Category: Stress Transformation

A Mind of Ease Energy Meditation Enlightened Flow Integral Meditation Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Stress Transformation

Cycles of receiving, gratitude, & joy

Post author By Toby
Post date August 11, 2025

“The more joy you feel, the easier it is to open in a state of receptivity, which leads to more gratitude, which in turn leads to more joy, in a virtuous cycle!”

Dear Integral Meditators,

What might be a skillful way of getting a better return on investment from your process of mindful attention? in this week’s article I outline a method that I have been enjoying this summer in my own practice.

In the spirit of virtous cycles,

Toby

Cycles of receiving, gratitude, & joy

Integral mindfulness = Virtuous cycles of attention

Integral mindfulness is, in large part about putting together different elements of mindful attention in a way where the sum of the different elements produces a bigger effect than the individual parts. It’s a skillful way of getting a better return on investment from your practice. What I’m going to outline below is a cycle that I have been enjoying this summer in my own practice.

The receiving, gratitude, joyfulness cycle

Receptivity – This involves placing oneself in a state of receiving; openness to receiving all the good energy and experiences that are available to you in the moment. When we are open to these good things we can receive them. Receiving them is a little bit like, instead of just looking at nice food, you actually put it in your mouth and eat it! Receiving is like intentionally ingesting what is being given you in life, experiencing it in a way that then leads to the next stage…

Gratitude – If I am receiving and ‘eating’ the good things that life has to offer me, then it’s natural and relatively effortless to feel appreciation and gratitude for them. Its different from just making a gratitude list, because my receptivity is giving me an experience, a ‘tase’ that I can enjoy. This goes beyond the mere intellectual recognition. When you eat food, you start to feel full, satisfied, replete. This then leads to the third stage…

Joyfulness – Receiving and feeling grateful then gives us a sense of joy, a wonderment in being given a life to lead that has so much to offer us. This then leads to our being able to open receptively to good things as they come up in the moment, and feel joy as we are doing them rather than after the event. You might think of joyfulness (in this context) as spontaneous gratitude; the capacity to recognize and receive the good energy in life that is being offered right now!

Putting yourself in a state of receiving – As you sit and breathe now, gently soften your body, putting is in a state of receiving and receptivity.

Receiving the air that nourishes your body each breath
The love and care available to you in your relationships
Your health
Your ability to live a human life today that has freedoms

Let gratitude emerge from your state of receptivity – No need to try too hard, just let the thankfulness emerge naturally and easily from your experience of receiving. If you notice any inner resistance, don’t force, just stand at the doorway and wait until your mind and heart are ready to walk through.

Feel the fullness of joy emerging from your gratitude – You have been receiving energy, which helps you to feel fuller, to start to regenerate your energy. You have ‘eaten’ what you have received, which has led to experiencing gratefulness. From the gratefulness, now let the sunlight of joy start to emerge. It shouldn’t feel like much hard work.

The more joy you feel, the easier it is to open in a state of receptivity, which leads to more gratitude, which in turn leads to more joy, in a virtuous cycle!

This week I have been getting over the jet-lag from traveling back to Singapore after a few weeks in Europe. Jet lag as I’m sure you will know can make you feel pretty dreadful and discombobulated. Whilst awake in the middle of the night and in spare moments during the day I have been practising the receiving-gratitude-joy cycle, which has made the challenge of the jet lag much easier to navigate. So don’t wait until things are perfect in your life to give this a go, it’s a great way to mitigate pain and suffering!

Related articles: Mindfully eating your thoughts
For every suffering a joy – cultivating positive non-attachment
A flower opening to the Sun – Choosing (& making distinctions around) joy

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes & workshops

Ongoing on Tuesday’s & Wednesday’s (live & online), 7.30-8.30pm – Weekly integral meditation classes

Saturday 16th August, 9am-12.30pm – Taoist Pranayama & Breathwork Workshop – Improve physical health, wellbeing & inner peace though deep breathing

Saturday 23rd August, 3-4.30pm – One Heart Open Day: Sound of Zen meditation with singing bowls

Saturday 30th August, 7-9pm – Living Life From Your Inner Center – Meditations for Going With the Flow of the Present Moment

Tuesday 2nd & 3rd September, 7.30-8.30pm, & then weekly – Integral Meditation from the Perspective of Zen – A 10 week series

Saturday 6th September, 5.30-6.15pm, & then weekly – Zen meditation Deep-dive – A 10 session practice series

Saturday 20th September, 5.30-6.30pm – Autumn equinox balancing & renewing meditation

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindful gratitude, mindful joy, mindful receptivity, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

A Mind of Ease Concentration creative imagery Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Primal Spirituality Shadow meditation Stress Transformation

The Cloud of Unknowing, the ocean of…

Post author By Toby
Post date June 21, 2025

“Relaxing mindfully into your confusion often starts to dissipate the fogginess & return you to clarity without you ‘trying’ to”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at working with states of mind and emotion that we often consider to be in the way of our wellbeing, transforming them into the path of awakening. If you enjoy the article, you’d be welcome to join us for the Tuesday & Wednesday class where we will be working with this topic!

Also, quick shout out for the beginners meditation workshop on Saturday the 28th June…

In the spirit of clouds & oceans,

Toby

The Cloud of Unknowing, the ocean of sadness

On aspect of tantric meditation is the transformation of difficult emotions, passions or feelings into the path to awakening. It requires a degree of skill and a willingness to experiment a bit, but if you are willing to try, it can bring some decent results quite quickly. In this article I want to focus on ignorance/confusion and sadness.

From confusion to the Cloud of Unknowing

This method can work with a range of feelings such as confusion, overwhelm, dullness, anxiety. Take the feeling of confusion that you might have about what to do in a particular situation. Imagine also that you’re feeling a little tired, and that your brain has been a little overworked, so you have that ‘foggy’ sensation behind your forehead and above your eyes. Most often these feelings are ones that we fight with to overcome and get rid of. In this method however, you simply relax into the feelings and sensations of the confusion. You sense the brain fog behind your eyes and relax into it, letting your mind become foggy and cloudy. You allow your confusion to make you dull. By doing this you relax into a ‘Cloud of Unknowing’, a non-conceptual space of relaxed spaciousness. The dullness becomes your friend in aiding you to let go of your thoughts and into a state where the unknowing-ness leads you into a state of open empty space that is ‘Just this’.

The term ‘Cloud of Unknowing’ is a contemplative expression:
“The Cloud of Unknowing (Middle English: The Cloude of Unknowyng) is an anonymous work of Christian mysticism written in Middle English in the latter half of the 14th century. The text is a spiritual guide on contemplative prayer. The underlying message of this work suggests that the way to know God is to abandon consideration of God’s particular activities and attributes, and be courageous enough to surrender one’s mind and ego to the realm of “unknowing”, at which point one may begin to glimpse the nature of God”.

Our own confusion and dullness can help us to start to awaken to deeper levels of consciousness through the Cloud! You will also find that relaxing into the Cloud also often starts to dissipate the fogginess, and help you return to clarity (without ‘trying’ to).

The Ocean of sadness

When working with confusion, I often use the feelings in my head as the focus point. With sadness the focus changes to the heart and stomach areas, where we often feel sadness most keenly. Here you take a feeling of sadness and relax into it. If you imagine the sadness is like an ocean, and you let yourself gently sink beneath the surface and into the deep depths. I also follow the feeling in my body down into my stomach, it’s like a sinking feeling from your stomach down into the abdomem. As you sink down you start to let go of the specifics of the sadness, and just relax into the deep, non-conceptual, oceanic space that the sadness opens up within you. It’s like you are drifting in the depths of an immense ocean. This technique transforms the specific sadness into a deep non-conceptual space that you can then use to meditate on consciousness itself. In this way you transform an obstacle to meditation into the gateway to meditation.
Like the confusion, you may also find yourself emerging from the sadness quite naturally and without effort as a side effect of this practice.

Related articles: Darkness emerging as light
Messiness, unlabeling, unknowing
Taking the weight off your chest (Transforming sadness)

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Awareness and insight Energy Meditation Enlightened Flow Enlightened love and loving Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Primal Spirituality spiritual intelligence Stress Transformation

Combining your Witnessing with Tantric meditation

Post author By Toby
Post date April 7, 2025

“You are not a drop of love in the ocean. You are the entire ocean of Love in a drop.”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at combining your basic witnessing practice with a Tantric meditation form.

Tantric practice is also the subject of a new series of classes & sessions that I will be leading in May:
Starts Tuesday 6^th, Wednesday 7^th May, 7.30-8.30pm – Embodied Transformation – An integrative introduction to Tantric meditation
Starts Saturday, 10^th May & then weekly, 5.30-6.15pm – Embodied Transformation – Saturday Tantric deep-dive meditation sessions
If you are motivated to come on this journey with me, you can do so live, online or via recordings.

In the spirit of the Ocean-you-Are,

Toby

Combining your Witnessing with Tantric meditation

Tantric meditation is a tradition of meditation originating primarily, but not solely in the east. It emphasizes the unity of body, sensuality, and spirit. In some of its forms it stops at the awakening of a sense of the Body-as Spirit. In it’s more complete forms it takes this sense of embodied spirituality, merging it with transcendent consciousness to create the path to a fully awakened, non-Dual state. This article outlines a combination of basic witnessing with simple Tantra to supercharge your meditation, and your energy levels.

Deeper into Witnessing – Transcending and including

Basic witness practice is sitting in meditation as the observer self, detaching in a healthy way from the contents of your consciousness. You simply hold this position and practice watching calmly. Deeper witnessing involves developing the capacity to:

Transcend the content of your consciousness by witnessing
Simultaneously include and embrace that content in an unconditionally warm and loving manner

One analogy for this is that you witness like the sun, which shines its light objectively on the world, whilst simultaneously embracing it with its warmth.

Bliss and Love, your basic Tantric ingredients

Love and inclusion

Breathe into your heart and feel the natural, original Love there. Experience it as an embracing warmth and care that builds and grows as you breathe. Let your body soften to this feeling, so that it as you stay centred in Love. A nice object of meditation here is the Rumi line:
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.”
Altered to focus on Love:
“You are not a drop of love in the ocean. You are the entire ocean of Love in a drop.”

Bliss and transcendence

Breathe into your lower-belly, sacral region and sexual organs. Connect to the basic Bliss of your Life-force in the body. This is the basic bliss that, when activated biologically becomes sexual attraction, and ‘peaks’ in the experience of orgasm. Breathe and let the feeling of bliss build a bit in your loins. Then imagine this Blissful feeling rising as an energy from your sexual organs to the base of the spine, and then up the spine and back of the head to your crown. Feel a ball of light building above your crown, filled with transcendent Bliss and the freedom that comes with it.

Creating a Love-Bliss Witness

Bring the ball of transcendent Bliss down from your crown to your heart, where it merges with the inclusive, all-embracing Love. So, you have a feeling of Love-Bliss-Consciousness at your heart.
Now identify your True Witness Self as being Consciousness composed of these two qualities; Transcendent Bliss and an All-inclusive Love. With this set up you can then either:

Witness the content of your consciousness with this Love-Bliss Witness or
Rest in the ocean or sky-like experience of the Witness itself, enjoying the feeling of blissful ‘Fullness & Emptiness’

A final position here is then to practice viewing the content that you are witnessing as arising from the Ocean of your Bliss-Love Witness, not two things, but one thing arising simultaneously, which gives you an approach to a Non-Dual expereince.
Once you are familiar with the above practice, you can ‘short-cut’ sometimes by generating the Bliss in your sacral region, and then just feeling it rise-up directly to meet the Love in your heart. But going up to the crown and then down again has the initial advantage of mixing the Bliss with the freedom of higher levels of consciousness available at the crown.

Related reading: Sky & sun, freedom & fullness
Re-awakening to your Bliss
All you need is Love – Contemplative Non-Duality

© Toby Ouvry 2025, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, love meditation, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, non-dual meditation, power of mind, tantra meditation

Concentration Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Presence and being present Stress Transformation

The dance of conscious & unconscious intention

Post author By Toby
Post date August 13, 2024

“Our intentions are like tuning forks, they tend to attract particular types of things and experiences into our life, and also determine the way in which we experience them”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article follows on from last week’s article on on intention, further drawing out the power of intention, and some practices to start being mindful around it!
If you enjoy the article, do check out the upcoming course on Meditating with the power of intention – An eleven module course. It can be participated in live or online, and is starting at the beginning of September.

In the spirit of intention,

Toby

The dance of conscious & unconscious intention

You always have an intention
Intention occupies the ‘why’ space within our consciousness; the reason we are motivated to do things. There is a ‘why’ reason for all our actions or non-actions. The art noticing or being mindful around intention is three-fold:

Noticing intentions that you have that are harmful or destructive, working against your wellbeing and those of others. Once detected we can work on understanding where they come from and what we can do to reduce and re-direct them
Noticing the positive intentions that we have that are helpful, empowering and creative, then continuing to nurture and strengthen them
Opening to new benevolent or creative intentions that we may not have often at the moment, but that we can see the value in developing them and making them a regular part of our life

Intentions are like tuning forks, they tend to attract particular types of things and experiences into our life, and also determine the way in which we experience them. Dancing with our intentions deliberately can radically shift our life-experience quite quickly, sometimes immediately.

You don’t always know that you have an intention
Although we almost always have an intention, we aren’t always aware of the intentions that we have.

You might have naturally caring intentions regularly toward your family members, but you might not notice it because it’s just a (positive) habit. If you notice this positive intention that arises regularly within you, you can generate it more often consciously, and you can widen the group or type of people that you generate it towards. Making this intention conscious can improve your relationships significantly
You might not be aware of the judgements that you have about yourself, and the harmful intentions that come from them. By making these intentions toward yourself conscious, you can see them more clearly, gently starting to ‘de-couple’ yourself from them, reducing, even eliminating the harmful effects that they are having upon you
You may not have noticed that your short, medium and long term goals and intentions are contradicting each other in significant ways. By consciously aligning your short, medium and long term intentions and making them a team, you can significantly increase the power of each

Practice points – Creating intentions around intention

The intention to live intentionally – the first practice point here is to build the power of your intention to live intentionally, on purpose and consciously. This is a mindfulness power-practice 101, building the power of your intentionality.

The dance of conscious & unconscious intention – Practice point two is to notice which of the intentions that you generate are deliberate or conscious, and which are instinctual, unconscious and spontaneous. The idea here is to ‘dance’ with both, creating a harmony between them in your life through your intention to align your conscious & unconscious intentions.

Related reading: Intention determines trajectory – Aspects of integrated mindful intention
Intention, dedication, meditation
Fourteen levels of mindful intention

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Watch Toby’s video on mindful intention:

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Integral Meditation Asia

Live & Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching *Executive & Meditation coaching

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, intention, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindful intention, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

creative imagery Energy Meditation Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness meditation and creativity Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Stress Transformation

Developmental acceptance – Allowing it to be messy & imperfect

Post author By Toby
Post date June 25, 2024

“Skillful acceptance means noticing that you can center yourself in the middle of feelings of chaos, messiness, or dis-orientation, be present to them without panicking”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at how to use mindfulness to work with your reality in a creative way, even and particularly when it seems messy!

If you enjoy the article, it will be the subject of our meditation at this weeks Tuesday & Wednesday Meditation class:
The Wisdom of Awakening Series: Meditations for cultivating your inner guidance & guru.
All welcome to attend. This series is the course for this week and July.

In the spirit of acceptance,

Toby

Developmental acceptance – Allowing things to be messy & imperfect

Harmony from chaos – The way of the artist and creative
At a certain stage in my path, I spent time working with the idea of my art (at the time painting & sculpture) as a path of ‘harmony through conflict’. This basically meant that, to create beauty or harmony, you need to reach into chaos, disorder and sometimes ugliness. Then, by working skilfully with it you can draw out the beauty and order. So, the first part of any creative process then, is to learn to ‘be’ with the disorder/chaos, and start working with it from a centred point of view.

Chaos, inner and outer is messy
The tricky part about sitting with chaos is that the feeling of it is very ‘messy’ and confusing. It doesn’t feel comfortable to sit with. One reason why many people are not more creative is because they would prefer to sit with a reality that feels ‘tidy’, ordered and ‘safe’, even if that version of reality is someone else’s, even if it is dysfunctional, and even if the ‘order’ isn’t that appealing to us.

Accepting & working with chaos
So, to work with the messiness of reality, and start building our capacity to work with it creatively, we first must practice ‘sitting with the messiness’, which is to say sitting and getting comfortable with it, which actually means ‘getting comfortable with the uncomfortable’(!)
To get comfortable with messiness means accepting that it makes us anxious and dis-oriented. Skillful acceptance means noticing that you can center yourself in the middle of those feelings of chaos and messiness, be present to them without panicking. From the centred comfort that acceptance gives you, you can then look for ways to:

Notice what’s useful and good about the current messy-ness
Make small initial steps towards ordering the situation
Let your intuitive, rational and instinctual intelligence work together to see patterns in the chaos that help you start to see what the situation is offering you, and what it can become

Practicing developmental acceptance
On a practical level, I find this type of developmental acceptance enables me to work with what is happening in my day much more creatively. For example, today:

Sitting down at my desk to write this article, I found that the initial idea I had did not ‘fit’ like I imagined it would
This immediately put me in a place of dis-orientation, discomfort. Centering in that dis-orientation and getting comfortable with it, I became curious about how I could start to mold a new order from the messiness. Staying centered also needed a bit of the qualities of care and courage to stay with it; some gentle positive inner self-talk and re-assurance
Acceptance itself started to emerge as a theme, relaxing into it, and without trying too hard I let my intuition, rationality, and instinct start to put some structure to the basic theme, to sculpt and form a harmony from the mess
Forty minutes or so later I had written the article that you are now reading

You will notice from the above description that the first ‘move’ was noticing and accepting the initial ‘messiness’ of my reality. Accepting and centering like this then enabled me to harmonize my reality much more quickly and effectively than if I had been fighting with it.
You will notice also that I use the three C’s, curiosity, courage and care as a central part of the ‘developmental acceptance’ methodology.

Related reading: Cultivating your positive imperfectionist
Applying the Three C’s of Engaged Mindfulness

© Toby Ouvry 2022, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, messy wisdom, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

Biographical creative imagery Energy Meditation Enlightened love and loving Enlightened service Inner vision Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Stress Transformation

How did I get through tough times as a Monk?

Post author By Toby
Post date May 28, 2024

“Resilient endurance in the face of the ongoing difficulties is more a matter of imaginative compassion than simply ‘getting tougher’”

Dear Toby,

This week’s article explores how I used a particular meditation technique to work with difficulties when I was a monk. If you enjoy it, we will be focusing upon it as a part of this weeks Tuesday & Wednesday meditation class.

In the spirit of compassionate imagination,

Toby

How did I get through tough times as a Monk?

During my time as a Buddhist monk, there were plenty of times when I felt I had my back against the wall.

Lack of financial & material resources was always a threat
Being an unknown element in a mainstream society mean that not all attention was good attention by any means
The organization that I worked for was often understaffed in terms of manpower, and so there was often a sense of having to do several different (unpaid) jobs at the same time
The path of meditation itself threw up many things to be processed as I moved from one level to the next.

There was a particular set of meditation instructions called ‘Lojong’, or ‘instructions for training the mind’ which was particularly useful at such times. I would even go as far as to say it was my main practice, in the sense of the one that I derived the most value from. I’ll describe below a simple process that I would follow in meditation that really captures the essence of it. For the sake of an example, let’s imagine that the suffering I am contemplating is the heat and discomfort of being a monk in Singapore, where it is very hot and humid, and I was often living in placed without air-conditioning.

A visual tool
These meditations were often done with a jewel of enlightenment visualized at my heart. The jewel would be made of light and have the essence of my enlightened nature.

“May all my future sufferings ripen upon me now”
This first position involved contemplating the suffering or confusion that I was going through, and then, in the spirit of compassion say something like:

“May all my future suffering of this kind ripen upon me right now”

I would then imagine all the future suffering, to use the example all the discomfort and dizziness of living with too much heat, gathering around me as dark light and smoke. It them ‘ripened upon me now’ by dissolving into the ‘jewel of enlightenment’ at my heart, eventually disappearing. I would then strongly think that all my future suffering regarding heat had already been endured, and that I was free from it, relaxing into the joy of that recognition.
So, of course I was still sitting in the heat of Singapore, and would continue to do so. But the effect of the meditation, at least for a while is that my mental and emotional pain around the heat would reduce dramatically, and I could continue on in a state of relative peace and calm.

“May the sufferings of others ripen upon me now”
A further development of this was reflecting upon the fact that my suffering was only one persons’, and that there were many other living beings experiencing the same and worse regarding discomfort and pain around heat/temperature. So then reflecting upon this compassionately I would contemplate “May the sufferings of heat of all living beings ripen upon me now!”
I would then imagine this pain & suffering gathering around me like a cloud of dark, hot(!) smoke, and see it then dissolving into the jewel of enlightenment at my heart, eventually disappearing. I would then meditate strongly on the thought that all those suffering from heat in different ways had been liberated, and were now free and happy. I took this joyful recognition as an object of meditation for a few minutes.

The purpose of doing this meditation was not to be masochistic, rather it was, and is to:

Develop resilient endurance in the face of the ongoing difficulties
Strengthen compassion and reduce unhealthy self-obsession
Find joy in the process of releasing ourself and others from pain and sufferings

Reading the sequence through initially may leave you thinking “Eeeuw, no way!” but doing the practice a few times, we start to see how effective it is at reducing our pain and suffering in the moment, and finding ways to get through challenging times relatively unscathed. It certainly was and is a method I’ve found most useful in my own path.

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, lojong, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, stress transformation

Inner vision Integral Awareness Integral Meditation Life-fullness Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Mindfulness Stress Transformation

Your primal self as your object of mindfulness

Post author By Toby
Post date April 1, 2024

“As we develop from one stage of growth to another as a person, we leave behind the old self in favour of a more evolved one. This new self-sense them becomes ‘I’ or me, with the previous self-identity becoming part of us that we manage or parent”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores looks at oour early-stage development as an object of mindfulness, & what the benefits of doing so might be. If you like it, do consider joining us on the new adventure starting on 9/10th April: Exploring your hidden maps of consciousness –mindfulness meditation for growing up, either live or online!

This week there will be only one meditation class on Wednesday, & it will be on the subject of single-headness (how to manage your stress more effectively thru mindfulness) & ‘head-lessness‘ which is a kind of non-dual meditation.

In the spirit of primal integration,

Toby

Your primal self as your object of mindfulness

As we develop from one stage of growth to another (psychologically) as a person, we leave behind, or objectify the old sense of self, in favour of a more evolved one. This new sense of self them becomes ‘I’ or me, with the previous self-identity becoming a part of us that we manage.

Our first sense of self – Basic appetites, fusion confusion

The first 18 months of our life is characterized by the absence of a separate self-sense. Initially we are ‘fused’ our environment. Later we start to separate our self-sense physically, but remain for a while longer in a state of emotional fusion with our environment and particularly our mother. This is a symbiotic or fusion stage, a bit of a fusion-confusion!
This self-sense is accordingly completely dominated by our physiological needs, food, thirst, warmth, coolness, comfort, discomfort, rest.

Addictions & allergies – Yes, we left it behind but…

We start to grow out of this fusion-confusion stage from 18 months. As a 51 year old I say “I am hungry” rather than “I am hunger!”. I can distinguish myself physically and emotionally from my environment. However, if I have left parts of me behind at that level, either as a secret identity or as a dissociation, then that can result in an ‘addiction’ or an ‘allergy’. For example, regarding hunger:

Addiction: If I still have a part of me still fully identified as being (not having) hunger, then this may result in me having trouble regulating my diet and weight, resulting in extreme cases as obesity
Allergy: If I have dissociated myself from hunger, then I may be out of touch with my basic hunger needs, not eating properly and being underweight or undernourished. In extreme cases this might manifest in anorexia or bulimia

Sometimes also you may notice a fusion-confusion type experience with your environment or in your relationships. Public spaces become confusing as your senses ‘merge’ with them, or the emotional space between yourself and others becomes very blurred and difficult to regulate. Some of this may be due to a part of self that has been left behind at the primal stage.

Clearing up to grow up more fully using mindfulness

From a mindfulness-as-therapy point of view, the essential method is quite simple; you bring to mind basic needs like hunger, thirst, as well as experiences of ‘fusion-confusion’ mentioned above (separately, not all at once!), and practice mindfully observing them, and your relationship to them. The making subjects into objects nature of mindfulness will naturally help start to clear up any allergies or addictions that may remain at this stage…

My personal experience of being mindful with this stage

Regarding basic appetites I discovered that I tend toward the “allergy” relationship to food, I usually have trouble keeping up my weight, and eating is a discipline rather than a joy. So, it helped me re-balance that which was useful.
Secondly the revisiting the fusion-confusion stage resulted in me feeling a surprising increase in clarity regarding my environmental and relational awareness.

Integrating, transcending & including

A healthy integration of your primal-self* enables you to create healthy self-regulation of your basic needs & appetites. It also helps create a clear distinction of self from others & environment. We have a healthier ‘separate’ self-sense, but can engage (and withdraw from) conscious ‘fusion’ when appropriate.

I’d encourage you to spend some time with this as a practice, it seems initially that we should all have grown fully out or this stage. But if you look at problems humans have around basic appetites and self-regulation like food, we can see that there are huge imbalances there. You may be surprised at how powerful and transformative it is for you. It certainly was for me!

*In integral psychology this is level 1 of human psychological development, and termed ‘Infrared archaic’

Related content: Subjects to objects – How meditation helps you grow to greater degrees of freedom

Article & content © Toby Ouvry 2024, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com

All upcoming classes and workshops at IMA:

Ongoing – Weekly Tuesday, Wednesday Online class schedule

Ongoing on Wednesday’s, 7.30-8.30pm – Wednesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (Bukit Timah)

Ongoing on Tuesday evenings, 7.30-8.30pm – Tuesday Meditation for stress transformation and positive energy with Toby (East Coast)

Starts Tuesday/Wednesday evening 9/10^th April – Exploring your hidden maps of consciousness –mindfulness meditation for growing up

Saturday & Sunday April 20^th & 21st – Integral Meditation 1.5 Day Retreat

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, primal mindfulness, psychological mindfulness

Awareness and insight Inner vision Insight Meditation Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques mind body connection Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Mindfulness Presence and being present Shadow meditation Stress Transformation

Transcending & including – Integrating the big & the small selves

Post author By Toby
Post date November 27, 2023

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s article looks at the practice of transcending & including. It is an important practice for everyone, but particularly if you are on a path of inner growth, as you are actively transcending and including as your path evolves.

This week’s Tuesday & Wednesday meditation continues our journey into Therapeutic mindfulness, and will look at the theme of transcending & including. If you enjoy the article, feel free to join us!

In the spirit of inclusion,

Toby

Transcending & including – Integrating the big & the small selves

As you grow you get inwardly, as well as outwardly bigger
Babies identify only with their physical body up until around 18months. Up until the age of 4 years, we can only take a first-person perspective: ‘me’, ‘I’ & ‘mine’. Growing older as children and teenagers, we see ourself as a part of a ‘we’ space, our family, our friends, my team. If we become fully fledged rational humans, we learn to take a healthy third person perspective, an ‘it’ space, where we consider everyone to have value, and our circle of concern becomes world-centric, universal and much bigger.
As we continue this growth further onto higher levels, our self-sense gets bigger and bigger, more and more inclusive. Our ‘I’ becomes more & more universal in nature.

The principle of transcending & including
When we grow it’s not that our older, smaller selves cease to exist, it’s just that they get transcended. My child-like egoic self is still there when I grow to the next stage, it’s just that it becomes only a part of what I am, held and contextualized by the bigger, more inclusive self of the next stage. The bigger self transcends, but includes the smaller self.

The ‘transcending’ part of this means that we grow beyond our previous limited sense of who we are
The ‘include’ part of this ensures that the smaller self feels secure and honoured within the new self structure.

A simple example: Yesterday I spent quite a lot of time playing with my three year-old. This meant my ‘inner child’ coming online and me being ‘childish’! However, my child-self was held by my mature or adult self. For my daughter, she ‘is’ the child. For me as an adult I act in a child like way, but he is held by a bigger self-sense that is the adult. My adult self transcends and includes my child self.

Avoiding allergies & addictions
Transcending and including needs to be done in a healthy manner otherwise:

If I transcend the previous stage too much, instead of detaching from it healthily, I disassociate with it, it becomes an ‘allergy’, something foreign. For example if I dissociate with my inner child, outer children become incomprehensible, silly and foreign. Inwardly I lose the ability to be playful, joyful and spontaneous. I become a stiff, repressed adult, ‘allergic’ to child-like behaviour
If I include the previous stage too much, a part of my identity gets ‘stuck’ at that level. I find myself compulsively becoming child-like in some situations, the behaviours feel like ‘addictions’. I keep regressing to this level uncontrollably. To return to the child analogy, I might usually keep a good diet, but then keep sabotaging that by eating one biscuit, and then the whole packet. My self-regulation becomes periodically child-like and chaotic!

Mindful therapeutic integration
To work therapeutically with the transcend and include principle, take any part of your smaller selves as the object. For example, you could take:

Your child self
Your eating urges
A part of you very identified with a past trauma
A part of you identified with a particular belief

The list here is very large. Sitting in a mindful state you simply bring it to mind, and watch it. As Ken Wilber says, you imagine you are video -taping it as an observer. The part of you that observes simply witnesses it with a ‘transcend and include’ approach:

The ‘transcendent’ part of it means that your witness has a sense of itself as something bigger than and separate from the part of self you are observing
The ‘include’ part of it means that your witness self acknowledges, accepts, and gently embraces the smaller self.

If you do this, the idea would be that any ‘addictions’ or ‘allergies’ that you have developed to smaller parts of yourself as you have grown beyond them will gradually be released. You will find yourself in an increasingly balanced and integrated relationship to your smaller selves, free from addictions and allergies.

Related reading: Creating an inner therapeutic mindfulness space
Suppression & repression – the difference, & it’s importance
Bodies within bodies – Witnessing with your energy bodies
The body is in you – How to go into deep meditation quickly

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2023. you are welcome to share, but please cite the source, thanks! Contact info@tobyouvry.com

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Tags inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness meditation, power of mind

creative imagery Inner vision Insight Meditation Integrating Ego, Soul and Spirit Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Confidence Mindful Resilience Mindful Self-Leadership Stress Transformation

Re-working your ego by expanding your self-concept (AKA: Van Halen therapy)

Post author By Toby
Post date October 7, 2023

“In a situation where your self-concept doesn’t believe you can meet & solve a challenge, you can do one of two things. You can give up, or you can change your idea of yourself, making it one that can work with what is presenting”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This weeks article explores how to work mindfully with your ego & self concept in a creative, empowered way. If you enjoy it, then you are invited to come along to the Tuesday or Wednesday meditation class, where we will be focusing on this subject.

A couple of dates for your diary, in addition to the Two day meditation retreat on Oct 28-29th:

Saturday 11^th November, Mindful Presence Masterclass & group coaching: The Inquisitive Sumo Wrestler – Turning up to life calm & curious
Qi Gong workout & meditation class: Saturday 9-10am, November 11th & December 9th

In the spirit of turning subjects into objects,

Toby

Re-working your ego by expanding your self-concept (AKA: Van Halen therapy)

The Ego is
One of the definitions that I like for the ego is simply ‘the unifying centre of awareness’ of a person. It is the self-sense that sits in the middle of you as you navigate your daily experiences. Ego is not a positive or negative term, but a neutral one. However, we can say that a person has a strong or functional ego, which is a good thing, or a weak, dysfunctional ego which is not a good thing. Our ego also operates according to ethical values, or a lack of ethical values, and this distinction also makes an ego a relatively ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ thing. These values can be held consciously or unconsciously by the ego in question.

Your self-concept is
Your idea of who you are. It is the mental template that you have built up over your life about:

The ‘type’ of person you are
What is possible & not possible for you
The story of how you became who you are

…and so on. Your self-concept generally creates a sense of what you can and can’t do in life, what you like and don’t like. When you are faced with a challenge, your ability to deal with that problem is intimately related to your self-concept. Your self-concept projects onto the situation what it thinks and believes. In a situation where your self-concept doesn’t believe you can meet and solve a challenge, you can do one of two things:

You can give up, or
You can change your idea of yourself, making it one that can work with what is presenting

Relating imaginatively to a new idea of yourself
I remember one time when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed by always having to ‘put myself out there’ as a creative and as a small business owner. I really felt out of my comfort zone. It felt alien to my idea of myself, it felt uncomfortable and exhausting. I had a dream one night of being with Daid Lee Roth (ex-lead singer of Van Halen). I was hanging out with him on the void-deck of an HDB block of flats in Singapore. Preparations were underway for a concert, and after chatting enthusiastically to me for a short while, DL-R just got up on stage with his band and did the concert, singing and dancing around half-naked, and just letting go and enjoying himself with the small group of people that was there.
I woke up feeling light, energised, and encouraged. In the subsequent days, week’s, and still to this day (the dream was years ago) I often think of this dream, and imagine myself being like David L-R, just dancing though my life, meeting what is there with enthusiasm, spontaneity, and not being afraid of a bit of exhibitionism.
This idea, and working with it imaginatively really changed my self-concept, and consequently my sense of what is possible, what can energise me not drain me, and so on. In short, I re-worked my ego using a new image-template.

Using this expanded self for inner healing & growth
So, the basic idea is that if you have a psychological block that is holding you back, or you don’t think you care ‘capable’ of achieving something, you create an image or idea of yourself that can, and then start relating to that image.

Paths beyond the ego
If you are connected to the Soul level of things, quite often you will find that ideas, images, and happenings occur in your life that you can readily use for this type of work, so pay attention!
The ego is the mental/psychological level of self, so there are a number levels of self beyond ego on the soul and spiritual level of things. However, the ego and self-concept are really ‘lynch-pins’ between the upper and lower levels of self, so we really need to work on making our self-concept a healthy, resilient, wise and fun-loving one!

Related reading: Your bright shadow – The one who can do what you can’t

Article content © Toby Ouvry & Integral Meditation Asia 2023. you are welcome to share, but please cite the source, thanks! Contact info@tobyouvry.com

In case you missed last week’s video: ‘Subjects to objects – How meditation helps you grow to greater degrees of freedom’

Summary: This video discusses two main subjects related to meditation. The first part explores why and how a meditation practice helps individuals grow as individuals. Meditation is described as a process that transforms subjects of consciousness (e.g., body, emotions, ego) into objects of consciousness, leading to reduced identification with these aspects and increased inner freedom…watch full video

Integral Meditation Asia

Online Courses * 1:1 Coaching * Books * Live Workshops * Corporate Mindfulness Training *Life-Coaching * Meditation Technology

Follow Toby on: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram

Tags expanding self, inner growth, integral meditation, integral meditation asia, integral mindfulness, meditation, meditation in singapore, mindfulness, mindfulness in Singapore, mindfulness meditation, power of mind, self-concept, stress transformation, strong ego

A Mind of Ease creative imagery Energy Meditation Inner vision Integral Awareness Life-fullness Meditating on the Self meditation and creativity Meditation and Psychology Meditation techniques Mindful Resilience Presence and being present Stress Transformation

Mindfulness of mood & atmosphere of your life-story

Post author By Toby
Post date September 2, 2023

“You might think about your inner mood as being like the weather. If you are playing a game of tennis in a sunny, lightly breezy day, its completely different from playing it on a rainy, very windy day. We can usually shift ourself at least partially toward a better mood if we try, and this then affects everything for the better”

Dear Integral Meditators,

This week’s newsletter slightly early, and has three things in it:

Firstly, an article on the importance of mindfulness around your mood.
Secondly if you are interested in meditation sound technology, I have been using I-awake for many years now. They have some great products, and they are all on a 30% off Labour day sale until 4^th September (US time). This technology is also a great way to help change the mood and ambience of your life for the better!
Thirdly, beneath the article you can find all the courses and workshops for September, quite an exciting line-up, starting with the Qi gong workshop on the 9^th September!

In the spirit of mood & atmosphere,

Toby

Now Live: iAwake Labor Day Weekend Sale

From August 31 – September 4, 2023, we are holding our annual Labor Day Weekend Sale, one of our biggest sales this year. This sale features 30% OFF on Digital Tracks and 25% OFF on CDs + Digital. Check out our catalog and take advantage of this annual opportunity to receive huge discounts on iAwake tracks and add to or complete your iAwake toolkit.

Discount Coupon Code for DIGITAL (30% OFF): IAWAKELABOR2023

Mindfulness of mood & atmosphere of your life-story

When trying to improve our daily experience through mindfulness quite often peoples focus is upon

Focusing better
Thinking more positively
Thinking less
Relaxing more

These are all noble pursuits of course, but what I find often gets missed is attention to the mood and the inner atmosphere that we do things. If you think about it our mood is very important. For example, if your mood is habitually anxious and fearful then this naturally

Interrupts your focus
Makes it difficult to think positively
Creates low-grade mental busyness/ habitual overthinking
Makes it tough to relax

In my classes and coaching recently, one of the things that I have been emphasizing to students and clients is awareness of their habitual moods, and deliberately moving them toward a lighter more benevolent inner atmosphere. For example, if having noticed our inner mood in the moment we then direct it towards a combination of

Curiosity & playful inquisitiveness
Warmth & care

Then if we can establish that as an atmosphere in our body-mind, it then starts to colour our daily experience and activities

Warm & curious atmospheres are easy to build relaxed-focus in
Its natural and quite easy to think positively
We feel less compelled to think all the time
Activities just ‘feel’ naturally more enjoyable

The weather you are playing the game in
You might think about your inner mood as being like the weather. If you are playing a game of tennis in a sunny, lightly breezy day, its completely different from playing it on a rainy, very windy day. We can’t always completely control our mood, but we can usually shift ourself at least partially toward a better mood if we try, and this then affects everything for the better.
Playing with moods therapeutically
In my article last week on Therapeutic mindfulness I outline six practices which might also be thought of as ways of creating inner moods that are both strengthening and healing:

Grounded & sensory
Safety & non-emergency
Warmth & compassion
Appreciation
Curiosity & courage
A sense of being supported

All of these are possible moods that you can cultivate. Of course, there are many more that you could choose to focus on, according to your needs and inclinations. It’s something to have fun cultivating!

If you enjoy this article, you might enjoy the upcoming Therapeutic mindfulness course beginning on 26/27^th September!

Related article: Mindful of your moods, emotions and dispositions

© Toby Ouvry 2023, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com