram of a tree. Although it is best known as a ‘western’ tradition of spiritual growth (Judaist, Christian, Islamic), the fundamentals of the Tree of Life practice can be found in different ancient systems of meditation and mindfulness throughout the world. This workshop is a practical introduction to how to meditate with the Tree of Life in order to:

  • Stimulate holistic and integrated inner growth
  • Consciously develop different levels and states of consciousness in meditation, and learn how to transition or journey between them in the inner world
  • Stimulate the development of your creative, imaginal and visualization skills
  • Make systematic, organized contact with guides, teachers, healing forces and archetypal energies within the inner world
  • Practice different types of meditation to build different strengths, and help you deal with different inner challenges…read full details

 

The Mindful Self Knowledge coaching program

This is eight-month coaching program with Toby is designed to facilitate your own personal mindful self-discovery process. It focuses on:

  • Awareness of how your past experience has influenced who and how you are today
  • Confidence in approaching your present experience with playful fullness and enthusiasm
  • Giving you the inner tools to face your choices and your future in an empowered, dynamic, and authentic manner. Read full details

Watch Toby’s video on the Program

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts 6th&7th July – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 17th, 24th, 31st July, 2-4pm – Mindful Life-skills for Teenagers – A three week
course

Saturday August 21st 9.30-11.30am – Mindfulness for Emotional Intelligence Masterclass

Saturday August 28th, 10am-5pm – Meditations for connecting to the Tree of Life Workshop

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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creative imagery Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness One Minute Mindfulness Presence and being present

Optimistic Stoicism

“There is a wonder in the continuous change that surrounds us. It invites us to notice that the ‘perfect happiness’ that we are seeing for may be hidden in plain sight, right amongst the present messy unfolding of our life today.”

 

Dear Integral Meditators,

This year has been full of twists and turns. This weeks article explores one approach to navigating the winding path of our lives well!

In the spirit of optimistic stoicism,

Toby

 

Optimistic Stoicism

‘Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.’ ~ Tony Schwartz

For most people lack of certainty leads to a feeling of anxiety due to uncertainty, and a state of mind that is tiring, uncomfortable and that wears us down. The sense of uncertainty makes our world smaller, less seems possible, and what is possible seems unlikely to be that good!

Stoicism as a philosophy encourages us to look at the worst-case scenario in any given situation, and accept that it may happen. It also encourages us to not hope (too much) for our problems and misfortunes to change, but to endure them with fortitude. There is a certain strength and stability that comes from being stoic, and a certain peace of mind that comes from not hoping for anything better. For example, in the long stretch of time where we’ve all been going through Covid lockdowns, it’s useful to accept that this may be a long term issue that doesn’t go away fast. This enables us to settle into the space that is created, and work with it, rather than against it.

Optimism as a philosophy contrasts to Stoicism. It invites us to think that good things can happen anytime, it can work out better than we thought it would, and that the problems we have can be stepping stones to a life currently better than we can imagine. Reflection on my life shows that it is indeed true, amazing things that I could not have envisaged have happened to me, sometimes despite my mindset!

The ‘embracing of paradox’ that Tony Schwarz refers to above is represented quite well by the contrasting philosophies of optimism and Stoicism. Both hold true in their own way, and both are worth cultivating! In conversations with coaching clients recently, I have found the session exploring how we can cultivate ‘optimistic stoicism’ to create a mindset that is ready for and can account for ‘bad sh$#t happening’ but is also bright, playful and looking for the best; we are fully open to the possibilities for the future, whilst being ready for anything! Two images that I love come to mind:

  • Firstly, the Islamic saying about trusting in Allah/God but not forgetting to tie up your camel
  • Secondly the Biblical expression from Jesus about learning to be both innocent as doves and wise as serpents

So, in mindfulness terms, we are trying to notice our relationship to uncertainty, and open to it, with the paradoxical attitude of ‘Optimistic stoicism’!

A final tip of the hat to ‘Wabi-Sabi’ mindfulness which is a philosophy I’ve appreciated for a number of years now, and that to me speaks very much to the ‘optimistic stoic’. Wabi-sabi invites us to open to the broken, the imperfect, the incomplete and the unfinished in our life with appreciation. There is a quiet beauty in decay and ageing. There is a wonder in the continuous change that surrounds us. It invites us to notice that the ‘perfect happiness’ that we are seeing for may be hidden in plain sight, right amongst the present messy unfolding of our life today.

If you enjoy this article, then do check out my workshop this Saturday on Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership

Related article: Opening to an abundance of possibility

Watch Toby’s 45 second mindfulness video on Optimistic Stoicism:

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

Tues 22nd & Weds 23rd June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation
The Summer Solstice (Called by the Celts ‘Alban Hefin’, or ‘the Light of Summer’) is the high point of summer in the northern hemisphere, the point of the Suns maximum power in the year, & the longest day. It is a good time to attune the life-force in the earth & creative energies within ourselves. We will be taking the time to get in touch with our own inner power, solar confidence & expressive self.

At the summer solstice, we can think about the autumn & winter periods that lie ahead of us, what our goals & expectations are, & sow the seeds on an inner level of the things that we wish to manifest over the next few months.
Full details…


Saturday 26th June, 2-5.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

In a sentence: Learn how to work creatively with uncertainty, imperfection and life’s inherent messiness to realize your leadership and self-leadership potential.  Manage stress and anxiety better using mindfulness in combination with the practical philosophy of Wabi-Sabi.
Principle aspects of Wabi-Sabi include:

  • An appreciation of the beauty of the impermanent, the imperfect and incomplete
  • A recognition of the value of humility
  • A willingness to engage with the unconventional

Read full details…

Weekend of 9,10,11th July – The Integral Mindfulness Program for Coaches, Counselors & Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and & wellness
Overview: This is a weekend, three-session dynamic mindfulness program designed for:

  • Those looking for an engaged, practical mindfulness course designed to build resilience, effectiveness and wellness in the face of work and life challenges
  • Trainers, coaches and therapists looking to integrate mindfulness into their own professional practice with clients
  • People who have been through basic conventional mindfulness training programs and are looking for the next level of practice and performance

The essential content of the course is ten separate but interlinked mindfulness meditation practices…
Read full details

The new Mindful Self Knowledge coaching program

This is eight-month coaching program with Toby is designed to facilitate your own personal mindful self-discovery process. It focuses on:

  • Awareness of how your past experience has influenced who and how you are today
  • Confidence in approaching your present experience with playful fullness and enthusiasm
  • Giving you the inner tools to face your choices and your future in an empowered, dynamic, and authentic manner

Read full details

Watch Toby’s video on the Program:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing Tues/Wednesday – Meditations for physical, emotional & environmental health & regeneration – A 7-week course

Tues 22nd & Weds 23rd June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Saturday 26th June, 2-5.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

Weekend of 9,10,11th July – The Integral Mindfulness Program for Coaches, Counselors & Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and & wellness

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Awareness and insight Energy Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership

Meditating with your parental self

“If we are already, or have aspirations to be an outer parent, needless to say the better our relationship to inner parenting we have, the more equipped we are to be a competent outer parent”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article focuses on how to start working with the psychological sub-personality known as the ‘inner parent’. Its something that we focus on quite extensively in my Mindful Self Knowledge coaching program.

In the spirit of inner parenting,

Toby

Meditating with your parental self

Who is your parental self?
The mature adult or parental-self (for this article let’s consider them the same, although they can be distinguished) is that part of your psyche that embodies the mature ego. It is able to bear responsibilities in life, knows how to plan for the future, and to nurture and protect the lower levels of self (child and youth), ideally with a balance of firmness and love

Why is it important to get to know this part of yourself?
From the above definition we can see that our parental self is vital for living a fulfilling, healthy life. We need it to navigate problems, set goals (and stick to them), interact with others successfully, and look after other aspects of our inner psyche, principally our inner child.
If we are already or have aspirations to be an outer parent, needless to say the better our relationship to inner parenting we have, the more equipped we are to be a competent outer parent!

Two aspects or dimensions of our parental self
Like our outer parents, our inner parent has two dimensions, or aspects; the mother and father. Here is a bit more detail on them (Definitions taken from Nathaniel Branden, the Six Pillars of Self Esteem, page 265ff):
The mother-self is the component of the psyche containing an internalization of the personality, perspective, and values of an individual’s mother (or older female “mother figures” who had an influence and impact during childhood. We are dealing with the individual and historical, not the generic or universal “Mother”. (This is very different from Transactional Analysis’s generic “parent ego-state. Mother and Father are both parents, but they are very different and should not be treated as a psychological unit; they often send very different messages and have very different attitudes and values.)
The father-self is the component of the psyche containing an internalization of the personality, perspective, and values of an individual’s father (or older male “father figures” who had an influence and impact during childhood.)
Our parental selves are a psychic reality, that we are interacting with all the time, it’s just a matter of whether we are doing it consciously or unconsciously. The exercises below offer a few pointers for getting started.

Free association on your parental selves.
Bring to mind the words ‘my mother self’ or ‘my father self’ (choose one or other at a time initially). Holding it within your awareness allow your mind to start to free –associate feelings, images, memories, thoughts, desires and actions/activities with your mother or father-self. At this stage the main thing is to focus on being curious as to what sort of memories, feelings and so on arise when you contemplate the idea of your mother or father self. Whether these feelings and memories are pleasant or unpleasant is secondary, the main thing is simply to see what comes up without editing any of the content.
After a while ask yourself the question “What does my mother or father-self look like?” Allow your mind to build an image of your mother and father-self; s/he may simply be an image of yourself as a mature adult of a certain age, but equally s/he may be different from your literal, historical mature adult-self in some way; for example, s/he may resemble one of your parents or other adult role models that you have had.

Asking opinions and perspectives
Once you have a visual on both your inner parents, you can start getting to know them; their opinions, perspectives and how they function. You can start to discern which parts of them are working well and are healthy, and which parts are dysfunctional and in need of healing. Together with them you can create an inner parental self that is consistent, can be relied upon and is both firm and loving to your child self.

Related article: Meditating with your inner child

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 19th June, 9.30-11.30am – Deep dive breathing meditation masterclass

This masterclass teaches six complementary breathing techniques that will help you:

  • Connect to your body’s natural intelligence and capacity to move towards balance and harmony
  • Release stress and tension on progressively deeper levels
  • Combine relaxation with sustainably higher energy levels
  • Make your life and activities into a ‘flow’ state
  • Develop systematically deeper states of physical, psychological and spiritual concentration
  • Reduce over active thinking and cultivate stillness
  • Cultivate breathing patterns that are conducive to physical health and well-being

Read full details…

Tues 22nd & Weds 23rd June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation
The Summer Solstice (Called by the Celts ‘Alban Hefin’, or ‘the Light of Summer’) is the high point of summer in the northern hemisphere, the point of the Suns maximum power in the year, & the longest day. It is a good time to attune the life-force in the earth & creative energies within ourselves. We will be taking the time to get in touch with our own inner power, solar confidence & expressive self.

At the summer solstice, we can think about the autumn & winter periods that lie ahead of us, what our goals & expectations are, & sow the seeds on an inner level of the things that we wish to manifest over the next few months.
Full details…


Saturday 26th June, 2-5.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

In a sentence: Learn how to work creatively with uncertainty, imperfection and life’s inherent messiness to realize your leadership and self-leadership potential.  Manage stress and anxiety better using mindfulness in combination with the practical philosophy of Wabi-Sabi.
Principle aspects of Wabi-Sabi include:

  • An appreciation of the beauty of the impermanent, the imperfect and incomplete
  • A recognition of the value of humility
  • A willingness to engage with the unconventional

Read full details…

Weekend of 9,10,11th July – The Integral Mindfulness Program for Coaches, Counselors & Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and & wellness

10% early bird offer: Up until the 22nd June SGD$765 (Course price $850)

Overview: This is a weekend, three-session dynamic mindfulness program designed for:

  • Those looking for an engaged, practical mindfulness course designed to build resilience, effectiveness and wellness in the face of work and life challenges
  • Trainers, coaches and therapists looking to integrate mindfulness into their own professional practice with clients
  • People who have been through basic conventional mindfulness training programs and are looking for the next level of practice and performance

The essential content of the course is ten separate but interlinked mindfulness meditation practices…
Read full details

The new Mindful Self Knowledge coaching program

This is eight-month coaching program with Toby is designed to facilitate your own personal mindful self-discovery process. It focuses on:

  • Awareness of how your past experience has influenced who and how you are today
  • Confidence in approaching your present experience with playful fullness and enthusiasm
  • Giving you the inner tools to face your choices and your future in an empowered, dynamic, and authentic manner

Read full details

Watch Toby’s video on the Program:

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing Tues/Wednesday – Meditations for physical, emotional & environmental health & regeneration – A 7-week course

Saturday 19th June, 9.30-11.30am – Deep dive breathing meditation masterclass

Tues 22nd & Weds 23rd June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Saturday 26th June, 2-5.30pm – Wabi-Sabi mindfulness – The art of creative leadership and self-leadership workshop

Weekend of 9,10,11th July – The Integral Mindfulness Program for Coaches, Counselors & Therapists – Creating sustainable high performance and & wellness

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Biographical creative imagery Energy Meditation Enlightened Flow Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Motivation and scope Presence and being present

Creating your own “Circle of the wise”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article focuses on a creative meditation that I’ve done in various forms for many years.
Next weeks Tuesday & Wednesday sessions are Wesak Full Moon Meditations, which contain a variant of this meditation in it.

In the spirit of the wise,

Toby

 

 

 

Creating your own “Circle of the wise”

What would it be like to sit in the company of the wise, the deeply creative, and deeply awake? What if you imagined vividly that you were in just such company, and imagined yourself talking with them, listening and enjoying silence with them? The meditation that I describe below is one that I have done many times in my life in a variety of forms, according to purpose, in order to gain insight, solace and support for different stages and different projects that I have taken up.

Stage 1: Select your domain
Firstly, you need to think about the purpose of the group that you are working with. Is it to help you go deeper in your meditation? Help you get better at a particular discipline? Help you with a particularly stressful part of your life? Help you with your creative writing? Select your purpose. For the purposes of this example let’s say it’s to help me with my creative writing.

Stage 2: Set your intention, let them come
Sit down in meditation, and set your intention to meet your ‘circle of the wise’ around the particular domain you are focused on. In this example I am intending to connect with writers whom I admire, from any era, who may be able to help me. With this intention I then sit and relax. I might begin to see myself in a particular place, with perhaps a circle of seats. I take one of these seats, and then wait to be joined. Some of the people/beings who come might be those I intend to be a part of the circle; others may come unexpectedly. There may even be some that I don’t even know exactly who they are, they may not be famous or previously known to me.

Stage 3: Communion and communication
Once they have assembled, you can them bring to the table any questions that you might have, or subjects for discussion and feedback. You can initiate as much conversation as you like, or you can simply enter into a more intuitive, non-verbal communion with your circle, receiving support from them in this way, and simply absorbing the atmosphere of their presence. When you wish to conclude, you simply thank them for their presence, see them fading from your inner vision and return to your everyday consciousness.

You can stay with a particular group for the duration of a particular project (members may come and go somewhat during this time!) or you can simply have a more general ‘circle of the wise’ that you connect to regularly in meditation that is of a more semi-permanent nature. This exercise might seem a bit abstract just reading about it, but it really takes on a totally different dimension and living vibrancy when you actually do it!

Tuesday 25th & Weds 26th May – Wesak Full Moon Meditation

Toby will be leading a meditation to help you to:

  • Find a place of coolness, peace and stability amidst the turbulence of your own life
  • Connect to the inner creative and evolutionary energies that you sense emerging within yourself at this time, giving them name and direction in your life
  • A chance to connect with the spirit of the Buddha and your own inner world guidance
  • Practice inner world journeying for the purposes of healing, knowledge and renewal. This journey is undertaken both for yourself and or your circle of influence.

Read full details

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing Tues/Wednesday – Meditations for physical, emotional & environmental health & regeneration – A 7-week course

Tuesday 25th & Weds 26th May – Wesak Full Moon Meditation

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Energy Meditation Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Stress Transformation

Taking the weight off your chest (Transforming sadness)

“Running from difficult emotions is a way of coping with them, turning and facing them is a way of learning to thrive off them”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks Tuesday & Wednesday evening classes will be on transforming sadness and connecting to courage, which is the subject of the article below.

The article also touches on some of the principles of Taoist qi gong meditation, which I’ll be exploring on some depth on the 15th of May in my Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Finally, if your interested in meditation and sound technology, my favorite brain entrainment meditation track of all time is Digital Acupuncture is on 20% special offer for the next couple of days. Check it out if your interested, you can read a bit more about the principles on me ‘meditation technology page‘.

In the spirit of the courage to transforming sadness,Toby

 

Taking the weight off your chest (Transforming sadness)

Effecting transformation
In order to transform our difficult emotions, we need to be able to turn and face them. Our instinctive response to them is often the opposite; to run and hide from them, repress the, deny them or avoid them. Running and hiding from emotions we can’t face is a coping mechanism, turning and facing them is a way of learning to thrive off them. In this article I’m going to talk about this in terms of sadness and grief as an example.

The physical location of sadness and grief
We often talk about sadness as ‘heaviness of heart’, and it’s certainly true we feel often feel it as a heaviness in the chest. In the Taoist tradition the emotions of sadness and grief are said to sit in the lungs, which is also true from all of our experience in the sense that, when we feel sad, we ‘sigh’, which is a particular way of breathing that holds the sadness. The chest area in general then holds a lot of our sadness physically.

Acknowledging and feeling the weight
In order to start working with your own sadness, just bring to mind the words ‘my sadness’ and or ‘my grief’. Just let yourself free associate around these words. Allow your mind to bring up memories and subjects of sadness for you, and notice your bodily response to the sadness. In particular focus on the weight of the feeling in your lungs and chest area. As you breathe in allow yourself to feel the sadness, as you breathe out relax into the sensation of it, gently allowing it to be there.

Releasing the sadness
As you breathe in extend care and understanding to your lungs, and to the sadness there. As you breathe out smile to the sadness, inviting it to gradually brighten and be released (you can combine this section with the inner smile meditation in my previous article). Without being in a hurry, allow the energy of the emotions embedded in your lungs and chest area to start to change and transform.

Opening to joy and courage
Once you have effected a sense of release in your lungs and chest, you can begin to invite the positive emotions associated with these areas; joy and courage, to fill up the space. The energy that was previously locked in the patterns of sadness and grief can be re-calibrated into these positive emotions and qualities. Smile, relax and feel joy and courage filling your lungs as you inhale. Feel your whole chest area becoming strong and resilient, both physically and emotionally healthy.

So, there is the basic pattern. Of course, I’m describing a process that will take more than just one session to effect deep change. You also need courage to persist and consistently turn and face the layers of sadness that come up when you start to release years’ worth of it! With skillful and wise consistency, you can deeply change the energetic dynamic of your chest and lung area, and the inner emotional landscape that goes with it.

Related article/recording: Smiling to the inner organs meditation 

Article © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

20% Special offer Until May 12th – DIGITAL ACUPUNCTURE
Qi-Encoded Nature Sounds for Healing, Renewal, and Releasing Stress

Digital Acupuncture (formerly called Audio Acupuncture), a part of iAwake’s Energy Alchemy Series, contains soundtracks embedded with a unique energetic signature of the human acupuncture meridian map which optimizes the healthy flow of qi through all the acupuncture meridians.
See full details

Saturday 15th May – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing Masterclass & Mini-retreatQi-gong is the science of working with the body’s energy field. Literally translated into English it means ‘energy work’, or ‘energy skill’.  In this workshop Toby will be teaching the art of moving subtle energy and life force into and around our body using a series of simple and easy to apply techniques that will enable you to:

  • Re-establish your body’s natural bio-rhythms
  • Strengthen your immune system
  • Balance the energy in your body and mind, leading to inner peace and wellbeing

Read full details here

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing Tues/Wednesday – Meditations for physical, emotional & environmental health & regeneration – A 7-week course

Saturday 15th May – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Tuesday 25th & Weds 26th May – Wesak Full Moon Meditation

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
A Mind of Ease creative imagery Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Presence and being present

A wheel spinning  out of balance

“In order to find consistent balance we have to work consciously to adjust to changeability and imperfection. We have to be ready and expect life’s wobbles and curve balls!”

Dear Integral Meditators,

What does it mean to have a conscious and balanced approach to life’s imperfections and messiness, and how can we implement this approach effectively? this is the subject that I explore in the article below.

In the spirit of balance,

Toby

A wheel spinning  out of balance

Life is pain?
The first noble truth of the Buddha when he started teaching was what he called the “Truth of dukha”. Dukha is a Sanskrit word that is most often translated as ‘suffering’.  So then it looks like his observation is that life is fundamentally the experience of suffering, or pain

Dukha – A wheel spinning our of balance
If we look a little deeper, the Sanskrit word ‘dukha’ actually doesn’t have a direct english translation, but a closer translation would be something akin to “a wheel spinning out of balance”. So Buddha basically said “Life is like a wheel spinning out of balance”. What this means (in my opinion) is that he is observing that life is almost continuously uncomfortable, out of balance, inconvenient, uncertain. In order to find balance we have to work quite hard to be making adjustments to these imperfections. We have to be ready and expect life’s wobbles and curve balls!

Riding a wobbly bicycle
One image I use to meditate on Dukha is I imagine I am riding a bicycle with a buckled back wheel. As I ride, I bounce and lurch up and down, and from side to side as the wheel rotates. I have to be ready for the un-predictable movements, making adjustments to stay upright. I have to be mindful and alert to ride this bike of life, otherwise I’m going to fall off!

Accepting dukha, moving forward creatively
In terms of mindfulness, much of working with Dukha is acceptance; simply accepting the messy and intractable nature of life as it is. If we aren’t able to do this, then we do spend a lot of time suffering as a result of our inability to accommodate for life’s natural wobbly-ness! (See recent article on ‘Resilience thru acceptance – matching your expectation with your reality‘)
The second mindful skill we are trying to develop on the basis of acceptance is acting creatively to

  • Adapt to the wobbling movement
  • Act decisively to move in the direction we want to go, sculpting and molding the presenting circumstances into something worthwhile

Jumping from wheel to wheel
More recently I’ve been working with an image for this second, ‘creative action’ part of Dukha. I imagine a series of spinning wheels in the sky. I am having to jump from one to the other, ascending to higher and higher levels, like a dance. I am having to use my wit and dexterity to keep moving forwards and upwards, and avoid falling off!

If you like in your own meditation and contemplation, you can use these two images , of wobbly bicycling and jumping across the sky-wheels as a way of working with the dukha in our own life. Here’s to dancing with our messy, wobbly realities!

Related article: Baseballs or confetti?

Article © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 8th May, 2-5pm – Mindful Parenting – Practical Techniques for Bringing Awareness, Appreciation and Enjoyment to the Experience of ParentingIn a sentence: Learn how you can enjoy your experience of parenting more, manage emotions more effectively, and become a better parent by using mindful awareness

  • Are you a stressed out parent (or stressed about becoming one) and looking for ways to manage that stress more effectively?
  • Would you like to improve your capacity to parent in a way that creates an improved experience of the parent-child relationship both for you and your kids?
  • Would you like to be able to demonstrate calm and being present to your children in a way that will help them to become more calm and present themselves?

Read full details…

Saturday 15th May – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing Masterclass & Mini-retreatQi-gong is the science of working with the body’s energy field. Literally translated into English it means ‘energy work’, or ‘energy skill’.  In this workshop Toby will be teaching the art of moving subtle energy and life force into and around our body using a series of simple and easy to apply techniques that will enable you to:

  • Re-establish your body’s natural bio-rhythms
  • Strengthen your immune system
  • Balance the energy in your body and mind, leading to inner peace and wellbeing

Read full details here

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Saturday 8th May, 2-5pm – Mindful Parenting – Practical Techniques for Bringing Awareness, Appreciation and Enjoyment to the Experience of Parenting

Saturday 15th May – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Concentration creative imagery Integral Meditation Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present

Meditating cold turkey (quality over quantity)

“Short ‘power meditations’ train our mind to focus quickly on the tasks immediately at hand in our life. This in turn helps us to achieve the goals that we have set ourself, save time and get more out of the opportunities that we have each day”

Dear <<First Name>>,

My article below  explores how you can sometimes make your mediation time shorter, but to good effect, particularly around stilling your mind. If you enjoy it, then here’s the final call for the
mini-retreat this Saturday: Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind  on Saturday. If you are really master your ability to still your mind, then this is the session to go for!

In the spirit of cold-turkey,

Toby

 

Meditating ‘Cold Turkey’

With regards to meditation it is best to get in to good habits as soon as possible. One of the main good habits that we are trying to develop right from the outset of our practice is discipline and focus. This means that once we have sat down on our meditation seat we are entirely focused on the job at hand and do not allow our mind to be knocked off course by distractions, no matter how much they may be nagging us. To this end it can sometimes be better to focus on the quality of our meditation practice rather than the quantity. Five minutes of really focused and applied meditation is worth more than twenty minutes where our application is half hearted, and our mind spends 70% of the time distracted.

To this end here is a five minute meditation where we practice stopping our thoughts ‘Cold Turkey’:
Sit comfortably with a naturally straight back, have a watch or other timing device handy.
Take a few deep breaths, center yourself, then imagine that the past and future dissolve away, only the present remains.
Be aware of the inner voice in your mind that is talking pretty much all of the time in our waking life, take about 1 minute to watch it and listen to it, ensuring that you do not get identified with it.
Using your watch or countdown timer, now begin a period of five minutes where you are 100% focused, and your only task is to let go of your thoughts and stop thinking. Imagine that the thoughts and images in your mind are like a TV, as soon as a thought or an image appears, inwardly press the ‘off’ button on your inner remote control, and let go of the thought, return your mind to zero, no thought.
For the five minutes that you have given yourself, apply yourself to this task with total commitment. No ifs and no buts, your only job is to keep alert, be fully present and stop thinking. You are not asking yourself to be perfect, but you are committing yourself to really applying yourself for this short time to do the very best you can. Initially you may get knocked off track a few times, but if you do it regularly with real application, you will find that your ability will improve substantially in a short period.
Once the five minutes is up, spend a final minute relaxing and observe the space that you have created in your mind through your efforts. When you bring the meditation to a close, be sure to congratulate yourself, for that short time you can say with your hand on your heart that you gave it your all!

As well as creating good meditation habits, this form of ‘power meditation’ also trains our mind to focus quickly on the tasks immediately at hand in our life. This in turn helps us to achieve the goals that we have set ourself, save time and get more out of the opportunities that we have each day.

Related article: Mental mastery – re-discovering joy in your thinking

Article © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

In case you missed the last article: Resilience thru acceptance – matching your expectation with your reality

If we take a working definition of resilience as the ability to bounce back quickly from setbacks and obstacles (or apparent setbacks and obstacles), then what are the most important things to be aware of to get good at it? In this article I’m going to be exploring the role of empowered acceptance in competent resilience….
Read full article

Saturday 17th April, 2.15-5.15pm –Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind Mini-retreat
In a sentence: Develop the mindful skills that will enable your mental health and wellbeing to thrive, and how to still and focus our mind. Make your mind a source of quiet confidence & cease feeling overwhelmed by mental over-activity and busyness.

Overview: Would you like to:

  • Develop ways of working with your mind that will enable it and you to thrive?
  • Learn how you can connect to an inner stillness that is able to withstand the stresses and strains of your daily life, helping you stop feeling mentally & emotionally overwhelmed?
  • Feel as if you are in control of your mind, rather than it controlling you?

Read full write up…

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday/Wednesday evening February 23rd/24th – Meditations for thriving and energy creation amidst Covid – A seven week course

Saturday 17th April, 2.15-5.15pm – Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind – Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Tuesday 27th & Wednesday 28th April – Live & Online Monthly Full Moon Meditation & Manifestation Session

Saturdays 8th & 22nd May, 3-5pm – Mindful Parenting – Practical Techniques for Bringing Awareness, Appreciation and Enjoyment to the Experience of Parenting

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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A Mind of Ease Awareness and insight Energy Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Resilience thru acceptance – matching your expectation with your reality

“The tension between our expectation and our reality, unless addressed continuously wears down our energy and resilience in a way that is absolutely avoidable”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks Tuesday and Wednesday classes will be meditations on resilience. In the article below I give some practical pointers for developing resilience by learning to match your expectations with your reality.

A reminder of this Saturday’s meditation mini-retreat; Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind  on Saturday. If you are really master your ability to still your mind, then this is the session to go for!

In the spirit of resilience,

Toby

 

Resilience thru acceptance – matching your expectation with your reality

If we take a working definition of resilience as the ability to bounce back quickly from setbacks and obstacles (or apparent setbacks and obstacles), then what are the most important things to be aware of to get good at it? In this article I’m going to be exploring the role of empowered acceptance in competent resilience.

The gap that wears you down continuously
The gap I am pointing to here is the gap between how you want things to be and how things are. This tension between expectation and reality, unless addressed continuously wears down our energy and resilience in a way that is avoidable.
Here are three simple examples of how we can close this gap using acceptance.

How the night will go
Over the last 10 months i have been living with interrupted sleep due to my baby daughter. If I have a few nights where she sleeps quite well, then I start to have the expectation that this coming night will go a certain way. Of course, my baby’s sleep pattern changes. If it changes for the worse, and I go into the night expecting an easy night, then when I have a more interrupted night I will naturally become irritated. This is because my expectation (“I should be getting this much sleep”) no longer matches the reality. Much of the friction and frustration I experience now comes from the ‘gap’ between my expectation and reality. So, the movement here is to recognize and accept that the pattern has changed, and that things wont be so easy for tonight. If I can do this, my expectation and reality now match, and I can simply focus on dealing with what IS!

How the business should be going
If I go on a good run in my coaching business, accumulating clients and gigs with little effort, then I can start to have the expectation that this will be how things are permanently. If for whatever reason this changes, then a gap can appear between my expectation and reality. “It should be easy to get clients and gigs, I shouldn’t be having to try so hard!” (Notice when the experience/reality gap appears, we start to use the words should and shouldn’t a lot!). If I can accept that the landscape has changed, and that I need to come up with new strategies, then the expectation vs reality gap disappears, and I can simply focus on what needs to be done.

Acceptance leads to harmony and energy saving
Form the above examples I hope you can start to see that mindful acceptance leads to a harmonization of ourself with our reality, where we are no longer wasting energy resisting what is.

Acceptance leads to empowered action
when we are no longer resisting what is, then our energy and intelligence is then free to spring into action to be constructive and pro-active about the presenting challenge. We can create and innovate in the face of impermanence and change, and enjoy the good feeling that comes from being more adaptable and effective.
From this I hope you can begin to see how acceptance leads to resilience and winning the long game. Then the question is, what are the domains in your life where there is a expectation/reality gap? If you can identify two or three of these, and start working with mindful acceptance in them, you can start to make a noticeable difference on your own resilience focusing in these domains.

Article © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Saturday 17th April, 2.15-5.15pm –Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind Mini-retreat
In a sentence: Develop the mindful skills that will enable your mental health and wellbeing to thrive, and how to still and focus our mind. Make your mind a source of quiet confidence & cease feeling overwhelmed by mental over-activity and busyness.

Overview: Would you like to:

  • Develop ways of working with your mind that will enable it and you to thrive?
  • Learn how you can connect to an inner stillness that is able to withstand the stresses and strains of your daily life, helping you stop feeling mentally & emotionally overwhelmed?
  • Feel as if you are in control of your mind, rather than it controlling you?

Read full write up…

Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details…

All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday/Wednesday evening February 23rd/24th – Meditations for thriving and energy creation amidst Covid – A seven week course

Saturday 17th April, 2.15-5.15pm – Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind – Masterclass & Mini-retreat

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology