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Compassionate listening

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‘Stilling the mind opens a space for us to listen to our inner wisdom, which is always there, but often hidden by the noise’

Dear Toby,

This weeks article is on how to mindfully listen a bit better, to ourselves and others.

In the spirit of  listening,

Toby

Compassionate listening 

There is an old definition of meditation that is quite useful to consider:

“Prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to God”.

If our mind is talking to itself all the time, how are we going to be able to listen to the intuitive wisdom, or the “still small voice” of our inner self as it offers us advice and support and in our life’s journey? Listening in a reflective, meditative manner is important for this reason. It is also important as a practise for helping us to develop our compassionate heart with other people. If, when we are with others, we consciously quieten our mind and really attend to what they are saying, often they will notice and appreciate what we are doing for them.
There is a book by Michael Ende called “Momo” that is about this power of listening. Momo is a little girl who is able to heal all those who come to her simply by deeply and attentively listening to the stories that they tell her about their life.
The second aspect of really listening to people is that we see more clearly where they are coming from, and so be much more likely to act in ways that are appropriate and helpful to both them and us. So, when you are with others, try and see your listening to them as a meditation, it will help both them and you!
I want to end this article by outlining three ways NOT to listen that I had drummed into me during my Tibetan Buddhist training, using the anlalogy of a pot:

Don’t be like an upturned pot
An upturned pot cannot receive any liquid into itself. Similarly, if we are not really listening (to ourself or others), we are like an upturned pot; nothing is going in!
Don’t be like a leaky pot
A pot with a leak cannot not hold what it liquid, it is useless. If we are not really paying attention, even if we hear what is being said, it simply “goes in one ear and out of the other” so to speak!
Don’t be like a bad smelling pot
You pour fresh juice into a dirty and bad smelling pot the fresh liquid becomes contaminated instantly. Similarly, if we are listening to someone, and there is a continuous negative inner commentary going on in our mind, this poisons everything that we are hearing. As George Michael once said (was it the title of one of his albums?) “Listen without prejudice”

Article © Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

All Courses at Integral Meditation Asia 

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Wednesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, June 1st, 15th, 29th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 15th June, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Tuesday/Wednesday 18th&19th June – Summer Solstice balancing and renewing meditation

Saturday 22nd June, 2-5pm – Going From Over-whelmed to Over-well: Meditation for Quietening the Mind – a three hour workshop

Integral Meditation Asia

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Mindful ergonomics – Making the most of your energy

“Energy saved is energy you can be using elsewhere in your life to find fulfilment and wellbeing. How can you be more mindfully ergonomic with your energy today?” 

Dear Integral Meditators,

What if you were able to create 10% more energy in your life today, through mindfulness? The article below explores simple ways to start!

In the spirit of energy,

Toby

Mindful ergonomics – Making the most of your energy

When I was in my last year of college, I found myself suffering from chronically low levels of energy. This was quite an issue because my degree was a specialization in sculpture, and I was doing a lot of heavy lifting in the daytime. So in addition to the intellectual and creative demands, there was also the physicality of the work too. One of the ways in which I got through this successfully was by paying attention to the Qi gong principle of not using any more muscle effort than was necessary for any given movement. For example:

  • When I was lifting a heavy bag of clay or plaster I would only use the muscles I needed; grip strength, shoulders, lower back, glutes and thighs. The rest of my body I kept as relaxed as possible
  • When I was walking I walked using only the leg muscles and the ‘swing rhythm’ of the arm movement. I relaxed the body as much as I could when walking

After a short while of doing this I realized how much unnecessary effort I had been putting into my physical actions, and how much physical energy I could save through this simple mindfulness practice.
Nowadays, this isn’t a practice that I limit to the physical world. I continually notice that there are ways in which I can get ‘less for more’ in the positive sense of the word. for example:

  • This afternoon I was having trouble organizing my education program for next month. I could notice my instinctive response to ‘try harder’ to fix the schedule in my diary. I consciously relaxed, took the intensity of my energy down a little, and worked patiently, step by step. The problem was then resolved without much energy or emotional friction
  • I notice I can’t choose the emotions that I’m having in the moment, but I can choose how much energy I give them. Anxiety that I am unconsciously feeding and investing energy in is far more draining than anxiety I hold lightly and choose not to give too much energy to

Energy saved is energy you can be using elsewhere in your life to find fulfilment and wellbeing. How can you be more mindfully ergonomic with your energy today?

Article © Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

All Courses at Integral Meditation Asia 

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Monday 6.30-7.20 & Wednesday 12.30-1.30 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, May 11th & 18th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Saturday 4th May, 10am-4.30pm – An introduction to meditation from the perspective of Shamanism

Tues 7th & Wednesday 8th May – Monthly Astrological meditation: Taurus – I have: Being mindful of your relationship to manifestation, wealth and possessions

Saturday 11th May, 1:00pm – 4:00pm – Mindful self confidence – Developing your self-confidence, self-belief and self-trust

Tuesday 14th & Wednesday 15th May – Wesak meditation on compassion

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 18th May, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Integral Meditation Asia

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Happiness, meaning and the action in front of you

 C
“We all have days (sometimes many days) where we feel completely overwhelmed by life, and are struggling to cope with things day to day. At these times it can feel as if your highest purpose is completely out of your reach. At these times it can be really useful just to focus on the immediate task at hand and do it a little better”

Dear Integral Meditators,

How can you lead a life according to your highest values, and at the same time cope with the days where you feel totally overwhelmed? The article below looks at one way…
Last call for the Spring equinox meditation happening tonight and tomorrow evening 😉

In the spirit of the journey,

Toby

Happiness, meaning and the action in front of you

One of the best ways to build your sense of happiness and wellbeing is to align your efforts in life with your highest values. Striving to achieve what you consider to be truly meaningful won’t save you from all suffering, but then your going to suffer anyway. If you align yourself with something worthwhile, then that direction and purpose makes it more likely that you’ll be happy and resilient in the face of life’s challenges.

So, then the question is: “What is the highest purpose and values that I can align myself with? And how can I start?”

In contrast, we all have days (sometimes many days) where we feel completely overwhelmed by life, and are struggling to cope with things day to day. At these times it can feel as if your highest purpose is completely out of your reach. The fact that you have a higher purpose can even add to your feeling of overwhelm. At these times I find it really useful just to focus on the immediate task in front of me and do it a little better. Super simple things like:

  • Sitting with more presence and awareness
  • Tidying the desk in front of me
  • Bringing order to my bedroom
  • Writing the next email or text message mindfully and well

I hold my space, bringing order to the world right in front of me and doing the next task a little better. This way I can keep my direction under the pressure of the moment, and cope (even thrive) when I’m feeling overwhelmed. So, a question for this second practice is: “What can I do in this moment, just a little better”.
With these two mindfulness practices we can devote ourself to a meaningful life in a big picture way sustainably, and improve the world around us right now in small ways that help us stay sane.

Article and pictures © Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com   

All Courses at Integral Meditation Asia 

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, March 30th, April 27th – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Tues 19th & Weds 20th March – Spring equinox balancing and renewing meditation

FOR BEGINNERS: Saturday 30th March, 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 30th March 2-5.30pm – Meditations for developing the language of your shadow self

APRIL

Tues & Weds 2nd/3rd April – Monthly astrological meditation – Aries – I Am: Developing confidence in yourself and your identity in the world

Saturday 13th April 9.30am-12.30pm – Meditations for transforming negativity and stress into positivity and enlightenment

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Free Form Breathing – Allowing your body intelligence to decide

Dear  Integral Meditators,

This weeks article is a short, simple and profound breathing meditation technique for getting in touch with your body’s natural intelligence and wisdom. I do it a lot, and when I teach it people give very good feedback on the immediate effects they notice!
Reminder of the next two classes, this Tuesday and Wednesday’s Chinese New year meditation, and the Aquarius meditation on developing your self-knowledge on the 12/13th February.

In the spirit of our body-wisdom,

Toby

Free Form Breathing – Allowing your body intelligence to decide

One very simple technique that can be used both as a meditation in itself, or in order to prepare for other meditation practices is as follows:
Simply ask your body how it wants to breathe in order to find its point of balance, relaxation and calm. Then simply allow your bodies consciousness to guide the pace, depth and manner of your breathing for a few minutes.

In this exercise rather than imposing a technique or form upon your breathing and body, you allow your body consciousness to guide you in the breathing pattern IT needs to do most in order to find centered-ness, relaxation and calm. It may decide that it needs to breathe in short bursts with an emphasis on the outbreath, it may guide you toward long, evenly spaced breathing or whatever (you may be a little surprised!). The point is that you are allowing your body consciousness to do it, rather than dictating to our body what the rhythm should be.
Once you have done this for a while you’ll find that your mind and body are calmer and more centered, and you can go onto engage in whatever activity you then wish with a greater sense of poise and presence of mind.

© Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com 

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation AsiaOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

January 29/30th, 7.30-8.30pm – Lunar new year meditation 2019: Being benevolent and big-hearted in the year of the Pig

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am, 16th & 23rd February  – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Saturdays February 9th & 23rd, 4-5.30pm , 4-5.30pm – Mindfulness group coaching sessions with Toby

Tues & Weds February 12/13th – Monthly astrological meditation – Aquarius: Developing your inner knowing and self-knowledge

Saturday 9th February, 9.30am-12.30pm  – Going from overwhelmed to overwell meditation workshop

Saturday 23rd February 11-12.30pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

MARCH

Saturday 16th March, 9.30am-12.30pm – Meditation for self healing and creating high levels of energy

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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Understanding and working with your Guardian Angel

Dear  Integral Meditators,

Every now and again I do an article on something a little esoteric, usually informed by what is going on in my own meditation process. This week’s article is on how to understand work mindfully with the idea of your Guardian Angel.
If you enjoy it, then on Sunday 27th January, 2-5pm I’ll be facilitating a Meditations for connecting to and working with your Guardian Angel workshop.

In the spirit of our inner guidance,

Toby

Working with your Guardian Angel

All of the great wisdom traditions speak of speak of spiritual guardians who can offer us support, guidance and protection on our journey through life. What I am going to offer here is two working definitions of your Guardian Angel that will enable you to start working with it, and the idea of it in a practical manner.

1. If there is a guiding, universal spirit of some kind, and it is benevolent towards us, then your guardian angel is that spiritual force, appearing in the image of a personal guardian.
If you believe in any way that there is a spiritual force that is bigger than all of us and that is working for our wellbeing, then our Guardian Angel the part of that spiritual force that guides and protects us as individuals. Each of us has our ‘own’ Guardian Angel. It could be visualized in a humanoid form, as a light or actually in a number of other ways. The way in which we imagine it enables us to connect to that force in a way that enables us to trust it, feel protected by it and let its influence into our life.
Having understood our Guardian Angel in this way, we can start to relate to it in a personalized, subjective manner, visualizing it and connecting to it as a spiritual friend, ally and confidante.

2. Our Guardian Angel is that part of the ‘divine plan’ that accompanied our own divine spark or spirit when it split off from source at the beginning of this cycle of creation. Its function is to help us to complete our own particular piece of that ‘divine plan’.
This is a slightly deeper definition that follows (in large part) the definition of Dion Fortune in the Mystical Qabalah. Here are two analogies that may help you to relate to this definition:

 Your guardian angel as ‘spiritual software’ – If you think about your spiritual self as being like the original core and centre of your being, then your Guardian Angel is like a special piece of ‘software’ that was built in in order to help you in your path of personal growth. It is designed to help, support, protect, and to provide healing and guidance as your  soul treads its path of evolution in this life. It also has the capacity to connect with and communicate with the Guardian Angels of those around you, communicating and co-ordinating your life paths together in supportive ways.
As R2D2 – You may recall in the first Star Wars movie, Luke Skyalker had an assistant droid robot called R2D2. When Luke was flying his X-wing fighter craft in combat, R2D2 would be sitting behind him in the craft providing information and assistance as he flew. So, in this analogy, you are the fighter pilot, and your guardian Angel is like R2D2, giving you help and assistance as you experience the ‘combat’ of your life path. It is trying to help you even without your awareness, but when you consciously engage with it, then you can start to leverage to a much greater degree on the support that is available.

A simple meditation on and with your Guardian Angel
Sit quietly and centre. Imagine the presence of your Guardian Angel as a light and energy centred in between your shoulder blades, sitting half in and half out of your physical body. The ‘heart centre’ of your guardian angel is sitting just behind your own heart centre/chakra. Feel the energy of your Guardian Angel strengthening and supporting your body, your heart and your mind. If you like you can also imagine the ‘wings’ of your Guardian Angel enfolding and protecting your energy field, forming a circle around you. As you sit, gently start to commune with your Angel, receive its love, talk to it about any issues you want feedback on, mostly just cultivate awareness of its presence, and allow that to inform your experiences as you go through your day.

© Toby Ouvry 2019, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation AsiaOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am :5th & 12th January – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Saturdays January 5th & 19th, 4-5.30pm – Mindfulness group coaching sessions with Toby

Saturday 19th January 2.15-3.45pm – Get your meditation practice started now- The shortest and most time effective meditation workshop ever

Saturday 26th January, 1-4pm – Growing your mindful freedom meditation workshop

Sunday 27th January, 2-5pm – Meditations for connecting to and working with your Guardian Angel

FEBRUARY
Satruday 9th February, 9.30-12.30 – Going from overwhelmed to overwell meditation workshop

Integral Meditation Asia

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Awareness and insight Gods and Goddesses Insight Meditation Integral Meditation Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Self-Leadership Presence and being present Uncategorized

Dimensions of mindful perception and understanding (Plus new astrological monthly meditations)

Dear  Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at how to improve your perception and understanding through mindfulness. If you enjoy the article, then do consider coming along to the new monthly astrological class next week, which will be on the subject of ‘Sagittarius – I perceive and understand! It is available as a recording for those not in Singapore who may wish to participate.
Full details of this week’s sessions on Compassion, Qi gong and beginners meditation can be found here.

In the spirit of clear perception,

Toby

Dimensions of mindful perception and understanding

It’s easy to assume that the way things appear to you is literally objectively true. When someone at work is irritating you, when you are in love with someone, when things feel smooth and relaxed, or anxious and stressful, we can quickly jump to the conclusion that it’s about the situation, and not the state of mind that we are bringing to the experience.
Much of mindfulness is about attention to the moment. If you start to watch what is going on in the moment, you might start to notice that two things are going on simultaneously:

  • The experience itself and
  • The things that your mind is projecting onto the situation.

For most of us these two things; the experience, and our mental projection of the experience are completely mixed up, which can lead to a very muddy perception and understanding of what is going on!

Clarifying perception by isolating the experience – So, the first thing to do is simply notice the objective facts of the experience as far as you can understand them; ‘First this happened, then I said that, then she said this, then I felt that….’ Try and take a ‘birds eye’ or ‘fly on the wall’ view of what you are experiencing, where you are, as far as possible a detached observer.

Getting to know the projection – After isolating the experience itself, you can then start to notice the way you are projecting your own inner material onto the situation. To help with this you might like to consider four interrelated sources:
From your emotional state and mood – If you’re feeling depressed and low, then it’s going to be very easy for a situation to feel hopeless. We all know the experience of some days our feeling not bothered by setbacks, simply because were in a good mood. If your aware of your moods and emotions, you’ll start to see how they impact your perception and understanding of what’s going on.
From your cognitive framework and beliefs – Without realizing it and out of familiarity, we project out beliefs about the world onto what’s happening, onto ourselves and other people. If we believe anyone with a certain type of car is a snob or a yob, then when someone turns up in such a car, that mental label with be almost effortlessly applied to them. Notice how this works for you.
From your history – Someone can appear very attractive to us (or unattractive!) on a romantic level because they remind us of a parent. If I had a hard time with teachers at school, then anyone in a ‘authority figure’ role in my adult life can trigger all sorts of uncomfortable projections. If you observe situations and your response to them, you’ll start to notice how your experience is continuously coloured by your story.
Environmental factors – If I’m in a hot, cramped lift, that can very easily make me irritated with someone I share the space with. When I am feeling well rested and in a physically open and calm space, it’s easier to feel benevolent and generous. Different environmental factors can play a huge part in our experience of ‘this moment’.

Drawing conclusions and understandings
So then, in order to develop a clearer perception and understanding of what is going on ‘in this moment’ here are five questions to consider:
What is literally being experienced here?
What is my emotional state and mood?
How are my beliefs and habitual thought structures working here?
What part of my history is being stimulated by this situation?
Are there any environmental factors that are contributing to the experience?

Related article: Dualistic appearance – what you see and what you think you see

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation AsiaOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Monday 6.15-7.15 & Wednesday 12.15-1.15 – Integral Meditation classes at Space2B on Stanley Street

Saturday mornings 9-10.15am : 1st,15th, 22nd, 29th December – Qi Gong workout and meditation class

Tues & Weds, 4th, 5th December – Monthly Astrological meditation – on ‘Sagittarius – I perceive/understand’

Saturdays November 17th & 24th, 4.30-6pm – Mindfulness group coaching sessions with Toby

Saturday 24th November 9.30am-12.30pm – Finding simplicity in the complexity – Meditation from the perspective of Zen

DECEMBER
Saturday 1st December 11am-12.30pm –  Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Saturday 8th December, 9.30am-12.30pm – Psychic & Psychological Self-defence half day workshop

Saturday 15th December, 1-4pm – Integral meditation practice: Optimize your inner calm, strength and energy

Integral Meditation Asia

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creative imagery Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindfulness Uncategorized

The Mindful Warrior – Using concepts as weapons

Dear Integral Meditators,

Think of your thoughts as being like a weapons, that can be used for good or ill. The article below offers a few pointers to help ensure that you are using your ‘inner weapons’ in ways that are helpful to yourself and others, rather than just using them to cut yourself down all the time!

For those in Singapore, a quick reminder of the Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation tonight and tomorrow evenings, and this weekends workshop An Introduction to Meditation from the Perspective of Shamanism!

In the spirit of the mindful warrior,

Toby

The Mindful Warrior – Using concepts as weapons

One of the goals of mindfulness is to realize that we are currently using many negative concepts against ourselves, and to stop this. The flip side of this is to learn to use positive, balanced and intelligent concepts, and wield them like weapons in our lives.

The way in which we use negative concepts
‘If only this hadn’t happened then I could have…’
‘There is no way I can do this when…’
‘If only I had control over the outcome, I wouldn’t feel so anxious…’
If you look at the conversation in your head, you’ll start to notice many different ways in which your habitual thinking and worldview limits you in ways that prevent you from experiencing pleasure and joy and makes you less effective in dealing with the situation you are faced with. These thoughts are like weapons that you wield against yourself in order to keep you feeling limited, dis-empowered, miserable and generally helpless.

Accepting and releasing these negative concepts
The first step in ‘de-commissioning your negative inner-concepts’ is simply to recognize that they are there. Then you can practice spotting them when they arise, accepting they are there, and then letting them go, not letting them impact us or define our experience.

Noticing the way in which we use positive concepts
If you watch your mind you will also notice that sometimes your mind comes up with positive concepts and ways of framing your experiences that make you stronger and more resilient to the challenges you face. These are the already existing ‘conceptual weapons’ that you have within your mind. Once you have identified them, you can then deliberately start to use them more in your life, leveraging upon them to make you happier and more effective as you go about your day.

Creating new positive concepts and weaponizing them
If you are going through a difficult challenge, you can ask yourself, ‘What are the different ways of framing this experience in ways that are going to help me enjoy it and be more effective?’ If you like, as well as thinking about them, you can write them down, so you have them at hand to look at whenever you need.

Becoming a mindful warrior
Whenever you think about your challenge, you then practice deliberately viewing it from the conceptual viewpoints that you have devised. You practice wielding these concepts like weapons, defending yourself against inner thoughts and views that don’t serve you, and using them to ‘attack’ your life with enthusiasm!

An example
As we move into the high summer period, some of my ‘predictable’ sources of work become less. Of course, there is plenty of room for my mind to conceptualize this in an unhelpful way, which I need to look out for and ‘defend’ myself against. But I also take the time to ensure that I have a number of key ‘conceptual weapons’ that I can use to enjoy this time and make good use of it. For example:
‘Its good because I’ll have more time for creativity and new workshop design.’
‘It’ll give me time to rest properly and renew my energy and enthusiasm.’
‘In previous seasons, sometimes this has been my busiest period, and there is a chance it could happen again.’
‘Whatever happens I have made enough money in the last few months to tie me over…’
These are all simple examples of concepts that I use as benevolent weapons to defend against needless mental suffering and derive maximum enjoyment from my time ahead.
Its not enough to simply ‘think positive’ you have to learn to use the thoughts effectively and mindfully in your day so that they hold weight and mass in the face of your challenges!

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation AsiaOngoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Tuesday 19th & 20th June, 7.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Saturday 23rd June, 10am-4.30pm – An Introduction to Meditation from the Perspective of Shamanism

Saturday 7th July, 9.30am-12.30pm – Integral meditation & mindful walking deep dive half day retreat

Sunday 8th July, 9.30am,-1pm – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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The mindful way to becoming a Titan

Dear Integral Meditators,

What are the real mindful keys to getting to where you want to go, and really achieving the things that you want in your life? My article below on ‘Becoming a mindful Titan’ offers a few perspectives!

In the spirit of great achievement,

Toby

Mindful Goals Coaching special offer:

Extended until Thursday 17th May there is a special offer on Toby’s Mindful goals coaching service. Three x 60 minute packages are on a 15% special offer (a saving of $95). Contact info@tobyouvry.com for full details.

  • Are you looking for concrete ways that you can combine improving your mental peace and centeredness with moving forward toward your goals in life?
  • Do you sometimes find yourself struggling to bridge the gap between your life goals and your daily actions/experiences?
  • Would you like to have a personally created mindfulness training program designed specifically for your needs and to help you achieve what you want in life?

Read on…

The mindful way to becoming a Titan (incremental & undramatic)

The Titans were beings of immense elemental power who lived before the birth of the Gods. You can find them in the mythic stories of the Greeks, the Nordic and other cultural traditions. Nowadays we use the term ‘Titan’ to mean someone who stands large within his or her discipline, like a giant. Michael Jordan is a ‘Titan’ of basketball, Serena Williams is a ‘Titan’ of tennis, Meryl Streep has had a ‘titanic’ influence on female acting in Hollywood, and so on…
So how did these people become the Titans of their discipline? What we see on the outside is a lot of glitz, glamour and drama. Because of this it can be tempting to think that these are the cause of their ‘titanic presence’. But , if  you look at the way in which these people build who they are, and the success they have, you’d actually see a tremendous amount of small, detailed, very repetitive and sometimes very boring actions that got them to the place they are. Serena Williams had to hit literally millions of tennis shots day in, day out to get where she is, whilst no one was looking or noticing. Similarly, an actor like Meryl Streep would have spent an inordinate and unnatural amount of daily attention to small detail, nuance and technique to get to where she did eventually.

The mindful way of progress – Incremental and undramatic
So, if we want to become Titans in our own lives, which is to say learn to fill our boots fully and stand tall and strong, fulfilling the potential that we have, then doing this means paying attention to a lot of small actions over a long period of time. The mindful way to fulfilling our potential is incremental, undramatic and generally very slow. For example:

  • If I say to myself ‘for the next three years, for five days a week, I am going to sit down for 10minutes and practice meditation. My aim is to become 15% more peaceful and centered’. If I then just relax and make sure I do that, then probably I’m going to be more than 15% more centered after three years. So, it’s just that small, by itself insignificant action done without drama that brings me the result.
  • I have been doing a short 20-30minute yoga program over the last two years, twice a week. In that time I have become imperceptibly more mobile and flexible, I don’t notice it from session to session, but I notice it if I compare myself now to myself six months ago. The difference is tangible.
  • A friend and I were talking last Sunday about how relationships (romantic and otherwise) are build or degrade over the course of hundreds and thousands of small inter-actions. Mindful attention to these exchanges gives rise to a titanically strong relationship. Equally inattention can destroy a strong relationship though incremental, consistent erosion.

Your self-development as a titanic project 
So, whatever goals you have in your life, if you want to build your Titanic strength and get to where you want to go, then try the mindful, incremental and undramatic way. Set up a target 2-3 years from now. Decide on small actions you are going to do most or every day to get to where you want to go. Then focus on execution, without worrying about progress, or whether anyone else is noticing or not. Becoming an unstoppable elemental force is within everyone’s grasp, if you don’t mind the lack of drama.

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Saturday 26th May 10am-4.30pm – Mastering your Mind Through Mindfulness Meditation Day Retreat with Toby

Tuesday 29, Wednesday 30th May – Wesak Meditation

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
creative imagery Enlightened love and loving Integral Awareness Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Uncategorized

Giving your heart whole (Creating a ‘high functioning’ heart)

Dear Integral Meditators,

In order to get the most out of life, you have to give yourself whole heartedly to it without holding back. But what happens when you give yourself whole heartedly to a person, a project or a cause, and you get hurt, abused, rejected or taken advantage of? This weeks article offers a few perspectives on how to keep giving your heart to life without worrying too much about getting it broken!

In the spirit of the high performance heart,

Toby

Giving your heart whole (Creating a ‘high functioning’ heart)

In order to get the most out of life, you have to give yourself whole heartedly to it without holding back. But what happens when you give yourself whole heartedly to a person, a project or a cause, and you get hurt, abused, rejected or taken advantage of?
Inevitably in life we get our heart wounded. People we trust turn out to be unreliable. Organizations that seem benevolent turn out to have a dark side. The reality we thought was there and that we gave our heart to turns out to be false. Sometimes it’s even malevolent, seemingly taking pleasure in the pain that we experience as a result of having our heart-felt feelings thrown back in our face. With experiences like this it is understandable that many of us become cautious, build up walls around ourselves, and wary of opening ourselves up. We’ve been hurt by opening our heart before, why take the chance of more pain by opening it again? In this article I want to offer a perspective on how to give your heart to someone or something in a way that makes continuing to give it both sustainable and enjoyable.

In romance and friendship – Giving your heart whole


One of the reasons that we get our hearts broken and wounded in love and friendship is because the heart that we are offering to the relationship is wounded and dysfunctional in the first place. If you come into a romance lonely, anxious and dysfunctional, then you are going to form a co-dependent relationship with the person. Consequently, if anything goes wrong, or they turn away from you, its going to place a wound in the already wounded or broken heart that you offered in the first place. This is going to feel really bad and take you a long time to recover from (if you even do recover properly).
The alternative to this is to do some work on yourself and your heart to make it a ‘high functioning, heart’. This means that you go into a relationship already feeling relatively whole, complete and happy within yourself. The relationship offers a further environment for you to express that already whole, complete and functional heart with another person. When you ‘give your heart’ to them, it is a whole, strong, robust heart, not a ‘heart of glass’. If the relationship then goes wrong in some way, or they behave badly, then you can simply take your heart back! Since you gave it whole, you can take it back whole. You didn’t give your heart to the person so they could ‘fix’ it, you gave it to them in celebration, in the spirit of fun, playfulness and possibility. If they were not able to reciprocate, then too bad for them, you just take your strong, whole, healthy heart back. You may feel a little disappointed or sad, but sadness can exist in a strong heart without breaking it.
In fact, if you have cultivated a high functioning heart, then giving it to someone is a kind of win-win scenario. If they reciprocate in kind, then you have a romance or friendship that can last you for a long time, even for life. But if it goes wrong, then you’ve had a good learning experience, no big harm done!
If you have a high-performance mountain bike, then you may like to take it out into the countryside and give it a thorough work-out, taking it through bumpy, muddy, wet and difficult terrain. Because it’s a good bike, its going to perform well, and you’re going to end up thinking ‘that was a great ride, I enjoyed that!’ Similarly, if you’ve invested and done the work in creating a ‘high performance heart’ then you are going to want to ‘put it through its paces’ and find things to test it against. You can ‘take it for a ride’, hit a few bumps and be pleased at how well it responds to genuine challenges.
In order to have a fulfilled life, giving your heart is really essential. But when you give it, give it whole, not broken. That way if you have to take it back, it’ll come back whole too!

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Saturday 28th April, 9.30am-1pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self

Sunday 20th May, 10am-5pm – How to do Soul Portraits Workshop

Saturday 26th May 10am-4.30pm – Mastering your Mind Through Mindfulness Meditation Day Retreat with Toby

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

Categories
Concentration Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindfulness Motivation and scope Uncategorized Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

‘Going through the motions’ as a mindfulness tool

Dear Integral Meditators,

You may have heard or even experienced how mindfulness makes you more productive and increases your potential for success, but how does this actually work in practice? The article below gives a practical example…

In the spirit of quiet power,

Toby

PS: Live in Singapore this week: The Tuesday & Wednesday evening meditation classes this week is the Spring Equinox Balancing & renewing Meditation, all welcome!

‘Going through the motions’ as a mindfulness tool

There are a lot of things that are very necessary and important for you to be successful in life that are not very exciting, motivating or interesting. There are many days when you wake up tired, moody and undermotivated. On such days, even things that normally would excite you or motivate you can seem really uninteresting.
Whether it’s a boring task, or your feeling under-motivated, it’s really important in terms of being successful that you to keep doing what is necessary, whether you feel like it or not! When we do something that we don’t want to do, we sometimes say ‘I’m just going through the motions’. There are three basic stages to mindfully ‘going through the motions’ to get things done:

1. See the benefit of doing the task or action – This morning I went through a long list of old scripts, to see which ones I might want to re-vamp into new meditations. I was tired and it was essentially mundane work, but it was necessary to do before doing the fun, creative work of re-writing new material from the old. The mundane task sets up the completion of the fun, creative task.
2. Accept you don’t feel like doing it – If I’m feeling tired, run down and insecure on an evening, I may not feel like responding politely and considerately to my partners questions, or dealing with my children’s bad moods. But if I’m intelligent and thoughtful, I know that even though I don’t feel like it, it is in my own,  the other persons and the relationships best interests to make the effort. But I accept that I don’t feel like it. I’m going to do it despite the fact that I don’t feel like it!
3. Go through the motions anyway – At this stage I see the benefits of doing the task, I accept the fact that I don’t feel like doing it. Now, I need to go through the motions, just do it! It may feel mechanical and mundane, I may feel I am mentally ‘walking though treacle’, but I just do it. I start writing, I engage politely, I start exercising…I just get going, even if it feels fake. I go through the motions!

The benefits
There are a number of benefits to getting in the habit of going through the motions
You get it done, which feels good – As one writer said “I don’t like writing, but I like having written!” when you complete a task there is a feel good factor and a sense of satisfaction. Sometimes especially if you didn’t feel like doing it!
Sometimes you start to enjoy it and feel good – Once you start and overcome the initial inertia you can find yourself enjoying the activity. You didn’t feel like being polite to your partner, but now the conversation is chugging along very enjoyably!
Mundane stuff can be centering and grounding – If you are doing something boring, the repetition or predictability of the task can create a rhythm that is calming and centering. I noticed this recently painting walls in my apartment. The physical movement and repetition is deeply mind-calming and stress relieving!
You get sh#*t done that sets you up for success – when you habitually ‘go through the motions’ you become capable of doing and achieving things that you could not do if you relied on ‘feeling like it’. GTTM’s gives you the qualities of maturity, discipline and endurance that facilitates the long term fulfilment of deeply held goals and ambitions. You become capable of doing what the ordinary man or woman cannot do.

So, the next time you’re feeling tired, under motivated or despondent, simply set up the next task that you need to get done, and mindfully go through the motions!

Related article: On boredom, creativity & ‘mindful fishing’

© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)

Starts Tuesday & Wednesday March 6-7 th – Inner Peace, Inner Power – An Introduction to Integral & Engaged Meditation Practice

March 20&21st – Spring Equinox Balancing & renewing Meditation

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology