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You already have what you seek – Meditating from wholeness 

“You are whole, a lot of the things you seek, you have already. Proceed from there”

Dear Integral Meditators, 


This week’s article looks at approaching meditation, & life from a perspective of wholeness, & noticing how much easier it can make things!

Head’s up for the Mindful Resilience workshop – Practices for sustaining effectiveness, happiness & clarity under pressure that I’ll be doing on the 28th June, I also talk about an approach to improving resilience in the article…

In the spirit of the effortless, 

Toby



You already have what you seek – Meditating from wholeness
 
Meditating to express your awakened nature
 
One of my favourite expressions from Zen meditation is ‘You don’t meditate to attain awakening, you meditate to express it.’ What this means is that, you already have an awakened, whole and complete essential nature, so you don’t need to achieve it, you need to recognize it! Initially it can be difficult for us to relate to ourselves as whole right from the start of our practice, but this is what Zen and other forms of meditation invite us to do. It means inverting the usual ‘doing something to achieve something’ mentality, and relate to your wholeness, in the sense of having awakened nature right now.
There are also ways in which we can meditate in a wise way, where instead of trying to achieve something, we simply recognize that it is already there. Here are three examples that I have bee working with over this weekend with coachees and students.
 
The presence of stillness and silence
 
‘I wish my mind could be more still, but it’s so hard!’ Really? Reflect upon the environment you are in right now; the sounds and activity are all contained by the stillness and space that enables your environment. There is loads of physical space and stillness. Inwardly, yes you may have many thoughts, but they are arising in the open space of your awareness, which Is pervaded by stillness and silence. With a bit of skilful attention, we start to see that we are swimming in stillness and silence, like a fish in water!
 
The feeling of being alive, now
 
Why are you trying to achieve things? So that at upon achieving that thing, you can then really have the feeling of being fully alive. But wait, you are also alive right now, perhaps if you can open more fully to the simple feeling of being alive in the moment, you can experience the fulfilment and joy of it today, now, without waiting until you achieve your goals.
 
How much happiness can you accept?
 
We all have our problems, and those problems can make us unhappy at times, no doubt. But there are also many things in your life great and small that can be causes of happiness. If you can relate to those things now, and accept the happiness that is on offer. This way you can have genuine happiness now, right away. This happiness will then help you deal with your challenges and problems more effectively.
 
Getting resilience from your resilience
 

  • Relating to yourself and life from a position of wholeness
  • Realizing that you already have what you are looking for in many ways

These are the two essential principles here. I use them in many ways, both in my own life, and in my teachings. For example, in the mindful resilience workshop that I teach, the first practice is to:
 
“Understanding the different levels of mindful resilience and tapping into the inner resilience that you already have (but may not be leveraging effectively upon)”
 
So right off the bat, I encourage participants to relate to their resilience as something that they already have, rather than something they lack and need to ‘achieve’. All of this is to say that it is an approach that is ergonomic and flowing, sailing with life rather than struggling against it.
 
You are whole, a lot of the things you seek, you have already. Proceed from there.

© Toby Ouvry 2026, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


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A Mind of Ease Beginners mind, resilient body Energy Meditation Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Mindfulness Presence and being present Stress Transformation Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

Tired of being tired – Relaxing into, not fighting with your fatigue

“Relax into fatigue, work WITH your body, rather than fighting with it to complete the task when you are tired”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article looks at how to work with fatigue & stress, rather than against it. If you want to get more done with less effort, this practice can be quite transformative!

Heads up for the Saturday, March 28th 9:00am – 12:30pm – Inner smile & energy balls meditation workshop – Build health, confidence & energetic resilience in life, which is very much focused on re-calibrating our energy-fatigue dynamic…

In the spirit of acceptance,

Toby


Tired of being tired – Relaxing into, not fighting with your fatigue
 
Tired of being tired
 
When we are tired, often without realizing it we can find ourself fighting with the fatigue. The sensation of fatigue, particularly when we are stressed is uncomfortable, dulling, even actively painful. Consequently, we unconsciously react to the pain by:

  • Repressing it
  • Pushing it out of our awareness
  • Taking our mind away or ‘out’ of our body to avoid the discomfort
  • Seeking distractions, something to take our attention away from being tired

As a short-term coping mechanism, this can work for a while, but as a method it is very inefficient because:

  • We must expend effort avoiding the fatigue, and we are tired already
  • It sets up an antagonistic relationship between ‘me’ and the fatigue. I am fighting it rather than working with it
  • We start to dis-connect from our body, and the mainly legitimate signals that it is giving us about our energy level and what we are experiencing

If we persist with this approach, then the medium to long term effect is that I become ‘tired of being tired.’ What this means is not only am I literally tired for the first reasons that my body is signalling to me, but I am also tired of having to always fight, avoid and repress my feelings of being tired!
 
Accepting fatigue
 
The first step towards a more ergonomic and compassionate way to deal with our fatigue is to get in touch with and accept our fatigue. If we are a fatigue repressor, then this can feel pretty counter-intuitive at first, but it releases the potential for a whole new dynamic. As you are reading, get in touch with your body, and the feelings of fatigue or stress in it.

  • Notice your resistance to it initially, or your antagonism
  • Try and relax yourself and your body a little. In particular, soften the area of your body that contains the pain of the fatigue
  • Breathe in and out of the area, breathing in extend a bit of warmth and compassion to this body part, as you breathe out, encourage it to release the fatigue so that fresh energy can come into the body-tissues

If you build competency at doing this, then temporarily the pain will lessen, and you will feel a bit more energy. If you need to keep on working or doing whatever you are doing, then you do it in a more relaxed way, working WITH your body, rather than fighting with it to complete the task. Working with the body and its fatigue means:

  • You are no longer losing energy resisting and fighting your fatigue
  • You and your body-mind become a much more singular energy that can move forward with purpose
  • Your body responds to your encouragement and acceptance with energy, so it helps you because you help it(!)

When you need to rest, rest!

  • When we fight with our fatigue, this can de-sensitize ourself to it so that sometimes/often we fail to respond in the most obvious way, which is to build in time for more rest. Instead, we just keep pushing on, we procrastinate, we ignore the signals until we are in a state of different degrees of burn out or over-fatigue. This then takes much longer to recover from that plain old tiredness.

Practice points

  • Notice your resistance to fatigue
  • Practice relaxing into and working with your body and feelings of fatigue
  • Notice the greater enjoyment and efficiency of working with, not fighting your tiredness
  • Be decisive around rest

 
Related readingMindfulness, productivity, self-regulation & the 85% rule

Stress resilience through Cauldron breathing – Keeping your belly energy soft

© Toby Ouvry 2026, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


Follow Toby onLinkedInYouTubeInstagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
A Mind of Ease Awareness and insight Energy Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership

Resilience thru acceptance – matching your expectation with your reality

“The tension between our expectation and our reality, unless addressed continuously wears down our energy and resilience in a way that is absolutely avoidable”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks Tuesday and Wednesday classes will be meditations on resilience. In the article below I give some practical pointers for developing resilience by learning to match your expectations with your reality.

A reminder of this Saturday’s meditation mini-retreat; Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind  on Saturday. If you are really master your ability to still your mind, then this is the session to go for!

In the spirit of resilience,

Toby

 


Resilience thru acceptance – matching your expectation with your reality

If we take a working definition of resilience as the ability to bounce back quickly from setbacks and obstacles (or apparent setbacks and obstacles), then what are the most important things to be aware of to get good at it? In this article I’m going to be exploring the role of empowered acceptance in competent resilience.

The gap that wears you down continuously
The gap I am pointing to here is the gap between how you want things to be and how things are. This tension between expectation and reality, unless addressed continuously wears down our energy and resilience in a way that is avoidable.
Here are three simple examples of how we can close this gap using acceptance.

How the night will go
Over the last 10 months i have been living with interrupted sleep due to my baby daughter. If I have a few nights where she sleeps quite well, then I start to have the expectation that this coming night will go a certain way. Of course, my baby’s sleep pattern changes. If it changes for the worse, and I go into the night expecting an easy night, then when I have a more interrupted night I will naturally become irritated. This is because my expectation (“I should be getting this much sleep”) no longer matches the reality. Much of the friction and frustration I experience now comes from the ‘gap’ between my expectation and reality. So, the movement here is to recognize and accept that the pattern has changed, and that things wont be so easy for tonight. If I can do this, my expectation and reality now match, and I can simply focus on dealing with what IS!

How the business should be going
If I go on a good run in my coaching business, accumulating clients and gigs with little effort, then I can start to have the expectation that this will be how things are permanently. If for whatever reason this changes, then a gap can appear between my expectation and reality. “It should be easy to get clients and gigs, I shouldn’t be having to try so hard!” (Notice when the experience/reality gap appears, we start to use the words should and shouldn’t a lot!). If I can accept that the landscape has changed, and that I need to come up with new strategies, then the expectation vs reality gap disappears, and I can simply focus on what needs to be done.

Acceptance leads to harmony and energy saving
Form the above examples I hope you can start to see that mindful acceptance leads to a harmonization of ourself with our reality, where we are no longer wasting energy resisting what is.

Acceptance leads to empowered action
when we are no longer resisting what is, then our energy and intelligence is then free to spring into action to be constructive and pro-active about the presenting challenge. We can create and innovate in the face of impermanence and change, and enjoy the good feeling that comes from being more adaptable and effective.
From this I hope you can begin to see how acceptance leads to resilience and winning the long game. Then the question is, what are the domains in your life where there is a expectation/reality gap? If you can identify two or three of these, and start working with mindful acceptance in them, you can start to make a noticeable difference on your own resilience focusing in these domains.

Article © Toby Ouvry 2021, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


Saturday 17th April, 2.15-5.15pm –Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind Mini-retreat
In a sentence: Develop the mindful skills that will enable your mental health and wellbeing to thrive, and how to still and focus our mind. Make your mind a source of quiet confidence & cease feeling overwhelmed by mental over-activity and busyness.

Overview: Would you like to:

  • Develop ways of working with your mind that will enable it and you to thrive?
  • Learn how you can connect to an inner stillness that is able to withstand the stresses and strains of your daily life, helping you stop feeling mentally & emotionally overwhelmed?
  • Feel as if you are in control of your mind, rather than it controlling you?

Read full write up…


Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby

Are you looking a coach who can help you to:

  • Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
  • Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
  • Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
  • Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Read full details

All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday/Wednesday evening February 23rd/24th – Meditations for thriving and energy creation amidst Covid – A seven week course

Saturday 17th April, 2.15-5.15pm – Mindfulness meditation for mastering & stilling the mind – Masterclass & Mini-retreat


Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology