“The journey of coaching is often from a life of “functional meaning” directed by the ego to a life of deeper meaning & orientation around the souls wish to creatively express goodness, beauty & truth”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This week’s article is a slight edit of a 2012 article that I wrote, after I had been coaching as a professional for around ten years. fourteen years later in 2026, it still holds water for me. I still use the four questions both for coaching others and for self-coaching.
Enjoy & a very happy Deepavali to those celebrating!
In the spirit of enquiry,
Toby
Find out more about Toby’s Life-coaching, executive coaching, self-knowledge program & shadow coaching
Four types of mindful coaching & self-coaching conversation
When I am in a coaching session with someone, although on one level there is only one conversation going on, on another level there are four basic aspects or dimensions that I try and pay mindful attention to within the conversation. Each one gives me some information about where the client is coming from and what they might need in terms of guidance and input. It is also a model that I use in my own self-care and self-reflection when looking at what is happening within me.
The Conscious Self – This is the daily functional self or “persona” of the client. The information that they give me on this levels is basically that which their conscious mind understands to be true with regard to the problem or challenge that they are facing. Generally this information will come through directly and explicitly in the conversation that is being had.
The Shadow Self – This is the aspect of the daily self or ego that is hidden to the client as it has been repressed into his/her unconscious mind, and thus is invisible to her. Sometimes I might do an exercise specifically designed to investigate their shadow, but as often as not I’ll get to know the persons shadow implicitly through the nuance of what is said, and the language that is used (or left out) in the conversation, their body language and their response to certain emotional triggers.
The Soul – You might think of the soul as the higher or deeper self of the client, and it is from this dimension of their being that they often feel the impulse toward establishing deeper meaning and direction in their life, and toward the expression of the principles of goodness, beauty and truth. Quite often the coaching journey that I take with people is, in an essential way the journey from a life of “functional meaning” directed by the ego to a life of deeper meaning and orientation based around the souls wish to creatively express goodness, beauty and truth.
The Spirit – On one level you might think of the spiritual dimension of the coaching conversation as being that which is concerned with helping the client connect to a sense of silence, presence and peace within themselves that helps them negotiate the challenges of their life with less negative stress and a greater sense of creativity and freedom. The spiritual level of the conversation involves the connection to a sense of the deepest levels of both peace and creativity within the client, and helping these to start playing a tangible part in both the conversation as we are having it, as well as in their life as a whole.
Four mindful and integral self-coaching questions:
Based around the above model, here are four self-coaching questions that you might like to ask yourself when presented with a challenge or opportunity in your life:
- What is my conscious understanding of the problem or challenge as I understand it?
- What hidden emotions, psychological discomfort and agendas do I sense within me lying beneath my conscious perception?
- What is my soul asking of me in this situation in terms of the expression of meaning, goodness, beauty and truth? What opportunities does my soul see here?
- Viewed from the perspective of stillness and peace what is my free-est and most creative response to what is happening?
Related articles: The dynamic of personal evolution
Fulfillment of the Ego, Fulfillment of the Soul, Fulfillment of Spirit
Balancing the Development of Your Ego and Spirit
© Toby Ouvry 2026, you are welcome to use or share this article, but please cite Toby as the source and include reference to his website www.tobyouvry.com
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