“You can become what you think, but you aren’t what you think”
Dear Integral Meditators,
There is a big difference between thinking something and doing something. Mindfulness in this area helps us to navigate difficult, stressful times more successfully. The article below explores how to start practicing mindfulness around this.
In the spirit of clarity,
Toby
What you think is not what you are
The mental act of thinking about something is not the same as having done that thing. If we go through a period where we think about a lot of negative things and negative actions, the feeling inside can be as if we have actually done those things. This leads to a vicious cycle whereby:
We have a negative thought, for example about doing or saying something nasty to a family member.
Even though we didn’t actually do it, we feel as if we have done it (because we thought it) and so we feel guilty
Because we feel guilty our self with and self esteem goes down
Because we feel worthless, we become prone to all sorts of other negative thoughts, so we feel more guilty and worthless
And the cycle continues
Sometimes we end up feeling so bad about ourselves because of all the things that we have thought, that we then actually do something nasty, stupid or cruel (etc..) so it becomes an actual self-fulfilling prophecy.
What you think is not what you are, or what you have done!
So the key object of mindfulness is recognize that just because you thought it doesn’t mean you did it. So we break the above cycle at stage 2. We recognize that we don’t need to feel guilty for something that we have not actually done.
This then means that our self-esteem does not take a nose dive, which in turn makes it easier for us to relax a bit and do the actual work we need to do to dismantle the cycle of negative thinking and feeling that is going on on our mind.
You can become what you think, but you aren’t what you think.
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive.”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article explores anger, its causes and how to re-work your reactive anger through self-awareness. I hope you enjoy it!
Anger is essentially like fire. Fire gives light and heat. If you can use it wisely its very useful. If you can’t control it however, anger, like fire can be incredibly destructive. What I want to do in this article is outline four ways in which our anger can be stimulated in negative ways, so that we can start to spot them. Then at the end I outline a method for managing our anger more effectively, and re-directing it in a positive way.
Looking at the causes of anger
The three F’s – These causes of anger are naturally occurring and we all have to deal with them one way or another; friction, fatigue, fear, or the ‘three F’s as I am calling them! Our life periodically has a lot of friction; its inconvenient, we get tired, we get scared. All of these can cause anger as a defensive reaction. The key hear is to notice that you are under pressure from one of the three F’s, and then not let it turn into an angry reaction. In other works, don’t let difficult feelings (the three F’s) turn into a negative emotion (anger)
Other emotional causes of anger – There are a whole range of emotions that, if not acknowledged and worked with can come out as anger. For example, sadness, disappointment, resentment. Our discomfort with this range of emotions can cause negative anger to come out as a ‘presenting’ or ‘surface’ emotion. as with the first position, the key here is to recognize you are under pressure emotionally, and gently ensure that negative anger does not develop our of the other emotional turbulence.
Anger and resentment from our story – Sometimes we can be carrying latent anger and resentment into present situations from things that have happened in the past. Ways in which we were treated, things people did to us, dreams that were broken. All of these can cause anger to bubble up in the present moment. The key here is to recognize how this is happening, and differentiate your present moment experience from your past story and its power.
Uncertainty and control – Often negative anger manifests when there is uncertainty, and or we feel as if we have lost/are losing control. This gives rise to fear (see position 1), which in turn gives rise to anger or aggression in an attempt to compensate. Learning to hold a space of uncertainty without getting panicked into anger is a skill we need to learn.
Transforming your anger: Extending the strength of gentleness toward yourself
So, if you notice any of the above four causes of anger:
Firstly, recognize that it is happening.
Secondly, try extending understanding and gentleness to the part of you that is under stress from one of these four conditions
Thirdly, see if you can move into action out of a sense of self-responsibility and polite assertion, rather than out of negative anger
Initially these three stages can feel more difficult to do than just getting angry. However, once we have done them a few times we start to see how awareness, gentleness, strength and conscious action give rise to much better results than just getting negatively angry!
The Autumn Equinox in the northern hemisphere marks the mid-point between the warmer, lighter seasons of the year and the cooler, darker ones. The forces of day and night, light and dark are of equal strength. As such it is a great time to emphasize balance and harmony, both in our life and meditation practice.
EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th AND GET 15% OFF!
The course can be participated in live or online.
In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:
Thrive rather than survive under pressure
Develop and sustain higher energy levels
Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life
Is this course for me?
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time…. Click here for full details!
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“There is much value in focusing on being present (as we are often so un-present!). Ideally however, our meditation should include developing our skills in experiencing the past and the future as well”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article is a simple meditation practice to help you master your experience of time, I hope you enjoy it! Two quick reminders: My beginners meditation workshop will be this Sunday, September 13th, 3pm start. The Men’s Group – The path of conscious manhood begins this Monday 14th, there is currently one place available for this left.
In the spirit of time,
Toby
Meditating on time
Often meditation and mindfulness are placed in the category of simply being more present moment oriented. This is true to a degree, and for many of us there is much value in focusing on being present (as we are so un-present!). Ideally however, our meditation should include developing our skills in experiencing the past and the future as well. What I am going to explain here is a simple meditation that lasts for 15minutes that we can use to master the past and future as well as the present.
The practice
For the first five minutes, take as your focus the past. Notice the way in which your mind tends to think about and envision the past, notice the commentary that goes with it. After noticing for a short while, try and be gently pro-active about the past events that come up. Try to deliberately think and envision your past in the context of appreciation, curiosity and acceptance. Notice what approaches help you to experience your past in the best way possible. For the next five minutes, take as your focus the future. Notice for a little while the instinctive way in which your mind thinks about and envisions future scenarios, be curious about this. Then try gently shaping the experience of the future that your mind is dwelling on. Invite optimism and images of best- case scenarios. You can acknowledge fears that you may have, whilst at the same time opening to excitement around possibilities. For the final five minutes, come to the present moment. Let your attention dwell primarily upon your sensory experience; the weight or the body, the breathing, whatever is absolutely in this moment. Let go of the past and future and notice the sense of unity, relaxation and singularity that comes from being present. When you are ready end the meditation. This simple meditation helps us to develop the skill of transitioning skilfully and easily between past, present and future modes of processing our reality, ensuring as far as possible that they are helping each other and helping us to remain balanced as we navigate our experience of all three. Since we are always either focused on the past, present or future, you can see how this practice will have a positive influence on all areas of your life and experience!
How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man? Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community.
This is a six-session live weekly program starting Monday, September 14th, 7-8.30pm. Full details
This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:
What meditation is and how it works
How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.
EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th AND GET 15% OFF!
The course can be participated in live or online.
In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:
Thrive rather than survive under pressure
Develop and sustain higher energy levels
Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life
Is this course for me?
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time…. Click here for full details!
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“What do I notice about this situation right now? Is a good question to ask yourself. It helps differentiate what’s actually going on from your mental projections. This then helps you to stay ‘reality oriented’, and build confidence in your capacity to deal with any presenting challenge.”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article looks at the relationship between mindfulness and learning in the moment. Its an area that I have found particularly useful over the years!
One of the main aims of mindfulness is to optimize your capacity for learning in the moment by being more present. It aims to help you see more clearly what is happening right now, as opposed to what you think is happening.
What do you mean ‘what you think is happening’?
Normally when we experience something, we assume that our perception is accurate and related to what is actually happening. Actually, what’s happening and what we are experiencing are two different things. This is because our mind projects its idea of what is going on on top of the actual event. Three things are generally happening in any given situation:
What is happening in the moment
Our projection of what we think is happening based upon our past experience and ‘story’
Our idea of what is happening based upon the ‘mental models‘ of reality that we have learned from our education, culture, society, religion and so on…
Good mindfulness practice aims to help us stay with position 1, what is happening in the moment, without confusing it with points 2&3. Positions 2&3 can help us, but only as secondary advisers.
An example; the crying baby
This example is current for me right now, having a three-month year old in the house! If you can understand it with this example, then you can apply it to your own circumstances. So, its 4am and I have a crying baby. Examined from position 1, I notice she is upset, possibly hungry. I notice I am tired, and so on. This source is literally what I experience in the moment
From position 2 my mind will be projecting images and emotions from the past, for example;
How much the baby has been crying in the recent past
My idea of what sort of parent I would like to be/think I should be
Ideas from my own experience of being parented as a child
My past experience of babies
From position 3, my mind will also be projecting ideas, for example:
Psychological models I may have learned at University
Religious worldviews I may have picked up at the church or mosque
Books I’ve read on parenting and baby care
As a mindfulness practitioner, I aim not to get lost in positions 2&3. I aim to be primarily focused on position 1, learning from what I am seeing and experiencing in the moment. Ideas I have from my past, or from learning models are helping me as a support, but are never leading the operation. They are secondary rather than primary.
Working like this I aim to try and solve the situation at hand, based on its own unique merits and circumstances, rather than confusing it with a mental projection of what I think is going on.
“What do I notice about this situation right now?”
…is a good question to ask yourself when you’re trying to learn and work experientially with a challenge. It helps differentiate what’s actually going on from your mental projections. This in turn helps you to stay solidly ‘reality oriented’, and build confidence in your capacity to be as adequate as possible to any presenting challenge!
How can you move from coping to thriving in your life as a man?
Much is asked of men in their traditional roles as fathers and sons, partners and husbands, students and teachers, employees and employers. The men’s group is a professionally moderated and confidential forum for men. A forum is a safe place for exploring, learning and sharing the successful perspectives, skills, and strategies needed to address and manage the unique issues, problems, and triumphs in our community.
This is a six-session live weekly program starting Monday, September 14th, 7-8.30pm. Full details
This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:
What meditation is and how it works
How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.
EARLY BIRD OFFER: SIGN UP BEFORE SEPTEMBER 9th AND GET 15% OFF!
The course can be participated in live or online.
In a sentence: Learn how to create sustainable high performance in your work, and increase your personal wellbeing through mindfulness practice. Learn to:
Thrive rather than survive under pressure
Develop and sustain higher energy levels
Improve your learning mindset as you face the challenges of work and life
Is this course for me?
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You head into work feeling stressed and sleep-deprived before your day has even begun.
Your need to make sharp, insightful decisions but you have trouble focusing.
You experience low energy and volatile emotions throughout the day.
You often sacrifice personal time for more time at work, and yet you never feel like you have enough time to complete your never-ending to-do list.
You don’t feel like the way you work is sustainable.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly forced to choose between work and your well-being, it’s time to restore balance to your life. Learn that the relationship between the two is not a zero-sum game; there exists an alternative that will boost your productivity without you relinquishing peace of mind or personal time…. Click here for full details!
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“As meditators we are trying to develop our capacity to shift from one state of mind to another consciously and deliberately, and be able to do so at will.”
Dear Integral Meditators,
This weeks article looks at a fundamental way of understanding meditation, and how you can start applying it to your own practice. I hope you enjoy it!
What is meditation?
You may have your own idea of what meditation is, and there are many different types of meditation, for different purposes. One over-arching definition that I find very useful is this: “Meditation is state training”. What this means is that, as meditators we are trying to develop our capacity to shift from one state of mind to another consciously and deliberately, and be able to do so at will.
The three basic states
There are many different states of mind (actually what we mean here is states of body, mind and heart, not just mind). Our three basic states are waking, dreaming and deep, dreamless sleep. We are in one or another of these three states all of the time. As a meditator one of the thing you are trying to to do is to be able to navigate between these three states volition-ally, which takes a bit of time.
The varieties of waking state
Even within the waking state we experience a huge variety of states, a few examples:
We can be loving or angry and frustrated
Energized or tired
Confident or anxious
Content or dis-satisfied
Calm or agitated
Part of the art of being a meditator is to direct ourselves into positive states, so that more and more of our waking state is experienced in the in the context of harmonious, balanced enjoyment. This in turn naturally improves our quality of life.
Three purposes of meditation
Overall we can say that our meditation has three overarching aims:
To continue to develop and strengthen positive states that we are already competent in. For example if you are already quite loving, you train to become even stronger in this area.
To develop your ability to navigate difficult or challenging states of mind better. For example how to hold, accept and work with sadness, rather than feeling like a victim of it or overwhelmed by it.
To expand the range of useful states available to us, like an artist expanding the colour range with which she works. For example if you are unfamiliar with acceptance, or find courage difficult, then you could focus on developing either of these in your meditation practice, to make these states available to you
Designing your practice
Here is a fifteen minute practice that includes all three purposes. Of course there are other ways of including all three aims of meditation in your own practice, this is just one possibility:
For the first five minutes, focus on a state that you are already familiar with. So if you already know how to meditate on gratitude or appreciation, then you can do that.
Secondly, seek out a state that is a little challenging for you, and spend five minutes breathing and relaxing with it (see for example my article on ‘Sitting down to tea with your problems‘)
For the last five minutes, focus on a state that you are learning about, or that is relatively new to you. The list of options here is very large, whatever state you want to grow in your life and experience. For example recently I have been working with ‘positive fear’ (that is a subject for another article!)
One sentence summary: Learn how to understand, re-direct and make use of stress, anxiety and difficult emotions through mindfulness and meditation.
what if there was a way in which we could learn to work with these negative and difficult energies in such a way that we could transform and redirect them, making them sources of positive and empowering energy, helping us to accomplish our goals and awaken to a new level of fulfillment Read full details
These are meditation classes done monthly around the turn of the new moon that enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start with regard to:
These three-hour meditation ‘mini-retreats’ are a chance to go into much deeper meditation states than you would be able to in your own personal daily practice, or even if you came to a one hour class. Using sitting meditation methods in combination with breathing techniques, Toby will guide you into deep meditation flow states Read full details…
Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
Are you looking a coach who can help you to:
Meet the challenges, stress and changes that you face in a more effective and mindful way
Become happier within yourself, in your relationships and at work
Be actively accountable for finding a sense of balance/well-being in your life and fulfilling your personal potential?
Guide you to find and operate from a deeper sense of meaning, motivation and connectivity in your life?
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“If you can sit down with your most awkward, uncomfortable, fearful inner experiences, then it is almost like nothing else can really intimidate you. If you tame your inner monsters, the outer monsters change too!”
Dear <<First Name>>,
This weeks article explores how you can start to find freedom from the things on the inside of you that intimidate you, enjoy!
Freedom from inner intimidation – Sitting down to tea with your stress
How do you respond when a difficult, stressful or challenging state of mind or emotion comes up for you? And what are the things that you need to do in order to change your relationship to that experience?
Stress transformation begins with acceptance
The first thing that you need to work on with stress transformation is accepting the stress that you are trying to transform, and get comfortable in its presence. If you are intimidated by the feeling of the stress, are running away from it, or taken over by it, then you can’t transform it.
Acceptance gives you the goal of peace, even without resolution of the stress
You could even think of accepting your stress well as a solution in itself. If you are accepting and comfortable with the stress then, even when it is arising you still have access to a stable degree of peace and calm in that moment. If you can do this then the sense of being intimidated or overwhelmed by the stress goes away. It becomes manageable, even enjoyable. You start to see useful things that you can do with the stress, rather than just wishing that it weren’t there.
Accepting what you can’t accept gives you great confidence and inner strength
Another great side benefit of good quality acceptance is that it gives you tremendous confidence. If you can sit down with your most awkward, uncomfortable, fearful inner experiences, then it is almost like nothing else can really intimidate you. If you tame your inner monsters, the outer monsters change too!
How to do it: Sitting down to tea with your challenge and the feelings around it
So the way to start practicing this type of acceptance is to deliberately sit down and bring to mind a circumstance where you have uncomfortable, stressful emotions. You then basically bring it to mind and practice sitting with it, relaxing into the discomfort for a few minutes each day. You ‘sit down to tea’ with your stress, deliberately exposing yourself to it so that, over time it becomes comfortable and easy. It becomes like you are sitting down with an old friend at cafe, having some tea and passing the time of day.
An example: holding space for the suffering of another
One thing that I notice at the moment is that I experience stress around the distress of others around me who are going through their own issues. The fact that I can’t ‘fix’ it or control their responses to it makes me uncomfortable and distressed. So when I notice this coming up for me, I am making a point of holding my attention gently upon it; “Hello there, how are you doing” I say. I invite it to sit down, and have a cup of tea. No hurry to get rid of it, it would be welcome to hang around all day if it wanted! Its welcome to be there whenever it wants, and I welcome it with openness and acceptance.
Watch Toby’s video on “Sitting down to tea with your problems”:
One sentence summary: Learn how to understand, re-direct and make use of stress, anxiety and difficult emotions through mindfulness and meditation.
what if there was a way in which we could learn to work with these negative and difficult energies in such a way that we could transform and redirect them, making them sources of positive and empowering energy, helping us to accomplish our goals and awaken to a new level of fulfillment Read full details
These are meditation classes done monthly around the turn of the new moon that enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start with regard to:
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
When practicing mindfulness in relationships, one important ‘first position’ that I emphasize (in my own practice and also when teaching others) is that your most important relationship is to yourself. If you can get this one right, then it will affect all of your other relationships in a positive way. This is because:
We have to spend 24hours a day with ourself. We can escape from our partner, colleagues and kids for a while, but you are stuck with ‘you’ all the time!
Anything that is right or wrong in our relationship to ourself we then project onto our relationships with others. We project the health or lack of it in our first relationship onto everything else.
In short, the more solid a relationship you build to yourself, the easier and more successful your relationships with others are likely to be. With this in mind here are some simple (but deep) mindful positions you can take to help improve your relationship to yourself:
Commit to being on your own side – Today are you going to be the one supporting and encouraging yourself to the next level of creative expression in your life, or are you going to be the main thing that is holding you back, keeping you scared? Practice choosing the former rather than the latter!
Listen to yourself – Work at counselling yourself well by listening to the conversation and emotions present within. Practice what it is like to extend empathy and understanding, rather than intolerance and judgment
Appreciate yourself – Make sure that the good things that you are doing for yourself, others and in your life are not going un-noticed and un-valued.
Be honest, don’t dodge the difficult stuff – Don’t run away from the most difficult parts of your relationship to yourself. Practice naming and working with the parts of you that are wounded, resentful, insecure, paranoid and so on. Take responsibility for your own self-healing
Practice seeing yourself from other people’s point of view – Whenever you do this you will see yourself in a new light that is useful and interesting. Don’t get locked soley in the old, familiar ways of viewing yourself
Practice seeing yourself more objectively – Although we can never see ourselves entirely objectively, we can nevertheless practice seeing ourselves more objectively. Seeing yourself impersonally helps you take calmer more objective decisions with regard to how you treat yourself!
Learn how you can use mindfulness improve your relationships and relationship skills
Relationships form a major part of our happiness and enjoyment in life, but that can also be difficult, complicated, challenging and confusing. This two-hour masterclass focuses on practical skills to help you get the most out or your relationships, both professional and personal. By changing the way you pay attention, you can change your relationships! You will learn:
Tues 21st July 7.30-8.30pm, Weds 22nd July 7.30-8.3pm – Monthly new moon, new beginnings visualization and envisioning sessions These are meditation classes done monthly around the turn of the new moon that enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start with regard to:
In a sentence: Learn to work consciously with the forces of nature and your environment as well develop powerful meditation states.
There is much concern and talk today about the state of the environment and the relationship of humankind to nature. This is a workshop that will introduce you to simple, ancient meditation techniques to….
This is a Qi gong session that begins with movement, breathing and energy work to thoroughly energize and refresh your body, nervous system and energy meridians and regenerate your physical, energetic, mental and spiritual being…read full details
About the sessions: These are Qi gong meditation sessions to activate and enhance the flow of ‘qi’ or subtle energy in your body. We will then be using this flow for:
Enhancing physical health and healing
Increased emotional wellbeing and mental balance
Access to deeper, more dynamic meditation states to transform and regenerate your body, mind and soul
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
Are you a high-potential individual who often feels overworked, stressed, sleep-deprived, or mentally and physically exhausted? Yet, you are expected to be on your A-game everyday, make clear decisions, problem solve, and be fully focused and present for your employer and teams? Do you wonder if performance in your career and your well-being are a zero-sum game, and see your well-being fall to the sidelines under the ever increasing work commitments.
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“How can I align my expectations and my reality in this situation?”
Dear Toby,
There are plenty of ways of building your inner peace and resilience, the article below explores one that I’ve found to be very important over the years! You can also watch my short video on the subect here.
Matching your expectation with reality (the sleeping or waking baby)
On a practical level I find my peace of mind depends a lot on aligning my expectations with my reality. If I can do this, then my sense of inner calm and peace remains resilient. If on the other hand my expectations and my reality clash, then that is a recipe for inner conflict.
Here is a simple example: At the moment I have a one-month old baby, so I have to get up a couple of times a night to feed her. Last night, both my feeds were very smooth; she woke up, I fed her, she hiccuped a little, but then drifted off to sleep quickly, and so then could I.
Tonight, I have exactly the same routine, there is a danger however. That danger is that, now that last night went so well, I may have an expectation that tonight will go just as smoothly. If tonight I expect my baby to behave just as well as she did last night, and then she doesn’t fall asleep, is cranky or otherwise fussy, then my expectation will be frustrated, and my inner stability upset.
In reality I have to go into tonight thinking that it may be an easy night, or it may be a tough one. I need to treat it as if I were doing it for the first time, and not let my expectations get ahead of me. That way, I can face whatever happens in reality as stably and calmly as possible. Because my expectation and my reality are aligned, then I can face what comes with a mindfully unified front!
Of course, you can apply this principle to all other life situations. The essential mindful question here is:
“How can I align my expectations and my reality in this situation?”
If you can answer this question successfully, then your chances of both success, effectiveness and enjoyment are optimized, even in stressful situations.
Watch Toby’s one minute video on matching your expectations with reality:
Saturday 18th July, 4-6pm – Mindful relationships masterclassLearn how you can use mindfulness improve your relationships and relationship skills
Relationships form a major part of our happiness and enjoyment in life, but that can also be difficult, complicated, challenging and confusing. This two-hour masterclass focuses on practical skills to help you get the most out or your relationships, both professional and personal. By changing the way you pay attention, you can change your relationships! You will learn:
Tues 21st July 7.30-8.30pm, Weds 22nd July 7.30-8.3pm – Monthly new moon, new beginnings visualization and envisioning sessions These are meditation classes done monthly around the turn of the new moon that enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start with regard to:
There is much concern and talk today about the state of the environment and the relationship of humankind to nature. This is a workshop that will introduce you to simple, ancient meditation techniques to….
This is a Qi gong session that begins with movement, breathing and energy work to thoroughly energize and refresh your body, nervous system and energy meridians and regenerate your physical, energetic, mental and spiritual being…read full details
These are meditation classes done monthly around the turn of the new moon that enable us to open to new beginnings, new possibilities and make a fresh start with regard to:
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
Are you a high-potential individual who often feels overworked, stressed, sleep-deprived, or mentally and physically exhausted? Yet, you are expected to be on your A-game everyday, make clear decisions, problem solve, and be fully focused and present for your employer and teams? Do you wonder if performance in your career and your well-being are a zero-sum game, and see your well-being fall to the sidelines under the ever increasing work commitments.
At a glance: All upcoming classes and workshops for at IMA:
“At the end of the day one of the major keys to an undistracted mind is to commit to living your life on purpose!”
Dear Integral Meditators,
What do we mean by distraction? And how can we get better at living an undistracted life? The article below explores these questions in a practical way!
In the spirit of non-distraction,
Toby
What do you mean by ‘a distraction?’ (Living your life on purpose)
Here was a question that I was recently asked: “Based on your experience, what are some things people are usually distracted by that they don’t recognise as forms of distraction?”
Here are a few ways in which we can be distracted without realizing it:
When you are focused on one form of work when really you are avoiding another work task which you have emotional resistance to or are anxious about
When you are focused on one emotion (eg: anger) which is really a way of hiding another emotion that you don’t want to acknowledge (for example disappointment or sadness)
Essentially anytime when you have set an intention to do or focus on one thing, and then you focus on another can be classed as a distraction for example:
Said you were going to exercise, but then start some work
Intended to work, but ended up folding the laundry
Intended to fold the laundry, but ended up talking to a friend for half an hour on the phone
All of these can be understood as distractions.
Why do we follow distractions or get distracted?
Reasons for this include:
Our focusing power is naturally poor as a result of habitually filling our mind with all sorts of information, and that information changing all the time
Being mentally fatigued and so not able to focus properly. Many people have long term mental fatigue from an overactive and distracted mind
Being anxious and not comfortable being anxious, which means the mind naturally cannot settle and seeks distraction
We use distractions to hide from a whole range of uncomfortable emotions!
Not being clear what we really want to focus our energy and attention on, so naturally our mind and attention wanders
Trying to focus to hard, which means the mind cannot hold the object of focus for long due to over straining
How can you strengthen your focus?
Here are two simple things you can do:
Practice building relaxed focus in meditation. Even if you spend only five minutes a day setting your intention to focus on one meditation object and then practicing, your focus will radically improve.
Practice focusing on one work or leisure task at a time; finish one thing, then the next thing, then the next!
At the end of the day one of the major keys to an undistracted mind is to commit to living your life on purpose!
Learn a multi-faceted breathing meditation practice that helps you grow and learn in the face of life’s challenges, and connect you to deep inner stability.
Many mindfulness and meditation techniques use the breathing. However, with only superficial understanding meditation on the breathing can easily become stagnant, mechanical and, after a while boring! This masterclass teaches six complementary breathing techniques that will help you to… Full details of session
This is a Qi gong session that begins with movement, breathing and energy work to thoroughly energize and refresh your body, nervous system and energy meridians and regenerate your physical, energetic, mental and spiritual being…read full details
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
Are you a high-potential individual who often feels overworked, stressed, sleep-deprived, or mentally and physically exhausted? Yet, you are expected to be on your A-game everyday, make clear decisions, problem solve, and be fully focused and present for your employer and teams? Do you wonder if performance in your career and your well-being are a zero-sum game, and see your well-being fall to the sidelines under the ever increasing work commitments.
This is a truly practical and super short (90min) workshop that teaches you:
What meditation is and how it works
How to start your own effective daily meditation practice with just a five minute a day commitment
Provides you not only with the workshop but also with support materials; MP3 meditation recordings (1×15 minute and 3x 5 minute), short articles and diagrams to help you keep meditating after the workshop.
The Summer Solstice (Called by the Celts ‘Alban Hefin’, or ‘the Light of Summer’) is the high point of summer in the northern hemisphere, the point of the Suns maximum power in the year, & the longest day. It is a good time to attune the life-force in the earth & creative energies within ourselves. We will be taking the time to get in touch with our own inner power, solar confidence & expressive self.
Learn a multi-faceted breathing meditation practice that helps you grow and learn in the face of life’s challenges, and connect you to deep inner stability.
Many mindfulness and meditation techniques use the breathing. However, with only superficial understanding meditation on the breathing can easily become stagnant, mechanical and, after a while boring! This masterclass teaches six complementary breathing techniques that will help you to… Full details of session
This is a Qi gong session that begins with movement, breathing and energy work to thoroughly energize and refresh your body, nervous system and energy meridians and regenerate your physical, energetic, mental and spiritual being…read full details
Each session involves simple practices that you can apply to make a real difference to your wellbeing and effectiveness in life…full details of classes
Dear Integral Meditators,
Life-fullness – The Integral Life-Coaching Program with Toby
Online Integral Meditation & Mindfulness classes
Dear Integral Meditators,
Optimizing your experiential learning
Why meditate? – Three purposes
Your first (&most important) relationship
Dear Toby,
Dear Integral Meditators,
Sunday 5th July, 6-7pm – 
Dear Integral Meditators,
