Dear Integral Meditators,
You can Listen to my 5 minute talk and 10 minute meditation on Dynamic Calm HERE!
Toby
Category: Stress Transformation
Dear Integral Meditators,
What is your relationship to attraction? The article below offers a few thoughts on how you can go about enjoying and appreciating that which you find attractive without clinging or getting unhealthily attached! In short, how to transform attachment into appreciation!
And on the theme of ‘stress transformation’ see the coaching offer below!
In the spirit of pleasure and appreciation,
Toby
Going from clinging on to enjoying (Attachment to appreciation)
What are you deeply attached to in your life? Of these, what or who do you cling to in ways that are unhealthy, addictive, undermining to your self-esteem and create destructive patterns of behaviour? Think of one or two right now…
This article offers a few thoughts on how you can transform states of attachment and clinging onto appreciation and enjoyment. From an experiential point of view we have three types of object/person/situation that we encounter:
- Those that we feel repulsed by or averse too
- Those we feel drawn or attracted to, magnetised by
- Those we feel neither attracted to or repulsed by, they are kind of neutral
Right now, we are focused on the second type of object, those we feel attracted to.
Underlying sources of attachment – Not enough, not competent, no joy
So what transforms something or someone that we feel attracted to to something that we feel attached or cling to? Part of it is an underlying sense within ourselves that we are incomplete, incompetent or that we have no joy or pleasure. For example:
- If I feel incomplete as a man and I meet a woman I find attractive, then I may cling to her as a potential source of ‘completion’. So, what I feel for her is not just an appreciation of her attractiveness, but the idea that by possessing or obtaining her I will somehow ‘fix’ my problem of incompleteness or loneliness.
- If I often feel incompetent or ineffective in life, then the things that I feel attracted to I may tend to cling to. For example if I feel incompetent in my business practice, I may cling onto a business or romantic partner as a ‘life raft’ saving me from my own confusion in the face of life’s complex challenges.
- If I am out of touch with my feelings, both emotional and bodily, then I won’t feel much joy or pleasure in my life. As a result things that I could be enjoying and appreciating such as caffeine, alcohol, sex etc…become objects that I become addicted to, a way of replacing the fundamental absence of joy or pleasure’.
Coming to your objects of enjoyment from the POV of wholeness
If I want to experience objects of attraction in a healthy, pleasurable way then, I need to come to them from with a healthy self-sense, one where I experience myself fundamentally in three ways:
- I am complete, loved, whole as I am
- I am competent, adequate (to life’s challenges)
- I have ready access to the feeling healthy joy and pleasure in my body, today
If you come to the things you currently feel attached to with these three attitudes, then you have the opportunity to transform them from objects of clinging to objects of appreciation and real enjoyment.
Moving from clinging on to appreciating
So then, if I come to people places and things I find attractive in our life with the idea that ‘I am complete, I am competent, and I feel joy’ then:
- When I encounter an attractive member of the opposite sex it will be easy enough to appreciate them as they are, without needing to ‘possess’ them in order to validate myself.
- When I face a difficult challenge in my business I won’t be cling to the idea of someone ‘saving me’, but if my business partner helps me out, then I can appreciate and enjoy that!
- If I have access to joy and pleasure in my body, then I can enjoy sex, caffene, alcohol, endorphins etc…as a complement and enhancement of that, rather than an addiction that I use as a compensation.
Three ‘mindful injunctions’ from this:
- Notice when you develop negative attachment or clinging in your life. Study the experience.
- Practice coming to the things you feel attracted to from the perspective of ‘I am (already) enough, I am (already) competent, and I have access to joy’.
- Emphasize appreciation and appropriate healthy enjoyment of the things you find attractive. Have fun and experience pleasure!
Related articles: Giving your heart whole
Cultivating positive non-attachment
The middle way to enjoying your life fully
Moving from attachment to care
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Saturday 26th May 10am-4.30pm – Mastering your Mind Through Mindfulness Meditation Day Retreat with Toby
Saturday, 9th June, 9.30am-1pm – Meditations for Transforming Negativity and Stress into Energy, Positivity and Enlightenment
Saturday 16th June, 10-11.30am – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever
Saturday 23rd June, 10am-4.30pm – An Introduction to Meditation from the Perspective of Shamanism
Integral Meditation Asia
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Dear Integral Meditators,
We all have complex challenges in our lives these days, how can meditation help you deal better with that? The article below offers one answer!
In the spirit of mindful simplicity,
Toby
Meditation – Centering around simplicity (to thrive on complexity)
Last night I was by myself in my apartment. It has been a busy month, and there are quite a number of ongoing projects that are quite complex and uncertain for me right now. If I had not been a meditator, then my mind may have latched onto any of these complex uncertainties, and started thinking them over. I may have experienced anxiety, doubts or worries, mixed in probably with some excitement and positivity. As it was I chose to let go of all the complexity for a while and just sit quietly, tuning into the solidity of my body, and allow my state of mind to become very simply and uncomplicated. The period of simplicity was refreshing. It allowed me to ‘catch up’ with any unprocessed emotions that were floating around, and enabled me to return to my thinking a while later with a sense of purpose and clarity.
This pattern of movement, from a complex state of mind to a simple, centered one is what distinguishes a meditator from a non-meditator, and it also illustrates much of the value that meditation offers.
Moving from complexity to complexity
For many of us the pattern of our consciousness is to move from one complex state to another. After we wake up we start thinking about work, or we have to get the kids ready for school. On the way to work or school we might start thinking about our romantic relationship, or lack of one, or the problem with the colleague we have at work. After sitting down at our desk we spend a while deliberating whether our work is the ‘right’ work for us? Are we wasting our life? From there we go into the practical challenges of the day….and so it goes on. Our mind moves from one state of complexity to another, to another. All of the complexity, and the associated emotions start to mix in with each other, and we feel almost perpetually anxious. Things feel out of control, unresolved. We solve one problem only for two more to take its place. Our ‘feeling’ that life is complex and/or out of control bleeds into all of our tasks, making us less effective at all of them.
Moving from complexity to simplicity, to complexity
For a meditator, the fundamental pattern of their consciousness changes. Like all of us, a meditator has complex life problems which s/he has to deal with. However, instead of moving from one complex problem to another, a meditator regularly returns their attention to a state of simplicity and non-complexity. So, for example I might go from thinking about the complex problem of ‘rasing my child right’ to a short period where my mind is simply focused on the pleasant feeling of relaxation in my body. From that state of simplicity, I might then think about the content of my next article, and write it. Then back to a state of simple body awareness. From there I might go onto an emotionally sensitive conversation with my neighbour about the volume of their music at night, then back to simplicity, and so it goes on…
A win-win between simplicity and complexity
One of the ideas with meditation is that, by returning regularly to a state of simplicity, your ability to deal effectively with complex problems improves. By returning to simplicity, you can deal with one complex problem separately from the others, rather than have emotions from your work life negatively influencing your personal life, and vice versa. Regularly returning to simplicity gives you a stable center from which you can meet the challenges of your life without feeling so intimidated and off balance.
You don’t have to wait until you sit down quietly to do some formal meditation, you can choose to cultivate a state of simplicity at any time. For example, while you have your morning coffee break, simply choose to come back to your body and the taste of the coffee. Become regularly simple to return to the complexity of your life with appetite and enthusiasm!
Related article: The benefits of simplicity
© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Saturday 26th May 10am-4.30pm – Mastering your Mind Through Mindfulness Meditation Day Retreat with Toby
Tuesday 29, Wednesday 30th May – Wesak Meditation
Saturday, 9th June, 9.30am-1pm – Meditations for Transforming Negativity and Stress into Energy, Positivity and Enlightenment
Saturday 16th June, 10-11.30am – Get Your Meditation Practice Started Now – The Shortest and Most Time Effective Meditation Workshop Ever
Saturday 23rd June, 10am-4.30pm – An Introduction to Meditation from the Perspective of Shamanism
Integral Meditation Asia
Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology
Dear Integral Meditators,
There is a strong relationship between anger and power. If you can own your anger and learn to wield it as a force for the good in life, your sense of personal power will increase correspondingly. The article also looks at how to mange conflict in your relationships using mindful questions and attention. Enjoy!
Wishing you well,
Toby
The Power of Presence – Dealing mindfully with anger and conflict in your relationships
How can you deal more effectively with anger and conflict in your life? Here I am referring specifically to the anger and conflict that you experience in your outer relationships with other people. What I am going to do is give you some pointers for becoming more mindful in this area. This in turn will then naturally start to suggest to practical ways you can be more successful dealing with the challenges presented.
1) Observe the way in which you currently experience anger and conflict
Ask yourself the question: What is my current relationship with anger and conflict, both within myself and into relationships?
Bring to mind a time when you have been angry. What happens when you get angry? How does your body start to feel? Practice mindfully creating anger in your body and mind, and learn to relax into it, without being panicked by it or forced into a reaction. Get used to holding anger in your body comfortably, letting it flow.
Similarly, bring to mind a conflict you have in your outer relationships right now. Observe how you feel in the face of another persons anger, disapproval or aggression. Practice mindful holding your own space and breathing with the experience of conflict, so that when it happens in real time, you are not panicked or intimidated.
2) A working definition of anger – ‘Anger is a powerful emotion centred around issues of justice and fairness’. In its negative expression it is incredibly destructive and dangerous. In its positive expression it can be a powerful cause for order, justice and good in the world. ‘Positive anger’ might be thought of as simply the benevolent expression of justice and fairness in the face of malevolence or aggression. There is a lot to be gained from working to transform your own negative anger into positive anger. See my article on Act your rage – Three useful ways of thinking about and using your anger
3) Working with conflict in your relationships
Once you have done a little contemplation around section 1 above, here is a short exercise you can apply to any relationship you may have where there is anger and conflict. Firstly, consider the situation from three perspectives –
1st person – I/mine/ours – What is happening in this situation from your personal point of view? What are you feeling?
2nd person – the other(s) – What is the other person/people experiencing? What do you start to see if you mindfully take their perspective for a period of time?
3rd person – It’s, objective (fly on the wall) – What do you start to see if you take a more objective/detached point of view, outside of all the personal stuff?
Based on your insights from these three perspectives then decide ‘Am I going to’:
- Change myself/adapt to the other person/people, (maybe not worth the hassle to confront?) or
- Try and change the other person, or take a stand for what I feel is right (genuine issue if justice, and or ‘worth it’)?
Finally, having made your decision, strategize! Use your natural intelligence to come up with a way of approaching the relationship conflict, communicating skillfully in a way that you think is going to give the best result!
Experiment with small conflicts
A final point here, small and relatively insignificant conflicts are great places to start working with the above methods. Finding ways to gently work with conflict, anger and confrontation in minor situations helps you build the skill and confidence so that when something big kicks off, you are able to hold your own and enjoy learning how to articulate your own power in relationship conflicts.
© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Tuesday & Wednesday’s in March/April – Inner Peace, Inner Power – An Introduction to Integral & Engaged Meditation Practice
Saturday 28th April, 9.30am-1pm – Finding Freedom From What Holds You Back in Life: Practical meditations & techniques for working with your shadow-self
Sunday 20th May, 10am-5pm – How to do Soul Portraits Workshop
Saturday 26th May 10am-4.30pm – Mastering your Mind Through Mindfulness Meditation Day Retreat with Toby
Integral Meditation Asia
Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology
Dear Integral Meditators,
Is it possible to make worry work for you, rather than against you, and if so how? The article below explores this theme, and offers some practical ideas regarding how you can start!
In the spirit of planning, not worrying,
Toby
Managing your survival instincts; Plan more, worry less
Planning is what you do when you have a challenge and you deliberately contemplate it in order to come up with an effective plan of action. Planning helps resolve the issues that the problem is causing. Effective planning is a necessary part of a successful life, problem management and dealing with stress.
Worrying (as defined in this article) is what you do when there is something that concerns you, and you are not sure how to resolve it. Worrying can be useful if it leads to effective planning. However, as often as not we worry without doing anything effective about the issue.
- Worrying that lasts a short time and leads to us sitting down and making an effective battle plan regarding how to deal with a problem is useful
- Worrying that leads to anxiety, inability to see a problem clearly and fear of acting to resolve the issue is undesirable and serves only to give rise to negative stress
- Quite often we find ourself worrying about things that WE HAVE ALREADY MADE A BATTLE PLAN TO RESOLVE! This is just plain silly. If you have identified a challenge and made an effective battle plan to resolve it, then one of the whole points of making that battle plan is that you now know what you are going to do to try and resolve the situation. So by definition you should stop worrying about it!
If you are worried about something, then sit down and make a battle plan about how to deal with the situation. Having made your battle plan, then simply follow the plan of action that you have made and stop worrying!
If you have made an effective plan to deal with a problem, then there is no need to worry, as there is already a plan in place!
The key practice here is to be more mindful. When you are thinking of a challenge in your life ask yourself the question “Am I worrying about this, or am I planning a way to deal with it?”
- If you discover you are worrying, then stop worrying and start planning.
- If you have already made a plan, then you can stop worrying anyway, because you have a plan.
Know the difference between planning and worrying; Plan more worry less!
© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Starts Tuesday & Wednesday March 6-7 th – Inner Peace, Inner Power – An Introduction to Integral & Engaged Meditation Practice
Integral Meditation Asia
Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology
Categories
Wrestling with your Dark Angels
Dear Integral Meditators,
What happens when your meditation practice becomes difficult or challenging due to your life circumstances, and how can you keep going? The article below explores this using the image of our having ‘Dark Angels’. Enjoy!
For those in Singapore, a final reminder for the Integral meditation & mindful walking deep dive half day retreat this Saturday January 13th, 2-5pm.
In the spirit of the journey,
Toby
Wrestling with your Dark Angels
When our life is pleasant, and our emotions are stable it can be easy and enjoyable to sustain a meditation practice. We experience for ourselves how it increases our peace of mind and pleasure. We enjoy the effects of greater focus in our work. We notice our body feeling lighter and more healthy.
For a lot of people however, when our life takes a turn for the worse, the temptation can be to stop meditating. This is because when we sit down to meditate, our difficult emotions confront us and we want to escape from them. Siting meditating becomes a place where, rather than feeling peaceful and blessed, we feel as if we are wrestling with a dark force within us that we would rather run from and forget about.
However, it is precisely at this stage, when we are “wrestling with our dark angels” that it can be most useful to keep meditating and keep on engaging with our challenging mind states. It is by being persistent in this way that we often have real insights into the deeper meaning of what we are going through, and the opportunity that it is offering us.
Wrestling to become stronger
At times like these it can be useful to change your expectations of your meditation practice. When you sit down, don’t expect greater peace of mind to come to you as you sit. Instead, expect to wrestle with what is in your mind, and for that to be the point of your practice. Understand that by wrestling with it you are developing new strength, skills and stamina that you would not be able to develop of your ‘dark angels’ were not arising and inviting you to wrestle with them.
Some examples:
Since the new year I have had certain additional financial responsibilities to take on, so I need to further develop my sources of income. This has become a dark angel for me. I experience the thoughts and feelings coming from these demands, I wrestle with the uncertainty, the insecurity, the fears. As I do so in a mindful way, I notice myself learning, becoming stronger, becoming more confident. I couldn’t grow in this way without this dark angel of mine.
Another example of a dark angel for me has been my desire for certainty and control in my relationships; Part of me want my partner and our daughters to be safe always, I want our futures to be fixed, guaranteed. Sometimes when my mind reflects upon this desire, all the uncertainties that we face, all the possible challenges, all the things that might go wrong rise up. I have to wrestle with these ‘dark angels’, I have to let them train me to be stronger, more compassionate, to change my idea of what I can take, and what I am capable of.
I’m calling these types of obstacles dark angels because, although they are ‘dark’, if we let them, they become our angels. They bless us by training us to develop qualities and strengths that, without them we could not develop. They are inviting us to become bigger and better versions of ourselves.
What are the dark angels in your life right now that you might like to start sitting down and wrestling with?
© Toby Ouvry 2018, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Tuesday 2nd & Wednesday 3rd January – 2018 New year releasing and inviting meditation
Saturday January 13th, 2-5pm – Integral meditation & mindful walking deep dive half day retreat
Saturday January 20th – 9.30am-1pm – Meditations for Developing the Language of Your Shadow Self
Integral Meditation Asia
Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology
Dear Integral Meditators ,
One of the most challenging aspects of living in the information age is that, as it implies, there is so much information around that we are asked to digest. The article below considers how formal & informal mindfulness can help us with this.
In the spirit of equilibrium,
Toby
‘Turtling up’ – Dealing mindfully with information overload
One of the most challenging aspects of living in the information age is that, as it implies, there is so much information around that we are asked to digest. One of the big things that meditation and mindfulness can offer us is a way with dealing with this challenge.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling somewhat overwhelmed by my workload, and the pace at which I am having to move in which to cope with it. Many of the mornings I wake with a sense of having just a bit too much information to deal with. As I sit down to breakfast, part of me is tempted to grab my phone and start reading the news online. Often is not so much that I am interested in the news, it is more that I want a way to escape the feeling of having too much information to cope with. The ‘instinctive reasoning’ is that I can escape my feelings of being mentally overwhelmed by distracting myself with more information. The problem with this strategy is that if I spend breakfast surfing more news and information, my mind will need to digest even more information, and I will get up from breakfast feeling even more overwhelmed!
Consequently, I have made a conscious choice to leave my phone alone during breakfast, focusing instead on being aware of the way my mind, emotions and body feel, deliberately slowing down a little, and doing less as I eat. Consequently, I get up from breakfast feeling more mentally rested, and that I have more ‘mind-space’ with which I can ‘digest’ the challenges of my day.
‘Turtling up’ – Dropping your outer and inner senses
My choice during breakfast above is an example of an informal mindfulness strategy to cope more effectively with information overload. Every day we actually have many such opportunities to reduce the amount of information that we are having to process.
One formal mindfulness and meditation practice we can do is simply withdrawing our attention temporarily from our outer and inner senses.
- Our outer senses give us information about what is around us in the outer world.
- Our inner senses give us information about how our body and emotions are feeling, as well as what we are thinking, remembering or otherwise using our mind for.
To practice ‘turtling up’ is to withdraw your attention from your senses, like a turtle or tortoise gathering its head and limbs inside its shell. You simply find a quiet spot for a while and withdraw your attention from your outer and inner senses, finding and relaxing into a still space within the centre of your body-mind. A tortoise inside its shell can still hear stuff going on outside, but it feels like it is a distance away. Similarly, you gather your attention inside your body and away from the activity of the mind and senses. You might still hear things, and your mind may still be active to a degree, but you are experiencing it ‘from a distance’ so to speak. You are relaxing in the still quiet space ‘inside your shell’.
The function if ‘turtling up’ is to enable your mind and senses to recover from information overload. By emptying our mind of information for a while, we enable it to regain its equilibrium, regenerate its energy and recover the ability to engage and digest information effectively and happily.
This week if you like you can try practising ‘turtling up’ for short periods of time I your day to help you thrive in the information age, rather than being a victim of it!
© Toby Ouvry 2017, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Tuesday & Wednesday evenings – Practical meditations for spiritual awakening & enlightenment – A six week course
Saturday August 19th, 10am-5pm, & Monday August 21st, 10am-5pm – Shamanic mandala meditation & art workshop
Integral Meditation Asia
Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology
Dear Integral Meditators,
Where are the places in your day where you could start taking a mindful pause, and what might the results and benefits be? The article below offers a practical reflection on this…
In the spirit of pausing,
Toby
What happens when you take a mindful pause? (Breaking with habits)
On most Sunday afternoons, I drop my daughter back at her mother’s place after a day out together and make my way home. My habit after dropping her off is to take out my phone, put my earphones on and listen to some music as I walk and talk the bus back. Last Sunday however I found that I had forgotten my earphones. Unable to listen to music, initially I could feel my mind feeling displeasure about the fact that I couldn’t do what I normally do; enjoy music. After I mindfully made the effort to accept the situation, and my minds displeasure, I was able to relax and think to myself ‘I wonder what I might be able to do with this time?’ Over the course of the 20minute journey to my place, here is what happened:
- Firstly, I came back to my physical body and spent some time moving my awareness into and taking care of the parts that were tired or stressed. I was able to tangibly reduce the amount of ambient pain and tension on my body, which in turn led to a certain amount of gentle pleasure and regeneration in my body.
- Secondly I spent part of the time getting in touch with and ‘digesting’ some of the quite intense emotions that had been stirred up over the course of the day and the weekend. I could acknowledge the challenging emotions that were present and take care of them. I was also able to enjoy and appreciate in a deeper way the pleasurable and positive emotions that were there. This led to a deeper sense of peace and ‘at homeness’ in my experience of myself in the moment, as well as some genuine love for the others that I had been with over the weekend.
- Thirdly, I turned my attention to my business for a short while. I planned activities and prioritized my tasks for Monday. This ‘future focused’ mindfulness enabled me to feel greater enthusiasm for my work, as well as clarity around what I needed to do.
- Lastly, I even remembered to do a few eye exercises (You know, the ones that really help to slow the deterioration of your sight, but that hardly anyone does??) which I have been meaning to start a habit of for a while.
You can see that there were four good results that came from the original ‘forced pause’ that not having my earphones created for me. It illustrates perfectly what happens when we break a habitual, unconscious pattern, and allow ourself to take a mindful pause. Once the resistance has been overcome, our mind naturally starts to seek ways to use the time in ways that promote awareness, recovery and wellbeing within ourselves.
As well as the ‘accidental’ mindful pauses such as the example above, I also deliberately create spaces in my day to pause between tasks. Often the initial experience is resistance; my mind wants to be ‘getting on’ with what I do out of habit but, after a short while this dissolves, and it starts to think creatively in the moment. Often mindful pausing helps us to shift from automatic, habit-based thinking to creative, intelligent, non-habit based thinking.
Where are the places in your day where you could start taking a mindful pause, and enjoying the results?
© Toby Ouvry 2017, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Tuesday & Wednesday evenings from June 6-7th – Practical meditations for spiritual awakening & enlightenment – A six week course
Saturday July 15th, 10am-5pm, & Monday July 17th, 10am-5pm – Shamanic mandala meditation & art workshop
Integral Meditation Asia
Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology
Dear Integral Meditators,
What happens when you start to pay attention to the way in which you are paying attention? The articles below explores this topic!
In the spirit of mindful attention,
Toby
The what, why & how of mindful attention
Mindfulness can be thought of as essentially a form or attention training. By improving the way in which you pay attention to the different elements of your life you can improve the quality of your experience and the intelligence with which you interact with what you meet.
One simple but profound way of being mindful is to ‘pay attention to the way in which you are paying attention’. This can be broken down into three stages; the what, the why and the how.
The what – this first stage involves asking yourself the question ‘What am I paying attention to in this moment?’ It involves taking a step back and watching your mind, observing the movement of your attention, without interfering or trying to alter what you experience. You will observe that your attention focuses on things in a certain way, and often with a certain inner commentary with regard to what you are focused on.
The why – the second stage involves reflecting upon the question ‘Why am I focusing upon this object in this particular way?’ For example:
- My own body with distaste
- This future event with anxiety
- This other person with longing
Try and understand the motivations and habits behind the way in which you are focusing on things at any given time. At this stage you are emphasizing observation, curiosity and the quest to understand, rather than to change anything.
The how – the final stage of being mindful of attention is to as yourself ‘How can I improve my experience in this moment by adjusting the way in which I am paying attention? To continue with the three examples above:
- Is it possible to pay attention to my body with less judgment and more gentleness?
- Could the future event be exciting or pleasant to think about if I adjust the way in which I pay attention to it?
- Is longing an optimal way of focusing on this person, or could I replace it with curiosity, openness and/or liking?
It may be that you are happy with the way in which you are focused upon your object, but quite often if we have done stages one and two, we will naturally become aware of (often quite small) adjustments that we can make in our attention that will improve and optimize our experience.
Quite often stages two and three of the mindfulness of attention practice will start to happen quite organically as a consequence of the first practice of ‘what am I paying attention to in this moment?’.
You can do this as an actual sitting meditation practice, or you can just come back to these questions regularly in your daily life in order to improve both your awareness of attention, and the way in which you apply it.
© Toby Ouvry 2017, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Upcoming Courses at Integral Meditation Asia
Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation Classes at Basic Essence with Toby
Ongoing on Tuesday evenings from November, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation Classes at One Heart with Toby (East coast)
Tuesday 7th February & Wednesday 8th February – Lunar new year meditation 2017: Tapping into the confidence, motivation & honesty of the Rooster
Friday 24th February, 7.30pm – TGIF meditation & meal: Nourish your body mind & soul at Oneheart!
Saturday 25th February, 10am-5pm – An Introduction to Meditation from the Perspective of Shamanism
Saturday 4th March, 10am-5pm – Meditation from the Perspective of Shamanism Level 2 – Deeper into the Shamanic journey
Integral Meditation Asia
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Dear Integral Meditators,
We all have a story, or a history. Is your story and the story that your telling yourself helping you or hindering you in your life? How can mindfulness help you to develop a constructive and enjoyable approach to your past? The article below considers these questions…
In the spirit of mindful amnesia,
Toby
Mindfully dropping (and picking up) your story
The heavy bag of our story
For many of us our ‘story’, our past, our history is something that we are carrying around with us all the time. Unless we are careful it can end up like a heavy bag that we never put down, sapping our energy. It can define what we believe we are capable of; filling out mind with what could have been, what we did wrong, what we wish we could change and so on…
You can drop your story
Because we carry around our story so habitually, we can forget that it is possible to simply decide to ‘drop’, or put down our story and to mindfully experience the present moment unburdened by the past.
Conscious amnesia; entering the present by dropping the past
One simple technique I use is to imagine that I have amnesia, I literally can’t remember who I am, what my name is, what has gone on in my past. I enter into the moment with a ‘blank slate’ so to speak, and enjoy the radical way in which my reality becomes simplified.
The joy and strategic value of dropping your story
I find dropping my story on a regular basis allows me to recover my lightness of spirit, my playfulness and ability to connect to the simple joy of the moment as I find it.
I also find it a useful exercise when I am feeling overwhelmed at work or by life. It enables me to strategically re-find my center and, (having dropped my story for a while) to come back to my challenges with greater clarity
Dropping your story and meditative states
Dropping out past offers us the ‘liberation of being a nobody’. Until we drop out past we don’t realize how much our past is defining how we experience ourselves in the present. It also offers a point of entry into the timeless present; that deeper dimension of the present moment that is not defined by our immediate circumstances, and that is always whole, complete and perfect as it is.
Picking up and improving your story
Once we have learned to drop our story, this then invites us to pick up our story again, and deal with it more consciously and creatively. We can approach the events of our past with more care, curiosity, courage and appreciation, rather than feeling burdened by it.
Summary practices
- Notice how you carry around your story and how it sometimes acts as a source of anxiety, limitation and heaviness.
- Realize that you don’t have to carry your story around with you all the time, you can drop it and inhabit the present moment more fully!
- Spend periods of time consciously and deliberately dropping your story, practising ‘conscious amnesia’. Notice and enjoy the freedom and clarity that it offers.
- Pick your story up again mindfully, using its accumulated wisdom to inform your daily life, without allowing its wounds and habits to define and limit your choices and aspirations.
© Toby Ouvry 2016, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
Integral Meditation Asia
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