Tag: therapeutic mindfulness

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Awareness and insight Biographical Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness

On overcoming fear of failure & your teenage-self

“If I am well connected to my inner teenager, then I can draw upon his innate curiosity, ambition and appetite for life in a way that other middle-aged folk who lack a vital connection to their inner teenager cannot!”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article explores the inner teenage-self, and how to work with him/her therapeutically in mindfulness. If you enjoy it then come along to this Tuesday & Wednesday’s Summer solstice meditation, where in a part of it we will be exploring our connection to this part of our self.

This Saturday I will be facilitating my Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self workshop, which is also a therapeutic mindfulness session.

Working with both our inner child & teenager forms a part of both my Therapeutic mindfulness coaching sessions, and my Mindful Self-knowledge program. If you are interested in either of those, just follow the links to find out more…

In the spirit of the teen-self,

Toby 

On overcoming fear of failure & your teenage-self

The teenage, or young-adult self is a part of our psychological being that has received less attention than the ‘inner child’, but nevertheless represents an equally important part of our ‘inner family’ that we can be rewarded for greatly by paying a little attention to. What I’d like to do in this article is to share a story about my own process around this from earlier in the year that illustrates in practical terms this type of work.
Before I tell the story, it is going to be useful I think to give working definition of our inner teenager, so here is one from Nathaniel Branden:

The teenage-self; is the component of the psyche containing the “personality” of the adolescent one once was, with that teenager’s range of values, emotions, needs, and responses; not a generic teenager or universal archetype, but a specific, historical one, unique to an individual’s history and development.

A general observation about our teenage-self, ideally it is good to have expressed our teenager in our teens, and gotten a lot of her/his behaviour out of our system when we were actual teenagers. However, if we didn’t, and we still sense a part of ourself that is ‘stuck’ at that level, then it is good to be able to draw her/him out consciously, and find ways that they can rebalance themselves in our current, later stage of life.

So here is my story.  In January I spent a little bit of time just being present to my inner teenager, checking in and seeing how he was. One of the things that came out of this was an awareness of how scared of failure he had been at various times. This is natural; teenagers are often self-conscious, and care about what others think. Consequently, if they try something and are rejected, or fail in front of others, then this can feel like a big deal! So, you can imagine I find myself engaging with memories of my teenage years involving that fear of failure, of embarrassing moments when I tried something and failed, or when said something that, shortly after I judged as ‘stupid’. I am sure that you will have similar moments from your teenage years that you can related to this!

After having this experience, I practiced simply being with my teenage-self, and re-assuring him that it’s ok to fail, that it was good that he tried things even when it didn’t work out, and that it’s not the big deal that he experienced it to be at the time. I did a little bit of journalling, a little bit of sentence completion as well as visualization. I felt that he seemed to receive this well, and appeared brighter and lighter when I saw him with me in my inner vision.
The curious thing about this process was that, whilst going through it I felt myself to be conducting myself in daily activities in a lighter, less worried manner. Unconscious tension that I may have still had in my system from my teenage years felt much reduced, daily life became easier and more carefree. It literally became more fun and less stressful to be me!

So, this is a good example of how using therapeutic mindfulness to work through previous stages of one’s life, in this case my teenage years and my present inner-teenager, can have a tangible and positive effect on the present and our experiences of it.

Related reading: Meditating with your teenage-self
Meditating with your inner-family
Therapeutic-mindfulness anthology

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

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Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)

“Tantric practices such as recognizing your indestructible-safety are all about making educated leaps of perception!”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article takes vulnerability, safety & invulnerability  as the subject. If you enjoy it, it will be the subject of this week’s Tuesday, Wednesday & Saturday class. You would be welcome to join, either live-in-person, or online!

If you enjoy the therapeutic side of the article, then do check out my therapeutic mindfulness coaching, and also the Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self  on the 21st (workshop), & 23/24 (sessions) June. On early bird up until 7th June 10% off!
 
In the spirit of the indestructibilty,

 
Toby

Indestructible safety (On Therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness)
 
Therapeutic mindfulness
 
The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to create a safe space for us to explore the way that our difficult past experiences impinge upon our present experience. It enables us to work trough them in a way that we increasingly experience the present moment free from the baggage of the past. In a previous article I outline six mindful positions that are useful in this regard:

  • Grounding in the senses
  • Recognizing safety
  • Warmth & compassion
  • Appreciation
  • Curiosity & courage
  • A sense of being supported

 
In this article I want to use safety as an example of how to combine therapeutic mindfulness and Tantric mindfulness. Therapeutically, recognizing and resting in safety involves acknowledging your vulnerable or fearful self, and then:

  • Recognizing that in this moment you are physically safe, there are no immanent threats to your wellbeing. Letting your body, mind, and heart rest in this space of safety, using it to feel secure and relaxed as you navigate the day
  • Creating a psychologically safe space – Consciously abstaining from attacking or negative thoughts/emotions toward yourself, so that your inner space with yourself is one that feels increasingly safe, reliable, and consistent.

 
Tantric mindfulness
 
In contrast to therapeutic mindfulness, Tantric mindfulness is about recognizing and experiencing your ‘always already’ awakened, ‘perfected’ nature in the present moment. If it can be combined with therapeutic mindfulness, then they create a wonderful and powerful team. So how can this be applied to safety? The instructions below are short and may seem quite radical, but, well, that’s Tantric practice, it is all about making ‘educated leaps of perception!’
If you relax into the stillness of your consciousness-itself in the present moment, then you will become aware of a dimension of self that is formless and timeless, Eternal, and Free. Recognizing and resting in that formless-timeless self, recognize that it is indestructible;

  • Because it was not born, it does not die
  • Because it is formless and timeless, it cannot be destroyed by anything
  • Even if the outer circumstances in your life are limiting and oppressive, this part of you is completely and radically FREE from this limitation, free from the oppression of fear, free from anxiety around uncertainty

So, you practice recognizing your formless timeless nature, recognize its nature as being indestructible safety, and identify YOU as THAT.
 
Three positions to explore combining therapeutic & Tantric mindfulness
 
So, to put these together, practice cycling through:

  • Breathing and relaxing into physical safety, dialling down your nervous systems’ emergency triggering
  • Creating a psychologically safe space for yourself to rest and regenerate yourself within
  • Based on the above two, practice recognizing your formless-timeless indestructible self, and rest in the experience of indestructible safety, both in meditation, and as much as possible in your daily life

 
This practice invites you to combine the acknowledgement of both your vulnerability, and need for safety at the same time as recognizing your indestructability. Initially this looks like a paradox, but put into practice it quickly becomes working with a complementary polarity.
 
Enjoy your indestructibility!
 
Related reading: Toby’s therapeutic mindfulness anthology
Therapeutic mindfulness coaching
Combining your witnessing with Tantric meditation

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Ongoing Tuesday & Wednesday’s weekly, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation

Ongoing on Saturdays weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions

Saturday 24th May, 10.30am-12noon – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever

Level 1 – Friday 30th May, 8am-4pm, Level 2 – Friday 13th June, 8am-4pm – Freedom & Fullness – A practical introduction to Non-Dual Meditation Practice Retreat & Course

Tuesday 17th, Weds 18th June, 7.30-8.30pm – Summer solstice balancing & renewing meditation

Meditation & Mindfulness for working with your Child-self – Workshop: Saturday 21st June, 2-5pm SG time, & 
session series: Session 1 – Monday 23rd June, 7.30-9am (7.30-9pm Eastern time US), Session 2 – Tuesday 24th June, 7.30-9am (7.30-9pm Eastern time US)

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New Therapeutic Mindfulness coaching service & reading anthology

Dear Integral Meditators,

From September thru December 2023 I facilitated a course called “Re-discovering your inner vitality & joie-de-vivre – An introduction to integrative therapeutic mindfulness & meditation”.

I am now offering it as a 1:1 coaching service, which can also be facilitated in a group coaching context. You can read about the coaching & training by following the link above. Essentially the question it seeks to answer is “How can we re-work our relationship to the past in a way that helps us to see the present & future with clarity, enthusiasm & vision?”

I have also created this ‘Therapeutic mindfulness reading page’ which is an anthology of all the articles that I wrote during that time. You can find these summarized below, with links to each article.

The recordings of the original course are also available as an online course, if you are interested in that then just drop an email to info@tobyouvry.com

In the spirit of re-awakening inner joy,

Toby

Therapeutic Mindfulness Article Anthology

Creating an inner therapeutic mindfulness space – six positions

“The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to go back to previous stages in our development in order to reconnect to feelings, emotions, body sensations & memories that we have repressed, denied, or lost touch with. The healthy re-integration of these experiences sets the scene for a renewed sense of wellbeing within our present life, & for safely engaging in higher, deeper levels of personal growth.”

Mindfulness of mood & atmosphere of your life-story

“You might think about your inner mood as being like the weather. If you are playing a game of tennis in a sunny, lightly breezy day, its completely different from playing it on a rainy, very windy day. We can usually shift ourself at least partially toward a better mood if we try, and this then affects everything for the better”

The projector behind you – How the past interweaves your present & future

“Past-focused mindfulness involves delving consciously into past memory & narratives, releasing pent-up energy, and then gently reworking these stories to create a more optimistic and energized outlook“

Progressively recovering your joie de vivre (Meditating with your inner child)

“If you are prepared to do the work, it seems there truly are no edges to your level of inner joy”

Meditating with your teenage-self

“The ‘teenage self’ is one of several aspects of our inner-self or psyche that, if we take the time to connect to, we can find ourselves being enriched. For example, if I am well connected to my inner teenager, then I can draw upon his innate curiosity, ambition and appetite for life in a way that other middle-aged folk who lack a vital connection to their inner teenager cannot!”

Suppression & repression – the difference, & it’s importance

“Suppression can be used positively and strategically to enhance our effectiveness and wellbeing in life, whereas repression almost always results in long term inner turbulence and interference in our ability to see and work with our present life as it is”

Re-working your ego by expanding your self-concept (AKA: Van Halen therapy)

“In a situation where your self-concept doesn’t believe you can meet & solve a challenge, you can do one of two things. You can give up, or you can change your idea of yourself, making it one that can work with what is presenting”

Transcending & including – Integrating the big & the small selves

“As you grow & mature, if you repress your previous selves, they can become ‘allergies’. If part of you remains trapped within them, they become ‘addictions.  Transcending & including means to grow beyond who you were, whilst still giving your previous self a seat at the table”

 All content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

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Progressively recovering your joie de vivre (Meditating with your inner child)

“If you are prepared to do the work, it seems there truly are no edges to your level of inner joy”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

The photo of the child with this article is me when I was around 8 or 9. I keep it on the fridge. I noticed last week that the fridge magnet marked ‘l’excitacion’, or excitement in French had been placed on my forehead, which inspired me to write about my own ongoing journey in the domain of Therapeutic mindfulness. 
If you enjoy the article, then do consider participating in the upcoming Therapeutic mindfulness course, which is full of practices to help you re-connect to the joy of living, and move beyond long-held fears.  

And final heads up for this Wednesday’s Autumn Equinox meditation, either live or online!
 
In the spirit of exitacion,

Toby 


Progressively recovering your joie de vivre (Meditating with your inner child)
 
When I left my life as a Buddhist monk, aged 31, I had been practising eastern meditation forms in a very disciplined manner for a decade. I had experienced many wonderful and amazing meditation states, and had a solid working experience of the awakened state/enlightenment experience. Despite this I noticed that there were still parts of my everyday consciousness that seemed to have been untouched by all this work. I found that certain types of anxiety, irritability and fear had not gone away, and sometimes seemed even worse. This was partly why I left my life as a monk, because I felt I needed to broaden my search for answers to these unresolved areas. The answer was not just ‘do more meditation’, I had to do something differently.

One of the things that I focused on that year was exercises specifically based on the psychological level of my being, based around western theories of trauma and around working with emotional states. I began regular work with my ‘inner child’, exercises including visualization, dialoguing, breathing and body-work. I was very surprised how much work there was to be done! I considered myself pretty well-adjusted as a person, which I think I was, but even so, there was so much to re-connect to, so much to work with, so much to discover. During this period, I really felt I recovered much of my joie de vivre, and got a badly needed ‘second-wind’ for my inner growth that powered me into the next decade of my life.
But the amazing thing about this is that even though I felt that I now had a very good relationship to my inner child (and other sub personalities), it is a process that does not seem to end. Fast forward to the beginning of this year. At the beginning of the year, I often check in with my ‘inner family’ in meditation. When meeting my inner child, I had this experience:

“I am walking along the middle of a shallow river that I used to play in as a child. I come to a bridge from which I used to look down at the big fish swimming in and out of the dark water underneath. On the sand to one side of the bridge I see my inner child. I wade over to him, and we squat for a while looking under the bridge. Then he smiles to me and we begin to walk into the water and under the bridge (I never went under the bridge as a child). We stand in silence looking and feeling the fish around our feet, in gentle awe and excitement. After while we walk on and out from the other side of the bridge. We walk on to a meadow next to the river. My child-self utters a cry, and starts to run around the meadow, whooping, and laughing out of pure joy, I watch on, quite amazed, and aware of a new level of joy in myself that I have never experienced before.”

After the meditation, this new level of joy within myself has persisted, and it seems clear to me that some level of inhibition or fear in my child has been resolved. This is a full fifteen years after starting my active relationship with him. So even now my life and experience are expanding and growing from my inner work with my child self and other related therapeutic mindfulness practices aimed at building a strong inner-self psychologically. If you do the work, it seems there truly are no edges to your level of inner joy.
   
 
Related article: Meditating with your child self
Creating a therapeutic mindfulness space
Wake, up, Grow up, Clean up, Flow – The Art of Enlightened Flow
 

Special Coaching Offer for the Month of September – Free 20minute coaching session with Toby

For the remaining two weeks of September Integral Meditation Asia is offering free 20minute coaching sessions with Toby!
If you have been interested in the idea of getting some personal coaching on a particular issue or challenge, and/or want to explore what 1:1 meditation coaching can do for you in terms of both your quality of and direction in life, this is a great opportunity to find out what it is like with Toby. These 20minute sessions can be done on Zoom or via Whatsapp.
You can find read the general write up of Toby’s Life-fullness Coaching here, & his other forms of coaching here.
You can read feedback and reviews from Toby’s coaching sessions here. 

To arrange your 20minute session or for further enquiries: Email info@tobyouvry.com, or W-App65-96750279

Integral Meditation Asia

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creative imagery Energy Meditation Inner vision Insight Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Presence and being present Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

The projector behind you – How the past interweaves your present & future

“Past-focused mindfulness involves delving consciously into past memory & narratives, releasing pent-up energy, and then gently reworking these stories to create a more optimistic and energized outlook“

Dear Integral Meditators, 

This week’s article focuses upon how focusing mindfully on the past can change your experience of both your present and future. It’s an important dimension of mindfulness that I’ve enjoyed practising tremendously, particularly over the last 15 years or so. If you enjoy the article, then do consider coming along to my therapeutic mindfulness course starting on the 26th September.

You can also see my video on The projector behind you – An intro to therapeutic mindfulness by clicking the link.

Quick reminder also of the upcoming Autumn Equinox Meditation on the 20th, & Meditations for connecting to the Tree of Life, and growing your own personal Life Tree workshop on 30/31st September.
 
In the spirit of interweaving past, present & future,

Toby 

The projector behind you – How the past interweaves your present & future
 
Imagine you are sitting in a move theatre. Naturally you are facing the screen, where the action seems to be taking place in front of you. It takes place in front of you, but you know that what appears in front of you is being projected from behind, from the movie camara in the projector room. In the physical world we know this, but in the inner world of our mind and perception, there is another projection going on, that of our past onto our present and future.
It looks a bit like this: Your present moment and future experience are like the projector screen, but it actually contains content and images of it’s own. However, there is also a series of images projected upon our present moment ‘screen’, coming from our past, and the story that we tell ourselves about the past. To give a few examples:

  • If at school I was made to feel like an ‘outsider’ by the other children, I may take that feeling of being an outsider into my adult relationships, and that feeling may determine much of how I relate to others socially
  • My parents and teachers’ ways of dealing with emotion will be something that I have absorbed and tend to imitate in my ways of dealing with my own emotion
  • My sense of what is possible and appropriate for me in terms of future happiness & wealth may have a lot to do with the social and cultural environment within which I was brought up

 
Not all past memory and projection is bad, in fact some of it can be very positive. However, for all of us in one way or another, even if we consider ourselves a well adjusted individual, we carry memories of unresolved tension & emotional conflict that are interfering with our ability to process our present and future effectively.
 
Going into the projector room
Practicing mindfulness therapeutically in this sense means revisiting our past in a conscious manner, in order to recognise and release these past traumas and ‘kinks’ in our memory. This is a bit like going back into the projector room in the cinema, and getting the know the different types of film that get projected regularly onto the ‘projector screen’ of your daily life. You then start to see these old movies as they start to come up in everyday situations, and you begin to be able to choose other options and behaviour, rather than always choosing the old suggestions and repeating them.
 
Basic principles around the qualities of therapeutic mindfulness
Here is a brief set of pointing out instructions as to how a person might begin enquiring around his or her past in a therapeutic manner:

  1. Establish a quiet space to sit in contemplation, establish an inner mood and atmosphere of safety, warmth and curiosity
  2. Pick a domain of your past that you wish to explore. This could be a period of your childhood, a past relationship, or a more recent event that you feel somewhat disturbed by. Let your attention orientate around that time, and let memories start to arise
  3. As memories (or sometimes the absence of memories) begin to arise, gently remain present to them with a degree of warm acceptance, even if the memories that come up are painful. At this stage you are not trying to ‘fix’ them, more just use awareness and acceptance as the method by which the memories that hold trapped and unresolved emotions can come to the light of conscious awareness and be released.
  4. Initially practice doing this for short, manageable periods of time, gradually extending the time you spend as your confidence and comfort level increases.

The aim here is to get to know your past better, and the way in which it impinges upon your present. The awareness and acceptance of such experiences can also often go some way to ‘healing’ and releasing the unresolved trauma, but our main aim here is simply to get to know and recognize when our past is being projected upon our present & future.

Related article: Appreciating the past to liberate the future

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tues/Weds Nov 14th/15th – Seasonal class: Deepavali -connecting to your inner light

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *  Meditation Technology

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A Mind of Ease Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindfulness Presence and being present Stress Transformation Using the Energy of Negative Emotions

Creating an inner therapeutic mindfulness space – six positions

“The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to go back to previous stages in our development in order to reconnect to feelings, emotions, body sensations & memories that we have repressed, denied, or lost touch with. The healthy re-integration of these experiences sets the scene for a renewed sense of wellbeing within our present life, & for safely engaging in higher, deeper levels of personal growth.”

Dear Integral Meditators, 

On the 26th/27th September I will be starting a 10 module program – “An introduction to integrative therapeutic mindfulness & meditation – Re-discovering your inner vitality & joie-de-vivre“, the article below explores how we can create a context for mindfulness as a therapeutic practice. Many of the positions below I’ve written about reasonably extensively before, but the ordering of them is specific to doing therapeutic mindfulness. 

If you enjoy the article I invite you to click on the link & find our more about the course!

In the spirit of our inner support system,

Toby 

Creating an inner therapeutic mindfulness space – six positions
 
The purpose of therapeutic mindfulness is to go back to previous stages in our development in order to reconnect to feelings, emotions, body sensations and memories that we have repressed, denied, and lost touch with. The healthy re-integration of these experiences sets the scene for a renewed sense of wellbeing within our present life. It also lays the foundation for then exploring the higher, deeper levels of meditation states (psychic, subtle, causal, non-dual) in a way that is balanced and sustainable. Below are a set of qualities to cultivate when engaging in therapeutic mindfulness. Each one of them has benefits in an of themselves, but practiced together they make for a good combination within which we can then go on to do some inner healing work.
 
Grounding in the senses – Work that involves contacting potentially volatile emotions or feelings needs to be done whilst grounded enough in the present moment in order to feel the stability of our senses supporting us, so that we don’t feel completely ‘carried away’ by the experience.


Safety – Repressed emotions can feel dangerous, so connecting to the basic safety of this moment – recognizing that there are no immanent threats to our present wellbeing – is a fundamental position to be familiar with.


Warmth & compassion – Establishing as far as we can a feeling of basic warmth and compassion toward ourselves at the beginning of the session, and as we encounter our experiences during the TM session.


Appreciation – Having an appropriate sense of our life being a good place with the existence of people, places and experiences that make it rich and enjoyable. This then means that when we encounter challenges in our therapeutic mindfulness practice, it is always contextualized by this sense of overall appreciation/ positivity.


Curiosity & courage – TM can feel like heavy work sometimes, so cultivating a sense of lightness and curiosity is helpful in this regard. It helps us avoid getting overly caught up and identified in the experience. Similarly, courage can help us hugely as, by its nature TM involves contact and sometimes confrontation with parts of us that we fear or would otherwise wish to avoid. This doesn’t mean you have to be some kind of big hero, just that you have whatever courage you possess present and available to you when doing TM.


A sense of being supported – It can be useful if you have any belief or sense of a higher, deeper supporting being or intelligence to invoke or feel the presence of it/her/him before you engage in therapeutic mindfulness practice. This is personal and can be done any way that the practitioner finds acceptable or appropriate.
 
With these six positions available to you and in place, you should then feel confident in engaging in any kind of therapeutic mindfulness practice that you might want to, with a sense of these qualities supporting and enhancing your practice.

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com


All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby  (East Coast)

Ongoing Tues/Weds in August/Sept – The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for developing wisdom around inner-growth, happiness & fulfillment

Saturday August 26th, 9.30-11.30am – Monthly Qi Gong & Taoist Breathwork Clinic & Mini-retreat

Saturday Saturday 9th September, 9am-12.30pm – Qi Gong for Improving your Health and Energy Levels and for Self-Healing

Wednesday 20th September, 7.30-8.30pm – Autumn Equinox balancing & renewing meditation

Starting Tues 26th & Weds 27th September – Re-discovering your inner vitality & joie-de-vivre – An introduction to integrative therapeutic mindfulness & meditation

Saturday 30th September & Sunday 1st October, 9.30am-1pm – Meditations for connecting to the Tree of Life, and growing your own personal Life Tree

Saturday & Sunday October 28th & 29th – Integral Meditation Two Day Retreat

Integral Meditation Asia

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